Three years later, Hound paints a seal over the faulty one on Rin's stomach while Kakashi and Obito (why did they swap eyes?!) guard him.
The man in the orange spiral mask, who literally activated Hound's eye to step out of Hound's body, is brutally ripping apart a small army's worth of Kiri-nin using his Sharingan, teleporting, somehow mukuton, and the incredibly unfair advantage of phasing through matter itself.
"Older me gets angry," Obito whispers to Kakashi.
"I can tell," Kakashi mutters back.
It doesn't last long, for all that the Kiri-nin were a hundred strong, and Obito and Kakashi shift warily as the other man approaches, blocking him off.
"How long are you going to be?" the man in the orange mask demands, apparently known as Tobi according to Konoha's information that Hound is now very sceptical of.
"As long I need," Hound retorts. "By the way-" he gestures at his own eye before dipping the brush for more ink "-that was very uncomfortable, don't do it again." Because if he asks why the man is alive then Hound is going to have a mental breakdown and he really needs to get this seal done.
"Mine couldn't get through, considering the time travel and all," Tobi says easily enough, peering at a blood stain on the sleeve of his black and red coat and trying to act casual like he wasn't freaking the fuck out when he couldn't get through, thinking he'd be late again. "I couldn't locate you with mine, so I needed to use yours to pull myself here from Kamui." The orange mask tilts. "Are you going to pass out from chakra exhaustion before you finish that?"
"It wouldn't even be a problem if you hadn't used me," Hound stresses.
"I'm not apologising," Tobi scoffs, crossing his arms. "What, were you going to do the seal and fight all these people off at the same time?"
"I was going to leave it to those two." Hound jerks his head towards Kakashi and Obito juniors.
Tobi looks the teenagers up and down and then scoffs again, louder this time.
"You wanna go?!" Obito cries, taking a step forward, hyped up on adrenalin. "Let's fucking go, I'll fight you!"
"Obito," Rin says quickly, reaching out to grab a hold of Obito's ankle. "Don't do that, he did just help us."
Kakashi looks like he's up for a fight too but he's smart enough to wait for Rin to be fixed before he starts it. "How did you get here without anyone summoning you?"
The orange mask faces Kakashi and doesn't answer.
Kakashi gestures to Rin.
"How did you get here without anyone summoning you?" Rin asks politely.
"We have the Mangekyo Sharingan, and it opens up a separate dimension," Tobi answers. "I don't know what Kakashi can do with it but while I was messing around I think he has long-distance. My version is phasing through matter because technically I leave my body in the dimension."
Hound carefully finishes a spiral before asking, "When did this happen?"
Tobi pretends to check a non-existent watch. "In five minutes."
"Oh," Hound says.
"Oh," Kakashi says.
Obito looks between the two. "What happens in five minutes?"
"You want to know?" Tobi muses and as soon as Obito looks over, the eye hole in the mask glows red. Obito crumples to the ground, caught in a genjutsu, followed simultaneously by Kakashi.
Hound rises up to one knee but can't leave Rin while Rin also half sits up before Hound's hand on her shoulder stops her.
"They're fine, it'll come in handy later," Tobi dismisses, then looks down at Kakashi. "It really is a two for one deal. I guess they both need to activate at the same time."
"You're - just a-a very mean person!" Rin cries in distress, outraged by this version of Obito that's so unnaturally different.
Hound snatches his hand back with a hiss as something starts bubbling up under her skin and he leans back from the bijuu aura pooling out.
"Sorry!" Rin says quickly, reaching out and then jerking away. "Sorry, I'm sorry, are you okay? Can you tell if it's bad?"
"It's fine," Hound reassures her even though it's very much not fine, he can't feel those fingers anymore. At least it's not the hand holding the brush. "Just a sting. Lie back down, don't meditate because you don't want to meet the Sanbi, but just focus on your breathing."
