The final chapter is dedicated to a few faithful reviewers who have stuck by since the beginning of this thing: momonigiri , Apollo Wings , LovelyDomination, falloutkitten , and my beta Shinkshinkshink who was my very first reviewer. You guys have been amazing, and inspired me to stick to it. I hope I won't disappoint you! Last chapter, plus an epilogue that leads up to the sequel. Thank you so much for all your love and support. You have no idea how much it means to me.
"No...I cannot...that is going too far Justice."
Anders hadn't come to bed, and I stood outside of the study, listening to him rant and rave, a slight hint of Justice merged within his own voice. For two weeks this had been going on, and try as I might, nothing seemed to help him. My dear Anders was slowly losing control over the spirit that resided inside him, and it was tearing me apart inside.
"There can be no half measures. There can be no turning back. There can be no peace." More of Justice's voice was apparent, and I could no longer stay silent. I swung open the door to see Anders hung over the desk.
"Love," I said quietly, and he turned to face me, tears stained down his cheeks. "Please, Anders. Talk to me."
"No, I cannot involve you..."
"Involve me in what? Anders, I just want to help you. Please, let me."
He looked up at me with sad eyes, as if he were a child stuck in a grown man's body. He seemed so incredibly lost, and it broke my heart.
"Being with you, loving you...I thought it would make a difference. But he's too strong. I've tried my best. Don't hate me for failing."
"I love you Anders. I will never give up on us. Please..." His eyes looked at me, and he paused, as if he were debating something silently with Justice.
"There is one thing I would ask of you, but I can't tell you why."
The smell of burnt flesh and ashes clung to the air as Meredith walked away. I could barely stand on my own two feet - it felt as if all the air had been knocked out of my lungs. The Grand Cleric and others were dead, all because of Anders. Or Justice...I couldn't tell if there was even a difference anymore. And what made everything so much worse was that I helped. I played a part in this madness. I stared down at him with disgust, as he sat on a crate, his face staring blankly ahead.
"How could you?" I could barely choke out.
"I told you I would drown us in blood to keep you safe. I told you I would hurt you. And this is what it had to come down to. Mages now will stand up and fight for their lives instead of letting the templars control us. It had to be done."
"But this? This was murder Anders!" I screamed out. Varric, Merrill, Isabela, Fenris, and Aveline were all at my side.
"I know. And if I must die now, then that is a price I am willing to pay. Please just know that...that I've always loved you. And I never wanted to hurt you." He stared blankly at his feet, and that's when I knelt down before him, forcing him to look at me.
"And I told you that I would love and cherish you until my dying day. I refuse to allow that day to be now. I will defend you and the mages until the end. Now get up." I said, pulling him to his feet. He looked bewildered, as did some of my companions.
"I never thought you would spare my life."
"I love you, Anders. I will never stop loving you. I despise what you did, but I understand why. Now let's go defend our kind.
Watching the city that was our home go up in flames as we sailed away on Isabela's ship was sobering. The smoke rose up and clung to the air. I don't know how we did it, but we defeated Meredith, and the remaining templars let us walk. For now. Soon there would be a bounty on Anders. I had to do what I could to keep him safe. The Maker must have been looking down on us, for all of my companions, including my brother Carver, made it out alive. We were able to get home quick and grab the very few things we needed. I took a few robes, the rest of my coin, and some of my mother's jewelry for safe keeping. Anders only took the picture I bought for him in the market of the cat. Orana, Sandal, and Bodahn came with us, along with my mabari Rufus. Isabela's ship had more than enough room.
Carver held Merrill close to his chest as she wept quietly. Aveline and Donnic sat in silence. Fenris just kept pacing back and forth, uncomfortably, every now and then cursing in Arcanum. Varric broke out the brandy and was passing the bottle around. I took a huge swig, and barely noticed the burning effect. I went to pass it back to him, but he pushed it towards me.
