Jonce is 5'7 and must weigh 100 pounds. He's nearly thirty and looks like he's fourteen and his hair is pale gold and poker straight. Tony wonders how he ended up in possibly the gayest scene to hit humanity since the Ancient Greeks, when he can connect any topic to pussy in a second flat.
Occasionally he varies and directs the conversation back to tits.
But he's a good guy and a pretty salt-of-the-earth kind of guy whose got nothing against anyone and Tony likes him.
In every group of friends there's a Lee. He doesn't say much. They call him Gandalf so often that Tony forgets what his real name is halfway through the night. He also looks like someone with a hammer for a hand punched him the nose a few too many times. He's got hair dyed redder than an apple and eyebrows darker than ink.
They've been sitting in a random bar taking turns buying pints since the afternoon, well everyone has but Tony. They all buy for him.
By sundown Tony feels like they've all been friends for years.
"Mate, I'm just saying, if you see Drina Margoliese, you'll fucking die, mate. She's got tits like...like..." Jonce doesn't even finish, but its Jonce and they're drunk and everything is perfect.
Somewhere around midnight that all goes to absolute shit.
"Man, Tony," begins Jonce and everyone's awaiting something sexual and ridiculous but he's drunk enough to either be close enough to himself or far away enough to veer sharply past expectations and dead into oncoming traffic. "What are you even doing with Loki, man?"
Tony swears a cold wind blows through the room.
"You know, when Peters wanted to bring you along I was dead against because I couldn't imagine anybody who could spend that much time with Loki wouldn't be three parts git and one part the bloody fucking devil, but, mate, I like you all right."
It doesn't take a genius to see why Loki and Jonce don't get along and Tony is momentarily flabbergasted that the two could manage to be in the same room without bloodshed.
"You know, for a spangling woofter." Finishes Jonce with a disgusting belch and Tony can't help but grin.
"Fuck your mother, Jonce." Says Tony and even Jonce toasts to that. The atmosphere is bright until Peters goes to take a leak and Jonce jumps on the opportunity to grill Tony. It becomes obvious that he's been waiting for it all night.
"No, but really Tony? I mean, you know the life of a musician, though. I probably have illegitimate children in five countries. That's just how it goes. I figured Loki would have had six of you by now. He's got a fetish, mate."
"Fetish?"
"I've got a theory that he's one of them escaped Nazi experiments from the forties or what. Like an island of them! An Aryan Island."
"Loki's from Aryan Island." Tony wants to laugh, but he also doesn't want Jonce to punch him.
"It's the only explanation. He practically keeps you olive boys in a box in his closet. When we was in Spain he probably shagged every Moore in the world and it's because, you know, there'd only be porcelain-y bastards, like Loki, on Aryan Island. He's like angry at blonde people. He's probably sick of seeing 'em."
While Tony really doesn't like the idea of being another in a series, he recognizes that most people aren't like him. His type is apparently 'people'. He can't really fault other people for being a little bit more specific. He's also still stuck on the idea that:
"Loki's from Aryan Island." He says again and takes a drink to stop himself from cackling hysterically.
"That's not the point!" Jonce looks serious and Tony desperately doesn't want this to be one of those conversations. "Loki's an arse. I only joined this up here in the first place because if I had to play somebody else's music for them in studio with no fucking credit for the rest of my life I would have snapped, man. In fuckin' half."
Tony looks down at him empty mug and wants to cry. What is he supposed to do with his hands now?
"And look, if we're talking mad Loki's the king and his horse. Once he and me had this big row and he told me that he was actually Loki and I should do whatever for him, on account of him being a fuckin' god! Then he went on some rant about all the people he killed for a lark! They tried to tell me it was just the oats talking but I know what I'm talking about. The man is a mass murderer from Aryan Island."
Tony doesn't even know what to say. Jonce stands up and waves his arms. He sloshes a river of beer onto the floor and table before throwing his head back and bellowing:
"I am Loki! Liesmith! Skyswinger or what! Kneel before me peasants!"
It is a role that Tony isn't used to, but he finds himself maneuvering Jonce back into his seat and coaxing him to be quiet. It takes nearly five minutes and Tony wonders if he's that obnoxious when he's drunk.
"Look Tony, whatever you could do is better than that. He'll probably end up killing you. After this tour I'm done. I don't even want to be in the same city that berk's in. He's nine kinds of wrong. I just want you to know, because I like you."
Tony desperately wants to be angry. He wants to tell Jonce to shove it and that he's wrong, and that he and Loki are in love and that's all that matters.
"I know," Tony says instead, with someone else's smile. "But I'm not really jonesing after old age anyway."
"Stop being a fucking idiot."
Tony can definitely see why Loki and Jonce don't get along. He's still trying to find the anger he knows he should have when Jonce interrupts his soul quest.
"You're fifteen years old. What the fuck do you know about living or dying? Go back home. Or, if you want to play music, give me a call. Any fucking time. I'll give you a new fucking home."
"I'm nineteen!"
"If you're nineteen than I'm a fucking horse. What do you weigh, ninety pounds?"
"I'm not a fucking child!" And suddenly Tony feels like he could strangle the man blind.
"Oh yeah? Then why are you acting like one? What do you think you're proving? Running around in heels sucking the cock of the bastard who kicks you in the stomach in public? Proving what a man you are, are you?"
Before Tony knows what's happening he's laying under Jonce and he hears more than feels bits of his face snap and crack and gush with blood as he's beaten into the floor.
All it takes is a knee pressed against his stomach the wrong way and he's vomiting.
He doesn't even consider fighting back.
Halfway through a mouthful of blood and regurgitated beer and bile Tony lets out a final cry and loses consciousness.
Guest: Thank you kindly!
FGS: Thank you man. I was really dizzy the entire time but our gig was awesome and we possibly have two more lined up and I might study in London this summer so I can push my band's cd on a whole new country and eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Stormy: Yeah, I kinda wanted to set up this thing where like you kind of only experience the world as Tony does so when there was nothing else in his world but Loki you didn't really get anything else either.
Loki88: I just want my Loki to be impossible to predict and interpret but kind of easy to understand. I don't know what that means. Ignore me. Thank you for reading.
mama: Yeah man. Kicked puppy isn't a good look an anyone. I have worn it more often than not. ugh.
Emily: Thanks man! I actually have this done aside from editing. It takes me longer to edit things than to actually write them sometimes. There might even be a sequel to this. Literally there are so many places that I could go with this. I could make like an Avengers/Supernatural or Avengers/Sherlock xover sequel if I wanted and it would actually make perfect sense. I am the craziest fuck. Once I dreamed an entire original season of Doctor Who in my sleep and thought I was actually in my old living room watching it on tv. I don't even know what happens in my head man.
Kaja: WHAT LINE DO YOU HAVE TATTOOED ON YOUR WRIST TELL ME I HAVE TO KNOW AGGGHHHHH. I have a massive Thin White Duke portrait planned for when I can afford it. And I don't blame the young uns. I'm just a fifty year old man inside. My friends took me to a vegan kosher chinese restaurant over the weekend and I was secretly sad inside that there were no cheeseburgers the whole time and all these trendy people were just like 'my stomach will not be the womb of an animal' and I was like dreaming of meat and cheese and bacon. But anyway DO YOU HAVE A TUMBLR? WE SHOULD JOIN IN MUTUAL SQUEE.
Happy Valentine's Day guys. My Valentine's Day comes in the spring, but I hope you all enjoy your company engineered one. I don't know why I do holiday updates because this story is kind of not that jolly, but fuck it. I love you people.