Lead Me Back to Normalcy

A/N: Wow! I didn't think I would pump this chapter out this fast, but the support from you guys made it an ease!

Thank you to everyone who supported this! And an extra shout out Fable, Princess Sigyn, Kirixchi, and Anonny!

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time.

"Chapter Two: Real Enough

Loki stood in the bright, morning sunlight, partially dressed. He watched Asgard's people as they went about their daily business. He rolled his sleeve over his left arm, then his right. With fine, coarse hands he buttoned his royal tunic. From below, the people were stupid, ignorant, and content with living with a king that would sacrifice their safety. His lips folded into a frown. The Asgardians had never been this compliant with the enemy before, never. Where had their pride gone? No, where had their logic gone? Where?

He twisted his head the slightest bit to the left as soft footsteps echoed softly into his room. Loki's eyelids fell over halfway over his eyes in sorrow. She knew so little of what was unfolding and accepted it without hesitation because she was faithful. But underneath her blissful expressions, he had been able to see her worries for him. Though he loved being able to read her, she was the easiest of anyone to read, he couldn't help but feel guilty for letting her go this long with worry without any explanation.

But the secrets were good and full of good intentions since they kept her safe from the real reality. After all, wasn't that what one did for their love? Keep them safe? Protect them from the danger? Should he fail, and he did, Loki knew that he would not live long afterwards. He would not be able to protect her from that pain, but at least, at the very least, she would live. She would still love him, unless …

"Loki," came her voice. It was so soft, yet, so hollow now.

And still, he could hear her eager yearning for him in her voice. Despite his loss, she still waited for him. Sigyn did not even care if she could only wait for him in her dreams. She was so faithful, too faithful to a kings' disgrace. Reality was harsh. Not only was Loki a disgrace to Odin but also he had been a disgrace to Laufey. Laufey had left him to die, so it only seemed natural that Odin would want him dead. Letting go of the staff was the noblest thing he could do, the best way to make his father proud.

If she only knew…

Loki knew what would unfold if she discovered his heritage. Sigyn would discover soon, and then he would never see her again. Until then he would cherish her, savor her as she did with him during the day.

He gracefully walked to her like she was the only thing in his cluttered room. Loki wrapped his arms around her as he hosted her onto his waist. Sigyn wrapped her scrawny legs around his waist. Her arms fell around his neck as she kissed him. She could taste the remnants of sweet, red wine on his lips. Her fingers tightened around his shirt as he lied her down onto the bed; the golden sheets were ruffled in the process. Loki was on top of her, bracing himself with his hands.

As their lips parted, Loki stared down at his wife. The smile that had greeted him was gone, replaced by a small frown and watery eyes. Pain wrecked her face as it did every night when they saw each other, but this was different. She was bleeding internally from the wound now; he couldn't help but feel guilty for having inflicted it. From the corners of her eyes came the tears. Unlike the other nights were he could sooth her by holding her and murmuring lover's promises and compliments into her ear, this would require more.

"Sigyn," he whispered. Loki touched his forehead to hers, his ebon' hair falling around them. He pressed his lips to her. "Please do not cry," he requested. He slowly began to kiss her boney jaw line that led up to her small ears. "We haven't much time. Let's make it good." He pressed his lips to her ear, gently sucking on the lobe.

Sigyn closed her eyes, enjoying his affection. The heat of his body rolled onto her like a roaring fire. Loki's whole body was filled with pent up energy—it had been too long for him since he had been with her like this, far too long by the passion in his movements. The lick of his tongue sent energetic spikes through her body, but she could not bring herself to want her husband, not under these conditions. "Loki," the woman said softly. He only persisted, intensifying the pressure. Using his free hand, he pushed up her beige dress to mid thigh. With his thumb, he gently stroked her soft skin. "Loki," Sigyn spoke louder. His hand only crawled higher.

"Loki, stop!" she barked. "Stop!"

This time, finally, he stopped.

Loki sighed at her persistence. This could be one of their last meetings together, and she wanted to spoil it; yet, this was the cost of keeping secrets. He lifted himself off from her and sat to the left of his wife. He noticed the graveness of her face she sat up. These meetings were killing her, tearing away at her sanity. Though he hated seeing her this way, it was better than never seeing her at all. But seeing her like this, fail, drowning in clothes that once made her beautiful, made these meetings painful.

"You do not want me anymore?" he asked, sounding cold.

"No, no!" Sigyn cried. "I want you, I truly do, but not like this. Not when I will wake up alone in the morning." Before she was able to bring her sleeve to her face, Loki was there to wipe her tears away with his fingers. "This is a cruel trick—"

"This is no trick," Loki reassured.

"Yes, it is!" Sigyn retorted. She pushed herself off the bed, careful to avoid the sorcery books on the floor. The room, though as large as Thor's and just as nicely furbished with dark, mahogany furniture like the couch in the corner and the desk next to the large, eastern window, it felt small, ever so small. "Just this evening I talked with Thor, and he thinks me ill of the mind. I too believe I am ill of the mind."

He took a deep breath and looked towards the sea. In the distance the bifrost glittered all the colors of the rainbow. The bridge was fixed here, which only served as an omen that eventually the real bifrost would be fixed in many, many years to come. "You are not ill of the mind either, Sigyn. Though this is a dream, that makes me no less real than you," he explained. She turned her back to him. "I am sorry that this is the way we have to see each other, but it is the only way."

"You could return home," she muttered. "You will be most welcomed here."

"Welcomed by who?" Loki spat. He stood erect, his body brooding with fury.

"By me!" she shouted back. Sigyn spun around, bearing her teeth at him and chopping his body into pieces with her eyes. "Do I not count? Am I no longer important? What of me, Loki?" Her hands became fists as her pain became fuel for the fire. For the first time in a long time, her face was flushed with color. She looked alive, beautiful. The fact that it took anger for her to be filled with life was less than pleasing.

