I had fallen asleep admiring Anders' face for a few moments, and when I woke again, my bed was empty. My heart began to race like crazy. That all too familiar feeling of abandonment returned. Something told me that he would change his mind. I made my way down the stairs, feeling as low as I could get, when I heard Anders voice coming from the kitchen. My mother was laughing at a story he was telling her. I turned the corner and there was my man, cooking breakfast for everyone.

"Good morning, love," he approached me and tenderly kissed my cheek. "I've asked your mother if it was alright with her if I stay. I wanted to make sure she was okay with the situation, as this is the home she grew up in."

"Of course, you are more than welcome Anders. Why, I'm just surprised it took you two this long." My mother was absolutely beaming. She so often pleaded with me to dress and act more feminine so I could find a husband. While Anders and I were far from considering marriage, I was sure Mother did not see it that way.

When we finished our meal, Orana gathered our dishes and began to clean up. Anders offered to help her but she refused. She seemed to take great pride in taking care of the estate.

"You know Anders, it's my Marian's birthday in a few days," my Mother gushed at him.

"I remembered," he smiled and put his arm around my waist. "How were you planning on celebrating this year, love?"

"I wasn't."

"But it's your birthday. There is no way you are going to spend your day running around for the Viscount, and then ending it with drinks at the Hanged Man. You can do that any other day."

"Yes dear, leave the planning to Anders and I. We will take care of everything for you."

"It's my birthday, don't I get a say in it?"

"No, afraid not." Anders teased me. He and my mother were getting along so well. Before the Blight my mother had taken great pride in throwing birthday parties for her children, so maybe I should just let her this year. I had refused her offers the previous years since we had been in Kirkwall. Maybe it was time to stop being so stubborn.

"All right, all right. Nothing too fancy. Just a few friends over for dinner and some drinks."

"Wonderful. Oh Darling, don't you worry. I will take care of everything." She hurried out of the estate, already making arrangements no doubt.

"See what you did, Anders?"

"What? Look how excited she is. Hawke, you're the only child she has living with her. She's only seen Carver a handful of times since he joined the Templars. Let her do this for you." I sighed out loud.

"I know. You're right."

"You have to let go of your need to protect everyone around you and let your loved ones take care of you from time to time. You deserve it. Look, I will go to the Hanged Man later on and tell your friends about it. All you need to do is go to the Viscount and let him know that you will need two days off."

"Why two?"

"Well, birthday celebrations usually involve the guest of honour partaking in a wee bit too much alcohol. So I've heard anyways." Anders eyes were narrowed with smile lines. I had never seen him smile so much in all the time I'd known him. He was a nurturer, and that was something I needed in my life. I thought of how I woke up to seeing a smile in his face, and remembered how he did not startle me with nightmares at all.

"Anders, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Last night, did you have any nightmares?"

"I did, yes. But not nearly as terrible as they usually are. I only woke up a little startled at one point, but then I remembered you were in my arms." I leaned forward and kissed him.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For being so good to me."

Anders had more work to do at his clinic (when didn't he?), so I told him that I could handle going to the Hanged Man and inviting my friends. Plus, I couldn't wait to tell Isabela everything that had happened the previous night. It was just before dusk when I arrived. I headed over to Varric's suite, and there was a game of Diamondback being played. The whole gang was there, including Fenris. Of course he would be there, I have no idea why I thought otherwise. I felt a flush hit my cheeks.

"Come to lose all your coin, Hawke?" Varric teased. Everyone glanced my way. Everyone except Fenris, that is. His eyes remained glued to his cards, as if the world's greatest secrets were spread across them.

"No, I'm not staying. My mother has insisted that I must have a birthday celebration this year, so I've come to invite you all."

"A birthday party, huh?" Isabela sauntered over to me. "And how old will the birthday girl be this year?"

"Twenty five." Fenris spoke, still not looking away from the hand he had been dealt, despite that no one had been playing since my arrival.

"When is the celebration?" Sebastian asked.

"Three nights from now. Come just before dark."

"Would it be alright if I bring a guest?" I looked over towards Aveline.

"You mean Donnic, don't you?" She blushed and nodded. Donnic was Aveline's new boyfriend. I was glad she was finally moving on with her life. I could tell she had desperately missed Ser Wesley, but she deserved to find love again. For the first time since I had known her, she seemed truly happy.

"Of course you can bring him."

"Ooh, a birthday party means presents! The Dalish never celebrate with birthday parties. What shall we get you, Hawke?" Merrill squealed with delight.

"Kitten, the whole point in getting presents is to keep the gift a surprise." Isabela answered her.

"Seriously, no need to buy me anything. All you need to do is show up."

"You just want us to come to your home, eat your food, and drink you dry, with no kind of disbursement? You're my kind of host!" Varric joked.

