Author's Notes: Good news, first smut scene has arrived. It is the very first time I have written any smut, so please let me know what you guys think. Thanks!

I awoke with a splitting headache. I looked around the room, trying to recollect my thoughts. Where was I? Oh, right. Varric's room. I wish I was one of those drunks who forgot everything when they awoke, but unfortunately for me, I remembered every last detail. Had Fenris really put me to bed last night? I felt utterly embarrassed for my actions the prior night. Never again would I listen to Isabela. I stood up and realised I was still in Isabela's dress and was now hanging out of it. Lovely. I adjusted myself and walked over to her room. She was not around so I let myself in and changed into my usual attire.

I walked down the steps to the main area of the pub and noticed Isabela and Varric at a table drinking. Had they even gone to bed? Next time I will remind myself that drinking with these two was never a good idea, there was no chance I could ever keep up. The blighted lushes! I walked over to the duo, and cleared my throat.

"Hawke! You're awake." Isabela put her arm around me. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair a bit of a mess. "How you feeling"

"Ugh, like I slept with my head in a vice all night. Did you two even get any sleep?"

"Well, since my bed was preoccupied with two love birds, I crashed in Isabela's. Didn't need to even ask, it was empty. She spent the night with one of Aveline's guardsmen." Varric nudged her. Lovebirds, what on earth was he going on about.

"What do you mean by "love birds', Varric?"

"What, you didn't know?" Isabela started. "Fenris spent the entire night with you. It was actually very sweet. I went to check up on you a few times and I caught him holding you and stroking your hair. He caught me though and gave me the shifty eyes. Men, they can't stand being caught showing their emotions."

My heart leap, and I wanted to cry with joy. Fenris had laid with me all night. I slept, in his arms. Oh, if only I hadn't drank so much, I wish I could have been awake to enjoy his touch, feel his heart beating against my touch. I was smiling, probably looking like a damned fool, and I didn't care.

"Now there's a smile no man could turn down. Why don't you stop by his place, Hawke? I'm sure you two have lots to talk about."

"Talk, what nonsense is that, dwarf? I bet they'll be rutting til tomorrow when the sun comes out!" I sure hoped Isabela was right, now was the time to tell him how I felt. It was obvious that he felt the same. Maybe he even loved me, as I did him.

"I'll see you two later."

"Are you sure you don't want to wear the dress again?"

"Thanks Isabela, but I think I'll be fine without it."

"Alright then. I want every last delicious, juicy detail when you're done. Go get him."

I practically ran all the way to Hightown. I didn't care that my hair was a mess, or that I had remnants of the makeup on from last night slightly smeared over my face. I had to see him. I got up to his door, and paused for a minute, catching my breath. The door was unlocked, so I quietly slipped in. I wanted to surprise him. I could hear him in the hallway, and I was astounded at the sound coming from him. He was singing, softly, in Arcanum. Quite beautifully I might add. I had no idea that this serious, brooding man ever sang, and every note that left his lips was more delightful then the last. His singing voice was much different then his low, monotonic speaking voice. It was higher, much softer, and very comforting. Now I felt a little embarrassed to have let myself in. I'm sure he didn't want me hearing this vulnerability in him, but at the same time, I was glad I did. I quietly walked back to the front door, this time closing it loudly, so he knew I had come in. He quickly cleared his throat, and ran out to me, sword drawn.

"Fenris, it's just me."

"Hawke, what are you doing here?" He lowered his sword, and had a puzzled look upon his face.

"I, uh, just wanted to come by, and thank you, for taking care of me last night."

"It was nothing. You are my friend, and you were not well. Any of your companions would have done the same for you."

"Would just anyone lay in bed with me all night?" He cleared his throat again and looked away.

"I..."

"Fenris, why did you leave? I wouldn't have known you were there with me if it weren't for Isabela."

"That damn pirate can't keep her nose where it belongs can she?" He looked aggravated and flustered. Why must he be so difficult and closed off to me?

"It's okay Fenris, I'm glad it was you who laid in bed with me. It is something I regret not being sober for. I wish I could remember it." I slowly paced my way over to him, and raised my hand to lay it on his chest. I could feel his hard muscles under the casual attire he was wearing, and there I felt it, his heart. It was racing at my touch, and as I looked up into those beautiful mossy eyes, he stared down at me, only for a moment. I saw what seemed to be fear, but why? He quickly turned away, and stepped backwards from me.

