Immortality

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters… hey, is someone keeping count of how many times I say this?

Author's Note: Hey guys, what's up? I hope you all have been well. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter as well as added it to their favorites; you know how much I love you all and think you guys are awesome! I honestly don't know what I would do if I had never found this site… hey Knightales, what would we do if we never found this site? Anyways, this is the next chapter, please enjoy and let me know what you thought!

Just because I'm here right now doesn't mean I'm alive… in the same sense, it doesn't mean that I'm a part of their story, or anyone else's for that matter. I've transcended beyond the simple terms of life and death. Admittedly, it's not something I want to do for the rest of eternity, but I've made my peace with it by finding these small consolation prizes. It's not that I'm being condescending about the entire situation: they're such exquisite creatures, so beautifully caught up in their own little naïve worlds that they blind themselves to how small they actually are. It never ceases to amaze me that I've been at this ever since time began, and never have I ever seen a race so colorfully rendered in all the lovely hues of emotion quite like this particular species. I've presided over the births of galaxies and nursed them until their last dying breaths, but they don't even come close to the intoxicating addiction of a human life. So wonderfully oblivious to the real truths of the universe, so marvelously offbeat with their so called sciences – they think they can unravel the secrets of creation with mere persistence, and yet they don't know that it's the small things that makes immortals like me treasure them so much. It's the beginning of a smile or the trickle of a forlorn tear and everything in between that makes me an avid watcher over them… waiting for their tales to finally end, but they never truly do. Magnificent crescendos of feelings like those, they last forever, even when there's no one to remember them for they are destined to be reborn in another time… the same fantastic scene, just with different people. In this respect, I can never touch them. My job is only to usher them without leaving a mark on this world, softly stealing away their sense of time to the next plane of existence. I can only hang my head in shame to their timelessness, and pray they know that I am the ultimate truth.

I watched the brunette man press his forehead to the window solemnly, seeing the clinical cocoa hollow of his eyes follow the myriad of raindrops gently slip themselves off the glass down into the city below. His face doesn't allow an inch of emotion to wander across it, firmly keeping his skin into a neutrally taut mask. His left hand hung loosely at his side while his right tenderly pressed itself up against the sheet of coolness, his fingers tracing random cascades with the utmost attention. He's broken in the most striking of ways, his melancholy painted across his soul with powerfully blackened streaks. There's a delicious hint of guilt inside him somewhere, sparkling inside of him like the air he breathed. Every action of his, even the tiniest of movements, speaks of eons of heartache inherited from generations before. He's not the first to walk through this maddeningly miasma of feelings, and he certainly won't be the last. In the ten thousand years or so that I've watched over human, I've had to master the art of peering into their souls, trying to see the vast mysteries of the cosmos through their lavishly restricted sight. It's not as easy as one might think, considering these pets don't come with a 'how to' manual, but it makes my occupation that much more precious, elevating my status to a keeper of their memories and secrets they could never bear to tell. My current obsession didn't know it yet, but there's a reason I'm watching him so intently right now: none of the lives I'd seen play out before had touched me quite like this. His story coerced me to invisibly entangle myself, to leave my lofty perch of indifference and watch every single day of his life screamingly give into the next one. He knows his days are numbered, and on the last one, I'll have the delightful privilege to personally thank him for being the one person on Earth that has thoroughly bewitched Death himself.

"Logan?" My head turns at the same as the brunette's to see a tall blonde stand at the other end of the room, his emerald eyes hauntingly staring at the smaller man with all the dripping concern they could muster. His feet took quick strides across the floor, walking right through me to reach the other man, his lithe body flexing his worry with every step. Logan turned his eyes back to the rain, watching the heavenly tears fall from their thrones in the velvety darkness of the clouds. "Go back to bed Kendall" he said softly, his voice just a tired whisper of what it should have been. The blonde leant down to affectionately press his forehead against the nape of the smaller man's neck, his hands tenderly wrapping themselves across the waist in front of him. "Come back."

"I can't sleep." Kendall chuckled quietly, his lips dragging themselves across the silken milky-clad skin, his mere touch enough to induce a pleasurable earthquake down the brunette's body. I cocked my head curiously as I moved forward to get a closer look, fascinated by these two creatures. I never quite understood the concept of love, in any of it forms. To me, it seemed like such a flaw in the grand design of things – an emotional bond that bound beings to others or objects. Why was it necessary for people to find another when the basic instinct of survival dictates that you look out for yourself first and foremost? From what I had gathered, this abstract ideal of emotional nirvana drove every single action on earth. Lust, war, greed, kindness, virtue – I had counted them all through the centuries, and it all came down to singularity that was younger than time, but could be every bit as ruthless. It rendered even the coldest of hearts naked, breathless in their want for more. Yes, it stood alongside me as an equal: love and I were the king breakers of the universe, seeing neither status nor heart, but afflicted upon all just the same.

