The journey from the coastal town to the capitol lasted nearly three days, and when they reached the palace, Zuko took off on his own, completely ignoring any plan to ditch Katara he might have had, and any insistent shouts guards might be sending after him. The heat and anger was building up inside of him. Not all of it was directed at Ozai; in fact, quite a bit was directed at Chem and his stupid smug face, and his pretending to know everything while divulging only a little. He was angry for having come all this way and found only broken dreams and blood stained walls. He was angry because he had his skull cracked open, and he'd been stupid and they both could have died. He was angry because that hair pin was heavy in his pocket, a burning reminder of everything she'd sacrificed for her son, and everything he couldn't give her. He was angry because Ozai still managed to wiggle out of punishment that was his by cosmic law.

"My lord?" the prison guard said, confused, when Zuko stopped at the front gates. "We didn't know you were back. We were just getting ready to serve lunch."

"Ooh, too bad. No lunch for him," Zuko said, clenching and unclenching his fists.

The guard must have noticed something strange in him, because he quickly called ahead and had them open all the security doors. Or it might have been Katara's alarmed screaming somewhere behind him, demanding that they take Ozai into protective custody. It could also have been all the weapons he had on him.

Too bad he was faster than she was, and reached the cell before she even made it to the maximum security ward. The guard outside Ozai's cell saw Zuko coming toward her at a rapid pace, and fumbled for the keys, throwing the door open before Zuko had time to break it down.

"Get up you little shit," Zuko yelled at Ozai.

"Look who's come to visit his dear old dad," Ozai said, sneering.

Zuko narrowed his eyes at his father. Ozai remained sitting on his bed, and Zuko couldn't help the anger that filled him. He was breathing steam through his nose, and Ozai sat there, sneering at him.

"Zuko, stop it!" Katara's voice rang down the hall.

"For every hurt you caused the Fire Lady Queen Mother Ursa, for every injury, for every time you put your fucking hands on her…" Zuko growled. "If I find her and she is damaged beyond repair, if she is so broken that she can never again be who she was…"

Ozai laughed. "What will you do? You'll do what you've always done. Sit there and take it."

Katara skidded into the cell. She grabbed Zuko's arm and began trying to pull him away.

"Your keeper thinks it's time for your nap, little boy." Ozai's eyes roamed over Katara. Zuko did not like that.

"Ignore him, Zuko. He's just taunting you. You know this."

"You know, Ozai," Zuko said, removing his arm from Katara's grip, "it's funny. You've been chasing my mother for how long now? You failed to find her. Just like every assassination attempt you and your stupid little supporters make. You fail every time."

Ozai growled, and Zuko saw that he was gripping the mattress tightly. "You've proven harder to kill than the roaches that scurry across the floor of my cell."

"And don't forget it. You are quickly running out of supporters and assassins willing to risk their lives for you. Do you have so many friends that you can risk throwing them away?"

"The same could be said of you."

"In half the time, I've got twice the support. I've accomplished more that you could have—"

"All you've done is backtrack."

"And all you would have done is murder."

"And what did you do, boy, in that fight? I suppose you weren't slinging fire and tossing lightning about?"

"And I suppose you'll never do it again."

"Cut it out, both of you!" Katara stood between them, but she faced Zuko, one hand on his chest.

Ozai stared at him, and Zuko stared back. Either because he was a glutton for punishment or because he thought he was actually going to get some answers, Zuko had often come to talk to Ozai. Sometimes he left with the answers he needed, though not necessarily the ones he wanted. Sometimes they taunted each other, and right now, Zuko had so much anger and nowhere to direct it. Ozai was always the default.

Katara pushed against him, and Zuko allowed himself to be led out of the prison. He followed Katara, letting her lead him as a weight began to press down on his shoulders. Rather than taking them in through the front gates, Katara took them through the kitchen, and issued a terse order to the staff.

"Tell Minister Hau we'll be waiting for him in Zuko's office."

One of the newer cooks stepped right into their path, his arms crossed. He must not have noticed Zuko right behind her. Maybe he really didn't, because Zuko's hair was hanging in his face, obscuring his scar, and the guy was very new.