"What's wrong?"

"I, I don't want to hurt you Hawke."

"Why do you think you would hurt me? I'm a big girl Fenris."

"You do not know who I am. I don't even know who I am. Anything before receiving these cursed markings, I do not remember. I can't remember if I have ever been with a woman before. All I remember is Danarius, forcing himself upon me. Making me do things, I dare no speak of. The act of...intimacy, was something I dreaded every nightfall. I do not know how, or even if I can enjoy it, and I do not wish to burden you with such things." He looked pained by his words, avoiding eye contact with me. It hurt me to hear of his past life. This was a man I cared deeply about, and I hadn't considered that Danarius had forced himself on Fenris. Now I was starting to understand why he was so distant. It wasn't because he didn't find me desirable. It was the very opposite. He was scared because he did desire me. I reached out and held his hand.

"Fenris, look at me." He slowly looked up, and I could see that he was holding back tears.

"I am willing to wait until you are ready. We don't have to jump into bed now. Whether it be few days, a week, or months from now, I am here, for you. I care about you. Very much."

"Nobody has cared about me before, it is a feeling that is alien to me. Even after I escaped from Danarius, there has been no one. I never stayed anywhere long, so who could I trust? I didn't think I needed anyone, or wanted anyone... until now."

He finally smiled at me, and it was a genuine smile. It was his turn to be the one blushing now and that made me laugh.

"Perhaps this is what it means to have a friend."

"It might mean more than that." I said, hopefully.

"I have never allowed anyone too close. When my markings were created, the pain was extraordinary. But, the memory lingers. You are unlike any woman I have ever met. With you, it might be different."

"We could find out." He grabbed onto me, and held me in his arms. I lay there, listening to his heart beat. I could feel him lower his head to my hair, and he breathed in deep, taking in my scent. I looked up at him, and gazed into his eyes.

" You have a lovely singing voice." His smile quickly dropped and he let go of me.

"You heard me singing?"

"Yes, please don't be embarrassed. Why didn't you tell me you could sing?"

"I wasn't sure it would be something you'd care to know. I'm not even sure how I know the words to the song. It is something that I hear in my own mind from time to time, and the notes, they just seem to escape my lips."

"Possibly something from your past?

"Perhaps. I will never know."

"Well, we can work on that. Together. And even if we can't piece it together, we can start on your future." He took my hands into his, and I shivered at his touch.

"I would like that very much Marian."

Later that week, Fenris, Aveline, Anders and I were on our way to the Wounded Coast. We had some matters of the Qunari to deal with. The Qunari are a horned race. Well, most of them are anyways. Elves and humans can become Qunari, if they follow the ways of the Qun, which is their religion. They have been stranded in Kirkwall without a ship for a few years now, and refuse to leave. They claim that someone has stolen something of great value to them, and until they get it back, they remain here. The tension with their leader, the Arishok, and the Viscount has grown recently. He fears the Qunari will want bloodshed if their problem is not soon resolved. So there we were, heading our way to the Wounded Coast, on yet another mission to deal with the beasts. Unfortunately for us, he Qunari would be the least of our problems. Had I known what was to come, I would have left Fenris behind.

An arrow show down in front of my feet, and we all halted. I looked up on the cliff beside us, and there they were, the Tevinter Hunters that Fenris had been on the run from. I had not encountered any since meeting Fenris that night years ago, but now, they had returned.

"Stop right there!" One of the hunters yelled from above. "You are in possession of stolen property. Back away from the slave and you will be spared."

"Fenris is a free man!" I screamed out at him. I could feel the blood inside of me boiling.

"I won't repeat myself. Back away from the slave now!"

"I am not your slave!" Fenris' marking were now glowing, his wrath unable to be controlled at this point. These hunters had no idea who they were up against. The hunters jumped down and were now upon us. I casted paralysis around the leader of them, and Fenris impaled him with his sword. Anders froze a few of the others and Aveline took care of them. Blood splattered the ground, and the hunters were defeated. One lay on the ground, and we noticed him fidgeting. Fenris demanded to know who had sent them. He found out from the man that it was Hadriana, Danarius' apprentice. Fenris mentioned her before. She used to torment and torture him. She had once starved him for nearly a week and had deprived him of any sleep.