"You know that's not what I meant" murmured the blonde, pulling my attention away from the one mystery I couldn't solve. His grip grew slightly tighter around Logan's hips, pulling the brunette closer to his body. The smaller man turned his head away, his face breaking briefly in the pangs of shame. My lips parted bemusedly, sinking in every detail of the two lovers. "Let go of me" pleaded the brunette flatly, his head pressing forward against the window. Kendall drew his head back, but his hold remained as steadfast as ever. "Tough luck."

"You're a fucking asshole." The blonde hardly flinched at the curse, instead opting to arch his brow with mild surprise. His bee-stung lips thinned out, his fingers carving themselves lightly against the patch of bare skin against the smaller man's hips. "Talk to me baby boy."

"There's nothing to talk to about."

"Logan-"

"No, don't 'Logan' me Kendall. You know damn why I can't sleep, and yet you're still asking the same stupid question for the past week!" Logan shook his head willfully; bringing his own hands down to the blonde's to break his loving prison as he turned around to the soft imploring of the emerald gaze in front of him. "How can you pretend that nothing happened?"

"I told you already, it's not the end of the world."

"I cheated on you" said Logan plainly, his voice clipped of any feeling whatsoever. I looked on passionately, entranced by every word exchanged. It was ridiculously easy to get involved in mini dramas such as these – the hard part was disengaging from it all. "I slept with another man because things got too difficult between us and now I'm HIV positive. How can you accept that?"

"How many times do I have to tell you I forgive you?" said the blonde, leaning forward for a kiss. The brunette lifted his hand to push back Kendall's face, his expression reverting back to its uniform blankness. "Forgiveness is something you do when you dent a car, not something like this. And tomorrow..." He exhaled a small cloud of air. "It feels like you're pretending this isn't affecting us."

"You don't want tomorrow to happen?"

"A baby doesn't fix what happened between us." Logan dropped his gaze to the floor, pressing the top of his head into the taller man's torso. I let out a sympathetic sigh that could only reach my ears as I circled around the two of them, wondering if I could ever detach from this… or I ever wanted to. Like glass, they shone together in the vague flashes of city light, their flaws bared for me to see. I shook my head smilingly, posting my hands behind my back. So this was love.

"You're right, it doesn't change anything" said the blonde quietly, pulling his partner into his embrace. "But if we stay here in this dark place, nothing good's going to come out of it. You know that, right?"

"Yeah" whispered Logan thickly. It didn't take God to see that he wanted to break down, but his grief was too heavy for simple tears to contain. "I'm so sorry Kendall. If I could-"

"I love you babe. That's all that matters." The taller man pulled Logan closer to him, impressing his lips against the brunette's forehead, reminding me over and over again that in an entire universe full of planets, I had cherished this against my better judgment. "That's all we need to know."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

Hospitals, I had found, were inexplicably mundane places; I could never quite put my finger on it. Although this was more of an elite clinic based on the tiny cluster of people sitting in the foyer, the same opinion still applied. I guess it had something to do with the fact that most of my business was conducted around here, so I naturally yearned for something a little more beyond the cold scope of flatlining and blood spillage. Being around forever, I couldn't allow myself to get bored with my designated task – who would take over if I suddenly wanted a vacation out of the blue? Who would be there at that crucial pulse in time to welcome someone into the next big adventure awaiting them, assuring them that everything would be alright? Yes, it can be an extremely thankless job. People can never see me until they need to, but I'm feared on every step of land and sea that I set across. I'm made to be something to be feared, when really there is nothing more beautiful than the sweet embrace of death. Besides, I always do my best to be polite: after all, leaving behind the existence you've led for so long to chart off into the very heart and enigma of creation can seem a bit daunting. I always find the 'screamers', the ones who cling on to the very edge of life without any intention of letting go. They're unnecessarily stubborn, so I have to be a bit more… I suppose persuasive would be a good word to use here. Still, I love them all. I've quickly came to learn that there's not much else I can do when it comes right down to them.

"So we're just waiting for a room to be sterilized and free" said the cheerful redhead, taking in the near petrified faces of my favorite couple. "And not to worry, there is a huge range of material to choose from once you're back there!"

