Tony's heart feels eight sizes too big for his chest.
The sudden feeling of complete home while wrapped in Loki's arms and subsequent feeling of abrupt and horrifying loneliness have left him aching and exhausted.
As he slides dejectedly down the facade of the hotel room door and settles in front of it with his head buried in his knees he doesn't think about how much he resembles an unwanted dog.
He knows that Loki isn't actually writing and that whatever he's doing he doesn't want him to see.
He remembers what Peter's said about magic and takes time to mentally slap himself.
Loki may be enigmatic and beautiful and brilliant and mysterious and strange and-
"Fuck you, Tony." He says to himself and the empty hallway. "Loki Lauff is not some kind of enchanter. He's just a guy."
Tony knows that that's not right either.
There is the Loki who tucks him into bed and makes him eat and sleep.
There is the Loki who strangles him and kicks him and threatens him.
There is the Loki whose answer to every problem is a pill and a stiff drink or seven.
There is the Loki who wants to talk about his dreams.
There is the Loki who saws instruments in half when he isn't there, because everything is boring without him, with the apparent exception of acts of random destruction.
There is the Loki who knows everything about him.
There is the Loki who tells him nothing about himself.
There is the Loki who touches every inch of his skin with the reverent tenderness of a worshipper.
There is the Loki who is lying to him. Right now. At this very second.
Tony wonders if he's actually involved with fifty different people, all who want and need a thousand different things from him: each.
Tony's head hurts and he doesn't know what it says about him that the small breakfast Loki'd hand-fed him is making him feel nauseatingly full.
Footsteps approach and Tony wishes he could muster up the dignity to make it look like he isn't hopelessly loitering outside Loki's room waiting for his next scraps of attention and affection.
When the footsteps turn into Jonce, Lee, and Peters Tony really wishes he'd been able to muster up a bit of dignity.
"What are you doing out here?" Asks Peters and Tony can almost feel the sympathy rolling off of the rest of The Age of Frost in waves.
"Git's hiding a bengal tiger in the bathroom. Asked me to give them a moment alone."
Jonce and Lee roll their eyes. Peters pales.
"Let's get you some shoes and go out for a drive."
"Drive where?" Asks Jonce and Peters hauls Tony up by his arms and starts speed-walking him down he hall.
"Where do we ever drive?" Asks Lee and Jonce smiles.
"Around!" The three of them say together and Tony knows there's some kind of inside joke there. He can almost taste it in their identical grins.
How alone he really is, suddenly hits him in the gut like a javelin.
Tony hates this.
sorry guys, but I've been really sick and I'm about to get some energy work and acupuncture before my gig tonight, so I can't reply to everyone like I usually do, but I did want to give you a chapter, because it's been a little bit, and I do love you guys. Your enthusiastic response to this bit of nonsense really warms my cockles.