AN: Hey! So the last chapter was really intense to say the least. I hope this one is more upbeat, I think it is! Enjoy!

Chapter 27

I woke up Friday morning, almost forgetting what occurred just hours before. It was only when I looked down at my carved up arm did I recall the events of the previous night. I felt guilty. Guilty about how I treated Spencer when he was only trying to help. Guilty about slicing my skin after holding out for so long. Guilty just for the sake of feeling guilty.

I winced as the hot water of my shower ran over my fresh wounds, making them sting relentlessly. I forgot how painful the aftermaths of my episodes were.

I proceeded to get ready, carefully maneuvering so my cuts wouldn't open or cause any extra pain. When I walked out to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee before I left for school, I found Spencer doing the same. Right away, I felt the awkward tension in the space between us. He noticed me and scooted over so I could reach the mugs and continue with my morning ritual.

We were silent for the most part, I think neither of us really knew what to say. I had to scrounge for something, I couldn't take the overwhelming feeling of guilt.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. You were reaching out and I was unreceptive" I apologized into my coffee cup, the air too uncomfortable to look directly at Spencer.

"Don't be, you had every right to respond the way you did" Spencer didn't seem bothered by my poor behavior. If only he knew what followed.

"No, really I was out of line. You were just trying to help" I loosened up a bit, knowing Spencer wasn't angry. He didn't put up a fight to my objection, instead just did that strange flat line smile he does when he doesn't know what to say and nodded.

"The cast list goes up at 3:00 today" I stated in an attempt to spark up some sort of conversation.

"Wow already? That was quick" Spencer answered shortly. "What part are you hoping for?" He added on.

"Fantine" I replied just before taking a large gulp of my coffee. I had to rush the conversation a bit if I wanted to make the bus.

"Well I hope it works out. The team is really rooting for you" Spencer gave an encouraging laugh to coincide with his sentence, resulting in a chuckle from me.

"I'll call your work line with an update later" I said hopping off the counter and grabbing my bag.

"Oh, okay, I look forward from hearing from you" Spencer replied as I headed out the door and to the bus stop.

With the combination of an emotional night, and the anxiousness the cast list carried, my day was less than easy. Concentration was not even an option at that point. My mind was all over the place, it couldn't fixate on a single thing for more than a few seconds at a time.

"Freaked about the cast list?" Matthew brought up on our walk to Chorus.

"Y-yeah, I guess you could call it that" I tried to avoid mentioning anything else but my thoughts on the musical. The more I thought, the more I found I wouldn't be able to tell either Ari or Matthew about what happened. I couldn't let them gain knowledge on how screwed up I really was. I figured if I kept it to myself, I wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone.

"Well, may the best man win" Matthew and I giggled. I could tell he was trying to heighten my mood, but was only mildly successful.

"Okay everyone! Sit sit sit!"Mrs. Bates called as she walked to front of the choir room.

"To those of you who auditioned for Les Mis, I would like to thank you. It's been harder than you could imagine narrowing down the final list. I want you to remember that just because you didn't get the part you wanted, or maybe you're best friend got a part and you didn't, that it isn't the end of the world. There is no need to throw a fit or be bitter, because that way you're ensuring yourself a wretched experience. I wish you all the best of luck." Mrs. Bates' small speech was a helpful one. It eased my nerves, made me perk up a bit. For all of twenty minutes that is.

Time seemed to tick slower and slower by the minute. After what felt like days, the ninth period bell rang and I was off to the busses. I practically sprinted back to the apartment, too shaky to even jam my key in the door properly. I arrived at around 2:15, giving me exactly forty five minutes to kill. I tried reading, watching tv, even cleaning, but nothing seemed to speed up time. I finally resorted to just sitting at my computer tapping my finger on the keys and refreshing the page, hoping by chance Mrs. Bates posted it early. No such luck.

At exactly 3:01, I refreshed the page for the last time.

I slowly, slowly read down the list of characters that would now be taken on by my peers. Matthew, first on the list, earned the role of Jean Valjean, as expected. I smiled at his fortune, I knew that at that same moment he was probably jumping around like an idiot.

Ari, would soon take on the role of Cosette. I was ecstatic- I knew she desperately wanted the part, and she rightfully earned it. I expected a phone call consisting of repetitive squeals.

My heart started beating faster and faster, to the point I thought it was going to beat out of my chest. Then, a few moments later, it stopped entirely.

"Fantine- Jenna Reid"

There it was, third line from the top. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped to the floor. I had to read it over and over again to make sure I was reading it correctly.

"I-I GOT IT! I GOT IT!" I jumped up and screamed, my voice booming through the empty apartment. I stood frozen, utterly astounded. My jittering hand hastily dialed Spencer's work line, the phone ringing five times before he picked up.

"Hey Jenna, you're on speaker and I have the team with me, what's the result?" Spencer carefully asked. I paused for a moment and took a deep breath, knowing if I didn't I would probably pass out.

"I-I got it! I-I got Fantine!" I contained my excitement as much as possible for the sake of their eardrums. There was an eruption on the other end of the line.

"Congratulations!"

"I knew you could do it Mini-Reid!"

"No way!"

"Oh my Munchkin did it!"

"Congrat's Jenna!"

"Felicitazioni!"

"Thank you!" I managed to spit out through the choking fit that ensued after my announcement.

"W-wow, I'm really proud of you Jenna" I head Spencer say through the rest of the team's chatter. I didn't think I could get any more surprises thrown at me, but that was one of them. No one had said that to me since I was six.

"Thanks Spenc." My tone was calm, since I had gotten over the initial shock. "Tell the team thanks again" I said, needing a few minutes to myself to let everything sink in.

"Will do. I'll see you when I get home"

We said our goodbyes and I made additional congratulatory phone calls to Ari and Matthew, both of which were just as excited I was. I later on sat on the fire escape outside my window thinking of how incredible this experience was going to be. I was playing my dream role, I had two concrete friendships, and a solid support system. Yes, it was going to a boat load of work and incredibly time consuming, and I knew I would have to work my butt off to make it all work, but I knew it would be worth it. I knew that the end result would surpass expectation. I knew it would be exceedingly difficult, but I was ready. Ready to make it work.