category: Gundam SEED

disclaimer: I don't own it.

TWENTY-NINE.

"Let go of the past, Yzak." His mother had pleaded with him over what had started as an innocuous afternoon tea on his balcony. "Please, do this for me and for yourself. Go through with the surgery."

Yzak scoffed and set his teacup onto its saucer with unnecessary force. "No."

"This needs to stop," his mother's voice became steelier. "The war is done. Why can't you accept this?"

"Wars never end," Yzak answered instead, unconsciously losing focus as he caught sight of his new white uniform hanging inside his room, his medals shining brightly in the daytime sun.

The scar wasn't just a wound – a mark that divided his face in two and earned him double takes wherever he walked. It was a reminder of the vow he'd made to himself that fateful day in space when the pain was unbearable and the last thing he saw before passing out was the retreating Strike. Every time he'd caught sight of his reflection after that, he'd been filled with a burning anger and a hatred so strong it made his head pound and his heart race. Yzak Joule didn't lose to anyone. But he did.

"Please, Yzak," Dearka had sat him down a few weeks later, serious for once as they prepared to return to ZAFT. "You have to move on. The Strike is gone. Everything's over. We're all right."

Yzak fixed him with an unflinching stare. Things were never over; no one was ever all right. His voice came out as a harsh growl as he shoved back his chair violently and stood up abruptly, knocking over the vase on the table between them. "You don't understand, Dearka! It's not just a mark. This scar," he jabbed his finger forcefully into the right side of his face. "It's taught me everything I learned during the war. People die and you have to kill them. Nothing is ever as clear-cut as it seems. There isn't always a right and a wrong."

Dearka reached out and touched his friend's shaking arm. "The scar isn't an inseparable part of you. You can exist without it."

"No!" Yzak shoved off Dearka's hand and stormed toward the door. "It is, it is! It's made me strong!" He paused, fingers curled around the doorknob and breathing heavy. "It's made me who I am."

It took a year after the first war ended for Yzak to finally schedule the appointment with his surgeon.

"Anything happen to change your mind, Mr. Joule?" The doctor asked during the pre-op checkup.

Yzak pursed his lips, remembering the day his Duel was decommissioned, its body separated into one hundred pieces and scrapped for metal. He recalled seeing Athrun on television once, stationed closely behind Orb's Athha as she addressed her nation. He could still feel the texture of the carnations he had placed at the graves of Rusty and Miguel and Nicol on a forlorn winter evening. And mostly he remembered seeing the face of Freedom's pilot in that same cemetery. Lacus had been there to visit her father and Yzak hadn't hesitated to rush over to her side to make sure she was all right from months of disappearance.

But there'd been someone else with her, too, someone he realized was very familiar as soon as he came to a stop in front of the two. The violet eyes he'd seen so many times: when Lacus was being returned to Athrun after her capture, in the footage from Commander Waltfeld's house, on his screen that one time during JOSH-A, at the end of Jachin Due. Yzak skidded to a halt, the grass slippery under his shoes and one hand resting over his scar.

"Kira Yamato," the strange boy had offered, and Yzak flinched at the quiet voice. Kira smiled a soft smile at him, an unspoken apology shining in muted eyes and Yzak had suddenly realized that the Strike was destroyed, and the pilot was dead. This figure in front of him couldn't possibly have been the one he had hunted all this time.

"Nothing in particular," Yzak told the doctor, fighting to maintain a steady tone. "But the war's over for now."

notes: Yay for Yzak! I really enjoy writing him. Maybe next time it'll be something more light-hearted. Hope you all enjoyed this! Please do let me know what you thought. I appreciate each and every one of you who spares a few minutes to write a review.

NEXT PHASE: In the midst of planning and paperwork, Lacus despairs one day and asks Kira when they can return to their quiet house on the coast.