Once we had gotten the information on her whereabouts, Fenris showed the man no mercy, even as he begged for his life to be spared. With one swift movement, he snapped the man's neck, and none of us could blame him.

Hadriana was holding out in a cave not far from where we were. She had made reaching her less than easy, the cave was full of demons and abominations. We came across human sacrifices, and once again, I could understand his hatred towards my kind. These were the worst possible example of blood mages, the reason why Templars were so vigilant with the circle. We entered a room, to see a trembling young elf. She was about eighteen years old. Her hair blonde, and pulled up into a bun. She trembled as we approached her. She told us her name was Orana. Hadriana had been killing all of her slaves, including Orana's father. She was frightened, and crying. This poor girl had been a slave her whole life and knew not of how wrong this was. She defended Hadriana, and asked us not to hurt her.

"The magister, she said she needed power. That someone was coming to kill her." She sobbed. "Everything was fine until today."

"It wasn't." Fenris spoke calmly to her. He understood all too well how she was feeling. "You just didn't know any better." Orana approached Fenris.

"Are you my Master now?" She asked eagerly.

"No!" He was absolutely repulsed and horrified at the very thought. She began to plead with him.

"But, I can cook, I can clean. What else will I do?" It was obvious that this girl would not last on her own in the real world. Without someone's help, she would no doubt fall into slavery again.

"If you go to Kirkwall, I can help you. Find your way to the Amell estate, that is where I live."

"Yes? Oh praise the Maker, thank you!" She exclaimed, and ran off, as if she were afraid I would change my mind. As soon as she was out of sight, Fenris stared and me and growled through his teeth.

"I didn't realise you were in the market for a slave." He spat.

"I gave her a job, Fenris. I am going to pay her, as a servant, not force her as a slave. I probably just saved her life." His face suddenly dropped the angry demeanor it had a moment prior as this information sunk in.

"Ah..then...that's good. My apologies. Let's find Hadriana and be done with this place."

When we finally found Hadriana, she was more than prepared. The woman had to be in her early thirties, probably just a little younger than Fenris. She summoned demons left and right, and casted spells that were advanced even for myself. I was increasingly glad I had brought Anders along, as he was more familiar with this kind of magic than I. As soon as we had slain one demon, another took its place. Anders and I were constantly healing our group, as much as we could. Eventually, we proved to be too much for Hadriana, and she tired herself out. Fenris ran up to her as she lay on the ground and was ready to deliver one final blow.

"Stop! You do not want me dead!"

"There is only one person I want dead more." He prepared to lower his sword.

"I have information elf, and I will trade it in return for my life."

"The location of Danarius, what good will that do me? I'd rather he lose his pet pupil."

"You have a sister. She is alive." Hadriana blurted out. "The woman is in the Imperium. You want to know who you were Fenris? Then let me go." Fenris crouched down to her, his face was inches away from his former tormenter's.

"So I have your word? I tell you, and you let me go?"

"Yes, you have my word." He snarled through his teeth, barely able to contain his anger.

"Her name is Varania. She's in Qarinus serving a magister by the name of Ahriman."

"A servant. Not a slave."

"She's not a slave."

"I believe you." Fenris said, his lyrium markings were now aglow, and the horror in Hadriana's eyes gave way that she knew what was about to happen. He plummeted his hand right through her chest, instantly killing her. Her body went limp, as the life drained from her.

"We are done here." Fenris said coldly, walking right past me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Fenris turned around, and stomped towards me.

"No! I don't want to talk about it! This could be a trap, Danarius could have sent Hadriana here to tell me about this sister. Even if he didn't, trying to find her would still be suicide. Danarius has to know about her...has to know that Hadriana knows. But all that matters is that I finally got to crush this bitch's heart. May she rot, and all the other mages with her." I knew he was upset but those words cut me deep.

"And here I thought you were unreasonable," Anders cocked back at him.

Fenris had his back turned to me now. I slowly walked up to him, and put my hand on his shoulder. "Maybe we should leave." He brushed his shoulder away from my touch, as if I were somebody he despised. "Don't comfort me." He walked away, his voice cold as ever. He turned to face me, yet again.

