Chapter 39

(Caution: Steaminess ahead—this is definitely T rated.)

Zuko was worried.

Well, not precisely worried, he thought. Concerned was more like it.

First of all, Toph had not been herself all morning. The usually unflappable, confident woman he knew so well had been replaced by a moody, preoccupied mother-to-be.

She'd been exhausted the night before once their company from downtown had departed, but hadn't slept well, tossing and turning and talking in her sleep. Then upon rising that morning, she'd been edgy and nervous.

Zuko had gently tried to find out what was bothering her, but she'd simply declared that she was tired. He knew better than to push it. Toph was not a morning person in the best of times.

When she went out to visit with Suki and Katara, he'd headed outside to spar with Sokka, surprised to see Jet join them in the stands. He'd figured after all Jet had been through, he'd sleep in at least one morning. Zuko was glad to see Jet taking it easy for once as he lounged in the stands with Aang.

Aang left after a while, leaving Jet as their only spectator. Once they were finished, the three men sat together for a while and critiqued each other goodnaturedly, Sokka taking the brunt of the commentary. After a while, he threw up his hands in defeat to head off to find Suki.

"Maybe she'll go easier on me than you guys," Sokka laughed as he stood, stretching out the kinks that had begun to settle in his muscles.

"I wouldn't count on it," Zuko responded. "Suki has very high expectations."

Jet just laughed at him.

Sokka headed back out to the apartments he shared with Suki as Jet continued to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Zuko finally asked.

"Nothing," Jet answered. "Everything. I don't know." He actually giggled a little. "Everything just seems really funny this morning."

Zuko stretched out his stiff left leg and rubbing the muscle. It was coming along, but he hadn't gotten 100 percent of the function back in it after Katara had removed so much damaged tissue. Jet just lounged around as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"I'd think you were at least a little bit concerned that you have to fight Ji-Fu in a couple of days," Zuko stated after a few moments of rubbing.

"Nah," Jet commented dismissively as he played with a piece of tall grass he plucked from beside the stands. "I've got destiny on my side."

"I thought you didn't believe in destiny," Zuko replied suspiciously.

"I didn't. But this morning somehow it all seems clear to me," Jet answered, flashing Zuko a bright, confident grin. "I think I dreamed about it or something. It's my destiny to win, Sparky."

"Only Toph calls me Sparky," Zuko reminded him firmly.

But Jet just laughed and clapped him on the shoulder before jumping to his feet. "Okay, okay," he said, giving in to Zuko's glare. "Mai went up to the palace to take care of some business. If you see her, tell her I'm at my place. We're going to plan a huge dinner for tonight. You guys be sure to come."

"Sure we will," Zuko answered. "Just let Toph know this afternoon what time when you guys have practice."

"I don't need to practice," Jet stated easily. "It's in the bag. Ji-Fu is going down."

Zuko stood up to look his friend directly in the eye. "Do have any idea how naive you sound?" he asked point blank.

"I'm not naive," Jet retorted a little sharply. "I just know what's going to happen. It's destiny."

"What about all this head injury business Katara has been talking about?" Zuko asked. "Toph told me last night that a rough earthbending match right now could kill you." Zuko hated to bring up something so negative, but he was beginning to get concerned about Jet's attitude.

"Big deal," Jet answered blithely. "I just know it's all going to be okay. I'm going to fight Ji-Fu and I'm going to win. It's my destiny to be king of Omashu. That's the important thing."

Jet's response convinced him that his friend was not himself—not at all. It was time to move from concern to outright worry. "How are you going to be king if you're dead?" Zuko had to ask.

"You worry too much," Jet said with a laugh, patting the Fire Prince on his shoulder. Then he stuck the stalk of grass between his teeth and headed off to his apartments with an unshakable confidence in his step.

Zuko just shook his head and went to find Katara. Whatever she'd healed inside that boy's head, she hadn't quite finished the job.

Meanwhile, Zuko was not the only person worried about Jet. After a long, miserable night of dreams, Toph had awoken more tired than when she went to bed.

Her dreams had taken her back to the swamp where Lady Lian Shen berated her. "How could you do it, Toph?" Lian Shen had asked. "You picked the first person you saw and made him an earthbender, didn't you? And now earthbending will kill him."

