Three days had passed, and I still had not left the house. I barely left my own bed. I had been curled in the fetal position, head close to where Fenris had lain with me. His scent was fading now, and I was desperate to get it back. Would he still look at me the same way? At first, I had felt numb. It was as if I were tranquil, no emotions, just an empty void of a person. But then came the immense pain. My stomach hurt as if I had the flu, and my heart wanted to burst out of my chest. My cheeks were raw from tears and my eyes were blood red.

My mother had come to my door a few times with water and soup, but I refused to take anything. I never told her about Fenris, but she somehow just knew. Mothers have a strange thing of knowing every little thing about you, whether you want them to or not. On the third morning, she insisted I take a bath. Her and Orana brought the water to my room and filled up the basin that sat behind the dressing curtain. Once they left, I disrobed myself, and slowly sank into the warmth. My tense muscles began to relax as I began to wash myself clean of the shame I felt, as I washed the last bits of Fenris off of me.

As I began to scrub in between my legs, I became frightened as I realised it had been three days since he spilled his seed within me, and it never occurred to me that I would need to take a contraceptive potion. I felt like a complete fool. I had not taken such precautions, as the thought of me and Fenris actually sleeping together seemed surreal. Usually women take them before engaging in sexual activity, but I had refrained from sex for so long, I wasn't consuming them. There was the option of taking a stronger dose of one afterwards, to prevent conception, but that usually had to be done within the first twelve hours. If I became with child, I would be shamed. An unwed woman living in Hightown, and the father being a runaway elf. It would devastate my mother. And Fenris, I would imagine he would flee Kirkwall upon hearing the news. What on earth was I to do?

Just as I got out of the basin and clothed myself, there was a knock at my door, and before I could tell whoever it was to go away, barging in came Isabela and Aveline, an unlikely duo.

"We heard from your mother you've been ill, but she won't say with what. Are you alright?" asked Isabela.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Hawke," Aveline began "This is very unlike you. The Viscount has been breathing down my neck to retrieve you for help. The Qunari problem is getting worse, and we need you. What's going on?"

"Its...I.." I felt trapped. I was afraid of telling them the truth, afraid they would judge me, and shun Fenris.

"Last we saw of you was after everything happened with Hadriana. You were awful determined at The Hanged Man to find him. He hasn't left his mansion either." Isabela stared me up and down, trying to read my face.

"He hasn't?" I suddenly felt dizzy. I backed up into my bed and sat. The two women came and both sat on either side of me. Isabela draped her arm around my shoulder.

"Look sweet thing, I know a thing or two about men, and while I've never had to endure a broken heart, I can spot one a mile away. Did he hurt you?"

The tears welled up in my eyes, and I could no longer hold them back. "He...left...me," I said between sobs.

"What? That blighted scum..." Aveline was red in the face. "Why on earth would he do such a thing?"

"Aveline, that elf is messed up beyond comprehension. I was afraid something like this would happen." Isabela held my hand and Aveline rubbed my back as I cried into my hands. I wiped my tears, and held them back long enough to confide in these two women, who were here to console me.

"That's not all."

"What do you mean?" Aveline raised her eyebrow to me.

"I...I didn't use a contraception potion. After he left, I was so hurt, I just forgot."

"How long ago did this happen Hawke?"

"Three days."

"Shit." Isabela dropped my hand and stood up. "We need to get you a potion, now. Unless..." she trailed off.

"Unless what?" Aveline asked.

"You don't want to have a baby, do you?"

"Absolutely not!" I blurted out. How could I want a child with a man who wouldn't even stay with me? Anger crept into my veins, but suddenly, I pictured a white haired elven boy, with hazel eyes. I could hear him laughing, as I saw him run to Fenris, as he scooped the child into his arms. No, such thoughts would do me no good. A child would not bind Fenris to me, not in the way I wanted him. I needed to fix this mistake.

Was it even a mistake? Did I regret it? The memory of him taking me, pleasuring me, it made me tingle inside. No matter how much he had hurt me, I did not want to erase this memory. I had waited three years for it to happen, it couldn't have been a mistake.

"Ok, this might be difficult for you to consider, but, I think you should talk to Anders."

"Why the hell is it any of his business? I think Hawke would rather keep this between us."

"Because," the pirate looked over to me "Anders is the best healer in Kirkwall. He will be able to help you take any preventative measures needed. Your best shot at making sure this problem doesn't become worse is with Anders."

I couldn't argue with Isabela, she was right. I let out a sigh, and stood up. "Well, I guess I am off to see our dear healer then."

"We could accompany you, if you wish."

"Thanks for the offer Aveline, but, this is something I need to do on my own."

"Let me know how it goes. Drinks are on me tonight." Isabela gave me a hug, and they left me in peace.