"How could I expect anything from my clever little dwarf when your company is more than enough?" I playfully flirted with Varric.

"Aww, you're sweet. Not so loud though, Bianca might get jealous!"

Isabela managed to get me away from the group. We entered her suite and closed the door.

"So, a little birdy told me that you and the healer got to know each other really well." She winked at me.

"Who on earth told you that?" The only person who knew other than Anders and myself would have been Fenris, if he did in fact hear us from the street. It was killing me not knowing.

"Let's just say a certain brooding elf came in here drunk as a skunk last night, and got real chatty."

"You're kidding."

"I kid you not, Hawke."

"What did he say?"

" 'Damned woman ought to keep her doors shut, I ought to rip that abomination's heart out, serves me right for going to apologize,' so on and so forth." I groaned out loud. Isabela continued. "He honestly wasn't making a lot of sense. He was wasted by the time he got here. And before you worry, he wasn't complaining to me. He was talking to Varric, and I just happen to have very good ears. So Hawke, tell me. What happened?"

"Well, Anders came over and...we...he..."

"Did he curl your toes? Praise your Maker? Shank your Jory? Explore your Deep Roads? Or master your taint? That's an old one."

"Yes! We had sex. Geez, you have a lot more of those saved up don't you?"

"You know it. So...how was he? Did he...show you that little electricity trick of his?" Ugh, I completely forgot. Isabela and Anders slept together years ago. I totally forgot about said electric skill. Now I was feeling hurt and left out that he would please her in such a way and not me. I must have been pouting.

"Oh sweet thing, don't worry. Anders adores you, he was probably just really nervous. I'm sure he has many tricks up his sleeve that he hasn't ravished you with yet."

"He said he loves me."

"Aww, how sweet. But tell me Hawke, how did Fenris know that you two slept together?" Colour rushed to my cheeks again.

"I feel awful Isabela. My balcony door ended up being open, I had no idea. After we made love, I went to close it, but before that I stepped out to see if any of my neighbors had heard...and there he was. Oh, he must hate me."

"Ouch, must have been awkward. From what I gathered from his drunken stupor, he was there before Anders first arrived."

"You mean...?"

"He listened to the whole thing."

"Oh Maker, why in the world would he do that? Why was he even there in the first place?"

"Who knows. That elf is a strange one. Or just maybe, he gets off on being a voyeur." she laughed.

"This so isn't funny right now."

"Oh, I know. He has been here drinking since last night. He slept it off a bit in Varric's room, but went right back to drinking as soon as he woke up."

"He's never going to forgive me, is he?"

"Hawke, he has no right to bitch and moan because you moved on to another man. He is the one who left like the sorry ass he is. I saw how bad he hurt you. He's just being a typical man. Doesn't like others playing with his toy. You are not his property."

"I suppose you're right."

"Of course I am. So, Anders, and Justice? That must be exciting! As they say, two's company, but three is better."

"I don't think whoever made that claim had a Fade spirit in mind."

"Perhaps he thinks you're too good of a person, and isn't willing to smite you. That would be a shame, wouldn't it? Everyone deserves a good smiting now and then. I could use one right this minute."

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"No, there's ships, and gold, and all right, sex. The three greatest pleasures in life. Was the pleasure all yours last night? Please Hawke, divulge me in a few nasty details."

"I will say that the man knows what he is doing."

"Good, then I guess I did teach him a thing or two." I glared at Isabela. She was definitely crossing a line now. "Just kidding! Geez, I thought you getting laid would help you relax a little. Prude."

I decided not to mention that Anders had moved in. I wasn't ready for the world to know yet. Scratch that, I wasn't ready for Fenris to know yet. Not until I knew that he was okay. But that was for another night. I said goodbye to my friends before leaving. Fenris never looked up once. I was reassured that it was for the best he not know just how serious Anders and I were just yet. All he knew was that we slept together. If I had known what his reaction would be, I would have cancelled the birthday celebration. I had no idea what was to come.

On my birthday morning I awoke to a tingling between my legs. It took me a second to realise that Anders was performing oral sex. I would have to fall asleep naked more often, I thought to myself.

"Mmmaker Anders, what are you doing?" I breathed out.

"Giving you your first birthday present. Just enjoy it." He went back to licking my folds and I softly moaned. His tongue was applying the lightest amount of pressure and it felt incredible. I was still a little sore from our intense session of lovemaking the previous night, and he was clearly paying mind to how sensitive I was down there. He gently toyed my entrance with a single finger, ever so slowly moving just the tip of it in and out. I bucked forward, wanting more, and his whole finger slid inside of me. I moaned louder now, and his licks increased in speed and pressure. He teasingly moved his head quickly from side to side, hitting new nerves that I didn't even know existed.

"Yes, yes!" I cried out with ecstasy, and pushed his head forwards. He lapped up my clit with a vicious speed and I trembled beneath him. A second finger now entered me and I bucked my hips into his hand, impaling myself with his digits.

