Hey Guys! I know I put this story on hiatus, but the characters are now speaking to me more than those in Black Velvet, so I am going to try and post both. Please hang in there with me.
This is not beta'd and I own nothing…though I do own a few fantasies about Raceward…
BPOV
You know those moments when you're imagining what the Great Plains look like based on what you've seen on TV? Those little checkered quilt-like squares that are all laid out like a picnic blanket?
I wish my life was like that. Perfect little squares that fit everything in its place, held there by barbed wire. No seeping out into other facets of your life.
Contained.
Funny, that's probably what I'm flying over right now. Neat little barbed wired squares.
"Baby?" I feel him nuzzle me with his nose. I can't help but smile and close my eyes. My head clears.
"Hmmm?" I turn my head from the airplane window and let his nose trail from my neck to my cheek where it rests just below my jaw bone.
"You okay? You've been pretty checked out over there." Reaching down to softly stroke the back of my hand with the pad of his thumb, I thank God for him right now.
This week had been crazy. Running around trying to finalize plans and vacation time.
All I wanted to do was call the whole thing off.
"Yeah, just…." I take a deep breath and let the sharp intake of air cool my lungs and coat it like a balm.
"It's been a long time since I've been back there you know?"
Confusion crossed his face. I knew eventually we'd have to have this talk. We would have to discuss my past.
A past I had been running from for so long.
A past I wanted to forget, but my heart just wouldn't let me.
"Didn't you go back for the funeral?"
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
Moments pass.
He waits.
He always waits.
For a year he's waited.
Always waiting for me to open up. Waiting for me to finally tell him why I wake up crying sometimes.
I'm still not ready.
I don't know if I will ever be.
But I have to tell him some of it. Enough to keep him from being too curious to question them once we land.
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
"Charlie was buried back in his hometown. It's a little place in Washington. Forks?" I question him, but I know he's never heard of it. Who would?
He shakes his head.
I use the tip of my finger to trace delicate lines on the back of his hand.
"I guess I've never really told you much about daddy, huh?"
Jamie and I had met only a week after Charlie died. In all honesty, it's probably the only reason I let myself get involved with him.
I had gotten so used to being alone and re-inventing myself.
After Charlie died, I just wanted to be comforted. I just wanted to have someone hold me.
So I let him.
Leaning my head back against the headrest, I turned my head and smiled at him.
"Daddy had money. I mean real money. I know that's probably hard to imagine considering I don't live very lavishly, but I have it all put away." I shrug my shoulders.
"It's not really anything I worked for, so….it doesn't feel like it's mine." That's one thing he taught me. You make your own way, Bells. Work for your bread, and then it's really yours.
"My grandma Swan was a Delacroix before she married. A real southern Belle." I chuckle as I picture my grandma. Even when she passed, she was still a regal beauty with her snow white hair and pearls.
"Her family was in oil and all that implies." I say with a smile and my best version of the Deep South accent she always had.
Jamie just smiles at me, flashing his white teeth.
"She was an Aggie. Generations of Delacroix had gone there. She met my grandpa there. He was not exactly the 'right' kind of man her parents were hoping for. He was on scholarship there. Just the son of a single father who fished for a living. It didn't matter to her though, they were crazy in love."
I can't help but smile so hard that my eyes close. I can still hear her telling me the story at bedtime. My heart hurts because I can still hear her calling out his name the day she died. Telling him she was finally coming.
"They moved back to Forks and started a life there. He had a degree in business and worked at a bank. Not long after they married they had my uncle, William. A couple years later, my dad, Charles."
It still hurts knowing that I won't see him again. I'll never cook for him again. He'll never walk me down the aisle or give me advice on parenting.
"Daddy and Will were always like night and day. Such polar opposites. Grandma was still close with her family, but she never lived up to the socialite life. Will did though. He loved it. Daddy didn't. Will wanted the money, the prestige, everything being a Delacroix would give him."