"You saw what was done here. There's always going to be some reason, some excuse why mages need to do this. Even if I found my sister, who knows what the magisters have done to her. What has magic touched that it hasn't spoiled?" Another stab at mages, I didn't know how much more of this I could take. I wanted to tell him that I would never turn on him, that he could always rely on me, that I loved him, but now was not the time. He was beyond furious right now. He looked at me, and I could sense that he realised how his words effected me. He put his blood covered hand to his face and turned from me.

"I... need to go." I watched him walk away, and had to hold myself back from chasing after him. He needed to cool down before we spoke again.

When I arrived back home Orana was already waiting for me. She was ecstatic when I told her she would not be a slave and that I would pay her with coin for helping out around the estate. She seemed like such a sweet girl, and I had hoped she would be able to build a new life for herself now that she was free.

I went to The Hanged Man after I had bathed all of the sweat and blood off of me. I needed to have a drink or two before trying to deal with Fenris. I wanted to be there for him now more than ever, but I wasn't sure he would let me. His hate for mages seemed to grow even deeper, and I was terrified he would cut me out of his life forever. I couldn't stand to wait anymore, I said goodbye to Varric and left for Fenris' mansion.

When I got to his mansion, the door was locked. I banged on the door for what seemed like ages. It was apparent that he was not there, and if he was, he clearly did not want to be bothered. I was wiped out, and decided to just call it a night. Maker knows I would not be able to sleep, but there was nothing more I could do. I slowly walked back home.

I opened my front door to see Fenris sitting on the bench at the entrance. How long had he been waiting for me? As soon as he saw me, he stood up and approached me.

"Fenris?

"I have been thinking of you. In fact I have been able to think of little else. Command me to go, and I shall."

"Don't leave."

"I took out my anger on you, undeservedly so. I was not myself. I'm sorry."

"I had no idea where you went. I was concerned."

"I needed to be alone. When I was still a slave, Hadriana was a torment. She would ridicule me. Because of her status, I was powerless to respond, and she knew it. The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now, I couldn't let her go. I wanted to, but I couldn't. There was this hate deep down inside of me, that I thought I had been rid of for a long time. To experience it all over again, it was too much to bare. Ah, but I didn't come here to burden you further." He turned to walk out the door, and I grabbed him by the arm.

"You don't need to leave Fenris." As soon as I grabbed him, his markings went aglow again. Either my touch had caused his markings to hurt, or something about our talk sparked his anger. Before I know it, he grabbed me, and pinned me against the wall. We were almost nose to nose, his eyes were menacing and he was breathing heavily. His hands were holding my arms to the wall. I was panting, and his markings slowly faded to normal. He suddenly looked terrified, as if he didn't realise what had come over him. Before he could run off, I leaped for him, and assaulted his mouth with my own. His mouth opened readily for mine, inviting my tongue to invade. I grabbed his shoulders, and now it was I who pinned him against the wall. I lifted my hands above his shoulders, pressing them into the wall behind him, leaving his hands free to roam. I sucked on his lower lip, and he grasped my lower back. I leaned into him, my breasts heaved into his strong, muscular chest. I was tingling everywhere, and I could feel an ache in between my legs. Oh how I dreamed of this moment for so long. He lowered his hands, and he was now grabbing at my backside. I softly moaned into his mouth, and I could feel him harden into my legs. Yes, he wanted me just as bad as I wanted him. I would show him that he could enjoy intimacy, enjoy the act of love making. I lowered my hand to his crotch, and grabbed him. He moaned out, and his eyes shut.

"I could take care of this for you, if you'd like." I teased.

"Your bedroom. Now." He demanded. I giggled, and he chased me up the stairs in a playful manner. I loved seeing this side of him. He locked my bedroom door behind him, and pushed me onto my bed. He climbed on top of me, grasping my hands into the mattress so I couldn't move them. He pushed his erection into my legs and I gasped.

"Enjoying yourself?"

"Oh Fenris, I have wanted you for so long."

"Have you now?" He smirked. He lowered his head and kissed me again, trailing his tongue along my ear lobe. He sat up, and looked at me with desire.

"Get rid of your clothes." I eagerly obeyed, letting go of any shyness I might have had. I pulled my tunic over my head, and slipped out of my skirt, and was now left in my small clothes. He did the same with his outer clothes.

