Chapter 24
"So are you going to tell me what all that was about?" Jet asked as he pulled Mai off to one side. "What were you guys fishing for? My deepest darkest secrets?"
"Not yours," Mai assured him. "Zuko's. Aang says he's got some kind of energy block he's got to talk out. Katara thought a little group therapy might help."
Jet thought for a moment. "I'd have to agree. Zuko probably wouldn't contribute much—at least not at first—but eventually listening to everyone else would help him deal with his own issues," he commented. "At least it always worked that way in the Freedom Fighters. The Duke had a tendency to keep everything bottled up. Group discussions always helped him a lot."
Mai looked at him in utter disbelief. "I can't believe you're siding with Katara on this," she stated. "I was with Sokka. I thought it was a terrible idea."
Jet laughed. For some reason, the sound made Mai unaccountably happy.
"So what's this about being king of Omashu?" she asked. "Are you really going to take them up on it?"
"Sure, why not?" Jet replied easily. "At least until they figure out they've got the wrong guy. It never hurts to make brownie points in high places."
"Have you ever met King Bumi?" Mai asked worriedly.
"Nope, never," Jet replied. "But I've always heard he's a good king—a little off but a good king."
"A little off is a kind way to put it," Mai stated. She wondered what Bumi might do to Jet if he didn't measure up. She remembered Zuko's underground imprisonment. "Just be careful dealing with him," she finally warned him. "And be honest. He knows when you're lying."
"Like Toph," Jet surmised. "I'll do my best to do my best," he promised solemnly, one hand over his heart.
They moved back to the fire and sat together in idle conversation for a good while, Mai filling him in on various details of Omashu city politics. Before long, he'd decided he'd made a terrible mistake. There was no way he could learn all of this. There was no way he could even begin to pass himself off as a serious candidate.
But then he looked up at Mai as she instructed him intently. He stopped listening to her words and began listening to the earth around her. He realized that his senses told him where she was, how she was sitting, which new position she took each time she shifted on the stone bench Toph had raised.
When he really tried, he could feel her heartbeat, the rhythm of her breath coming to him through the stone that connected them. He couldn't tell so much about any of the others—maybe because they were farther away, maybe because he just wasn't as interested in them.
He resolved to give this king business a real try—if for no other reason than to keep him close to her for as long as possible.
Besides there had to be some good he could do as a candidate. He knew of needs in the city that should be met. He might even be in a position to help repay Smellerbee and Longshot for everything they'd done for him over the years.
It would be good to have the ability to do something worthwhile for a change.
He felt this so strongly, that when he finally went to talk with Zuko that afternoon, he told him that very thing.
Zuko looked at him, an odd light in his eye. "That's the only reason I would ever agree to be Fire Lord," Zuko admitted. "It's a chance to try to do something good for the people. Instead of dragging their sons off to war, I can do something worthwhile. I can rebuild instead of destroy."
Jet gave him a long look. "I don't know what all is on your mind, Zuko," he said. "But I can tell you this, at least. You aren't your past. You certainly aren't somebody else's past. When you are Fire Lord, if you spend all your time trying to make up for someone else's bad job, you'll never be free to do your own good job. You'll be constantly cleaning up problems instead of making progress."
Zuko looked at Jet where he sat in the lounge chair Toph had bended for him, a cup of cool spring water in his hand. The young mercenary looked so at ease with himself there soaking in the mid-afternoon sun. "What makes you say this?" Zuko asked curiously.
"Several years ago," Jet began, "I took over a business operation from a short-term acquaintance." At Zuko's questioning look, he amended his statement, saying, "Okay, several years ago, the leader of my gang of bandits was arrested and I took over. I'm not proud of it, but it happened."
Then he shrugged and continued, "Anyway, the guy had been a real bully and morale was at an all time low. At first, I tried to lead by fixing the problems he'd left behind. But when one problem got fixed another one would just come up. So I quit trying to clean up his mess and concentrated on doing what I knew was right for the group."
"The raids became successful again, morale picked up, we gained membership and managed to evade the authorities. From a gangster point of view, we did very well as an organization," Jet concluded.
Then he gave Zuko a sardonic smile, "Of course, it all came crashing down when one of our members leaked raid plans to his new girlfriend—who promptly turned us all in. I had to make a run for it. In fact, that's when I found this cave system."