"Yeah, thanks" said Kendall uncertainly, playing a weak smile on his lips. I grinned to myself as I walked around their seats, watching the jovial nurse head back to the behind the reception counter. My head turned to face the couple again, taking a slightly sadistic pleasure out of their awkwardness. I must admit that I've never seen why sexuality was covered underneath the strict glare of human society. There's never been anything taboo about it; just the fragile, ravishing extension of what already lay in the heart. Good on that nurse for saying that they have a huge stash of porn to be enjoyed!

"I wonder what she meant by 'huge range'" said the blonde faintly, a mild pink tinge creeping up the hollow of his cheeks. He turned to his partner, but the brunette stared out resolutely ahead, his eyes boring into the empty hollow of nothingness. Sighing wearily to himself, Kendall reached over and adoringly intertwined his fingers against the smaller man's, feeling Logan's hand grow limp in his hand. "Could you at least try to be happy?"

"What for?" asked the brunette slowly, wearily cocking his head to the side. "The fact that they probably have every single porn title back there? Do me a favor, don't choose anything with a threesome in it."

"Logan, I'm begging you, please. For God's sake, don't ruin this for us."

"Us? You really think this has something to do with only us?" asked the smaller man incredulously, pulling his fingers away to his own vicinity. He fixed his line of sight onto the blonde, his eyes forming perfect orbits of mahogany. "We're about to bring a kid into the world as a band-aid for what's wrong between us."

"There's nothing wrong with us."

"Yeah, you're right Kendall; we make the perfect fucking couple. Tell me again, why can't we have sex like we used to?" The taller man didn't let a word escape his mouth, preferring instead to grit his teeth at his partner's nodding head. I could see his eyes ablaze with green passion, a wrath he was trying so desperately to kill. Why would he do all of this when the one person he treasured seemed so very against it?

My eyes flew onto Logan stamping himself up out of his seat, rounding on the blonde with that same expression. "You were right last night" he whispered venomously, his voice firing up Kendall's green stare even more. "I don't what today to happen, not when there are a million goddamn things lying between us that we're just too scared to say."

"Logan-"

"Don't bother. It's too late now."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"What the hell is the matter with you?" growled Kendall irately, causing the air to shudder with a loud slam of the door behind him. I had followed the two of them back to the apartment, having a peculiar sense of déjà vu. The two of them had resumed the exact same positions last night, except this time with an inferno blazing between them. My head swiveled equally between them, carefully taking in the barely restrained anger smarting across their expressions. This was the other side of love; the dark storm that drove saccharine affection into fatal obsessions. I had seen this too in my time, reaping the souls of the countless lovers who fallen in the name of someone else, all because they believed that they could transcend beyond anything. Admirable, but very, VERY wrong. Even if I didn't want to admit it, no one could escape once their time had come.

"Do you want us to be unhappy?" asked the blonde furiously, the snarl in his voice snapping through the atmosphere. He powered his way over to the window, blatantly revealing his rage for the first time to the brunette. His hands curled up into shaking fists, taken up the sear of his madness. "You want me to get pissed, you got it, BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING A FUCKING GOOD JOB OF GETTING ME THERE RIGHT ABOUT NOW!"

"Why can't you understand anything that's happening?" shouted Logan, matching the taller man's menace with every bit of anger he could muster. "You want to know why I can't do this? It's because of you! You're what's wrong with me, and this fucked up mess we're in!" The brunette quivered on his last sentence, his voice growing thicker with sadness. I looked into his eyes, finally noticing the tears that he had waited so long to come. How beautiful they were, framed by the warmth of cocoa, enough to temporarily quell his lover into silence. It amazed me how betraying emotions could be, always twisting and turning into new directions. Finally, one half of this set stone had broken down completely, waiting to be reborn… waiting for the venture that would birth him into eternity.

"When I told you about what I had done, you didn't say anything" said the brunette, two identical trails of tears now blazing down his cheek. "You didn't do anything, you just said that we'd get through this together. How can you forgive me after what I've done to you?"

"Haven't I told you before?" said Kendall quietly, the wrath slowly evaporating from his body. His arms instantly pulled the smaller man towards him, feeling his body grow rigid at his touch. Ever persistent, he hurled Logan against him, feeling the brunette slam into his chest, gradually giving into his hug. "I love you baby boy, more than anything. Why do you think I want us to do this?"

