Torn Away

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters, but I'll think of them every time I fall asleep… sigh…

Author's Note: Hey guys, what's happening? So thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, I must say that I was a little surprised at how dark that came out, but I do hope that you all liked it So I received an anonymous request to do a little more Kogan action, but this time with a little more hate in it. I don't know who you are, but this one is for you, so please sit back and enjoy!

Try as he might, Kendall couldn't help but throw a frosty smirk towards the brunette as he froze his body against the hotel room door. They had done this so many times before, but tonight would be different. Tonight would be the night that they finally parted ways after corrupting each other to the very brink of destruction, years of poisoning each other with sickened obsessions and whimsical jealousies would be extinguished in this one last tryst. After this, there would be nothing – no ashes to remind them of what was, no mementos to tempt them back into this void of a relationship. This was born out desire, fuelled by a passion that possessed them until they could feel nothing else. There was no room for emotion here, except the heady tang of hate that flickered brightly in what was left of them after all this time of walking in the darkness. The time had come to say goodbye once and for all. He just didn't know how to do it.

"One last night for old time's sake Logan?" asked the blonde quietly, politely withdrawing his grin back into neutrality. He cocked his head inquiringly at the brunette, the haunting green of his eyes sweeping across the body he once called his own. "I didn't think someone so innocent like you would do something like this, especially not the night before his wedding."

"You and I are as far from innocent as possible" said Logan flatly, working his nimble fingers down the buttons of his shirt. As the last hold of fabric gave way, he shed the sweeping white cloth to floor, gazing intensely at the blonde in spite of his vulnerability. "The difference is I have the guts to admit it."

"So does that mean you told Camille about us?"

"Every single, horrible detail" muttered Logan, whipping off his belt with admirable dexterity. Kendall left his sanctuary at the door and walked over to the brunette, carefully reaching out to caress the silken skin before him. He could feel the electricity spark vivaciously through his being as his fingertips barely brushed across the smaller man's neck, tracing a yearning path down to his collar bone before falling off completely. "Doesn't say much about her if she's still willing to go through with this" he whispered softly, his eyes ablaze with depthless want in the dimmed light of the room. Logan frowned bemusedly. "What does that mean?"

"I'm just saying that she'll probably be looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life, wondering what other man her husband is fucking around with. Then again that might all be redundant since you're not going to go through with this anyways."

"You never could read me properly" replied Logan smoothly, absentmindedly toying with the buckle of his pants. Instantly he felt the blonde's hands replace his own, rendering him completely naked in a single, impatient tug. His ears picked up on the soft rumple of pants and boxers falling, but his eyes remained focused on the green daggers staring expectantly back at him. "I love her, and that's a lot more than what I felt for you."

"Felt? You're using past tense already?" Logan shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, taking grim satisfaction at the growl in the taller man's voice. "It's only a matter of time before I never have to see your face again. Why not use it?" The blonde slowly leaned forward, dragging his lips across the brunette's jaw line before they took a playful nip at his ear. His hands traversed around the smaller man's waist, pulling his naked form closer to his own body. The warmth of the milky skin set his own on fire, surrendering to the primal need pounding relentlessly in his blood. "Doesn't your heart beat a little faster when I do this?"

"Not anymore."

"Do you want me?"

"Not like I used to." The blonde traced the faint figure of a heart against Logan's back, smiling slightly as he felt a small shudder pass through the smaller man's body. "Do you love me Logan?"

"I never did. And I never will." Logan lifted his head and tenderly collided his lips with the blonde's, running his velvet tongue skillfully across the bee-stung lips, gaining access almost immediately to the moist cavern he craved so desperately. His hands teased the sides of the taller man's body, sparking off blushes of lust upon the firm torso standing against him. He knew this game too well, but it never did get old – and that was the more dangerous than anything Kendall could ever do. The real threat lay in how addicted this twisted sexual chess could get, and Logan feared that if he didn't end it now, he may never leave. Camille was more than a lover; she was a way out of this hedonistic hell. He should have felt a little more shameful than he did about using her to forget about this chaos of bodies, but she did offer a chance to escape into a less alluring, but far safer future: one that didn't paint the man whom had taken over his life so willingly.

