"This baby might not be yours." The words hung in the air, as we both went silent. Anders buried his head in his hands. I knew he must have felt devastated. When he finally looked up, he had a determined look on his face.
"I once told you I would drown us in blood to keep you safe, and I meant it. This baby could be born a half-darkspawn and I wouldn't care. I love you Hawke, and I want to help you raise this child, no matter who its biological father may be."
"Are you sure about that Anders? You despise Fenris. What if..." I paused, having trouble forming the words. "What if the baby is his? Could you truly be with me, helping me raise his offspring?"
"I don't care about that. All I care about is you. For all we know it could be my child, anyway. We won't be certain until the time comes. So please, let me help you."
"There are other options. I don't...I don't know if I'm going to keep it, Anders. "
"You can't possibly mean...Maker, Hawke. Please don't tell me you're considering getting rid of our child."
"It might be easier this way, Anders. We wouldn't necessarily have to terminate it. I could go away for the time being, and after it's born we could leave it at the Chantry steps." Even hearing my own words, I knew I would never consider either of these options. This baby was a part of me, and if I had to raise it on my own, I would.
"Sweetheart, listen to yourself. Are you the kind of woman who would leave her own flesh and blood on the doorsteps for strangers to decide the fate of? I know you, and I know this is something you aren't capable of." I sighed a deep breath of relief.
"No, of course not."
"So it's settled then?"
"Yes, I'm going to keep the baby."
"Oh, good." Anders breathed out, seeming to be just as relieved as I was. I now had to bring up an even more uncomfortable subject matter, if that were even possible.
"I have no idea what I'm going to say to Fenris. He's not going to take this news well."
"What?! You're going to tell him?"
"I have to, Anders. This child might be his."
"Please don't." His eyes filled with worry. "I can't stand the thought of losing you."
"Why would you lose me?"
"Hawke, I've seen the man. He still wears your family crest. And after your birthday, seeing him touching you that way...no. What do you think he'll do if he finds out you may be carrying his child?"
"He'd eventually notice me walking around with a half-elven baby, don't you think? Don't be ridiculous, Anders. He practically ran out of my house just from sleeping with me. When I tell him I'm pregnant, he very well may flee Kirkwall." The thought was unsettling. It made me feel sick to my stomach thinking that Fenris might do such a thing. I became angry suddenly, and clenched my fists. I swore to myself, if he took off, I would personally find him, and he would regret it sorely.
Anders knelt down in front of me and frantically began kissing my belly. "Please." he said in between kisses, his voice full of desperation "I don't want to lose you, my love." More kisses were planted on my abdomen as he grasped onto my hips. He stared into my eyes, pleading with me. I could not believe my ears. Here, I had been terrified he would end our relationship because of my foolishness but instead he was begging me not to leave him.
"You have been wonderful to me, and I couldn't ask for a better partner. But I need to do this. I swear to you, I am not going anywhere. I love you."
"I love you, too." He stood now and cupped my face tenderly in his palms. He leaned down and kissed me, with almost as much passion as our very first kiss had, here in his clinic. I pulled away and stood up.
"Are you going to tell him now?"
"I'm going to visit Isabela first. I need some female advice. Then I will go talk to Fenris." Anders began kissing me again, holding me tight.
"You really do love me?"
"I promise you. I really do love you."
"Alright love. I will be waiting for you at home. Please don't take too long."
When I arrived at the Hanged Man, Varric informed me that Isabela was "entertaining" a guest in her suite. I decided I could wait. I sat with Varric. He offered me a drink, but I shook my head.
"Woah, there's a first. Everything alright, Hawke? You don't exactly look your best."
"Gee, thanks Varric."
"Is everything okay with you and Blondie?"
"Yes, Anders and I are fine. We're just going through a rough patch right now."
"Cheer up, Hawke. I'm sure everything will work out."
"I hope you're right, Varric."
Isabela emerged, her hair a mess. She was with some male elven prostitute I had seen at the Rose before. I guessed he liked Isabela enough to sleep with her even when he wasn't charging for it. She slapped his rear as he walked away from her.
"Now that's a man I will never tire of." She said as she swayed her hips our way.
"Isabela, can I talk to you in private?"
"Ouch! Way to hurt me and Bianca's feelings."
"Sorry Varric, but this is something I don't want to end up in one of your stories. I promise, you will find out soon enough."
Isabela brought me to her room and closed the door. It still smelled of sex and the bed was unmade. I felt a little uncomfortable.
"Alright Hawke, what seems to be the problem now?"
"Promise not to breathe a word of this."
"That juicy, huh?"
"Isabela, I'm serious. Not a word."
"Alright, alright. What's crawled up your ass?"
"I'm pregnant."
"Okay! Clearly something did not crawl up your ass but somewhere else." she joked. "Does Anders know yet?"
"Yes, he knows, but that's not the issue."
"I'm not following."
"I'm not sure if that contraception potion he used on me after Fenris was effective or not. I haven't bled since before then."
"Oh shit."
"'Oh shit' is right! What the hell am I going to do? And what will I tell Fenris?"
"Okay, calm down. Have a drink." I shot a look at her.