Ten minutes later, Rin is fixed and shaking the two teenagers awake with an extra boost from her medical justu. Obito looks at Rin and immediately starts crying, entirely in character, while Kakashi just seems confused and tired because he didn't get hit with the genjutsu and he's not even sure why he passed out but he's exhausted.
"That's our cue to leave," Tobi says as soon as Obito starts bawling, orange mask turning towards Hound. "Go." He makes a shooing motion with his hands.
Hound looks up at him warily, still sitting on the ground because he doesn't think he can stand up. "I don't have the chakra to take you. Wait here for a few days before you come through."
"You think I'm going to let you go first?" Tobi asks sceptically. "Don't even pretend you don't recognise the Akatsuki robe when you've been running around messing with my plans. You're going to go back and rip out your own eye so I can't follow."
"Okay, but counter argument, there's nothing you can do to stop me," Hound says before giving him an eye smile. "Unless you'd like to offer up some information on the Akatsuki, in which case I'm willing to negotiate."
They look at each other in a charged silence until Tobi just laughs and Hound's Mangekyo activates again, Hound passing out immediately, close enough to chakra exhausted death that Rin scrambles over him with hands glowing green.
Kakashi and Obito rush up to their feet despite still being disorientated, weapons in hand but Tobi vanishes.
"We need to get Hound back to the hospital, I don't have the supplies for this!" Rin cries.
Rin and Kakashi help Hound onto Obito's back and they take off, leaving behind a mass grave.
Kakashi takes point but half turns to scowl over his shoulder at Obito. "If you ever do that to me-"
"I wouldn't!" Obito shouts. "That guy's such an asshole, he killed Rin – I mean, well, not him technically but I didn't need that trauma!"
Hound sits up in the hospital bed, which is the most he can manage right now. "If you follow, I'll die."
"I know plenty of ways to revive a dead person," Tobi says dismissively, sitting in a plastic visitor's chair, orange mask dropped at his feet.
"Okay, great, I guess we're just staying in this universe then," Hound snaps.
"I'm fine with that. You'll crack eventually and need to go home to see if all of your friends and little students are safe."
Hound tsks and looks away, out into the void of Kamui. "Put my hospital bed back, Rin is going to worry when she sees I'm gone."
"They wanted to take you to T&I while you were still unconscious, so you're welcome." Tobi tilts his head up arrogantly. "And they tried to see under your mask."
"As if you haven't peeked," Hound grumbles.
"You have no evidence," Tobi says, amused. He reaches over to a side table (because yes, he brought the entire hospital room by tagging all the furniture by hand) and picks up his drink.
Hound waits until Tobi is sipping to activate Tobi's Mangekyo, drink slipping straight through his hand as Tobi falls through the chair.
Tobi scrambles up, head whipping around to gape at Hound.
"What, you're the only one allowed do it?" Hound scoffs. "Don't worry, Obito, we're going to be having a lot of fun together."
"Fucking prodigies," Tobi mutters in annoyance.
.
A/N: Insert seven more chapters of Hound and Tobi screwing with each other, feat. lots of Tobi yeeting Hound into Kamui mid-conversation as soon as Hound starts winning an argument, along with many -many- attempts of Hound trying to figure out how to incapacitate someone who doesn't need to sleep or eat and has the chakra stores of an op antagonist.
The younger versions demand a fight and Hound totally kicks Tobi's ass in taijutsu but he has to suffer for it later. They tattle on each other to Minato, who's already struggling just to deal with the younger versions who have a much better relationship now but are still little shitheads.
Hound makes a run for it back to his dimension while Tobi is dealing with a fake Rin hostage situation, chakra exhausted enough that Tobi can't use the eye unless he wants Hound to die. Hound doesn't know that Tobi has like half a dozen ways to revive someone at this point.
Madara pops up, Hound saves Tobi from Zetsu (with much I told you it was a shitty plan and lots of now is not the time shut up) and they eat a god together.