TPM Tatooine Rewrite: Through Glass

By: Syntyche

chapter nine: maybe the worst is behind

oooooooooo

I'm so green, it's really amazingI'm so clean, too bad I can't get all the dirt off of me.I'm so sane, it's driving me crazyIt's so strange, I can't believe itFeels just like I'm falling for the first time.

BNL, "Falling for the First Time"

oooooooooo

At the noise of the transmitter clattering against the wall, Obi-Wan turned back, his wan face concerned. "Are you all right?" he asked quietly. "Delian?"

"No, I'm not all right," she responded quickly with a sharp, harsh laugh. Her cinnamon eyes were hard but suspiciously narrowed, and there was a slight crack in her tone that he was surprised – and not at all surprised – to hear. Lacking her confident swagger, Delian abandoned the maps on the table and slowly came down to stand beside him, close enough that she could smell the dirt and sweat that clung to his lean frame.

How far she'd fallen in a matter of days. Not so long ago she'd been championing her own self-righteousness as she looked down on the slaveholders and traders.

A few days before, she'd proudly told the man before her that she didn't keep slaves.

Yesterday, she had reminded him that she and Watto could do with him as they pleased.

Today, she had assumed ownership of Obi-Wan Kenobi and treated him as nothing more than … property. A possession. Her possession. The look in Dirak's eyes as she'd proudly led Kenobi in burned into her.

Delian suddenly felt like she was about to throw up. "Please go away," she mumbled forlornly, and she was disappointed and more than a little pissed off despite herself when he actually obeyed and left quietly. "Bastard," she muttered.

"I heard that," came Kenobi's amused voice from the darkened hall, irritating her further.

"Bastard!" she shouted louder, and felt a little better. Sarcasm she was much more comfortable with than guilt. "Don't you know anything about women?" she bit out sharply.

Kenobi reappeared in doorway with a wry smile. "It was my understanding that most individuals prefer to be listened to, but by your tone I assume that's not the case with you?"

Delian snorted, inching farther away from her shamed feelings. "Sarcasm, sweetheart. Let me let you in on a secret that will vastly improve your life: when a woman tells you to go away, nine times out of ten she wants you closer and comforting."

"Ah," Kenobi nodded sagely, and then that eyebrow went up again curiously. "Me?"

"What?"

"Are you saying that she wants me closer, or is this just a generic scenario?" Kenobi explained patiently, moving futilely like he was trying to tuck his hands into his tunic sleeves, only the tapered sleeves weren't wide enough to accommodate him. Apparently giving up, he settled for crossing his arms over his chest as he regarded her quizzically.

I hate you, Delian thought, and wished she meant it. A tiny sigh escaped her before she could help it. "If it was you, love, it would be all ten times and then some."

Obi-Wan nodded again, a small smile tugging at the corner of his full mouth. "I see. Thank you for the clarification, though your logic is mathematically confusing."

"'Thank you for the clarification'," Delian mocked him teasingly. "So damned polite." She sighed, a little heavier this time, wishing she could keep her ill humor. It seemed to keep him at a much safer distance and helped maintain her composure, but he was so … sincere, and good-natured despite his circumstances, that it made it difficult not to respond in kind.

"Thanks," she offered quietly, honestly, catching his gaze with her own and seeing that he understood. "You're a weird one, Kenobi," she said, amazed. "Are you always so calm about taking the shit life doles your way?"

"No," he replied, "I have therapy sessions four times a week."

Delian almost laughed … but she wasn't sure if he was joking. Kest, if his time with her was any indication, it was probably true. She liked Kenobi and she was tormenting him. She couldn't imagine how the people who hated him treated him. "Well, I'm sorry you've had to miss them," she said mock-consolingly. "I wouldn't want you to fall behind on discovering your true mission in life. Unless," she added with what she'd hoped was an innocent smile, "this is your mission."