I remember Daddy telling me one time that he actually used to introduce himself as William Swan Delacroix. He wouldn't use his god given surname.
"Daddy worked hard and made his own way."
Smiling wickedly at Jamie, I cock my head and raise my eyebrows.
"Now, that's not to say they didn't enjoy some of the perks of money. Daddy learned early that when you have money….you watch the girls."
Confusion passed over Jamie's face.
"Gold-digger's." I whisper.
He nodded his head in understanding.
"Anyway, when Daddy was about 16, he got into motocross racing. He was a 250 rider." I smile remembering the pictures I had seen of Charlie in his younger days. He was actually quite handsome.
"He loved it. I can remember watching films of his racing and it was just…I don't know….probably the happiest I had ever seen him."
"When he graduated, he decided to pursue it full-time. He found out about a team in Montana and put some of that Delacroix money to use. He bought bikes, parts, gear….you name it. He went all out."
"I don't remember you talking about him racing. Just him being involved with it." Jamie took both my hands in his.
I knew it was because he felt the tension seep in when I got to this part of the story.
"He thought he was safe there. He was just a rider with Swan on his back."
Closing my eyes and exhaling loudly, I fought the tears back.
"It was there he met Renee Brown. He fell head over heels for her. Just crazy in love with her, you know? She was pregnant inside of three months."
I swallow back a lump in my throat.
"So Renee is your mom?" Jamie had never heard anything about her except that she wasn't a part of my life.
"Yeah. Daddy loved her. Married her. He did what was right and stepped up. He quit racing and called his grandfather." I chuckle.
"The ink had barely dried on the marriage certificate before he was already an executive in the company in Texas."
I had often wondered what would have happened if he hadn't quit. Would she still have stayed around? Had an abortion?
"Everyone was thrilled. His grandpa finally had a Delacroix male in the company. Renee was thrilled to be rich and a socialite. Daddy was thrilled to have me and her. But….it didn't last."
Pulling my hand to his mouth, Jamie kissed the back of it and smiled at me encouragingly.
"It started small. When I was about 3, we started going to races a little here and there. Daddy was at home again. I remember him being so different than what I was used to. So…so… free."
I can still remember Charlie at the first turn. The hole shot. It's what they call that first curve. It's a good indicator at who will be dominating in the race. If you can get the hole shot, you've got one hellava chance to win.
"Then we went more and more. Renee didn't care. She was busy living the life and being Charlie Swan's wife. Soon, it became too addictive and Daddy missed it too much."
A small smile tugs at my lips and I can't help but think about how much I miss Charlie.
"At first, he just gave out small sponsorships. A couple grand here or there. Then, he decided he could help so many more riders. So….he quit."
Jamie's eyes got huge. "His job?"
"Yeah." I shook my head.
"Daddy had a huge inheritance. He never needed to work for the money really. It just made him feel better about taking it if he felt like he earned it. By the time he quit, he had quite an impressive savings and portfolio, so he lived off that."
Another lesson from Daddy- invest wisely. My own portfolio was proof of that.
"Renee was devastated. She liked the notoriety and constant cash flow. When Daddy quit, he cut her back…way back."
"Oh, I bet she loved that?" Jamie smiled.
Taking a deep breath, I just let it come out.
"So much that she sold me." I said in a quiet voice.
Even after years of overcoming that small fact, it still hurt like hell.
"What?" He practically shouted.
Passengers all over the plane turned to look at him.
"Shhh." I smiled at them encouragingly.
"Okay, maybe that was a bit dramatic. She came to Daddy and told him she would sign over all her rights to me for a few hundred thousand."
Jamie shook his head and pulled me into his chest.
This was why I needed him. Why he meant so much to me.
His pride, his own feelings, his own issues –nothing mattered as much as me.
"I never saw her again. It used to bother me, but I realize now that this was better than a mother who drifted in and out and never really cared."
