Chapter 40

Jet looked up at Mai, all sincerity. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable, but she definitely looked uncomfortable.

That go with the flow part of him that seemed so strong was still eager to keep playing. He was more than willing at one level for his first time all the way to be right then, right there.

But that other more logical part of him was not completely dormant. The bruising and swelling on his brain had not crippled all his inhibitions, just loosened them up a bit. Now, as he looked at Mai those sluggish inhibitions called for him to think again about what he was doing.

He couldn't let her first time be on a couch. It wasn't right. Plus, if they did this, now, just like this—he had to work very hard to continue to think because the just like this was so appealing—what about when he married her? What would be left to make that night the special time he wanted it to be?

After all, they'd slept together plenty of times back in the cave. He remembered how good it had felt to fall asleep with her in his arms close to him.

He gazed at her. Those beautiful red lips were trembling. Her clear gray eyes looked sad. He couldn't stand that. Everything had to be perfect for Mai. She was so perfect. He didn't deserve her.

The more sane, healthy part of himself applauded inwardly as he forced himself to sit up. Then as Mai pulled her clothing back around her, he stood and paced the room a moment. How to begin to apologize? He felt absolutely awful.

Mai watched Jet pace back and forth, mumbling to himself a little. He looked distraught, emotionally on edge. This was not like him. He was definitely not himself. Her Jet was always so in control of himself and his actions.

At last he knelt before her and said, "I'm sorry, sugar. I just got carried away, I guess. It's kind of hard to think right now."

"I'm the one who's sorry," Mai answered, reaching out to cup his cheek with her hand. Something in his eyes looked so young, so vulnerable. She hated herself for not seeing it sooner.

"Come sit with me," she added, patting the seat beside her.

He did. Then after a moment he yawned. She pulled him down so his head lay in her lap. He threw his arm across her and made himself comfortable.

Mai sat there with Jet, deep in thought. She simply could not believe someone of Jet's looks, temperament, and history was a virgin at nearly thirty years old. It boggled the mind.

She started not to say anything to him about it, knowing that he wasn't himself for some reason. She started to just drag him off for Katara to take another look at him. But curiosity got the best of her and she asked, "You were just teasing me, right?"

"No," Jet answered honestly. She was glad he was facing away from her, lying on his side. The shocked look that crossed her face would have bothered him. But she recovered quickly and found herself digging for more information. She had to know why.

"I can't believe some girl hasn't thrown you down and ravished you by now," she teased.

"Well," he began, "that actually did almost happen."

"Tell me about it," she said, playing with his hair. He sighed and relaxed against her then began his story.

Several years before, during his bandit days after the war, he'd determined to find a willing woman and get it over with, he began. Before then, he'd either been too busy leading the group in and out of trouble or fighting the Fire Nation to think about having a girlfriend.

Plus, the only girl in the group had been Smellerbee and he just couldn't think of her that way, he explained. Even once he figured out that she had a crush on him, he was so much her protector that he couldn't consider being her lover. She was like his daughter or his sister.

"The first man I ever killed was for her," he admitted easily, the words just coming out without pause for thought. "That whole business was really been hard on her. She kind of turned into a boy for a long time after that. I think that was how she dealt with it."

Before Mai could ask what happened, Jet had returned to his other story. His gang had been hanging out around Madam Wu's village between jobs, trying to lie low. Some of the guys really wanted Aunt Wu to tell their future. Jet could have cared less.

Unfortunately, avoiding Madame Wu's didn't mean avoiding her assistant, a young woman named Meng. For some reason, Meng singled him out for her attention. But far from deciding that he could hook up with her, he ran from her.

"She made me nervous," Jet explained, a little shiver still running through him. "It was like I was some kind of wild game she was stalking."

He'd taken refuge from Meng in a sleazy bar—some place a nice girl like her would never enter. And inside he met a beautiful older woman who'd also taken an instant shine to him.

"Her name was Jun," he sighed innocently. "She was so hot."

Mai felt a sudden rush of jealousy that nearly prompted her to dump him off her lap, but she reigned in the impulse and let him keep talking.