He smiled tightly, tiredly, surprising her enough to drop the last shreds of sarcasm she'd tried to cover herself with and ask the question that had been on her mind since she'd first seen him outside Watto's shop, first felt the stirrings of … something … nudging at her.

"What are you doing here, Kenobi? You're here for a purpose – and I'll just bet it's not working for Watto or even racing for me. Want to give me the odds on it? I'm a betting woman." She looked him hard in the eyes. "Do you want to tell me why you're here, and just what it is that shutters those beautiful blue eyes of yours? 'cause I'll listen, sweetheart."

Obi-Wan hesitated, giving her the impression that he really didn't want to answer her query. Slowly, though, he murmured softly, "I can't tell you anything, Delian. I …. I need the use of a long-range comm station. I have to get a message to Coruscant."

Despite herself, Delian gave a low whistle. "Coruscant? Holy hells, Kenobi, you know what you're asking for? There isn't a comm on this entire damn planet that'll get you that far." She shook her head. "I'm afraid you're out of luck, honey – and as Corellian, I hate to say that. But Coruscant? Kest," she mumbled in disbelief. A thought occured to her. "Don't you have a … a Jedi mind link-thingy with anyone that you could try, or something like that?"

Obi-Wan swallowed hard, about to say something, then shook his head sharply, looking for all the worlds like he was beginning to regret stepping back into the room. "No, I don't."

Delian paused, looking at him hard, but he could see that she was searching her mind for something. Carefully she asked, "Are you a Jedi Knight?"

"Not yet," Obi-Wan sighed. Not ever, his voice whispered in her mind and she shuddered at the aching sadness in his tone. It took her a moment to realize she'd heard him in her head, and that startled her.

"You are … ?" she stumbled to say, regarding him oddly.

"An apprentice."

Delian eyed him skeptically, trying to brush his presence from her thoughts. "You must've really pissed off your master to get left here."

He smiled cynically, regret twisting his blue-grey eyes. "Something like that," he agreed.

Another thought popped into her mind. "Well, where exactly is your Master? Does he, um, approve of what you're doing here? Or is this some sort of test?"

Obi-Wan shook his head quickly. "It's not a test, no. It is merely a … temporary arrangement."

Delian grinned, almost mockingly. "My, my, my. And I bet you didn't factor meeting me into your 'arrangements,' did you, Apprentice Kenobi?"

Naked honesty flashed through his wounded eyes, surprising her. "I didn't factor any of this," he said, his tone low and deep and brooking no room for further comment.

Delian turned away awkwardly, searching for something … anything … to ease the sudden tension. Her eyes fell upon the speeder Kenobi had been eyeing earlier and she felt her spirits lift. "I think you need a little playtime, Kenobi."

"Excuse me?" He sounded shocked, and maybe a bit scandalized.

She grinned, hooking an arm through his and pulling him along. "Don't get your Jedi knickers in a twist," she sniffed, then turned back to look up at him charmingly, with her favorite leer. "Unless you want some help getting out of them." Sniffing disdainfully at his uprolled eyes, she led him to the speeder, pressing him towards it encouragingly. "Have fun."

"You're letting me take her out?" he asked incredulously, a hint of delight fleeting across his wan features and Delian knew she'd made a good choice.

"I've got your promise you'll bring her back, right?"

"Without a scratch," he agreed, running his long fingers lightly over the speeder's glossy body.

"Then I know you will," she smiled crookedly, "because I know that Jedi value their word as binding."

Obi-Wan returned her smile, bringing a sudden blush to her cheeks. "Delian, I think that's the first thing you've gotten right about the Jedi."

She toggled the switch to open the bay doors and waved him out, laughing despite herself.

OOOOOOOOOO

The wind screamed past his ears as Obi-Wan tore across the desert, racing through the twilight away from his loneliness and the horrid, unrelenting ache in his heart that bit into him every quiet moment he had. He wanted to meditate, to release his anxieties to his beloved Force, but there was something that was holding him back that he just couldn't pinpoint.