Jet looked around at Aang's wide arbor entrance and into the large open room behind them. "This place is the only good thing that ever came from my life of crime, I have to say. It's the one thing I wouldn't want to undo from those days," he said.
Zuko listened quietly, then said, "I understand how you feel. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would."
"But, you know," Jet replied, "doing it over means missing the lessons you learned too. I wouldn't be the person I am now if I hadn't learned it all the hard way. Maybe I'd be a better man, maybe not. I know that I value certain things more than I would otherwise. I can really appreciate a quiet, safe place knowing how it feels to be in a chaotic, unsafe place."
Zuko sat for a while in thought. "You've got a point," he said at last.
They talked for a while longer about politics in general. Then Jet rose to let Zuko rest a while.
"Thanks for the advice," Jet said.
"I think you were the one dishing it out this time," Zuko replied.
"Then maybe we both got what we needed," Jet responded with a grin, "because I feel like I understand what I'm doing a lot better now."
"So do I," said Zuko. Jet wandered off again, probably to find Mai, Zuko thought to himself with a smile. He was glad. Jet was a good guy.
Then he lay in the sun and felt it melt away more of the ice in his veins. He let his mind work over the details of the idea he'd had for a restructure of the main seaport to improve efficiency and get perishable items in and out faster.
Sokka dealt in perishable items with the shrimpcrab fleet. He'd have to spend some time talking with him about it, Zuko thought to himself as he drifted off to sleep again.
The group spent supper telling funny stories—in direct contrast to the earlier attempt at therapy at lunchtime.
Toph pulled Katara off to one side as everyone cleaned up the dishes and generally made themselves comfortable.
"Zuko wants to leave tomorrow. He says he's a lot better," Toph said worriedly. "What do you think?"
Katara frowned. "I don't think that's such a good idea," she answered. Then she called Aang over and they held a little conference to one side.
Zuko watched them out of the corner of his eye as he and Sokka discussed Zuko's plans for a port renovation. He knew he was being talked about by the way Toph watched him without watching him—all in her own special way. That was fine. Let them talk. He was getting his life back in the morning.
"Anyway," Sokka was saying, "if you move the processing plant, it'll open up another third of the port to regular shipping traffic and keep all the incoming fishing boats in one area."
"Not to mention that the whole port won't smell like fish anymore," Mai ventured as she took a seat with them, Jet also moving to join them next to her.
"I agree. Moving the plant is a great idea," Zuko pulled his attention back to Sokka's suggestion. "But we've got several big issues with doing that. Cost being the first biggie. It'll just be too expensive."
"But the port will make more money because of increased traffic. That ought to help pay for it," Sokka replied. "Why won't it?"
"The big cost is in the land. It belongs to the Chan family and they want a fortune for it," Zuko sighed. The Chans had been an endless thorn in his side ever since the old admiral had been removed from his post after the war. And their son still bore a serious grudge against Zuko for Ember Island when they were teenagers.
"Why?" Sokka asked.
"Mostly because they hate me and Uncle Iroh," Zuko replied.
"Why?" Sokka asked again innocently.
"Well, Iroh removed Admiral Chan from his post, and I trashed his house once while his son was having a party," Zuko answered.
"I helped," Mai interjected lightly.
"Let's take those one at a time," Sokka answered. "Who's got the biggest grudge and the most power to influence the outcome?"
"Admiral Chan definitely," Zuko said. "His son will do whatever he says."
"So Admiral Chan was removed from his post and now holds a grudge," Sokka reiterated. "Why does he hold a grudge?"
"Loss of power? Loss of honor? Loss of prestige?" Zuko guessed. "Why do you keep asking me 'why' questions?"
Sokka leaned back and gave him a nod. "I'm glad you asked," he began in his wisest tone of voice. "It's the five why's of troubleshooting. I learned it from Teo, who learned it from his dad, who is one of the greatest inventors I've ever met. When you run into a problem with an invention, you ask yourself why five times. That helps you get past the surface issues and to the real problems. It works on any kind of problem."
Off to the side, Jet stopped playing with the ends of Mai's hair and began to listen intently.
"So, my real problem is that Admiral Chan feels like he's lost face," Zuko replied thoughtfully.
"I don't know," Sokka answered. "Was that five why's?"