"You may be a master of your element, and an ambassador from your tribe, but you do not issue orders like you are our Fire Lady. Best friend, concubine, or lover, you don't run this palace."

The rest of the kitchen staff gasped and cowered behind various objects. They'd been there long enough, had seen Zuko enough, to be able to pick him out, even with his hair in his face. Katara was uncorking her waterskins, and Zuko was about to scold the cook, when his Head of Household Staff, Mistress Yina's voice came sharp and scalding.

"You will address Master Waterbender Lady Katara with nothing less than the utmost respect with which you address any member of the royal family." When the cook turned around, surprised, Yina continued. "You were not here the day our most esteemed Fire Lord Zuko declared the Avatar and his companions to be treated as family. If our lord deems them worthy enough to consider them family, then royal family they shall be."

They didn't call her the Iron Maiden for nothing, even if she was married and had children. Yina walked around the cook, a tiny middle-aged woman with black hair, piercing black eyes, and her arms shoved in her sleeves. She bowed low to Zuko.

"If it pleases my lord, punishment shall be dealt swiftly and harshly for such an offense."

"See to it that it is," Zuko said through clenched teeth.

"I shall personally inform Minister Hau of your arrival. Fresh clothing will be laid out and a bath will be drawn at your convenience." Her eyes flicked secretly between the both of them, even though her head was still bowed.

Zuko adored Yina. He wasn't sure how she could have figured it out, but she knew about him and Katara. She'd never made any mention of their relationship, but would occasionally do things like leave an extra set of clothes for Katara in Zuko's room. Yina was his greatest ally in the palace, aside from Hau. If Hau was his right hand, then Yina was his left, and Zuko was the brain that controlled them both. He was later told that it was actually Yina who commandeered one of the nobility's houses for Zuko after the final battle when he was still unconscious. She'd also made people line up and swear fealty to his unconscious body, and had cared for the rest of the group when they were too numb to do anything for themselves. She was the master of secrets, and personally oversaw his reeducation and reintroduction to the court life. She was the only one to never mention his swearing.

When he was little, she also introduced him to his favorite desert—a sweet custard with a crunchy glazed sugar top—and made sure there was no shortage of them once he was Fire Lord. She bowed again and left the kitchen, gesturing for the cook to follow her and issuing orders for a light dinner to be prepared as she left. The staff sprang into action. Oil sizzled in pans, meat was brought out from the coolers, and from the sheer quantity of food they were gathering, Zuko saw he'd have to have a discussion with Yina about what 'light dinner' meant.

In his office, Zuko leaned back against the desk as Katara came to stand in front of him. She didn't say anything, and he was grateful for that. He'd just abandoned the quest for his mother when he was so close. He looked away from her, and she placed her hands on his folded arms. It wasn't fair. Everyone else got breaks, but here he was, still struggling for every little inch.

There was a knock at the door, and Katara took a few steps back from him.

"Chief of Staff, Minister Hau," Hau announced.

"Come in," Zuko said.

Hau came in, closing the door quietly behind him. He stood, taking them in, not saying anything, just looking remorseful. They probably made such a pretty picture, frazzled and downtrodden, hair wild and clothes rumpled. The longer he was back in the palace, the number he was beginning to feel. He'd let his mother down again. Hau came over to them.

"I trust nothing too bad happened? You are not hurt?" His eyes were moving across them both, scanning for any injuries.

"No. We're tired, but we're fine." Katara said, still facing Zuko.

"Shall I order tea?" Hau looked between them, not believing everything was fine.

"No," Zuko said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He gestured to the seat across from his desk. Hau sat, and Zuko went to sit at the window. "It was…a long, stressful trip."

Zuko gave Hau the abbreviated version, his voice flat, about how they'd gone on the scouting missions with Inara, and during the last one discovered that the prison was guarded by Ozai's Phoenix Brigade. He told about the two trackers who'd been looking for someone to show up saying Hau sent them, and how they'd been recognized. He told about meeting Atem, and about Gen and his mother, who said there was a contract he'd breeched, the whole episode at the inn seeming like so long ago.

Hau waved that one off. "Sila believes I agreed to an increasing pay rate the longer she worked with us. For a while, I considered it as a bonus for the risks she'd be taking, but when I found out that she was also drawing the same kind of money from the White Lotus, I backed down. What happened with the Phoenix Brigade?"