His fingers explored my inner walls, curling at just the right spot. He moved them in and out of me, and they became drenched with a mixture of my excitement and his saliva. His pinky finger lightly grazed my back entrance, and I jolted forward, surprised at the sensation.

"Is this alright?"

"Please, don't stop, I'm so close." He chuckled, and continued to pleasure me. His tongue hit all the right spots as his fingers plunged into my core. Three fingers were in me now and he lightly stroked my other hole, never entering. Feeling all three spots stimulated at once was too much to handle. My orgasm came forth and I nearly screamed. My walls gripped his fingers, I could feel them being pushed out but he kept his pace, pushing them back in despite what my body was doing. His tongue flicked my bud until I could take no more and pushed his head away with my hands.

"Oh...wow." was all managed to say.

"Good?" He asked me.

"Anders, please don't let this get to your head, but that had to be the most intense climax I have ever had in my whole life." He had a huge grin on his face.

"Has no one ever played with you back there before?"

"Well, once or twice, but it always hurt."

"They clearly were doing it wrong then." He climbed on top of me and kissed me passionately. He pulled his mouth away and began to get dressed.

"Don't you want sex?" I asked.

"Today is about your pleasure. I have something in mind for you later tonight, after your party. I don't want you getting too sore before then." Anders kissed my neck and then stood up.

"You can go back to sleep love. I'll bring your breakfast to you when it's done."

"Is there anything you can't do?"

"Fly." he joked before he left my room. I was grinning ear to ear. I thought maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad afterall.

My mother really outdid herself. There was ribbon everywhere. Purples, blues, reds, and pinks covered my entire mansion. Clearly my she took full advantage that I was letting her throw me a party. She let Sandal help her decorate, which he thoroughly enjoyed. "Enchantment!" he exclaimed when they were finished.

Orana and mother spent the better half of the day in the kitchen. I could not believe the feast they prepared. A roast chicken, plenty of appetizers, and salads were spread across the dining area. She even baked my favorite dessert which I had not had since we lived in Ferelden. I was truly touched at the amount of effort she had gone through, and it wasn't until that moment that I realised just how much this meant to her.

Anders arrived back home before any of the guests got there. He came in with a bouquet of red roses. I greeted him with a kiss before accepting the flowers and placing them in a vase upon my writing desk. Soon after that, my friends arrived. Isabela, Merrill, Sebastian, Varric, Aveline, Donnic, and to our surprise, Carver. My mother burst into tears when he walked through the door. He embraced both of us and held us for a minute or two.

"I can't stay long. I just wanted to come by and wish you a happy birthday, sister."

"Well, in that case, we should eat now. You don't want to miss out on the food mother prepared."

Gamlen showed up halfway through dinner and barely said hi to me. Clearly, he came for the food. Drinks were passed around left and right, and we were having a blast. I looked at an empty chair I set out just in case Fenris did decide to come. He was there for the invite, but I knew there was a good chance he wouldn't show. Anders helped Orana clear the table, and I took that opportunity to question Isabela. I whispered over to her "Fenris didn't say anything about coming did he?"

"No, sorry sweetling. After you left the Hanged Man the other night, he kept to himself. You can't expect him to want to be here after...you know."

"I know, it just doesn't feel the same without him around anymore. I do miss his friendship." As soon as I spoke the words, I heard my front door close. When I glanced over, Fenris was standing in the dining entrance, present in hand.

"Hey Broody, glad to see you came out!" Varric greeted him. Fenris walked over to the counter and placed his gift where all the others were stashed for the time being. Just then, Anders came back in the room and saw him there. A look of disapproval came across his face, and he quickly took his place beside me. Fenris scowled at him and sat beside Carver.

My mother said she would leave me to my friends, and she retired to her bedroom, but not before giving Carver a big hug and kiss. He left soon after, followed by my Uncle Gamlen. Isabela insisted I open my presents.

Merrill bounced over to me as quick as she could.

"Here, open mine first!" I giggled at her excitement. So many times she reminded me of a small child, it was adorable. I opened the wrapping and it was a book of spells.

"Do you like it?"

"Of course I do Merrill. Thank you."

My friends went around, giving me their gifts. Varric had written me all the rules to their card games, so I could join in once in awhile. Aveline and Donnic had brought me a bottle of wine. Sebastian brought incense and candles from the Chantry. Isabela handed me a nicely wrapped box in red and black cloth. I opened it, and inside the box were bottles of lotions, lubes, and a guide to different sexual positions. My jaw dropped and Varric burst out laughing.

"Well thank the Maker my mother is in bed!"

"Oh, you will love it. I know Anders will too." She nudged him and he smiled. Fenris cleared his throat, and I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat.

