It was time for the Christmas dinner to commence and as the residents of Lazytown and Network officers alike piled into the function room there was buzz of excitement, voices filling the air in a cheerful hubbub of sound mingled with Christmas music playing in the background. It didn't take long for everyone to find their seats after they had laid their food offerings on the large buffet style table set up along one wall of the room. Many commented on the job done on the layout of the room, the decorations and the space reserved for a dance floor. Everyone smiled and laughed at the tokens they found at their places and showed them to those around them. Those that had set up the room gladly accepted the praises of their colleagues and peers, bowing as their efforts were applauded.

Standing up from his place at the table Mayor Meanswell bid everyone silence and cleared his throat, "As Mayor of this town I would like to officially welcome everyone to our first Christmas dinner with our friends from the Network and Nine and his wife Yuliya. I hope that they feel as part of this town as we do and may we each share this special day in high spirits. Let the festivities commence!"

Everyone cheered and applauded the Mayor as he resumed his seat. As the cheers subsided Boris stood and offered his own small speech, "I'd like to thank you, Mr Mayor and everyone. Before we start I'd just ask that I and my men observe one of our traditions at special events such as this."

"Of course you may."

Boris smiled and nodded his thanks before looking at Langford, "Langford, as unofficial master of ceremonies and the deputy division leader I think I'll give you the honour of leading the charge."

"Leading the charge?" Several Lazytowners voiced simultaneously, each confused.

"You could say it's like saying grace. It's a pledge we make that works alongside our vows." Langford explained as he stood and walked over to the empty space left for the dance floor, "Over here lads."

All of the Network officers complied and the inhabitants of Lazytown watched as they got into a big huddle with Langford in the centre. They listened intently as Langford spoke, the others repeating his words in unison.

"To friends and colleagues gone.
To friends and colleagues gone.
In the line of duty their lives ended
In the line of duty their lives ended
We bid them peace in the house of Ais
We bid them peace in the house of Ais
Let their families be strong
Let their families be strong
In their absence live on
In their absence live on
For us that remain
For us that remain
In honour regain
In honour regain
Our duty we will continue
Our duty we will continue
In surrender refrain
In surrender refrain
We will remain until death our lives claim
We will remain until death our lives claim
And when I signed my life away on that dotted line I fucking meant it!"

Some of the Network officers went to repeat Langford's last line while others realised straight away and laughed. Several of them slapped him on the back before resuming their seats while Boris shook his head, smiled and said "Thank you Langford."

Langford held up his hand and smiled back, "Sorry, I got a little carried away."

Everyone laughed and at a nod from Boris they got up and began helping themselves to food. There was much on offer from sports candy to various foods from around the world, though most notably Bessie's famous roast Turkey. Much merriment ensued as people filled their plates with various foods and tried to remember where they were sitting. Being nosey, Langford lifted the domed lid of a silver platter that had been left untouched and looked underneath it. Setting aside the lid with a clatter he lifted up what it had been concealing.

"Who didn't make an effort and brought just a packet of crisps?" He called, bringing everyone to silence.

Stingy cleared his throat and got up, "I did. My food is mine, they are also mine."

"You're as tight as a duck's arse!" Langford exclaimed disbelievingly, "Forget the phrase, 'it's been so long since you opened your wallet a moth will probably fly out' I bet if you opened your wallet you'd find species of moth that have never been discovered."

Several people laughed, especially those that had known Stingy the longest.

Kit joined in the laughter before shouting over to Stingy, "Hey Stingy, just a thought, how's business doing at the shop since you gave up pricing stuff and labelled everything 'mine'?"

Stingy was the only one in the room not laughing and he sat back down in his chair with a loud 'hmpf'.

Once the laughter had subsided and Stingy had come out of his strop long enough to eat some food, Boris asked the question many others had not thought or been able to.

"Kit, what were you being chased for this morning?"