"I sent a message through Atem to the White Lotus for their extermination, but we'll have to cancel that. They're dead."

At Hau's shocked looked, Zuko recounted their infiltration, how the prison had been empty, how they'd met up with Chem and some Ursa supporters. How they'd so narrowly missed her, and now she's gone to ground again. He conveniently left out the part about finding her blood all over the room, and ignored Katara's insistent look. He would relive that enough in his dreams. He didn't need to see it again.

"Chem?" Hau looked confused. "Chem was your mother's secretary. He came with her as part of her house when she married Ozai."

"So he said, but I don't trust him. He's got a fucking army under his control."

"Nor should you trust him completely. Rest assured that Lady Ursa is safe, though," Hau said reassuringly, noting Zuko's terrified look. "I've never liked that man. He was very…intense. Not pleasant to work with at all. He and Ozai never got along, and Chem would often overstep his bounds to aggravate him. Ozai banished him. He's taking a risk being on the outer islands." Hau was silent, clearly thinking over some things.

"Does Lily of the Valley mean anything to you?" Katara asked. "I know it's a very poisonous plant, but Chem used it like a code."

Hau smiled sadly and shook his head. "The Lily of the Valley is Lady Ursa herself." Hau turned to Zuko. "You should write your uncle about it. The story quite involves him." The three lapsed into silence.

"So now what?" Katara asked after a time. Hau looked to Zuko.

"I don't know," Zuko nearly whispered, feeling too drained to do much more. He rubbed his face and smoothed back his hair. "We get in touch with Chem's friends." He dug his old hair pin and the piece of paper Chem had given Katara out of a pocket.

Hau accepted the paper and stared at the names for a long time. "Did he tell you anything about these people?"

"Only that they could get us close to my mother."

Hau nodded slowly. "I will check them out. Are you sure you aren't hurt?" Hau frowned, looking between Zuko and Katara.

"Do you know what Chem calls her?" Zuko asked, redirecting the conversation. "Fire Lady Queen Mother Ursa."

Hau started. "I see. Technically, it is appropriate since she and your father were still married at the time of his coronation. Though she was never crowned, she would have been the Fire Lady. Now, things are a little…complicated."

He looked at Zuko and sighed. He shook his head and came to stand before the young Fire Lord, and Zuko knew that bad news was coming.

"Chem may well be the best lead we've had, but this army, and now this title… It concerns me. People do not raise armies for peace, not matter what they say. By naming her the Lady Mother, Chem is asserting her right to some part of the throne, and in conjunction with this army, it is not out of the realm of possibility that he will push for it. Things are complicated because Ozai is not dead… He may try to exploit loopholes, deny your claim to the throne. But make no mistake, you are Fire Lord. You fought for that right; it is yours by birth, and by Agni Kai. That is who you are."

Zuko didn't like where this was going. Hau was gearing up one of his father-figure speeches, and while they often made Zuko feel better, or gave him advice he sorely needed, this wasn't shaping up so well. He looked at Katara, who was also closely watching Hau.

"What I would ask of you is not easy, Zuko."

Zuko's head snapped up. This was them, stripped of all titles, of all pretenses. This was Hau to Zuko, not Chief of Staff to Fire Lord, and it scared the shit out of him. Already, he was shaking his head 'no,' and he didn't even know what was being asked of him.

"If I had known you kept this from your friends… Lady Toph had no idea what I was talking about when I told her you and Lady Katara had gone searching for your mother again. They could have helped you. She could have been home by now. You cannot continue this."

Zuko could only sit with his mouth open.

"The Fire Nation needs you here. Just as much as Aang is the Avatar and cannot neglect his duty, so you are the Fire Lord and cannot neglect yours." Hau paused, reached out to Zuko, then thought better of it. "You are keeping this nation together right now. The Chem I knew was not loyal to the Fire Nation's royal family. He was loyal to Lady Ursa and Lady Ursa alone. Simply because he is loyal to your mother does not mean he is loyal to you, and with him bandying this title about…" Hau sighed heavily. "We cannot afford to lose you. Not now, not after all you've done to better the world."