Obi-Wan increased the tiny speeder's acceleration, trying to outrun the tormented, confused maelstrom of thoughts and emotions that raged through him.

Not surprisingly, he couldn't.

One thought surfaced above the others, surprising him. He'd turned to look back at Delian as she'd opened the bay doors for him and in that moment, he felt he saw her, to his surprise, as she really was – light-hearted, beautiful, possibly insane, caring. Then her Corellian side took over and returned the mercenary glint to her eyes – along with a frank appreciation for the way he gently straddled the speeder.

Shaking his head ruefully, Obi-Wan steered the swoop through the open desert, marveling that the two halves of Delian Ani-Suru were so completely different, yet meshed together so well. She was an enigma, though she certainly made no effort at hiding her attraction to him. It was almost painful to witness, though Obi-Wan knew he couldn't encourage her. Not now.

Not when he was so damned confused himself.

The problem, however, was that her essence had somehow wrapped herself around his thoughts.

The problem was that he could sense the Force whispering to him gently, though from achingly far away.

The problem was the distant impression of terrified voices suddenly going silent and the dark whisper that had begun to taunt him, steadily growing stronger, closer.

The problem, too, was that a little boy's ability to stay with his mother was entrusted to his incapable care.

And he wondered, oddly, why it so often felt so clearly that the weight and fate of worlds rested on his shoulders.

OOOOOOOOOO

She knew that she was dreaming, but that didn't seem to help.

She could still feel the adrenaline coursing through her body, could hear the blood rushing in her ears. Knew that she was already dreading what she would find in the last room as her feet propelled her towards the doorway.

Don't go into the room, Delian.

Don't go inside.

She stepped inside.

Blurred shadows from indistinct shapes crowded her vision, but she pressed forward, somehow knowing exactly where to go.

A woman waited there for her, and she could feel the hatred and malice pulsing from her. Delian ignored her, her eyes drawn to the floor and a heap of torn flesh and clothing, smeared red … there was red everywhere … Delian knelt down slowly, swallowing hard as she placed her hand amidst the crimson, searching. Her breath hitched when under her shaking palm she felt a ragged breath, and then another. The blue-grey eyes she loved were nearly swollen shut, the soft ginger hair now longer, matted and tangled.

Obi-Wan.

She thought she might have been crying, and strained to hear the words of his voice in her head. She realized that it was just one word he was repeating softly to himself, sounding greatly relieved, as it echoed in her mind:

Over…

Delian's eyes snapped open, and she was already throwing off the covers, telling herself to be calm – be calm, damn it! – as she strode to the speeder garage, with every step her breathing seemed louder and louder until she was running, up the stairs, through the door to his bunk –

Kenobi was sleeping. He looked worn and ragged, even in the innocence of sleep, the hollows under his eyes more pronounced by the pale starlight shining through the small window. But he was here. Whole. Unharmed. She knew it would wake him if she touched him, so she simply stared, caressing with her eyes the ginger hair, the perfect face, the strong body.

He was still here.

"Thank you," she whispered.

OOOOOOOOOO

"Enjoy your little trip last night, sweetheart?" she asked him lightly that morning, her dream still haunting the edges of her mind.

"Thank you, yes," his voice was soft as always, and for a moment she simply relished the sound of it. Kest, Delian, you're pathetic, she scoffed at herself. You have fallen so damn hard you can't even see the tops of his boots.

"Good," she nodded. "We have a lot of work to do today to get you ready." Delian rolled her bright brown eyes expansively. "I don't know what I was thinking, using an untrained pilot." She caught Obi-Wan's amused look as he opened his mouth and she knew that he was about to tell her exactly what she'd been thinking. "Never mind!" she interjected sharply, grinning wryly at him. "Forget it."

"Of course," he agreed readily and without further comment, for which she was glad.

oooooooooo

Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its costAnyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lostWhat if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind..?

BNL, "Falling for the First Time"

oooooooooo