"It doesn't matter," Zuko replied confidently. "I think I've already got some ideas of how to restore part of Admiral Chan's family honor while getting us that land for the new processing plant at the Chan Shipping Complex."
"See?" Sokka said with a huge smile. "Works like a charm, doesn't it?"
"Pretty good stuff there, Sokka," Zuko congratulated him as he sat back in thought again.
"I'm tired of talking business," Mai said with a yawn. "If you guys don't mind, I'm going to see about getting in some girltalk."
She'd felt Jet playing with her hair. Night was falling and she wasn't really sure what she'd be doing about her sleeping arrangements. She figured now was a good time to seek some advice, so she got up and joined the girls where they were playing with the kids off to the side.
The fire crackled and popped as Aang came to join them.
"What did you and my wife decide?" Zuko asked, a little sharply.
"That's not exactly fair and you know it, Zuko," Aang reprimanded him gently. "Everybody's just concerned about your health—even if you aren't."
"Well?" Zuko asked again, refusing to be sidetracked.
"Toph said you want to go back to Omashu tomorrow. Katara and I think it's too soon. I mean, look how quickly you slipped downhill this morning," Aang said seriously.
"That was this morning," Zuko answered hotly. "I feel a lot better now."
"And who knows how long that will last?" Aang replied. "I hate to be a killjoy, but you're not going anywhere until you get this block resolved at least enough that you're bending again. Then we'll know you're on the right track."
"I can work on my bending back in Omashu," Zuko tried to reason.
"And what if you crash again on the way? How would you like to be so far gone with this that you never bend again?" Aang asked sternly. "Chakra blocks are serious. This one has to be resolved, especially since its your fire chakra—the core of your bending is in your fire chakra."
"Just what is a chakra anyway?" Jet asked curiously.
"It's an energy center in the body, a place where your chi pools and strengthens. If chi can't flow through it, your whole energy system is crippled," Aang replied. "Plus, for a bender, the chakra that corresponds to his element is really important. For you, it's the earth chakra at the base of the spine. Guru Pathik says it deals with survival and is blocked by fear. Have you ever had a sense of your bending abilities wavering?"
Jet sat back in deep thought. "Even though I'd never call what I do 'bending,' I'd have to say yes. Sometimes it was stronger than others. But ever since Ozai's fire, it's been strong and consistent," he said.
"What happened that day that had to do with fear and survival?" Aang asked and a gentle voice.
"I knew I was going to die," Jet said simply. Then as the rest of them listened quietly, he related the story of how he'd made his peace with death, then managed to survive. "I guess when I really laid down my fear of death, something inside me opened up." Jet sat there and stared into the fire. The rest of the men were silent around him.
At last Jet looked up directly at Zuko and said, "So, Zuko, what's going on with you?"
Zuko just shrugged.
Jet looked over at Aang intently. "If the earth chakra is survival and fear, then what's the fire chakra?"
"Willpower and shame," Aang answered, and the three men looked expectantly at Zuko.
After a quiet moment, Sokka asked, "Zuko, what is it that you are ashamed of?"
"Nothing," Zuko replied a little nervously. He was not comfortable with the direction this conversation was taking.
"If you're not ashamed of anything, why is your fire chakra blocked?" Sokka asked.
"I have no idea," Zuko responded and thought to himself, that's the end of Sokka's five why's. However, he didn't count on Jet's taking another tack.
"I think we're going about this the wrong way," Jet said. "Zuko, repeat after me. 'I deserve to be happy.'"
"This is stupid," Zuko snapped. "Nobody deserves happiness. Happiness is a gift."
"This isn't about theory," Jet replied. "It's about you."
"Does Toph deserve to be happy?" Aang asked.
"Of course she does," Zuko answered, then realized what he'd said. He'd just gotten himself deeper into the conversation than he meant. He glanced over at his wife where she sat off to the side with Suki, Katara, Mai, and the little ones. She was smiling and laughing at something Zutara was saying. Of course she deserved to be happy. She deserved all the happiness in the world.
"If Toph can deserve happiness, shouldn't you?" Aang asked again, a little more insistence in his voice.
"I guess," Zuko tried to sidestep the issue. He really didn't want to talk about it at all.
"Then say it," Jet commanded. "Say 'I deserve to be happy.'"
Zuko tried to say the words, but they hung in his throat. He didn't. He didn't deserve happiness at all.
"Why can't you say it?" Jet asked softly.
