"Of this alone, even God is deprived, the power of making things that are past never to have been."

Agathon

"Damon?" I said shocked that this was actually happening. His eyes met mine for the first time and I could see the hate he had for me all over his face.

"Come on, Rick. Let's go." He grabbed a hold of Alaric while not breaking eye contact with me once. He then turned around with Alaric following behind him.

"Damon, wait!" I called after and him and rushed through the Grill to catch up. There was so many things I wanted to tell him. I wanted to explain everything and I wanted him to explain things too. I wanted to understand and I wanted him to know how hurt I am and that was the only reason I did what I did.

Damon was out in the parking lot by the time I reached the door of the Grill and it seamed like he wouldn't stop for anything. "Please!" I didn't expect it to come out so desperate but that must have been what stopped Damon as he slowly turned around to look at me. "Just give me five minutes to explain. You owe me that."

"I don't owe you anything!"

"I take it you didn't tell him yet." Alaric said next to Damon and I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration.

"Not now Rick." I shot daggers at him and I think he got the gist and started walking back to Damon's car. Once we were alone I looked back to Damon to see him glaring at me in disgust.

"Damon, I was with the same guy for four years. I'm not good with relationships because I haven't had many. I went through some hard stuff in high school and I thought I had to grow up so fast. I thought I had to hang on to people because before you knew it they would be gone." I didn't know where to start off or what to say to him so I just said whatever came to mind in this moment. But I knew nothing I could say would make up for anything I did. "So that's what I did, I hung on to Matt and then he fell in love with someone else because me hanging on was suffocating. I felt like I wasn't good enough after that. The fear of losing the people I care about most, drives them away. It has been a pattern all my life."

"What high school thing could have happened to make this all acceptable to you?" It hurt for only a moment the way he was undermining my pain but I suddenly realized I had to tell him the truth for him to fully understand.

"My parents are dead Damon. They died when I was sixteen and their death really messed me up." The emotions were written all over his face as he went from shocked to pitying me and then stayed with anger.

"What didn't you tell me?" He whispered.

"Because it was easier to pretend that way."

"Why would you want to pretend with me?"

"I have so many flaws it's pathetic. And I understand if you never want to see me again. But you have to understand the reason I did what I did was because... I just wanted you to know the pain I felt when I saw you kiss Caroline." It was hard to get the words out and he just stared at me.

"You saw that?" He mumbled out and his eye contact faltered as he looked anywhere but at me. After a long moment of silence I heard him chuckle without any humor in his voice. "You know the funny thing is, I was trying to tell you."

"What?" I wasn't following along.

"That night, Katherine showed up to the party." My eyes widened in shock and I kept listening. "Somehow she heard of you and tried so hard to convince me of what kind of guy I really am. She was pretty convincing and basically I believed I would never make you happy. I told her to go to hell and leave but her words were stuck in my head. I talked to you and the only thing I could think of was how bad I would hurt you. The thought made me sick." I felt even more guilty as his words were like knives that kept reminding me that I made a mistake. "Then Caroline showed up and did some more convincing and for a moment I slipped up. I was confused and I kissed her back but then something came over me and I realized that I wasn't that guy anymore. I changed... for you." He frowned while looking at me again. "What a joke that was, huh?"

"I'm so sorry." I knew those words would never be enough. "I was so hurt when I saw that. I wanted to hurt you so bad." I felt the tears pour out and there was nothing I could do. "Just so you know, there is absolutely nothing going on between Stefan and I. I used him. I thought that would be the only way to hurt you."

"Figures." I heard him say under his breath.

"I have so many things to apologize for and I know you can never be able to forgive but one thing I really want you to know it\s, I'm sorry that the night I told you you could trust me, I ripped that trust right from you. I'll regret it forever." Even after I poured my heart out his glare still didn't falter. The hate was written all over his face but he just wouldn't say it. "Please say something." It felt like minutes of silence.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me you hate me. Tell me the sight of me disgusts you. Tell me everything you despise of me! Please! You hate me, just say it! You hate me!" I was screaming now on the brink of hysteria and all he did as I was screaming was move in closer and closer, forcing me to back up against the side of the Grill. "Say it Damon! Say what you have been wanting to the moment you saw me with your brother!"

"I hate... what you did." He said with a bitter strain on his voice. "I hate it so much." He pressed me against the wall and I couldn't even think straight.

"I hate me too." I whimpered out as I started to sob. Maybe I was imagining things but I thought for a second a moment of sympathy cross over his features. I pushed the thought away, it wouldn't be right for him to empathize my affliction.

"That's just the thing." He took a deep breath and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I can't." He whispered and it seemed that that frustrated him more then anything. "I try, but it's not in me."

"It should be. I'm a horrible person. Hate me, please. The one thing you should do is hate me." I wanted him to hate me so bad. I wanted to feel punished and that was the only fair way. I wanted to be hated. I deserved to be hated. Why couldn't he just do that? "Come on, you know you want to."

"Will you just shut up." He hissed.

"Not in till you just admit it that you ha-" I was suddenly cut off in the most surprising way ever. His lips were forced on mine and I could practically taste the aggravation and frustration coming from him. It was wrong to be passionate in a moment like this but I couldn't stop it. I have never had a kiss like this, one that was fueled by rage and was to shut me up.

"I'm so furious with you but that doesn't mean I hate you." He whispered then backed away and there was an eerie silence in the air.

"Elena?" I heard Jenna and I almost cursed under my breath.

"I'm coming. Meet me by my car!" I yelled over to the entrance of the Grill.

"Goodbye, Elena." Damon went to turn but I instantly tried to stop him.

"Wait." I gasped. How could he just leave after that? "Is there any way... that maybe one day you could forgive me?" All he did was turn in my direction for a second, meeting my gaze then turned back towards his car and kept walking.

AN: So I hope you liked it. Next chapter I think Damon will find out about the whole Caroline and Elena set up thing, which I'm excited for. I'll try to write it as soon as possible:)

Review!