He'd found himself in the barn out back of the bar where Jun's giant shirshu was bedded down. The shirshu had given him a once over sniff, then settled back to sleep as Jun proceeded to do things Jet had only dreamed about.

"But just as it was getting really, really interesting," he admitted, "the town watch came in and arrested me for breach of promise to that girl Meng. I never spoke more than three words to her if I could help it," he declared angrily. "I certainly never made any kind of promise to her. By the time I got myself out of jail, Jun had left town. If she'd ever wanted to find me, she could have. But she didn't." He sighed again.

Mai sighed too, glad of his narrow escape. Zuko had talked about Jun. She was scary. Mai was glad Jet's first time hadn't been with her. In fact, Mai was feeling very gratified that she would be his first. And only. She wished very much at that moment that she could be the same for him.

"After that, we stayed on the move until I found Longshot and Smellerbee again. By then I knew I didn't want to just find some willing woman. I wanted to find somebody I wanted to be with. Somebody I loved," he said, sitting up to look at Mai. "I love you, Mai. I want to be with you. I want to marry you and never be apart from you."

The candidness of his statement cut through any layer of protection she'd laid around her heart. Whatever was going on inside Jet's head that was making him be so honest and unguarded with her had to be met with an equal unguardedness. She just couldn't take advantage of him any longer.

"I love you, too," she answered honestly, taking his hands in hers. "I want to be with you. I want to marry you and always be yours and no one else's," she continued. "But I have to tell you. I did the same thing you did. I decided to get what I wanted, but I didn't get arrested. I've been with someone. One guy, one time. I wish I hadn't now, but I did."

"Do I know him?" Jet asked suspiciously.

Mai could only nod. She knew it was coming. She shut her eyes.

"Zuko?"

She could only nod again.

"Does Toph know about this?" Jet asked.

Mai's eyes flew open in fear. "I hope not," she blurted. "Toph would kill me!"

"Do you still love him?" Jet asked evenly.

"He's my friend. But that's all. We broke up years and years ago," Mai explained. "In fact, I broke up with him. We would have been miserable together. He was meant to be with Toph, just like I was meant to be with you," she ended, looking up at Jet hopefully. More than anything, she hoped Jet still felt the same way.

Jet artlessly threw his arm around her and gave her a big hug and affectionate kiss on the cheek. "We all make mistakes," he said. "You should have waited on me. I waited on you," he teased.

"Only because you got arrested," she returned playfully.

"You're right," he replied. "And I did give your money to a prostitute," he added thoughtfully.

"I never understood what you were talking about," Mai stated as she snuggled against him. "If you're a virgin, why were you paying a prostitute?"

Jet leaned his head against hers and said, "I've given lots of money to prostitutes over the years. I guess because of Smellerbee."

But before she could get him to explain, Jet began to rub at his eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Sure," he answered. "I just can't see straight anymore."

Mai immediately pulled him up from the sofa and led him to the door. "We're going to see Katara. Right now." And she wouldn't take no for an answer.

Zuko meanwhile was in search of Toph. She'd been to visit Suki and Katara earlier that morning, but had vanished that afternoon. The house staff said she'd gone to the palace but hadn't said when she'd return.

It was getting late in the afternoon before she finally returned to the apartments.

As she came in the door, Zuko rose from the desk where he'd been reading over some correspondence from Fire Lord Iroh. His first inclination to ask where she'd been for so long gave way to concern as he saw the tired look in her eyes.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" he asked, taking her by the hands and leading her to the armchair that sat beside the desk.

"I'm fine," she replied. "Just tired. It's been a long day." Then to Zuko's utter surprise, Toph put her face in her hands and burst into tears.

He hated it when Toph cried. She never cried. Nothing ever upset her—things angered her, but never upset her. He had no idea what to do. He stood there for a second or two, completely bewildered, then came to his senses enough to kneel on the floor in front of her.

She threw herself onto his shoulder and cried brokenheartedly. "What's wrong, sweetie?" he asked over her sobs.

But she couldn't answer him. Zuko thought to himself that he had authority over an entire nation. He could with a word send regiments of soldiers to do whatever he wanted. He could command a navy to cross the earth, but he couldn't get his wife to tell him what was wrong with her. He'd never felt more helpless.