"Does she know what you're up to right now?" murmured Kendall, writhing his body out from his T-shirt. He made quick work of disposing of his jeans and underwear before returning the brunette right back to where he was. Logan slowly closed his eyes and pulled his tormentor to the yield of the bed, feeling the blonde's hands explore his body as if they touched him for the first time. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does. If she knows, she'll be the one who'll call this thing off. If you didn't tell her, your conscience won't allow you to set foot in that church tomorrow afternoon, let alone promise to be hers." He let out an icy laugh before briefly slipping his tongue into the smaller man's mouth. "Either way, I win."

"You lost the day I stopped caring Kendall" hissed the brunette, feeling the blonde's steeled erection grind into his. He twisted his head into the side, feeling Kendall's teeth sink into his neck a second later, making one last mark before they walked away from this. Their bodies were nothing but toys in all of this, weapons to be used against the other. "This means absolutely nothing, just like you."

"Then why am I here? Why did you call me?" snarled the blonde, flicking his hips profligately into the brunette's groin. Logan turned his head back to him; his eyes narrowing to glittering slits as they watched the taller man silently beg him for an answer. He owed him this much at least. "This is my last gift to you."

"I don't need your fucking sympathy!"

"Sure you don't. After this, you'll be onto the next person, just waiting to destroy their lives."

"You are not innocent in this! Everything I did to you, every fucked up mistake I ever made was because of what you did to me!"

"Yes it was" said Logan hoarsely, cupping his palm against the taller man's neck. His wrath was tangible now, but it was too late to slip back into the mess. "And that's why we have to stop."

"Can you honestly do this?" asked the blonde, lowering his head to press his forehead against the brunette's. "You're just going to move on and leave me to pick up the pieces?"

"No. After tomorrow, we'll both be free." Logan lifted his head slightly and tasted the sweet tang of regret against the blonde's lips. "And that is worth any price."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Yeah, thanks Mom. Tell her I love her too." Logan took one final glance in the mirror before turning around, silently mortified at the utter devastation sprawled across the bed. "I'll call you later. Bye."

"You make it sound so convincing" whispered Kendall softly, averting his eyes to the ceiling. "Either you're a brilliant actor-"

"Or I really do love her" said Logan quietly, carefully sitting his phone back down on the nightstand beside the bed. The tuxedo suffocated him, but he regarded it as a uniform of his freedom. Mere hours stood before this chapter could finally come to its catastrophic end, poison fermenting in years of hatred would soon fade away to offer him up to a blank canvas. "Remember what you said the first time we did this?"

"This isn't love" said the taller man, a small grin playing across his lips. "This is something we do to tolerate each other's existence."

"And I'm pretty sure if the tables were turned, you'd be rubbing this in my face."

"You're doing a pretty good job of it. It's just a more dignified version of what I expected." Logan exhaled deeply. "Look at me."

"No."

"Look at me." As if by magic, the blonde turned his head, facing the brunette with an unspeakable hurt. Logan's eyes stayed strong, unwavering in the melancholic mask. "Why is it so hard for you to move on?"

"Because I don't know that I can" said Kendall simply, feeling his voice crack painfully. This shouldn't have been hard at all; this should have been the easiest thing in the world to do. He should be grateful for the chance to move on from the edge of this chasm, but the brunette's unabashed magnetism was too powerful to resist. "Ever since we met, I've lived my life in terms of you. My hate, my fixation, everything comes back to you." Logan took a step closer to the bed, covering the blonde's hand with his own. "And now?"

"Don't do that, don't make me say it." Kendall let out a weary breath. "I broke the rules, didn't I?"

"Yes. But they were just our rules. It's not how the world really works. We were idiots to think it would be so easy."

"If you do this, I'm stuck here" whispered the blonde. "I don't know where to go."

"Anywhere you want to. Just not with me." Logan leaned forward and pressed his lips against the taller man's forehead. He didn't know if this was strong enough to forget, or if he even wanted to yet. The world out there was calling, but inside he couldn't help but feel a small wound open up somewhere across his heart, bleeding out the feelings he was supposed to have had all this time. This wasn't so much a goodbye as it was a death for the two of them. Finally, their sick little world had come to its inevitable destruction, dragging a little of them both down with it. They may pretend to forget it ever happened in the first place, but the scars would always herald them back to a time where passion ripped through them to consume them in its burning grasp, and remind them that it would never happen again. "I hate you too."

So what did you guys think? Leave a review and let me know Till next time!