It was like being punched in the stomach.

"You are the Fire Lord, and the Fire Lord… You take a week here, two weeks there… These things add up, and this nation is not so secure that it can have an absentee leader for so long. Rumors of likely riots in Ba Sing Se started a few days after you left. I wanted to send word to you, but by the time it would have reached the outer islands it wouldn't have mattered. You would still have missed an important vote. We can talk more about that later. You must not keep this up, no matter how much you may want to."

Katara was saying something, protesting, angry, flailing about. He didn't even know what to think anymore, and so he didn't. He just cried because he was too tired, too beaten to do anything else. Katara was on him in seconds, hugging him and rubbing his back and kissing the top of his head and telling him that she'd never give up, that she intended to keep her promise, and that she would go to the ends of the earth to get Ursa back to him. It didn't really matter. It was like his mother was already dead to him. He'd done so much to get to her. All that digging and searching, no thanks to Ozai, and now he was so close—there was someone willing to take him to her.

Hau wasn't trying to reason with him. He didn't try to lessen the pain or make excuses. The one person Zuko would have turned to was too many miles away, probably playing pai sho and drinking tea with his girlfriend at some tropical resort. As he usually did, Hau stepped in, rubbing Zuko's back as Katara cradled his head. He wrapped his arms around her.

When he was just sniffling, Hau left to make some arrangements, and Katara stayed with him until he was ready to go to his room.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

"Bawling like that. I shouldn't—"

"Oh, hush."

Zuko pulled back to take a look at Katara, and he saw that she had been crying, too. He reached up to wipe away the tears, then stood, pulling her into a hug.

"I'll help you find her."

"I can't ask you to do that. It's far beyond what I did for you."

Katara buried her head in his neck. "I was thinking that…maybe, if I found her, that maybe she'd want to be my mother, too." She wrapped her arms around his neck and played with the ends of his hair. "Do you think she would? You said she would like me."

"I don't see how she could resist." He rubbed his cheek on hers, then brushed his lips over hers. Katara pressed her lips against his, and he kissed her like that kiss would help him absorb all her strength, and he begged her to comfort him, to suck away his ache.

She was leaning into him, her hands running through his hair, keeping him from pulling back, even if he wanted air. He clamped his hands down on her hips, wanting to keep her from leaving. Afraid that she would leave. The anger was threatening to resurface, and he tried to lose himself in her pleasure, the softness of her lips and her hips and her body against his. He needed this.

Hau knocked at the door and announced himself, but Zuko didn't care who walked in to see them. His chest was heaving when they briefly pulled away for air, but he plunged back in before she was ready because he could feel that tickle against his eyes, and that heaving wasn't from lack of air, but the pain and guilt that gnawed at him. It was knowing that he failed again to find her, and with that guilt in place, it started to seep in that he'd done more than kill the 'bad guys,' and that he couldn't tell who the 'bad guys' were anymore, and that it was quite possible that he was one of them. A choked sob escaped him, and Katara only pulled him closer, stepped into him, wiped away the tears. She was solid, an anchor, a rock, and he tried to shove those dark images away because they were threatening to drown him and choke him because he'd killed people who were planning to help him.

His kiss was desperate and needy, and she answered every call and was willing to fulfill every need. Her hands were roaming over his arms now, giving up passion in favor of comfort and assurance. He hated being powerless and useless. This was not a problem his swords or his firebending could solve.

Hau was clearing his throat, and Zuko was nuzzling her neck, muttering violent things, and her voice cut through it all.

"Don't lose yourself."

He held her face in his hands, running his thumbs over her cheeks, and he told himself that if she could still stand to kiss him that he couldn't be bad. He kissed her again, thankful that she didn't shrink away from him.

"Perhaps," Hau said slowly, "someone would like to explain to me whether this is frustration, grief, or…something else."

This was the moment to do it. She was there, Hau was there and he was asking. If Zuko was serious about really marrying Katara, if the idea of being completely open and keeping no secrets at all—not about the colonies, the nation's finances, the emezzlement, the assassins, the bargaining, the politics—didn't turn him into a coward, if he wasn't too much of a monster, he'd do it. He'd declare his love for her right then.