"It's okay," he tried to comfort her, rubbing her back gently as she wept against him.

"No, it's not," Toph managed. "It's not okay. He's going to die, Sparky, and it's all my fault," she sobbed anew.

"Who's going to die? Jet?" Zuko asked. When he'd talked to Katara about Jet's strange behavior that morning, she'd said it could be a lingering effect from the head injury. She'd said again that if Jet fought Ji-Fu, he could begin bleeding again to disastrous consequences.

But Jet was a good earthbender and a tough opponent, he told himself. There was no guarantee he'd come to any harm. He tried to say the same to Toph, but she would not listen.

"No, Sparky," she began, her sobs dying back as the worst of the outburst passed by. "I know he's going to die. I dreamed all about it. Lian Shen told me so."

"Lian Shen? In a dream?" Zuko responded with a little edge of disbelief. "You know how sneaky she is. If it really was Lian Shen, she was probably just trying to torment you."

"But I talked to King Bumi, too," Toph stated mournfully. "He wouldn't change the time of the contest. He said the one who could hear the earth was destined to win and that he wasn't responsible for the outcome past that." She sat back in the chair and looked Zuko in the eyes in her own way.

Then she said. "It's my fault he's in this mess, Zuko. If he dies, it will be on me," she declared sadly.

"Why in the world would you say that?" Zuko asked. "Did you give him the ability to hear the earth?"

"No, but I discovered that he could. I told Aang. I made sure Jet would take my place as the ruler of Omashu because I just wanted to go home," she admitted. Then she lay her head on his shoulder again.

Zuko rubbed her back and stroked her hair. Home. She'd called the Fire Nation home. As upset as she was, part of him was so happy. His Toph wanted to be with him. His home was her home.

"Toph, think about all the things that had to happen for us to find Jet," Zuko began reasonably. "We had to get lost in the swamp—in fact it kidnapped you. The swamp had to lead us to that village. Aang and the girls had to find us there and take us to the cave for me to recover. Jet had to go hunting for food with you. Are you sure this is all your doing? It sounds to me like destiny had a huge role to play in all this."

He pushed her back gently so he could look into her face. "If any part of it didn't happen, you'd have never found out about Jet's abilities. Are you sure you want to take sole responsibility for all this?" he asked softly.

Toph looked back at him thoughtfully. "I still feel awful," she stated after a few minutes. "And I'm so tired. Those wretched dreams kept me up all night."

"So come lie down for a while," he said gently, taking her by the hand and assisting her to her feet. "Take a good long nap and everything will look better to you."

They went up the stairs to the bedroom where Zuko walked Toph to the bed and slipped her shoes off before she lay down. Then he covered her with a soft blanket. "Are you leaving?" she asked as he walked to the door.

"I thought I'd let you rest," he replied, one hand on the burnished metal of the doorhandle.

"I'll rest better if you stay," she offered, reaching out for him.

"I'll stay," he responded and walked over to the other side of the large bed and sat down to pull off his boots. As he was doing so, he felt her move toward him to kneel up against his back, her arms around him as if she couldn't be close enough to him.

Then he lay down beside her, pulling her into his arms to rest her head on his chest. He reached across her to pull the abandoned blanket around her so she wouldn't get cold. After several minutes, her regular breathing told him that she was asleep.

Zuko lay there, Toph in his arms, and part watched, part felt the afternoon sun move across the sky toward evening. Daytime naps ran contrary to his nature. If the sun was up, he was too full of energy to sleep. Sleep was for sundown.

But it felt very good to lie there with his lovely wife in his arms. He put his hand gently on her waist. Somewhere inside there, his baby was growing.

He lay there beside her and relaxed in the knowledge that she was safe—that his child was safe. And despite the sun's call, he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Aang and Katara were spending a quiet afternoon themselves. Little Bumi had gone down for his nap and had yet to awaken. Aang had spent some time in meditation, asking the previous avatars everything he could think of about Jet's condition, hoping to find some answer.

They'd all told him the same thing. Some very gifted healers in the North Pole had treated that kind of injury directly by opening the skull with sharpened instruments, but none of the avatars had been close enough to the surgery to give him any real direction on how it could be done.

