"The torture of a bad conscience is the hell of a living soul."

John Calvin

I opened my eyes to a brightly lit room as the sun beamed in through my windows. I spent a good amount of time motionless with my eyes clamped shut even though I was wide awake. I've never felt so hollow before. I still can't quite believe all of what happened and now what it all means. I've never been so calm before in such a drastic and tragic situation. It was all for the small amount of sanity I had left or I may crack. But deep down I knew that this calm easy feeling would soon be shattered the moment the world flooded back into my life.

I forced myself out of the bed and glanced at the clock. I had to be in class soon and it was strange that the world was still going on when I felt like for a moment it all stopped for me. I went through all the motions of my usual day not daring to let my mind wander to the forbidden subject. I made sure to be occupied with the simple tasks of drying my hair, eating breakfast and then straightening up the house before I left. The moment where the weight I have been holding off crashed on to me was while I was driving to school. I couldn't occupy my thoughts any longer and my heart just couldn't take covering this pain up anymore. There was no way of stopping the sobs and endless tears as they escaped and cloud up my vision.

The moment I came to terms I almost swerved into the car next to me. The loud sound of a horn sent me back to the real world as I began to panic and quickly pulled over. I can't believe I thought this could all be easy. Maybe I'm just lost. I've made so many mistakes in life, I always knew that. But I never felt like I betrayed myself till now. I've never felt regret so deep in my bones. The last time I felt the earth-shattering guilt of a mistake was when my parents died. It was my fault. Almost every single moment where I have been so torn up by my pain was caused by something I did. The worst part is I have no one else to blame for these moments.

I sat with my head leaning against the steering wheel for what felt like hours. The tears stopped and the sobs became silent as I felt the shell of a person I never wanted to be return to me. The easiest way to get through things is to detach yourself but it was also the most selfish with a high price to pay; loneliness.

I jumped when a loud bang came from my window and a construction worker singled that I had to get out of the way. I waved apologetically and pulled back out onto the street and started driving to school again. It didn't take long for me to reach the campus but I was surprisingly not as late as I thought I would be. I slowly crept into my class and it would just figure it would be the one I had with Stefan and Caroline. I didn't see any either of them in the room so I quickly rushed to the back, doing my best to be inconspicuous.

The room quickly filled up and when I saw Caroline walk in I nearly gasped. She was wearing sweats with her hair up and almost looked exactly like myself; heartbroken. It wasn't like Caroline to not look at her best. My first instinct was to rush to her and see what was wrong but that obviously wasn't an option. I still don't know if it will ever be the same between us. I watched her carefully and then quickly glanced away as her eyes connected with mine. I didn't look over to Caroline again but watched for Stefan till the class started and it was apparent he wasn't showing up.

It felt like the longest class I've ever had as the minutes slowly ticked away. And once it did finally end I was the first with my stuff packed up and out the door. I rushed to my car, not wanting to accidentally bump into Caroline. I had my keys out and ready to go but as I approached my car I saw someone standing at my door. The keys slipped from my hand as I saw Stefan there with a guilty expression on his face. I bent down and picked up the keys while timidly walking towards him.

"Stefan." I said warily. I didn't... couldn't deal with him right now.

"I didn't have the guts to go in there." He said while nodding towards the building.

"Well you missed a good lesson. You should have had someone take notes for you."

"We need to talk about last night." Like shit we do.

"I really don't want to go there Stefan." I said firmly and was tempted to push him out of the way and making a get away.

"I just wanted to say that you are a great girl and all..." He trailed off and I was trying to follow along.

"And you are a great guy but-"

"Me and you..." He said as if he was deep in thought.

"We aren't right."

"Exactly." I let out a breath at knowing we were on the same page. " I was just confused." He added.

"And I was drunk."

"I'm glad you feel the same way." I watched as he let out a familiar relieved breath. "Friends?" I nodded and we both went in for a hug but awkwardly both decided against it and gave a handshake instead. Much better. "What all happened though? I've never seen you act that way." The embarrassment and shame immediately resurfaced and I felt like getting sick. I really made a fool of myself.

"I'm so sorry Stefan. For everything. I really didn't want to ruin your relationship, things just got out of hand." I said sincerely sorry. I felt horrible for all the trouble I caused.

"It wasn't all your fault. There is a reason we have issues. Sometimes I cross lines that no brother should cross."

"I saw Damon..." I couldn't even get the words out, they hurt so much. "He-" I tired but I couldn't do it. All I could see was Caroline kissing him and then him pulling her into his embrace. "He really hurt me." I choked out and looked at my feet while blinking back tears. "I was so hurt and I wanted to hurt him back. I'm sorry." I felt so ashamed.

"I get it." I heard him sigh. I knew he was mad at me. I destroyed there relationship. "What did he do?"

"I found him making out with my best friend."

"Ouch." Stefan hissed. "Sounds like you guys have to talk."

"I don't think talking is what will happen. We are done Stefan. Hopefully we'll never run into each other again." It was only what I could hope. This town was too small.

"Doubt it." Was all he said as he started backing up. "I have to go, but I'll see you around."

"Bye. Again, I'm sorry!" I waived him off and quickly got into my car before he could come back. Our conversation was civil and the best I could have hoped for but it still left a bitter taste in my mouth.

The rest of my day was spent on my couch in silence. I needed a moment away from everything and I was starting to realize how my thoughts could eat me up as I was annoyed with my own company. It was getting late but I knew I was never going to be able to sleep. I was about to call someone when my phone rang before I could even look through my phone. I saw it was Jenna and automatically answered it.

"Hello?"

"Elenaaaa." You have got to be kidding me.

"Jenna?"

"Can you come get me?" I heard her slur.

"Are you drunk?"

"I need you to come to the Grill and take me home. Please? Elena, pleasssseee." I rolled my eyes and started looking for my keys. I could use the distraction.

"I'll be there in a few minutes." I hung up the phone while grabbing a sweatshirt and keys while leaving.

When I did finally reach the Grill I walked into see Jenna leaning against the bar with Alaric sitting next to her.

"Hey Rick." I waived at him and when he lazily waived back I frowned. "And whose taking you home?"

"His friend is coming." Jenna said while grabbing her purse. "Speaking of..." I followed their stares and saw the last person I wanted to see again. Damon walked into the Grill and walked towards us. I don't think he noticed me yet but I knew when he did, all hell was going to break loose.

AN: I know it is short. Sorry:( Thanks for your reviews. I know I said I'd update more this summer but I don't know what I was thinking because I've been busier than ever. Hopefully I'll be able to start updating more.

Review:).