"Isabela, don't you find it a tad inappropriate to bring such a lewd gift?" Sebastian scolded her.

"What? You brought candles! Do you have any idea the amount of fun you can have with those things?" Sebastian blushed at her comments.

I slowly looked to Fenris who was now downing his drink. He had been drinking since he arrived, and even then he smelled of alcohol to begin with. The only presents I had left to open were his and Anders', and Fenris left his gift on the shelf for some reason. I guessed he wanted me to open it later on. Anders came over with a small box. I opened it with delight, and inside I saw one of the most beautiful rings I had ever seen. It was a black diamond shaped into a heart with a silver band.

"Anders, it's beautiful." I gasped.

"You deserve the best. I had to find a way to thank you, for allowing me to live in your heart, and your home." The room fell silent. I guess it was time to announce our living arrangement.

"You two, are living together?" Sebastian was the first to speak.

"In sin." Isabela chuckled.

"Yes, it's true. Anders moved in a few nights ago." I spoke softly, terrified to look at Fenris.

"Well, another reason to celebrate then!" Varric raised his glass. I finally looked up, and Fenris for once, had an expression other than anger. He looked crushed, and it hurt me to think I was the one who put that look on his face. He looked up at me, and then stood up: to leave, I assumed. Isabela went to say something to him, but he held his hand in front of her face. In the process of him storming away he bumped into the table and knocked over some wine.

"Hey!" Anders yelled but he was already out of sight.

"It's fine, I'll get it." I grabbed a cloth from the kitchen, and tried to scrub the wine out of the tablecloth, but it was not coming out.

"I'll be a minute, I have some better cloths in my room for this sort of thing." I excused myself from the group in the dining hall. I walked all the way up my stairs and entered my bedroom. I walked over to a drawer in my room when I heard my bedroom door click behind me. I whipped around, and standing there was Fenris. He hadn't left like I assumed. He was waiting to get me alone. He staggered over to me, clearly inebriated. The smell of alcohol on his breath was apparent as he neared. His glance moved over to my bed.

"The last time I saw you here, it was I who was in your bed."

"Yes, and you left."

"You are living with the abomination now?" I looked at my feet, not able to face him in the eyes.

"Yes Fenris, I am."

"I heard you the other night. Moaning and calling out his name."

"I...I know. And I am deeply sorry you had to find out that way. Why were you outside my home? Isabela told me that you were there before Anders even came by."

"I was going to apologize, for treating you the way I have been."

"I'm so sorry, Fenris."

"I discovered something of interest while listening to you two."

"What would that be?"

"I think you enjoyed me better."

"Fenris!" Was he being serious? I knew he was drunk and hurting, but it felt uncalled for.

"It's true. You sounded like you were acting with him. But with me, it was real. Every moan, every quiver, you loved it." He was backing me into the wall now, and I felt nervous.

"Fenris, what do you want from me?"

"I want you to admit it, that you still want me."

"Fenris.." He pushed his body into mine and I could feel his hot breath on my face.

"He is a dangerous man, Hawke."

"And you're not?"

"I would never hurt you, Hawke."

"You already have, Fenris." His eyes looked down at me, and for a second he stopped. Only for a second. He pushed into me more, and I could feel that he was aroused.

"Tell me to stop, and I will." I looked up at him. I thought back to the night with him. Him taking me in my bed, demanding me to take him in my mouth, to do as I was told. I felt hot, feeling his erection push into me, but I knew it was wrong. He left me, and I had fallen in love with someone else. Still, the memories lingered.

"I can't."

"Yes you can." He sank his hardness further into my leggings and it felt as if he was so close to being inside me.

"Tell me to stop, and I will."

"I.."

"You can't, can you? Think of how it felt to have me inside you, to have me take you from behind and have you explode all over me. Remember when I.."

"What the hell are you doing to her?" Anders bolted across the room and threw him to the ground. Fenris staggered back up.

"Talking." was all he said.

"Oh, it looked more than talking to me. It sounded like a seductive little walk down memory lane. Hawke has moved on and now you regret it. You were an idiot to leave Hawke!"

"And you were fast enough to replace me!"

"I love her. You can't even imagine what that is."

"Do not bare your heart to me, mage, unless you would have me rip it out."

I was now standing in between them, as they were having their screaming match.

"A little help!" I called and Aveline and Donnic were there to break them up. Aveline pulled on Fenris.

"Come on, you're drunk. You should sleep it off."

"Get your hands off me, I can let myself out." I followed him down the stairs, Anders with Donnic holding him back slightly followed me. Just before Fenris walked out the door, he turned to Anders one last time.

"Be good to her. Break her heart, and I will kill you." and with that, he was gone.

Authors notes: This had to be my favorite chapter to write so far. I was going to include more, but decided to break it down into 2 chapters instead. Leave a review and let me know what you thought :-)