When he told Katara, she'd blanched visibly at the thought of cutting out a section of someone's skull. "How do you know what part of the skull to open? How do you get the bone to heal back correctly?" she'd asked. "What kind of saw do you use to cut the bone that accurately without cutting the tissue underneath?"

"I don't know," he answered sadly. Katara just shivered. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

But just as the words came out of his mouth, Mai entered with a staggering Jet on her arm. "His vision is causing problems," Mai explained calmly. "And he's been a little out of it." Aang realized that Mai was indeed calm—too calm. She was very worried and trying not to show it.

Katara ran her cool, blue waters around Jet's head as he sat on the sofa, his face in his hands. "Is it beginning to hurt?" she asked in concern.

Jet nodded as she worked. After a few moments, Katara frowned, but Jet looked up, visibly relieved. "Thanks, Katara," he said with a smile. "That feels a lot better."

"I'm glad," she answered. "Now you go take it easy for a while, do you hear me?" she instructed firmly. "Nothing strenuous."

"Just dinner with everybody at my place," he promised. "I won't even laugh too hard at The Duke's jokes."

Katara agreed and Mai and Jet exited, both smiling. Once they'd departed, Katara looked at Aang. "He's not better," she said quietly. "I think I've helped him temporarily, but the pressure is just going to build again. That tissue is fragile enough right now that just a hard jolt will cause it to reopen. He won't have to take an actual blow to the head to do it."

She sat down on the edge of the sofa and looked up at her husband with desperation in her eyes. "I can't do any more than I already have," she added solemnly. "They're all looking to me for a miracle, Aang, and there isn't one. I can't fix it this time."

But to Katara's relief, Jet seemed to be doing well that evening when the group gathered for dinner. Mai made him sit quietly and talk to Sokka as she did all the greeting of guests.

A final knock signaled the arrival of the group from the city. They all greeted each other loudly as the group entered, Smellerbee and Eun Min bringing up the rear. Eun Min hung back quietly, very uneasy at the glamorous surroundings she found herself in.

"Eun Min!" came a call from across the room. She looked up to see the young man with the black sword—Jet.

"Do you guys know each other?" Smellerbee asked curiously.

Zuko stepped in quickly. The look on Eun Min's face had been one of terror, not joy at renewing an acquaintance. "Yes," he explained without giving Jet a chance, "we met downtown the other day. Eun Min gave us directions back to the center of the city." He gave her a polite bow. "Thank you again for your assistance. I guess you've found the friend you were looking for?"

Eun Min looked visibly relieved at Zuko's explanation of their acquaintance and replied, "Yes, Smellerbee has invited me to stay with her for a while."

"That's wonderful," Zuko stated. Then he turned to Toph and gave her a quick warning squeeze on the hand before saying, "Toph, this is the young lady I told you about that helped me and Jet find our way back to the city. Eun Min, this is my wife Toph."

"It's very nice to meet you," Eun Min said with a bow.

Toph returned the bow and the greeting, realizing that Zuko was covering up the fact that the young lady had been in a brothel when they found her. Despite Zuko's promise that he wouldn't tell a soul about their adventures, he hadn't managed to keep anything from Toph. She'd gotten the whole story out of him within minutes once they were home.

Jet crossed the room to greet her as well, also coming to the realization that Eun Min wanted her previous occupation to be kept secret. He gave her a bow and welcomed her. Whatever Katara had done to him that afternoon had helped clear his mind a little. He didn't feel quite as goofy any more.

But with that clarity came the realization that he'd told Mai he was a virgin. That was not information he'd really wanted to share. He was glad to know she took it so well. On the other hand, while he'd handled the news that she and Zuko had been intimate pretty well at the time, now that he was back to himself, he was having a retroactive fit of jealousy.

He couldn't help glaring at Zuko ever so often as the group moved to the dining room for dinner. But Zuko never treated Mai with anything other than casual friendship and his obvious attention to Toph soon satisfied Jet that anything between him and Mai was long over.

As dinner turned to dessert and to after dinner conversation, Jet kept Mai close to him anyway.

Whatever had been between them in the past, it was over now. It had better be.