Then Lian Shen gave her a malicious sidelong glance and added, "That makes you a murderer, Toph. You were just trying to get out of your own responsibilities. You didn't care what might happen to Jet, did you?"

"No!" Toph tried to reply, but her replies faded away into an empty swamp where she couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't breathe.

She called for Zuko, but got no answer. She called for Jet and he suddenly appeared beside her. "Jet, help me!" she begged in her dreams, but Jet just turned away from her sadly.

"I can't," he answered. "I have to go now. I wish you guys hadn't found me. I wish I was still in the swamp."

Then she'd awaken with a start to find Zuko sleeping soundly beside her, his body warm and inviting. She'd snuggle closer to him, hoping to drift into a more peaceful sleep, but before long, uneasy dreams would disturb her again.

Morning seemed very long in coming.

Across town, yet another person thought about Jet and wondered how he was doing. Eun Min had spent the morning with Smellerbee, glad to help out with whatever tasks needed doing. It felt so good to just be normal again.

"We're all going out for dinner tonight with some friends of mine," Smellerbee said over the breakfast dishes.

"Out again?" Eun Min replied. "Well, you guys enjoy yourselves."

"This time, you're coming along too," Smellerbee responded firmly as she passed a wet dish over for Eun Min to dry.

"I don't think I should," Eun Min answered doubtfully as she rubbed at the dish with a towel. "What if Hyun or Safflower should see me?"

"How in the world do you think they'll be able to spot you in the middle of this crowd?" Smellerbee asked, gesturing across the little room to where the guys sat around Longshot's worktable. "I mean, Pipsqueak and The Duke are big enough to hide both of us from view!"

Eun Min couldn't help but laugh. Then she cast a shy glance over at the tall Watertribesman. Who wasn't really a Watertribesman at all, she recalled. He'd been adopted into the tribe. The Duke had gotten his new start after years on his own, Smellerbee had told her. Eun Min wanted her new start too.

The Duke was maybe two or three years older than her, she thought as she dried the dish in her hands. She looked over to where he sat in one of Smellerbee's small kitchen chairs, talking to Longshot and the gigantic Pipsqueak.

Eun Min liked him. He was so friendly. She liked the way his dark hair curled, a bit on the unruly side. She liked his easy smile. She liked the fact that he made her feel so little when she stood anywhere near him. He was lean, but so tall. Something about him reminded her of her father.

"I think it's dry," Smellerbee offered with a teasing grin. She'd noticed where Eun Min was looking.

Eun Min dropped her head to hide her blush and placed the dish on the shelf, then reached out to take the wet cup Smellerbee held out to her.

They dried in silence for a few moments, then Eun Min looked up at Smellerbee, worry on her face, and asked, "Does The Duke know about me?"

"Know what?" Smellerbee asked.

"Know what I was," Eun Min answered shamefully.

Smellerbee looked at her straightforwardly. "No, he doesn't," she answered gently. "Only Longshot knows because I told him about you when we first met. He knows how concerned I was about you. But Longshot isn't going to say anything and neither am I."

Eun Min sighed in relief, then Smellerbee continued, "That part of your life is over, Eun Min. You were forced into it. You have nothing to be ashamed of." Then Smellerbee took her hand in hers and added, "But eventually you'll have to deal with it and put it behind you."

Eun Min nodded, and they resumed doing the dishes, but inwardly she didn't feel up to dealing with it. She just wanted to pretend it never happened. And she glanced across the room again at The Duke. He was listening intently to some story Pipsqueak told in that deep, slow voice of his.

Even more than she wanted to forget for herself, she didn't want The Duke to know about her. She didn't want him to know she'd been a prostitute. She didn't want him to know how many men she'd been with. The shameful things she'd done.

Right now, he looked at her with respect, with friendliness. She didn't want to see disgust in his eyes. After all, it was hard enough to handle the disgust she saw in her own eyes when she looked in the mirror.

Then she thought of the young men who'd rescued her. She remembered the one with the black sword who'd given her the money—Jet. He hadn't looked at her with disgust. He'd looked at her with understanding instead. He'd know what she was and had helped her. She hoped he was okay. She hoped his life would be happy and that the spirits would reward him for being so kind to her.

She carefully dried the pitcher Smellerbee passed to her, then reached up on her tiptoes to put it away on the high shelf.

Just then The Duke came up behind her to take the pitcher from her hand with a smile. "I got this one, short stuff," he teased.