"Keep it, Hawke. I think you need it more than the rest of us." I forced a smile at the dwarf, and he pat my hand. Anders was sitting on the ground, his head in his hands. The rest of our "crew" had barely spoken to him; and how could they? I could barely find the words. I told him before we left I would stay at his side, that we would be fugitives together. A life with him on the run would be more fulfilling than a life safe at the estate, I knew this. I would never stop loving him. And truth be told, I didn't blame him for what he did. Any mage who had been to the circle knew what life as a mage meant. He had lived practically as a slave to the templars, and with Meredith in control, drastic measures needed to be taken. I felt despair, thinking about the lives that were lost, but took comfort in the fact that now mages would be heard, they all would have a fighting chance at a real life now. One by one, my friends returned to their respective cabins. I helped Anders to his feet, and brought him to the cabin we shared a few weeks before. He lay on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, his reflection staring back in the mirror that was still there.
"I'm a monster." He said, his voice filled with grief. "How can you stand by me still?
I put an arm around him, and nuzzled my head into his neck. "You are no monster, Anders. For a decade, you helped countless people. Sick people, who had no coin to pay you. You risked your freedom again and again to help strangers. That is not a monster. That is a brave man. Yes, you did a terrible thing. It is something we are going to live with for the rest of our lives. But I refuse to believe that you are a bad man."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you." He said, his voice shaky. "I promise you, Hawke. With every fiber of my being, I will do whatever it takes to make things right by you. I swear it."
I gently kissed his lips, and stroked his hair. "I know. I love you, Anders."
"I love you, Marian."
We were all together for a few days, before reaching our first stop; Highever in Ferelden, where Aveline, Donnic, Bodahn, Sandal, Merrill, and Carver set out to start their new lives. Carver embraced me tight, and looked down at me with sad eyes.
"Look out after yourself, Sister." He said, his voice hinted with sadness.
"And you take good care of Merrill." I said with a smile. Ever since the wedding, their relationship had flourished, and he was finally able to tell Merrill how he felt. "Don't worry, Carver. I will be fine. It is only goodbye for now. We'll see each other again someday."
Merrill lept into my arms and I laughed. "Watch out for Carver will you? And don't let him boss you around. He can be pushy, you know." Merrill smiled and Carver rolled his eyes.
"I will, Hawke. Thank you, for everything." They stepped off the gangplank, and Aveline gave me a soft smile.
"Stay safe, Hawke. I'll think of you often."
"And I you, Aveline. You've always felt like the older sister I never had."
"Thank you for that."
As Isabela steered away, my heart felt heavy. Ferelden was my home for so long, and now my brother was finally returning home without me. We could never go back to Ferelden, the place Anders and I were both from. Risk of being recognised was too great. We had to go far, far away.
Our next destination was Ostwick. From there, Fenris would make his way to Starkhaven to reunite with Sebastian, who was now the ruler. There was no doubt in my mind that my former ally would be spiteful and vindictive when he heard of Anders involvement in Elthina's death. It made my stomach plunge just thinking about his rage.
Orana decided to join Fenris when he mentioned Sebastian's offer in helping him rehabilitate former elven slaves. He didn't seem overly thrilled about the idea; he often felt uncomfortable around Orana as she reminded him of his former life, but he reluctantly agreed.
Fenris didn't even have to accompany us on our voyage to Ferelden, he was closer to Starkhaven in Kirkwall, but he refused to leave me before he knew I would be okay. The day finally came when we would be arriving at Ostwick. It was just Fenris and I standing on the deck, about an hour before he had to go. The sun was just rising, and the air was cool. We stood in silence for awhile, until I could bare it no longer.
"You could always come with me, Fenris." I said sadly, knowing it could not be so.
"You and the abomination? A highly unlikely scenario, Hawke." He said with a small smile. "What is the saying? Oh...yes. Two's company, three's a crowd."
"I know. It's just...I'm going to miss you. More than anyone."
"I promised you I'd write. I still will. Only, where shall I send the letters?"
"I have the address for the Starkhaven Castle. You will be there, won't you."
"Yes. But, won't it be dangerous for you to write me there?"
"I guess I will have to think of a new name. Certainly I can't go by Hawke anymore." I laughed.
"And what will your new name be, might I ask?" I thought about it for a moment, then an idea came to mind.
"Amira."
"Amira?"