Kit smiled at the question, "Something I accidentally sent to the wrong airship."

"It was this!" Robyn laughed and pulled the offending article out of her bag, a six inch jelly dildo that she threw to Boris who stared at it blankly for a few seconds before realising what it was and throwing it over to the clown. "I think it was my Christmas present."

"Who said it was for you? The note didn't have your name on it." Kit declared solemnly with a very cheeky smile before crossing his eyes and wobbling the dildo animatedly in Sportacus' direction.

Riotous laughter broke out around the table while Sportacus turned a very bright shade of red and tried to bury his face in the tablecloth. Several people fell off of their chairs and rolled on the floor clutching their sides. There wasn't a dry eye in the room and it was a while before anyone could stop laughing completely.

Turning their attention back to the food, Langford and Boris found themselves eyeing up the same morsel of food. Sitting across from each other they each geared up to be the first one to grab it. So focussed were they on the food that they didn't notice that they were being watched by the others.

"I'm going to fork it first," Boris declared, shooting daggers at his second.

Langford wrinkled his face up as he struggled with Boris' thick accent on one of the words, "You're going to fuck it first?"

"Fork it." Boris repeated more slowly, trying to annunciate the word.

"Fuck it?"

"Fork it!"

"For God's sake man, speak English!" Langford stated with mock annoyance.

Running his hand down his face Boris took a deep breath and threw back, "YA govoril na angliyskom yazyke durak!"

"That's Russian! Besides, I'm not a fool. Say it again; spell it out if you have to."

"Ok, if it helps I can draw it in crayon for you too." Boris said in English, "Are you ready? F-O-R-K. F-O-R-K it!"

With a wicked grin, Langford raised both eyebrows before saying, "Fork it! Why didn't you say that in the first place? Now you mention it though, don't mind if I do," and speared the morsel of food with his fork before popping it in his mouth.

Boris joined in with those laughing at his and Langford's little argument as he squashed his annoyance and impulse to skewer Langford's hand to the table with his fork.

Though Bessie had found the men's language to be a little coarse she'd enjoyed their exchange and found herself in need of having a question answered, "Are you two always like this?"

"Most of the time," Langford replied, winking at Boris. "We go back a long way. Besides which when you have thirty men all living under one roof you get times when there's a lot of testosterone milling about. It just helps to ease the tension."

"Don't you have any women in your organisation?"

Langford and Boris looked at each other briefly before Boris decided to take the lead on the answer, "While women can be heroes they tend not to be allowed to join the Network, not in an active role anyway."

"Why not?" Trixie challenged, defending her fellow and vastly outnumbered females.

"Erm...well, to put it one way. You're not as strong." Boris stumbled.

Robyn raised an eyebrow, "Is that so?" she said before moving herself so she was sitting opposite Boris and putting her elbow on the table held her arm out diagonally as she leaned over the table, challenging him to an arm wrestle. "Care to put your money where your mouth is, soldier boy?"

Several of the Network officers stood up and 'oooooohhhhdddd' as the challenge was issued. Put on the spot Boris tried to find a way to back out and still save face while at the same time not wanting to hurt Robyn by taking her up on her challenge. Seeing no viable exit he couldn't let the challenge stand unmet and moved himself so he could comply. He gripped her hand and at the count of three they started their arm wrestle. At first it looked as though Boris was going to win but Robyn suddenly pulled it back and their arms stood gridlocked. Starting to turn red with effort, Boris felt his arm start to move and not in the direction he wanted.

Cheers went up as Boris' hand touched the table, Robyn had won.

Conceding defeat and in an effort to sway everyone's attention from it, Boris asked out loud. "What's next?"

"Everybody has finished eating so in the normal running order of things I'd say presents." Mayor Meanswell suggested.

"No not yet!" Ziggy shouted, forcing everyone to look at him, "I don't care about those yet. I want to hear one of Kit's stories, he hasn't told a story yet!"