"Short stuff?" she asked.

"Would you prefer something else?" he asked. "Maybe Little Bit?"

"I'm not that short," she retorted happily.

Smellerbee watched the two young people banter and smiled. The Duke was a good guy. He'd give Eun Min the kind of attention that would be good for her. Then she thought ahead to the dinner planned for the evening. Jet and the rest of the group would be good for her too. It would be good for Eun Min to get out and meet new people.

Jet sat in the office in his apartments, daydreaming. He couldn't shake the dreams that he'd had the night before. He kept remembering the swamp. There was some woman there, a beautiful woman—but green. She kept whispering to him about his destiny. Something about her made him believe.

A little part of him knew that under normal circumstances he wouldn't believe a word of it. Destiny was for great people. People with some birth and nobility. People with powers he couldn't begin to fathom. People like Aang and Zuko and Mai.

But that part of him was oddly silent today. If he were completely honest with himself, he'd say he felt a little bit drunk—like his inhibitions had been sidetracked. It was so easy to just say things and do things and feel things and believe in things.

Believe in things like destiny. The green lady had told him it was his destiny to rule Omashu because he could hear the earth. She'd cradled his head in her lap and made him believe nothing bad could happen to him. It was all going to work out perfectly.

That little sober, suspicious part of him tried to shout that nothing ever worked out perfectly for him, but its quiet voice was easily subdued by the part of him that could do anything.

The suspicious part tried to tell him that he wasn't thinking clearly anymore, but in his present state, Jet just happily ignored it.

Who cared? Everything was going to work out just perfectly. For once. Even dinner.

Across the courtyard, Mai told Katara she would see her later then headed directly to Jet's place. The footman showed her to the office on the second floor where Jet sat at the desk, apparently daydreaming.

"Hey there," he said brightly when she came to the door. "I hope you know all about dinners because I'm completely at a loss here."

They spent a few minutes discussing the dinner menu before she asked, "Are you determined to fight Ji-Fu?"

Jet looked at her. "I have to," he replied with happy confidence. "I've spent the whole morning thinking about what he'd do as king. He's a complete jerk."

Mai looked at him in disbelief. "Jerk?" she echoed. "Ji-Fu is more than a jerk. He's a dangerous earthbender, a trained general, and a ruthless enemy. He wants the throne, Jet," she added solemnly. "I think he'll do anything to get it."

Jet just listened to her complaisantly, totally ignoring her evaluation of Ji-Fu. How could she make him understand? Mai wondered.

"Jet, I think he'll kill you in combat if he gets the chance," she said in all seriousness.

But Jet just laughed and pulled her into his lap to plant a big kiss on her cheek. "Don't worry about me, sugar," he said with a grin. "I've got this all under control."

Mai looked at him sternly. "I talked to Katara, Jet. She told me just how serious that head injury of yours is. She said if you take another rough hit, it could start bleeding again. And this time it might not stop. You could die."

Jet waved away her concerns. "That's not going to happen."

"How can you know this?" she asked sharply. What was wrong with him? He was acting like he didn't even care.

"I just do," he answered breezily. "Now let's talk about something else, okay? I don't want you worrying about something so silly."

Silly? She almost screamed the word out loud, but thought better of it. How could concern over Jet's life be silly? After all, hadn't she nearly died only a few days ago trying to save his life?

She decided to try another tactic. If reason wouldn't make him back down, maybe love would do the trick.

So she settled against him more closely and reached up to run her fingers into his hair. "Okay," she acquiesced—at least outwardly. "Let's talk about something else," she began. Then she bent her head to his and placed a soft, insistent kiss on his lips. "Unless you can think of something you'd rather do than talk?"

Then she ran a suggestive finger into the open collar of his tunic, softly following the line of his collarbone with her fingertip.

"Just what did you have in mind?" Jet asked playfully, running his hand down her back, his fingers gliding easily over the silk of her tunic.

"I don't know," Mai responded with mock hesitation. "We haven't had a chance to be alone like this in a long time." She slipped her hand into his shirt, this time running her palm over his chest and up his neck to his cheek. Then she kissed him again, enjoying the feel of him.

She could feel his body stir against her. He put both arms around her tightly and pulled her into him even more closely. Then he kissed the hollow of her throat and pulled aside her dress to kiss her shoulder. She couldn't help but sigh at the feel of his lips on her skin—so warm, so passionate.