"You are my wife, my love, Sigyn," Loki assured tenderly. He walked towards her slowly, careful not to upset her further. Sigyn merely stood her ground like princess she was. He cupped her hands in his and snaked his fingers between hers. "But I cannot return home, not now but later."

"What? When I am old and grey?" she snapped. The woman shook her head like a toddler; it was just another quirk she had when she became enraged. "I have been faithful. I have waited months for you, Loki. But I will not wait on a hallucination that will never—"

He tightened his grip painfully around her hands. "I am not a hallucination!" Loki stated. "I am your husband!"

"Were," she corrected. "I am a widow now."

"You are not a widow!" he countered furiously. "I am alive."

She was breathing fast through her mouth. "Then if you are real, then you are being as cold as a frost giant and do not deserve to come back," Sigyn spoke curtly. Loki visibly flinched at the insult. He clenched his mouth as his whole body tightened. She could feel something in his tight grip, like something had snapped inside of him. She became wide-eyed as his grip became painful. "Loki," she breathed.

That was all it took. He let her go as he stormed across the room to the door. Loki gripped the doorframe. The fire that his father had ignited roared to life again at the sound of her disgusted tone with the word frost giant. Though he loathed them as much, what made this different is that she identified him as one of them. "I am not one of them," he breathed hatefully. Loki twisted his fury-wrinkled face towards his wife.

She was standing, lost for words. Sigyn knew not of his heritage nor anything associated with it. She had been kept in the dark for good reasons. Loki had no doubt she too would abandon him if she discovered that he was one of them. Their common hatred for the beasts had been what brought them together, but now… Now it appeared before the trickster that it would be the aspect to drive them apart. Again, he would become another disappointment, another failure.

His face softened because she was not responsible for her ignorance. "I must be going, Sigyn. The day has already begun here and I have much work to do," Loki spoke with a tired voice. With apologetic eyes, he looked to his wife's for forgiveness, but all that he could read was pain and betrayal. He could see the thin line of tears begin to build up again, as it did every time he left. No matter what the god did, he always left his wife in tears and pain. He could feel that heavy rock in his stomach begin to sizzle and move about, causing an ill feeling. He slowly blinked his eyes, putting off the inevitable for as long as possible. Just as he had no strength to overcome his conscious and kill brother, the same was with wife. From her depleted expression, Sigyn could see the sadness washing over his eye. Slowly she shook her in denial.

"You have been faithful to me, Sigyn, and waited for me when you should not have," he began somberly. "But, you should not wait on me now. You should not be faithful to me because I can never return to Asgard. Our life together has come to a finish. I am sorry." She was breathless and completely drained of any life left inside her fragile bones. Loki bowed his head, unable to meet her eyes. With a deep breath, he turned his body away from her and disappeared behind the door. His heavy footsteps ricocheted loudly down the hallway and clouded his thoughts. 'I did the honorable thing—I did what an Asgardian would have done,' he thought remorsefully.

As his footsteps fell out of her hearing range, the sound of another breathing became louder. As she blinked her eyes, the world was transformed. The golden walls remained the same, but the furniture was placed differently. The sun, instead of being bright on her face from the East, was dull on her back from the western window. In front of her face, just inches across the brown covers, resting was Thor, fully dressed. His eyes were straight at her, sympathetic for the tears that still ran down her face.

"It's alright," he whispered. "You're awake now."

"No it's not," she breathed, her voice barely audible. "I'm widow, and it's taken me over three years to realize it. And now I have to begin again, Thor." In her ear, coming from her chest, she heard her heart crack. But no terrible pain came plowing through her, just a gentle numbness. Sigyn felt her body give a sigh of relief. It was as if her mind at been at war with her body of the truth. Now that the stress of denial was gone, she could actually breath for the first time. Somehow, the feeling was less than satisfying.

He reached for her shoulder with his firm, stable hand. "All will be well, Sigyn," Thor promised. "Be strong and you will get through this." His eyes glimmered with hope as he ended the statement in a smile. "Though you do not possess mighty powers, you are as resilient and strong as any Asgardian warrior."

"What you say is generally true, Thor; however, I cannot start a life here in Asgard," she spoke softly. "There is too much history here. People judge me on what they think I know and on rumors they heard."

"They are just rumors," he dismissed. "Do not listen to them."

She closed her eyes, unable to fight the tiredness that was creeping through her body like a virus. "But it hurts when I hear rumors that Loki is one of those—" She stuttered for a moment, trying to get enough strength to say the word. "Frost giants. He is no such thing, Thor. Odin would never have permitted one of them here. I would never love, let alone marry one!" Sigyn took another deep breath to calm her mind. "I—I cannot live her for the rest of my life, Thor. There is too much here for me to rebuild. I want to start over fresh. I want to go to Earth."

Thor stared hard at her, half tempted to tell her the truth. It seemed strange that his brother would fail to tell his wife of such information, but the raw hatred held in her voice for the frost giants could not be ignored. It seemed she had still not forgiven the frost giantess for ripping her father's heart out of his chest. The more he pondered the idea, the more Thor began to understand that telling her would yield more consequences than victories. All he had to do was to look at how his brother changed upon finding out the truth about his heritage. Sigyn didn't need that. "Do not worry about other people. You have family here among us," he comforted. "Give yourself a year or two to recover, and if you still feel the need to start a new on Earth, then I will help you to get there. I promise."

"Can I meet Jane then, Thor?" she added. Her eyes pleaded with him.

"Yes, you will meet Jane. We will drink and laugh like old friends together," he spoke happily.