"Nobody deserves happiness," Zuko repeated, but he knew his line of reasoning was futile. He'd already undercut his own logic.
"You can't use that one again and you know it," Jet called him out. "Answer the question. Why don't you, Zuko, deserve to be happy?"
"I guess I'm just not worth it," Zuko managed to reply.
"Why aren't you worth it?" Sokka asked from the other side.
"Look at all the things I've done," Zuko answered. "Look at the hurt I've caused people."
"We all cause hurt to people," Aang stated firmly. "I know that any hurt you've done in the past, you've been heartily sorry for and done your best to make up for it. Besides, it's not guilt over the things you've done that's holding you back. It's shame over what you think you are."
"What are you?" Sokka asked.
"I'm nothing special," Zuko said.
"That's not true," Jet interjected. "You're Crown Prince Zuko. Sounds pretty impressive to me—future ruler of the Fire Nation."
Zuko's eyes blazed in anger. "There's nothing impressive about being ruler of the Fire Nation," he snapped. "Look at the track record of the most recent Fire Lords. They started a war, they killed your parents, Jet, and your mother, Sokka." Then he looked over at Aang. "They killed your entire people, Aang. You are the last airbender because of my great-grandfather."
"How is that your fault?" Aang asked. "Why do you feel responsible for what they did?"
"I don't," Zuko answered.
"Then why do your ancestors' actions bother you so much?" Sokka pressed.
"Because they are part of who I am. I'm descended from them," Zuko snapped. This questioning business was getting out of hand.
"We're all descended from somebody. But we're our own people," Aang replied gently. "Iroh is descended from them too. Is that a problem?"
"No," Zuko responded. "Iroh's not like them."
"Are you like them?" Sokka asked.
"No, of course not," Zuko answered. "You know I'm doing everything I can to fix all the things they've messed up."
"Then why don't you deserve to be happy?" Jet repeated.
"Because it doesn't stop with me. I'm bringing a baby into this. It's not fair to him. He deserves a fresh start. He deserves a better background than to be descended from a bunch of tyrants and murderers!" Zuko cried out in frustration.
The three men looked at each other in satisfaction. Now they were getting somewhere.
"Zuko, how many great-grandfathers do you have?" Aang asked.
Zuko did a quick calculation. "Four," he answered.
"Were the other three terrible people?" Aang asked.
"No," Zuko admitted. "One of them was Avatar Roku."
"Really?" Sokka blurted in surprise. "That kind of makes Aang your great-grandfather then, doesn't it? Is Katara your great-grandmother?"
"No," Zuko answered sternly, but he gave Aang a funny sidelong glance anyway. Aang just smiled at him.
"Were all of Toph's family terrible people?" Jet asked.
"No, of course not," Zuko replied.
"So this baby has three bad apples in the family tree out of . . ." Sokka counted quickly on his fingers, "thirty people counting from Sozin down. That's a 90 percent good ancestor, 10 percent bad ancestor rate. You're saying that the 10 percent bad background is so bad it outweighs the 90 percent good background in your kid?"
"No, of course not," Zuko repeated softly, putting his now seriously aching head in his hands.
"There you go! End of chakra block," Sokka cried triumphantly, throwing up his hands in victory. "Flame on, hotman!"
Zuko just looked over at him blankly. Then he got up and walked into the cave.
Aang sighed, "Guys, knowing something's true isn't the same as believing it."
Toph saw him leave and got up to follow, stopping beside the guys on her way past. "What did you do to him?" she asked angrily.
"We were trying to help," Aang explained gently. "How did he look to you?"
"Like he was upset and in pain," Toph snapped, her hands on her hips.
Jet rose to stand before her, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Hey, Toph," he began gently, "you know we wouldn't intentionally hurt Zuko, right? We were just trying to help him."
Sokka and Aang watched in amazement as Toph's anger seemed to melt away.
"I know," she conceded. "Just be careful how hard you try to help him next time, okay?" she finished, giving Jet a smile and following Zuko into the cave.
Sokka and Aang looked at Jet in new appreciation. "How did you do that?" Sokka asked in wonderment. "Can I learn this to use on Suki the next time she's upset with me?"
"Not really," Jet replied with a proud stretch and a big grin. "It's a gift."
(AN: Thanks so much to Nandireya for the exchange idea about Aang being Zuko's great-grandfather!)