All the restraint he'd ever shown before had seemingly evaporated, she realized breathlessly as he ran his hand across her breast and tangled his fingers in her hair, pulling it free of its combs to fall like a curtain of black silk around her shoulders. Then he kissed her with a desperation and longing that took her by surprise.

Before she could catch her breath, he'd stood up with her in his arms and crossed to the long, dark green sofa that ran along one wall of the office. He laid her back onto the cushions and knelt over her.

At first he only looked at her, his dark green eyes smoldering with desire. Then he kissed her again, following the line of her cheek and throat with his lips. She could feel his free hand slip beneath the lower edge of her tunic, warmly caressing her waist.

This wasn't like him, she realized even as she shivered at his touch. He began to pull at the closures that held her tunic together.

Part of her wanted this. Part of her wanted it very badly.

Part of her knew that once she had him at the edge of desire, she could beg him not to fight Ji-Fu and he would agree. He would do it for her. He would agree so she would be happy, so she would be with him.

She felt her tunic fall open, leaving the thin linen of her undergarment all that stood between her body and Jet's exploring hands and mouth. He pulled at the tie at her neck, intent on removing the last barrier between them.

Oh, part of her wanted this very badly.

Then out of nowhere came a memory. Another time on a long sofa. Another time that she'd wanted so badly to be with someone. And for reasons just as manipulative as now.

Back when they were young, on a long sofa in the Fire Nation Capital, she'd tried to bind Zuko to her in the same way, to exchange her body for promises.

It hadn't been a difficult decision for either of them. Both had something to prove to themselves.
Zuko wanted to prove he was his own man—that doing whatever he wanted was the right thing to do. And she wanted to prove that she had something no one else could have—Zuko.

So they'd crossed the line. She'd given him her virginity and had taken his. She'd thought that meant he would always be hers.

But even after all that, Zuko had still left her.

She'd been heartbroken—but more than that, she'd been furious. She'd tried to hold him, but he'd chosen to leave her behind for a future she couldn't understand at the time.

Months later at the Boiling Rock, she'd begun to understand why he'd gone to the other side. When she was faced with her own choice, she'd also done what she knew was right by saving his life.

Once back in the capital after the war was over, she thought they would just pick up where they left off. But it hadn't happened. Something deep had changed in Zuko and in her. They hadn't been together that way again. A new sense of honor prevented it.

Sudden sensation broke through her memories as Jet pulled away her undergarment. Mai gasped and ran her hands into his hair as the tip of his tongue toyed with her breast. For a moment, she felt like she was back there in the capital, a teenager again, determined to get her way. Then she opened her eyes and looked at the man she was with, really looked at him.

This wasn't Zuko, her fantasy boyfriend from the time she was seven. And she was no longer an angry teenager determined to possess her girlhood crush, no matter what.

This was Jet. Jet wasn't someone she wanted to control, to possess. He wasn't a trophy for her ego.

She loved him. She wanted to be his wife, his partner. But in a rush of guilt she knew she wasn't acting like a partner. She'd started all this in an effort to use his attraction to her as a tool to get her own way, to manipulate him.

But Jet had always been so careful not to let things go this far. She couldn't do this to him. She couldn't let their first time together be under false pretenses.

She wanted to love him with everything she had—her mind, her heart—and her body. But he had always been such a gentleman, so concerned with her honor, with respecting her. Something about all this just didn't feel right.

"Jet," she whispered, "stop."

"Why?" he replied as he tugged at the waistband of her skirt. His hand ran beneath it to caress the bare skin of her hip.

It took all the control Mai had to push Jet away from her. "This isn't right and you know it," she stated, her voice shaking a little. "We don't need to do this. Not now."

The hurt look in his eyes almost stopped her protest. She never wanted to hurt him. She felt more guilty than ever.

Then a look of understanding crossed his face. "You're shy, aren't you? This is your first time," he assumed sympathetically. Then he sat up and pulled her to sit in his lap again.

Mai didn't quite know what to say. She hadn't considered the fact that she'd have to tell him she wasn't. Guilt rolled over her once again.

"It's okay," Jet said with understanding. Then he lay on his back, pulling her down onto his chest so that she lay on top of him.

"It's my first time too," he confided softly. "Be gentle with me."