He hesitated. To look at the darkness in himself was one thing. To ask Katara to share it was something else.

The door practically flew off its hinges, and Zuko and Katara fell into bending stances, and Hau instinctively go out of their way. But it was only Toph. Toph with her perfect timing because that awkward pause had been broken, and the focus was no longer on him.

"Fuckin Agni, Toph! Have you ever heard of knocking?" Zuko ran his hands through his hair. His voice lacked a lot of emotion, even to his own ears, and he slowly sunk back onto the window seat.

"Yeah, I heard of it." Toph was digging in her ear, and Katara winced. Her attempts at getting Toph to use some manners were almost legendary. "Right. Anyway, you were about to tell Hau that you two have been playing house for the past three years, right?"

Zuko wanted to hug her and throw her out the window at the same time. First hurdle, done. Hau was looking at them, mouth open and struggling for words. Zuko felt bad. Guilt, again. At first, Hau had agreed with all the others that something was most definitely going on between Zuko and Katara, but through years of denial, he'd accepted that they were just good friends, and now learning that he'd been right all along probably felt like betrayal. Hau gestured vaguely at them, then his shoulders slumped, and he practically fell into the chair he'd vacated when Toph made her entrance.

"I'm…I'm not sure what to say about any of this…"

"That's ok, you think on that," Toph said, not done with Zuko. She marched over to him and flung a finger in his general direction. "What I want to know is why you didn't tell us you've been looking for your mother."

Zuko tried not to look at her because she really did look hurt. She shifted her feet, and Zuko knew she was trying to read him, so he thought about something else, even though it wouldn't fool Toph. He looked to Katara and Hau, but they weren't saying anything. They weren't going to rescue him from this. Katara had voiced her dislike on the issue several times, but she'd been respectful of his wish, and eventually dropped the subject. It had been a long day, and he didn't have the resolve to keep fighting.

"I do…I do…love her," Zuko said, addressing Hau first. "She means a lot to me, and if it's possible, I don't want to be without Katara. And I didn't say anything, Toph, because I knew everyone would want to come, and it's not your problem. It's not your burden to carry."

Toph punched him in the shoulder, but it wasn't one of her good-natured, friendly punches, such that punches can be friendly.

"And the war was our burden?" She punched him again, and Zuko was sure she was punching him for the hell of it. "Things aren't going well for you right now, and since you need to be here, you need our help. I'll write to Aang first—"

"No, you can't—" Another punch.

"—and see if he can't pick up her trail. Don't worry, I won't mention anything about you and Sugar Queen. I want to see those fireworks in person. Then I'll have Sokka and Suki do some sniffing around, too." Another punch. "You'll have your mom back in no time." Another punch.

"Stop punching me!"

Toph's odd affection had a way of making you feel better. Or maybe it was the physical pain taking attention away from the emotional one. Zuko slumped back against the window and just concentrated on breathing. Too much was happening too quickly, and while having his friends near was something of a consolation, he just wanted to rest and not throw up.

Hau looked completely exhausted. He was massaging his temples, and Zuko made a mental note to send the guy on vacation as soon as possible.

"Next time you have a secret mission, Sparky, remember that your girlfriend isn't the only friend you have."

A/N: This one's a doozy. Emotionally and length wise. So here's that much needed reality check for Zuko. You're the Fire Lord. You don't have the luxury of gallivanting around the world at will. My favorite part of this chapter was writing Toph's opening lines. Her entrance was epic and needlessly loud, and yeah, she's heard of knocking. What of it?

Politically speaking, since Ozai's not dead, I imagine it could be a sticky political situation. I haven't made up my mind on whether being a firebender is a requirement for the throne, or if it's one of those things where that's what people do, but it's not law. So even if Chem can't put Ursa on the throne using some loophole, there is still the very real possibility that he would have her take up the duties of Fire Lady and push more into the political realm, whispering into Zuko's ear to influence policy. Then he could have two people pushing Zuko to do what he wants.

This chapter contained a kind of emotional peak of the story, but also a bit of promise of hope for the future for Zuko and Katara. So it's out there (thanks, Toph -_- ), and now they can begin making moves toward a public relationship. And the world rejoices. Three chapters to go!