"Stand up. Let me see you." He had such a dominant demeanor, I had never been with a man so demanding before. It made me want nothing more than to obey, and fulfill his every desire. A thought occurred to me, the only sex he recalled was him having no say in what happened. This had to be his way of rebelling, his turn to make the calls. Well Fenris, if this is what you want, your wish is my command. I got up off the bed so he could look at my whole body. I suddenly became aware of a few of my battle scars, and blushed.

"You, Marian, are quite the temptress. Show me the rest of you." I reached around and undid my breast band and let it fall to the floor, and I slowly stepped out of my smalls. When I looked up, Fenris had released himself, and was stroking his erection. Isabela was right; tall, lean men, were well proportioned. He had to be at least 9 inches in length. His lyrium markings stretched out all over his body, except for this one tender place.

"Like what you see?" He questioned me.

"Oh yes, very much."

"Then show me. Get on your knees." I got down on my knees in front of him and he stood before me. He held his member in his hand and put it to my face. "Open." He commanded of me, and I did just that. I leaned forward and took the tip into my mouth and closed my lips around it, applying pressure. He moaned deeply, and I became wet instantly. His voice was so erotic. I moved forward, taking as much of him in my mouth as I could, and bobbed my head back and forth. I reached up and gripped him with my right hand, and stroked him as I sucked. My tongue flicked along the underside of him as I took him deeper into my mouth.

"Good girl." He growled out and I moaned into him. I used my other hand to rub his testicles as I sucked. He grabbed the back of my head and pushed it further into him.

"Look up at me." I looked into his eyes, which were narrow and glaring at me. "Keep looking at me while you pleasure me." I quickly moved my head back and forth while jerking him, all the while looking into his eyes. His breath was become quicker now, as I tightened the grip my lips had against him. He reached down, and tweaked my nipples in his fingers, and I moaned even more.

"You are so good, I'm close now." These words only encouraged me more. My tongue swirled all over his swollen tip, and I jerked him up and down. One deep moan, and he was spilling into my mouth. He tasted salty, and the act was so erotic to me. I continued to suck him until no more came from him. He was shuddering and I licked my lips, looking up at him.

"Lie down on your back, it's your turn." I got up onto my bed, and lay back once again, opening my legs for him. He climbed up in between them, and I noticed hesitance in his face. He just sat in front of me with a puzzled look.

"Is everything alright?"

I...yes. It's just, I can't remember doing this before, and I want you to enjoy it." A minute ago, he was so dominant and oozing confidence, and now he was frightened. I looked down at his head in between my legs.

"It's alright Fenris, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"No, I want to. Show me, show me how you pleasure yourself." I giggled, as I reached down with my hand, and stroked the inside of my thighs. He imitated me, and lightly caressed my inner thighs, and I gasped. I was so sensitive, having not been touched there in years. I moved a hand over the nub of my sex, and started flicking it lightly with my finger tip.

"Have you ever thought of me, while doing this?" He asked.

"Every night since I met you." He laughed a soft, seductive laugh. He pushed my hand out of the way and replaced it with his finger. He started rubbing my sex with his index finger, copying the movement he had just learned from me. I trembled at his touch.

"Is this alright?"

"Just a bit lighter on the pressure. It's a very sensitive spot."

"Mmm, well, I better use something softer than my fingers." He lowered his head to my sex, and gently glided his tongue from my opening, all the way to the top of my pubic bone. I moaned loudly, as he started sucking on my nub. He slowly reached up and one of his fingers entered me. I unwillingly bucked my hips forward, and he laughed.

"So eager Hawke." He got back to licking my sensitive spot, flicking his tongue quickly back and forth over me. He pushed a second finger into my opening, with a 'come hither' motion, hitting all the right spots. I would not last long at this rate. His tongue ever so softly grazed me, and I couldn't take it anymore. I yelled out, crashing all over his tongue. He lapped up my juices as my orgasm was coming forth, and I grabbed his hair and pushed him forward. The aftershocks of it had me shaking, panting for air. He climbed on top of me, his erection apparent again. Good, the man had stamina. He pinned my arms above my head once more, as he lowered his body onto mine, and with one deep thrust, plunged himself inside of me. I gasped out, his length stretched me out like I had never felt before. It hurt for a moment, but as he withdrew himself, and plunged back inside of me, the pleasure was unbelievable.

"Do you like having me inside you?"