"I can't Kendall" murmured Logan softly. He softly turned his face into the blonde's torso, trembling against the force of his sobs. He didn't need to say why – starting a family would remind him each and every day of how strong Kendall was to forgive his mistake, and how weak he was to have made it in the first place. In the face of so much courage, how could he not cower away into his insecurity?

"Babe, do you ever think that I want us to start this whole new life because I love you?" asked the taller man, pressing his lips against the top of the brunette's locks. "Look, I don't care about what happened."

"I do. How do we explain to our kid that one of their dads was enough of a dumb fuck to go and get-"

"Don't. Don't you dare say it, because you can live just as long as I can. And you will."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" asked Logan, pulling his head back to face the blonde, his face set into a bemused vacancy. Kendall curled his lips into a half smile, wiping away the brunette's tears with his thumb. "You love me, exactly how I love you, and there's not a person in this world that's going to change it."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Babe I'm sorry, but parking was a nightmare. Yeah, I see you." The blonde waved over at his beloved from across the street as he smilingly cut the call and placed his phone into his back pocket. I couldn't help but give a content smirk to him, knowing full well he couldn't see me. I had decided that this morning would be my last watching over Kendall and Logan. They were back at the clinic, back at the point that would grant them their happy ending; and I have to admit I was glad that they found it. As much as I was fascinated by the ups and downs that defined them, it didn't feel right to intrude on something so personal. It would be a while before the next time I was lucky enough to bring myself to see them, or if I even wanted to see them torn away from the life they would create. They would soon start a family, something that would ensure their passage out into the light of happiness, far away from the past. Logan was wrong: this wasn't something that was born out of pretense, this was something that would cement them together for the rest of their lives. Out of an entire universe, I found myself such a slave to these two; the epitome of every facet of love I had learned about. "Good luck" I heard myself murmur silently, to an audience who was already making his way across his street to his destiny.

I turned around to move away, but a haze of white light blocked my path, the pure aurora stealing away my sight. My eyes adjusted to the sudden grow and death of the glow as it began to take a solid form. A second later, an incandescent Kendall stood before me, his face quivering in arrows of shock. The once intense sea of green in his eyes had mellowed out with trauma, watching me cautiously as I arched my brow in surprise. Turning around, I finally made sense of it all – there in the middle of the street, amongst the steadily growing crowd lay rivulets of glistening ruby, steadily clotting its way around the tires of the silver Toyota. Logan shielded the source of crimson from view, his body heaving and collapsing as it gave way to an entire new world of sorrow, where the blackest of hells awaited him. There would be no true escape from this, not when a world promised him bliss and instead gifted him with this burden.

"What the hell is going on?" asked the blonde breathlessly, his eyes growing ever wider at the scene in front of us. He ran out before me, but I latched onto his shoulder, freezing him where he stood. "He won't be able to see or hear you" I said quietly, feeling him fidget uncontrollably in my grasp. "No one will."

"No, no, this… this isn't happening! That's not me over there!"

"I'm sorry."

"Fuck this. Logan! LOGAN!" The blonde finally wrung his shoulder out of my grasp and ran over to the crowd, his glowing body passing through the hordes of concerned bystanders to make his way to the man with whom his world began and ended. I followed in tow, running after him through the crowd, eventually finding him staring blankly over his grieving partner. Logan had been utterly possessed by his grief, pressing his forehead to the still warm body he held onto so tightly, incapable of speaking in anything but the cries that expelled themselves out from his chest. "We were supposed to start a family" whispered Kendall blankly, his voice barely registering to me above the insidious din of the crowd. "How… how-"

"Not even I can answer that." I placed my hand on his shoulder once more, this time with comforting reassurance instead of authority. "I'm sorry."

"How's he supposed to go on?" gasped the blonde, moving his eyes onto mine with the full extent of glimmering emerald. I shook my head. "He might never."

"And that's supposed to comfort me?"

"That's all I can give you for now." The blonde turned his head back onto his lover, his face flickering between a blank mask and contortions of misery. "He needs to know I love him. I need to tell him that much at least."

"You can't" I replied softly, shaking my head once more. "But he'll know. He'll always know, no matter how much pain he suffers through."

"How do you know?"

"Because love like the kind you had is immortal. It will never die out, even as time marches ahead." For the first time, I felt a twinge where my own heart should be, a cry of sympathy from the Grim Reaper himself to a story that ended far too soon. This wasn't fair by any standards, but no one could outlast what was meant to be, and for all my worth, I was powerless to stop it. "Of this much I am sure Kendall. Your story will be forever."

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