The entire walk to Anders' clinic in Darktown was torture. I didn't know what I would say to him. Would he yell at me, call me foolish? He despised Fenris, and this surely would stain his opinion of me. I had always been fond of Anders, and had a crush on him for a long time even. He was the last person I wanted knowing about Fenris and I, but now, he was the person I needed to tell the most. The Maker sure has a morbid sense of humour sometimes.

Once I arrived, Anders was looking through some papers. He had a look of frustration on his face, and I thought that this was probably a bad time for him. He looked up, and smiled as soon as he saw me. I faintly smiled back.

"Hawke." He approached me, taking quick strides. "Is everything alright? I haven't seen you in awhile. I was beginning to worry. I tried to come to your door, but Bohdan said you were not well. When I offered my services, he turned me away.

"Actually Anders, that's why I came to see you. I...I think I need your help."

"What's wrong?" He looked at me with such concern in his face.

"I...wow. Um, look, this is really hard for me to say.." He placed his hands on my face, and his touch was warm, and gentle.

"It's okay Marian, you can tell me anything. I am here for you."

"I need a contraception potion!" The words came out so fast, it was as if I had no control over my own mouth. Anders withdrew his hands, and a look of hurt and confusion swept over his face.

"You...you're planning on sleeping with that damned elf, aren't you?"

"I kind of already have." I stared at my feet, unable to look at him. He was going to hate me, I just knew it.

"How long ago?" His voice was calm, yet stern. I kicked a bit of dirt from under me.

"Marian, how long ago?" His voice was more demanding now.

"Three evenings ago." He was silent for a few moments before speaking again. The silence was unbearable.

"You realise that it may be too late now. I'll do what I can but...there's no guarantees. Why didn't you come sooner? Marian?" I felt my cheeks burn and my heart was pounding, every time I had to explain what happened, it only hurt more. I was so ashamed.

"Because Anders, the reason I have been away the past three days is because he left me. I am devastated and you have no idea how humiliating this is." I was looking up at Anders now, and I did not see anger like I had anticipated, but sadness. A sadness I had seen in his eyes many times before.

"Come back at sunset Hawke, the potion will be ready then." I quickly turned away and got out of there as fast as I could. I didn't know where to go so I ended up at The Hanged Man. Isabela was waiting there for me, and I was incredibly grateful. I did not drink with her, but I told her about Anders, about that look he had in his face. It was worse than the anger I had feared. She tried to take my mind off of things by telling me stories of many of her ex lovers. Not sad stories mind you, many were downright ridiculous I had to wonder if she were making it up to get me to laugh. I could always count on her when I needed to. I considered her my best friend at this point. Two hours had passed, and dusk was upon us. I had better get going before it got dark out.

When I arrived back at the clinic, Anders was sitting down on a cot, waiting for me. As I approached I noticed that he smelled of sandalwood, similar to the aroma of my mother's perfume that I had adored so much. He stood up and handed me a vial.

"I know it's not my place to criticize but, I am not surprised this happened. Fenris seems less a man to me than a wild dog. He has let one bad experience colour his whole world. Surely you want someone more open minded."

"Well, we're not together anymore." I replied sadly.

"It's probably for the best."

"I know."

"Drink the vial now. Again, I can't promise a miracle, but it has a fifty percent chance of working now, and the longer you wait, the less chance it has of doing anything." I opened the vial, and downed the liquid in one quick movement. It tasted vile, and burned my throat. I must have made a funny face because he began to laugh.

"Now that's a look I have never seen from you." He took the empty vial from my hands and placed it down on the table beside him. He grabbed my hand and lead me to the cot.

"Lie down Hawke, I have a technique I can perform to increase the chances of it taking immediate effect."

I lay back on the stiff cot and my body tensed up.

"I'm sorry it's not more comfortable. Now relax, I promise you are in good hands." I put my arms at my side, and Anders came up to me, and placed his hands over my shoulders. His fingertips were just a few centimeters away from my skin, so close to coming into contact. He waved them over me, and a warmth emitted from them. I felt his hands glide down past my shoulders, still never touching me. It was almost as if he were, everywhere that his hands passed over I could feel a warm and tingling sensation. It felt very relaxing. He moved them over my abdomen, and there he focused. He placed his hands together now, and pushed downwards above my belly. I could feel a warm sensation there that lingered, and it felt sensual. He swept his hands back and forth, still never coming into contact with my skin. He focused on various areas of my body, and I increasingly became tired. He must have noticed.

"I can tell you haven't been sleeping. This spell will help you rest.

"Here?"

"Don't worry, I have much work to do. I won't leave your side."

I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, sleep was calling to me. I slowly closed my eyes, and let much needed slumber take over my body. As I drifted to sleep, I could hear Anders faintly speak.

"If I had the chance to be with you, I would never dream of leaving."