"Yes, I love it Fenris, oh you feel so good." I moaned into his ear.

"Good." He pumped into me, faster now. Holding my hands down so I could not move, he ravaged me with his body. Deeper and faster he went. I was soaking his length with my juices, and he moaned even louder now. I looked up at him, and he had this weird gaze in his eyes, as if he were not quite with me in the moment. "Fenris..?" I asked. His eyes snapped down to me, and his focus was directed right back at me again.

"You are so tight." His words turned me on even further. "Turn over, let me see all of you." He let go of the grip he had on me, and rolled me onto my stomach. I arched my back, so my rear was in the air. He grabbed onto my hips.

"Oh, what a glorious sight this is." He commented, as he plunged into me once more. He hit my sweet spot with his length, and I moaned out. He gripped me tightly, and pumped into me like a savage animal. The noises he made, mixed with mine filled the air around us. His flesh slapping up against mine echoed throughout the room.

"Touch yourself again," he moaned into my ear. I reached down with one hand, and toyed with my clit, remembering how his tongue felt. It was still soaked with his saliva, and my finger slipped back and forth. Every now and then I felt his testicles slap against my hand, and it made me moan.

"Oh Fenris, I'm so close now."

"Yes Hawke, cum for me, cum with me." He growled. That's all it took, I was sent over the edge again and climaxed right there. I gasped and moaned into my pillow, as the walls of my opening tightened and gripped onto him.

"Yes!" he yelled out, spilling his seed deep into me. I felt the warm liquid ooze into me, and I loved every second of it. He withdrew and collapsed beside me. I lowered my legs and nuzzled into his arms, as he was breathing fast, still trying to catch his breath.

"You are quite the skilled lover," I purred into his ear. He was silent suddenly, and I held him close. Sweat was dripping all over his head. I reached over to my night stand, and pulled out a red handkerchief and dabbed his forehead with it. I placed it down back onto the stand and lay back into him. I closed my eyes, listening to his heart pounding, as I drifted to sleep.

I awoke sometime later, my bed feeling empty. I turned to my side, and Fenris was gone. I looked over, and there he was , fully clothed, with my red cloth tied around his arm, standing in front of the fire place, looking away from me.

"Was it that bad?" I teased. He quickly turned around to face me.

"I'm sorry, it's not...it was fine." I glanced downwards, not looking forward to what he was going to say next. I could feel tension in the air, and something inside of me told me that I was not going to like what came next.

"No, that is insufficient. It was better than anything I could have dreamed."

"Your markings, they hurt don't they?"

"It's not that. I began to remember. My life before, just flashes." He paused, and suddenly his voice became panicked. "This is too much, this is too fast. I...I cannot...do this." No...Fenris, please, I wanted to beg him.

"Your life before, what do you mean?"

"I've never remembered anything from before the ritual, except for the words of that song you heard me sing. There were, faces, words. For just a moment I could recall all of it. And then it slipped away." . I now understood what that daze in his eyes was, while we were making love.

"Don't you want to get your memories back? We could practise some more, and maybe they'll come to you." I was desperate to keep him here, I knew he was panicking.

"Perhaps you don't realise how upsetting this is. I've never remembered anything, and to have it all come back in a rush only to lose it. I can't... I can't." His voice broke as he turned his back to me, and it sounded as if he were holding back tears. I had never seen this vulnerability in him, and it made my heart ache.

"We can work through this."

"I'm sorry, I feel like such a fool. All I wanted was to be happy. Just for a little while. Forgive me." He quickly left my room, ran down the stairs, and slammed my front door. I sat there, puzzled. I took me a minute to realise what had just happened. That Fenris, had left not only my home, but had left me. I thought when I saw him waiting for me in my front door, that me sitting around for him these past years, was all for a reason. All that suffering in silence would come to its happy conclusion, and me and the man I had longed for all of this time, would finally be together. But it was not to be. A pain began to grow in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't move. A sob escaped my throat, and filled the silence that lingered in the air. Tears started to flow from me, I couldn't be strong anymore. It was too much. After a night of making passionate love, he rejected me. I felt worthless, used, and destroyed. I lay into my pillow and let everything out. I stroked the spot that he had lain on, still warm from his body. Oh Fenris, my Fenris, how could you have done this to me, when I love you so?