"Or...don't have a drink. The elf is flighty, so you may want to brace him before you tell him."
"How do you brace someone like Fenris for this? 'Oh hey, remember when we slept together, and you got so scared you ran off? By the way, I'm pregnant, and you might be the father. Or it might be the child of that man I'm sleeping with that you hate so much.'"
"Good point. Sorry, Hawke. I really don't know an easy way out of this. You could always try getting him stinking drunk and then telling him. That way it's like you told him, but he probably won't remember!" I blankly stared at her. "No? Alright then. That's all I got."
"Such a help you are." She put her arm around my neck and kissed my cheek.
"It'll be alright my girl. Just try to make sure he doesn't have anything near him that he can throw."
When I left Isabela's room, Fenris was sitting at Varric's table. They had started a card game, and Varric was already winning. I took a good look at him, making sure he was indeed sober. He seemed to be, so I decided that the time had come to tell him the news.
"Sorry to interrupt, boys, but Fenris, we really need to talk."
"Now Broody too? Hawke, are you conspiring against me or something?"
"It can't wait." Fenris sensed my urgency and stood up.
"Another time," he told Varric, and we walked out the door.
"What is it?" he asked, concern was apparent in his tone.
"Can we just get to your place first? I would appreciate the privacy."
"Of course." We were silent the entire way there. When we entered his home, Fenris offered me a drink, but I politely declined.
"I think you may want to take a seat. What I'm about to say may be a little upsetting."
"Just tell me. What is it?" All my nerves began to build up and I was shaking.
"Hawke, you're trembling. Did he...did he hurt you? I will kill him!"
"No no, Fenris..it's nothing like that. Oh Maker, I don't know how to tell you this."
"You're frightening me. Just come out with it."
"I'm with child." I stared at him, waiting for the news to register. His eyes cast downwards, refusing to look at me.
"What do you want me to say? Congratulations? I hope the two of you are very happy together?"
"You don't understand..."
"Don't understand what? You've come to gloat about how happy you are with that abomination? Tell me I got what I deserved in the end for hurting you?"
"That's not it!"
"What then?!" He was practically yelling at me.
"This baby might be yours." I said, just above a whisper.
"What...what did you say?" I looked up at him now, his eyes wide.
"This baby might be yours, Fenris."
"How sure are you?"
"I don't know. I messed up, and I feel like such a fool."
"And what does he say of this?"
"Anders says he wants to raise the baby, no matter what."
"Fasta vass! Like hell that abomination will raise any offspring of mine!"
"What do you want me to do, toss Anders away because you are unhappy with the situation? I don't think so, Fenris. He didn't even want me telling you, but I am, because it is the right thing to do. You deserve to know."
"Mages! Always conspiring! And I suppose this...this child that may be mine...it would be born with the curse of magic?"
"Well, I am it's mother so there's a good possibility."
"As I have said before, I am cursed to have magic hunt me at every turn."
"Yes, I'm a mage. If you despised it so much you should have never slept with me in the first place."
"Well you should have been more careful!"
"You have a responsibility in this too. You could have pulled out. So don't you dare go pointing fingers at me!"
"If you hadn't opened your damned legs so quickly to that apostate you wouldn't be running around wondering who the father of this bastard child is!" I broke down and started to cry. I had a feeling that he was going to hate me for this, and here he was, practically calling me a whore. I turned away from him to try and hide my tears but it was useless. I was sobbing like a child.
"No, Hawke...don't." He went to touch my shoulder and I pulled away from him.
"I don't know what I'm going to do, Fenris." I cried, my back still turned to him. He came up close to me again, and turned me around. His eyes were softer now, and he used his thumbs to wipe the tears off my face.
"Whatever the outcome is, I will be here. Don't cry." He held me to his chest and stroked my hair. I leaned my head into him, as more tears fell from my face. He started whispering Arcanum in my ear, and his whispered words became a song. He started to sing that song I had heard him sing before. The only memory he ever had of his past life. My crying slowed as his words took over. He rocked me in his arms, slowly side to side. Eventually I looked up at him and he stopped.
"What do those words mean?"
"Hush now, young one. Tomorrow is another day. The future looks bright, and I will always cherish you." At that I started to cry again and he grumbled, aggravated now. "Woman, what's with you?"
"Must be...the...hormones." I sobbed.
"Great. How many more months of this blubbering do we have to look forward to?"
"Seven or eight months."
"Festis bei umo canavarum. You will be the death of me." I laughed now, and he let go of me.
"I...I need to be alone. There is a lot you have said that I need to think about."
"Are you going to be alright?"
"Yes. I will be fine."
"Okay, Fenris. Please, don't run off."
"And leave this child to the hands of that healer? Highly unlikely. You will be seeing me soon."
I left his house feeling overwhelmed. I had no idea what was going to come of the situation. At least I told them both, and could sleep with ease tonight. As Fenris said "tomorrow is another day."
Authors notes: I have to give a HUGE shout out to my Beta, Shinkshinkshink she helped me with some of the tricky details in this chapter. Definitely the hardest one to write so far, although I think my next chapter will really be putting my writing skills to the test.