Part 2

Spock and I have been together for four years now. Today, he is arriving home from a training mission. He sent a message to me asking that I don't bring Ben to welcome him home. Ben was alright with this, as he was going to be at a classmate's birthday party. I stand waiting for my husband. I'm used to this. I wait in the back of the room. Spock will likely spend moments with different cadets; possibly even meet their parents. I will wait because being in the same room with him is enough. He has kept his shield in our bond up. It confuses me a bit, as I haven't heard of anything abnormal happening on this mission, but he often blocks me when he's on duty. It doesn't normally bother me. He is working and focused, as am I.

Spock steps into the room and, unlike the other times, he makes a beeline for me. "My wife, come with me."

I reach for his hand, which he pulls away before I can touch it, but I follow him back to the Enterprise and to the sickbay. He stops at the door. "Christine, we were on Hellguard and I found something. I wish for your opinion on what to do." We enter the sickbay, and on one of the beds there is a girl, maybe 10 years old. She has brown hair that has been brushed; but it clearly hasn't received regular care in a very long time… possibly never.

I cannot miss her pointed ears or her skin tone. "This girl, this Vulcan; Spock, I don't understand."

"She is an orphan, and half Vulcan," he says.

I now understand; he has found someone like himself.

"Half Romulan," he finishes. "I could not leave her there."

"How old is she?" I ask as he reaches for my hand.

*She is 10.23 years of age.* He is communicating to me through our bond.

*A year older than Anna would have been.*

*What should we do with her? Take her to Vulcan?*

I look at this girl. I know how Spock was bullied by the other Vulcan children. *What is her name?*

*Saavik.*

I walk over to her. "Saavik? Do you understand me?" I ask the girl.

She turns and looks at me, then at Spock. "She is human," she says to him in Vulcan. I can't speak the language, but I have learned to understand enough of it.

"She is, Saavik. She is indeed." he says kindly to her, in standard.

I smile at her. "Saavik, would you come home with us?"

She again looks at Spock, surprised. "Why?"

*Christine, are you sure?*

*Vulcan isn't the place for her, at least not yet.* I already know what this child needs. I reply, "Because you need someone to care for you."

That night at the dinner table, I watch Saavik sneaking food into her napkin. My heart breaks for her. I pretend I don't see it, but I know that food insecurity is very common in situations like hers. Later, I assure her that she's welcome to any food in the house. Spock explained to me that night that Saavik has not been trained in the discipline of logic, but is emulating behaviour she has seen from Spock.

Later in our room, Spock says to me, "Christine, are you positive about this?"

I look at him "Spock, what kindness has she known? She could be like Anna might have been."

"I do not wish to bring up bad memories for you," he tells me.

I can't even explain it to myself, but as much as Saavik needs people to care… to even give a damn about her, I need to do this! I shake my head. "She can't possibly be ready to deal with the Vulcan children. We can give her a stable base and can get her where she needs to be. She needs love, safety, and she needs to come to understand that she doesn't need to steal food! Our lives give us a unique understanding of her. She was abandoned there, but what was her life like before they left? Does she even recall?"

Saavik stays with us until she is 16, then she goes to Vulcan to the Science Academy. Three years later, she enters StarFleet. Ben is happy his 'sister' has returned home.

Ben has his arm around me as Spock and Saavik leave us on her training mission. He's a reserved young man. He wants to become a surgeon like my father and me. Ben can behave like a Vulcan, but he is far more human.

Sarek and Amanda are over for the evening meal. When my doorbell rings. I leave the three at the table and go to answer it. I open the door to two StarFleet officers in dress uniform. I feel my stomach drop. It could be my dad, Spock, or Saavik. I think it must be my father, as I would expect to feel something if it was Spock, or even Saavik. Spock would have opened our bond to tell me if Saavik had been killed.

"Commander Chapel? It is my sad duty to inform you that Captain Spock…" the Chaplain starts.

I hear myself cry out in instant grief.

The Chaplain is still talking, but I don't register his words. As I am searching my mind for Spock in our bond, Sarek comes over and gently pushes me to Ben. He finishes talking to the officers and then closes the door.

"Sarek?" Amanda asks.

We sit together for hours, waiting to hear from anyone. We only know Spock is dead and that he was a hero. Finally, around two in the morning, the com link goes off. Sarek goes to answer it. "Secure message coming in from USS Enterprise," comes an announcement.

Saavik appears on the call. She looks as if she's barely holding herself together. "Sarek," she greets.

"Saavik."

"Is Christine with you?"

He nods, not trusting his voice. I put myself in her view. "Saavik, what happened?"

"Christine, I grieve with thee. I would have called sooner, but we weren't allowed to." I see her swallow.

"How?" is all I can ask.

"He saved the ship. We all would have died," she whispers. "I can't say any more, as per regulations."

"You're coming home, right?" I ask hopefully.

"I tried, Christine, but Admiral Kirk would not listen. He was buried in space."

I am so hurt! How dare Kirk take my right to see my husband's body from me! From my son! I'm also mad at Leonard. If anyone could have talked sense into Jim, it was him. For days, we sat watching the news for word. I called everyone at HQ in the hopes that someone would tell me something. Cartwright told me that I was put on leave and that he suspended my security clearance.

I feel empty. I'm sitting in the study, hurting. Amanda comes in. "Christine, please give me something I can do to help you."

I'm not crying; I'm just frozen. "I thought with our bond, I would be able to feel his death," I admit to her.

"Perhaps we should take you and Ben to Vulcan," she suggests. "Get you both away from this house and the memories it holds."

I shake my head. "No. The last thing Ben needs now is others judging him for his feelings about losing his father."

"My daughter, forgive me for overhearing you, but what do you mean you did not feel Spock's death?" Sarek asks from his place in the doorway.

I look at him, trying to figure out how to explain it. "When my mother died, before I even knew she was gone, I felt her with me. Afterwards, I comforted myself with the belief that it had been her spirit saying goodbye. I can't believe that Spock wouldn't have done the same; that I should somehow feel different with the bond having been broken."

"Christine, are you saying that you don't feel anything?" Amanda asks.

"You did not sense his death?" Sarek asks.

"No, it has been blank since he left," I explain. "Spock normally closes the bond when he wants to focus on work. It just feels like it always does when he does that. He told me he does it because I cloud his logic."

Sarek comes closer. "May I meld with you?"

Amanda's POV

After Sarek melded with Christine, he pulled me aside. "Did Spock ever tell you that there was the beginning of a bond with Christine before they became bonded?"

"He did not, but she did. He gave her control when Ben was conceived."

"No, my wife, this was even before that."

"Did that somehow damage their bond?" I ask, trying to understand him.

"No, but it could explain why she is not feeling his absence. I must look into things."

We wait for the Enterprise to limp home at a painfully slow pace. Both Ben and Christine are broken-hearted, as they should be. Christine hasn't received a single reply to her pleas for more information from the Enterprise or at command. She feels abandoned, as I expect I would, in her place. I'm actually thankful for having them to take care of, as it takes my mind off of my own pain. Sarek is hurting, too.

When the Enterprise docks, Janice Rand calls Christine to let her know the ship has reached Earth. She wasn't on the Enterprise and was the only person that even told her. Sarek and I have been staying at the house with Christine and Ben. From the minute the call ends with Rand, we are all sitting on tenterhooks for some or all of them to come. When no one from the crew comes later, Christine gives up and heads to her room. Sarek leaves soon after; he's angry. I don't envy James Kirk right now.

Hours later, he returns; he's a man on a mission. He tells me that we will return to Vulcan and to get Ben packed. He then goes to Christine's room. I follow, but he closes the door, keeping me out.