Some Kind of Fix
Word Count: 1,810
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Linden/Holder
Spoilers: up to 1x13, just to be safe.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I just break things.
Summary: He wants a fix. She's got somewhere to be. Neither of them expected this.
Author's Note: Short, but the chapter needed to be... there, I guess. Everything else would have been too soon.

Some Kind of Mistake

Holder really didn't know what possessed him to do it. Maybe it was the day he'd had. Maybe it was all this close quarter time with Linden. They were shacked up like a couple of newlyweds, and that had its advantages and disadvantages. Then there was his sister. She'd shown up, given him yet another second chance, and he was lucky. Maybe he was feeling that a bit too much. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why he did it. He was lying there, Linden in his arms, ready to doze off, when he looked over at her and said, "Fuck it, Linden, marry me, not Sonoma."

She turned to him, wide awake, even though they had both been almost out. She looked pretty pissed. "What the hell are you saying, Holder?"

What was he saying? He didn't know. He really didn't.

No, he did.

A part of him wanted to play it off, to make it a big joke. That was probably the best thing. She'd be okay with that. She would do anything to go back to the way it was, to forget what he had just said, wouldn't she? She didn't want commitment. She'd proved that already. More than once. Holder had known that was what she'd do before he ever started down this road with her. He didn't know why he didn't take it back. He should. If he wanted to keep her, he should take it back. He did want to keep her, so why the hell didn't he just take it back?

"You know what I'm saying. You're not expecting it, and you think I'm kidding, but you know what? This works. It fucking works, and you don't even want Sonoma anymore. Maybe all you ever wanted was the idea of him. You didn't want that life, just thought you did."

"What?" she demanded, and he sat up to look at her face. "We are not having this conversation. I am not marrying you. As good as the sex is, as nice as the past few days have been, it would never work. This was just sex for you, remember?"

"No, it isn't," he insisted. "If it was just about sex, we would have been over and done after the first time. If not the first, then the second. We would not be here, now, and we would not be talking like this. Look, even you know that your son gets along better with me than any other man in his life except maybe his father, and I'd argue that he's just trying to like his father because he should like is father. Me he didn't have to like, but he does. I know you. I don't want to change you. You're fine the way you are, PMS and all."

She shook her head, getting out of the bed. She went for her clothes, and he cursed as he got up. He took a brief look at his clothes, debating trying to put them on for a very brief moment before he went over to try and stop her. He reached out to touch her arms. She glared down at him, but he didn't care. He had to try something. Anything. He didn't know how he'd talk her out of going, and he didn't know what he would do if she did.

"Don't do this, Linden. Don't run. You need to face something in your life that isn't a murder case. You know how to help the dead, right? Why can't you ever help yourself?"

"Screw you, Holder. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what you're saying, and you sure as hell don't know me," she snapped, hitting him hard in the gut. He doubled over and nearly collapsed, unable to catch his breath.

She hesitated for a second, then forced herself out the door. He watched her go, hand wrapped around his stomach. That had gone probably as good as it could have. And that sucked. It sucked a lot.

He pulled himself up and sat down on the bed. He could run down, try and stop her. He knew that. He didn't want to let her go, but he didn't really think that he could make her stay, not for a minute. Linden wasn't someone you could force. That was clear. Had always been clear.

He laid back on the bed, cursing loudly. Why the fuck hadn't he kept his mouth shut? Why didn't he just accept what he had? It wasn't bad. It was good. It was working. She would have been won over eventually. Slowly. It might have taken months, but he would have done it. He knew that. He knew that he could. It was a good plan—and he didn't make many good plans.

He sighed. This was stupid. Crazy. And now he'd fucked everything up. He knew it. He knew it before he said it. He grabbed one of the pillows and threw it at the wall. The soft thud didn't have the impact he wanted, so he grabbed the lamp instead. The shade crumpled unevenly, and the glass bulb shattered. There. That was better.

He shook his head. "Fuck. What am I going to do now?"