"It was a name we thought of for the baby. There's sentimental meaning behind it." A wave of sadness swept over me, as it did every time I thought of the baby. We had to leave his final resting place, and it made it all the more difficult to leave the estate behind.
"Ah, well. I will look forward to hearing from my dear friend Amira, then." He smiled, and squeezed my hand.
"You'll make sure Orana is okay? She's still very naive. I wouldn't want anyone to take advantage of her."
"You needn't worry, Hawke. She will be safe with me until we arrive at Starkhaven."
"Thank you for doing this, Fenris. It means alot to me."
"Consider it a final favor." He smiled and then hugged me tight, as the land came to view. Orana was with us now, as the gangplank was dropped.
"Oh thank you, Mistress. I am going to miss you very much!" She threw her arms around my neck and I chuckled.
"Fenris will take good care of you, Orana. I promise." She grinned at me and walked down the plank.
"Goodbye, Hawke. It was my pleasure being with you all these years. May you find happiness wherever you go. I will always owe my life to you." We hugged once more, and I breathed in the lyrium scent that was Fenris, one that I would hold in my memories dearly.
"Goodbye, Fenris. You will always be close to my heart." He smiled a sad smile, and joined Orana. The plank was lifted, and Isabela pulled out of the port. I stared at Fenris, and he stared back, until I could barely make out his white hair. A tear fell from my eyes, and I felt Varric squeeze my arm.
"I will be insulted if I don't get any tears." I began to laugh, and bent down to hug him.
"I'll be lost without my trusty dwarf!"
"Yeah well, who knows. Maybe I'll stay with you and Blondie for a bit. My dear fans will want to know what happened to the Champion after all."
After some debate, Anders and I decided to go to Rivain with Isabela, and Varric would join us. Our best options were that, or Tevinter. In Tevinter, we would be much safer. Magic was a blessing there, but after what Fenris went through, I couldn't bear to step foot in that place. Anders respected my decision, and so we were off for Afsaana in Rivain.
It has been five years since the battle at the Gallows. Five whole years, and I still can't believe it. Varric stayed with Isabela for a year, before heading back to Kirkwall, where he has been ever since. Anders and I made a home for ourselves in a small town on the outskirts of Afsaana. Back to the farm life, back to my modest roots when it was my siblings and parents, living a simple life, hiding from the Templars. It isn't much different from those times, well, except for one small thing. Anders and I found out we were expecting six months after we arrived at our new home. Our little boy is four years old, and we named him Gavin which means little hawk; a very suiting memento of my former life. He has Anders' blonde hair and my blue eyes. He hasn't shown any signs of being a mage yet, but we will have to wait and see what happens.
Merrill and Carver are expected for a visit next month. We seem them about once a year or so. They just got married and are on their honeymoon. My brother has grown up into a very responsible man, and a doting husband. Merrill let her demons die with the Eluvian. It seemed once she found Carver, she had a new focus in her life. They seem very happy together, and I don't doubt it for an instant.
Aveline and Donnic have three young boys. Three of them! She eventually returned to Kirkwall and has resumed her position with the guard. We don't hear from her as much, as she has a responsibility to the city and fears of someone finding us out.
And Fenris...my dear Fenris. He has become well-known throughout Starkhaven. He and Sebastian have travelled across the Free Marches and even into Tevinter sometimes to rescue slaves. He is responsible for rehabilitating them into society. He even trains some of them into soldiers for the Starkhaven army. I hear from him often. He has found a sense of peace and meaning in his life; he has purpose now.
He fears for me and Anders, though. Sebastian has never given up his hunt for Anders, and from what I've heard, he never will. For all the good he has done with his new title as ruler, Fenris tells me there is something evil that lurks under the surface. He has tasted revenge before, and he will stop at nothing to find us. We have to be extra careful in these times.
Anders and I of course took the precautions and changed our names. Amira and Andrew. Since the explosion, Justice became somewhat sated; feeling their agenda had been completed. Anders won't give up on helping our kind. He never will. We keep our ears open when we go into town, and he has taken in a few mage refugees now and then when we can afford the room in our small farmhouse. He still heals, he will never stop using his Maker-given powers for good. I only pray that our identities will remain hidden for the years to come. Only time will tell.
And now on to our Epilogue...