Linden groaned as she leaned against the wall. She shouldn't be here. She should have left. She knew that. She should have gone far away from here. She wanted to run, run and just keep running. She could not to back to that apartment, back to Holder.

She hadn't actually made it that far. She didn't have anywhere to go. She still hadn't fixed things with Reggie, had no place of her own, had nothing of her own, really. She was just... here. She saw Holder leave his apartment building, and she thought about talking to him, but she didn't know what to say. She couldn't marry him. That was out of the question.

She saw him looking around, probably for her, and she shook her head, hating this. He lit up a cigarette that she could see in the darkness. She had to fight the urge to go to him. She didn't understand that. Running made sense. She could run. She would do a lot of running.

This... staying... This wasn't her. She should not be here. She should be somewhere else. She was not going to say yes—not that Holder really meant that stupid thing he'd said—and there was no reason for her to stick around.

She felt her own fingers twitching. She wanted a cigarette. She should never have slipped up, should never have had anything earlier, no matter what conversation Holder was having with his sister. She knew better. She knew.

She looked back at Holder again. Wait a minute. What was this? Was that Jack?

She moved closer, frowning as she saw Jack throw himself at Holder. Holder ditched the cigarette and held onto him. What was this? She didn't know what was going on. She had to get closer. She tried to keep herself out of sight until she had a better idea what was going on. She stopped when she was close enough to hear.

"Okay, okay, little Linden, you gotta tell me what's going on here," Holder began, standing Jack up straight for a moment and studying him. "What's the dealio? What are you doing here? What's with the tears?"

"It's my dad. He didn't—he thought I couldn't hear him, and he was on the phone. He told them—he has a whole other family, and he never said anything. He didn't say anything to me," Jack said, holding onto Holder again. "He didn't need me. He doesn't even want me. I don't know why he's here. He doesn't care. He doesn't want to take me back. He doesn't want to make me a part of his new family. He hates my mom."

"I think you're overreacting a little there," Holder said. "So he has another family. So you got half-siblings out there. That happens. You can know them or not. Your dad shacks up with a woman who is not your mom. Happens a lot."

"It's not that! I heard him say he was almost done with what he was taking care of here. That it wasn't going to cost him anything."

"Kid, those words might not mean exactly what you think they do. Look, he might be close to leaving and going back, that's true. And spending time with you hasn't cost him money, has it?"

"No! He doesn't want to pay for me. No child support. I'm not an idiot, Holder."

"Really? 'Cause it seems to me you're talking like one. Jumping to conclusions and shit," Holder told him. He touched Jack's shoulder, making firm eye contact. She was surprised to see him doing this. She knew that he was no fan of Jack's father. He wanted Jack to learn his father was a jerk, didn't he? Why did would Holder defend him? "You don't know that it was like that. You know there are other reasons for saying that stuff."

"He didn't want me. He left. He never paid my mom anything. I was dumb. Why did I call him? Why did I get him to come? I thought he'd keep us from having to go to Sonoma, but he didn't. He can't. You... You did, didn't you?"

"That wasn't me. That was your mom. Whether she admits it or not, she didn't want to go there," Holder corrected. "Come on, let's take this inside. You can sleep on my couch and in the morning things'll seem different."

"Where's my mom?" Jack asked. Linden almost came out of where she was listening, but she wanted to hear Holder's answer first.

"I pissed her off. She'll come looking for you, though," Holder said. He shrugged. "Don't sweat it. Really. It's between me and her, and we'll sort it out. She needs some time. You need to sleep. All this will look different in the morning."

"Why are you being so nice to me? Is it because of my mom?"

"I like your mom, yeah. Like her a lot. You're separate, though. Not the same. Not a package deal, even if other people try and make it that way. You're connected, no denying that. But you ain't her and she ain't you and you can't judge either of you based on the other."

"So... you like me, too?"

"You and me, kid? We both like Funyuns. It's a bond."

Jack laughed, and Holder pushed him inside the door. Linden watched it close and tried to figure out what the hell she was going to do now.