I pulled back from his embrace and see the thing I hate. Pity.
One of the biggest reasons I don't tell people this crap.
"Don't feel bad for me though. I never felt slighted. Daddy always made up for it. I never went without affection or crazy amounts of love."
I smile. I can remember camping trips and dance recitals and that god-awful period talk when he tried to talk to me about using tampons. It was humiliating.
"Anyway, let's talk about something else."
Blowing out a huge breath. I went back to my story.
"Daddy started to sponsor riders that other people wouldn't take. High risks. He said it was a chance to give back. To take care of people who wouldn't normally ever get a shot. So…I grew up at the track. It was my home. The guys on the team….my family. I loved it….them."
I do miss it terribly. It was my world for so long.
"When I was 12, Alice's mom got killed and Uncle Will didn't want to be bothered with a kid, so, she came to live with us. Cousin Alice became Sis, overnight."
I smile and still remember picking her up from the airport that first day. Daddy had warned me in the car that it had only been 6 months since her mom died and she might be withdrawn and quiet still.
Withdrawn and quiet? Two words that have NEVER been used to describe Alice Swan. Ever.
"So, is that how you two met this group of friends you've warned me about? At the track?"
I chuckle at the idea. The guys. There's a story.
"Well, Daddy took on a new rider and he came with some baggage. Mostly, a best friend named Jasper."
"Ahhh, so we're to Jasper now." Jamie chuckled.
We had gone out on more than one occasion with Alice and Jazz and they all got along really well. He had loved them immediately and once they got over the fact that I was actually dating someone, they loved him too.
"Yeah. The new guy was a 250 rider, but Jazz was his 125 teammate. Alice was gone at first sight. Luckily, the feeling was pretty mutual. You couldn't pry them apart with a crowbar. She was 15 and he was 20, so it was a little, uh, scandalous."
Scandalous, alright. Life threatening was probably a better word. I can still hear Charlie hitting the roof in fury.
"Then Jasper's twin sister came along and brought her boyfriend, Emmett. He started working with the crew. I've never seen anyone rebuild a top end as quick as Em."
I smile. I miss Em. Probably more than anyone. Well, ok. Not anyone, but a lot.
"We just all became a family. Nearly inseparable. They were all out of high school and so they moved to the ranch in Montana." I chuckle and look up at the ceiling as I throw my head against the headrest, "and as soon as the last bell rang at school, I shot out of the door and got home as quick as possible."
"It's nice to see you open up, you know?" Jamie smiled at me.
"I really do miss them." I do. A lot.
"So what have you been running from in Charleston?"
Here it is.
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
"A bad break-up."
There, I said it.
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
"I figured that Bells. Care to elaborate?"
Do I?
No.
I'm not ready.
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
"Not much to tell really. I was 22 and heartbroken. I just needed to get away. I did. I'm good now."
Yeah right. Did that sound convincing?
It certainly didn't to me.
Judging by the look on Jamie's face, I would say not to him either.
"Okay."
He pulled my hand to his lips, kisses it and smiles.
This is why I love him. He never pushes. Always patient. Always perfect.
As Jamie stares at me with endless devotion, I can see love in his eyes, I beg whomever is listening to send me some of it. I want to love this man so badly. I want to forget that Edward Cullen ever existed.
Pulling Jamie's hand to my mouth and closing my eyes while I inhale deeply, I just want to be with him. His comfort and unending acceptance are like a drug to me now.
Raising my eyebrows suggestively, I look up at him with a suggestive smirk.
"Wanna join the mile high club?" I lick my lips slowly and bite the corner while my smile spreads across my face.
"Bella…" He groaned.
"Meet me in 5 minutes." I get up and make my way to the bathroom. I know he'll be back here in 3. I couldn't wait.
~o0o~
I hate bag check. Like, really hate it. It never fails that no matter what someone has a luggage set that is so similar to mine that I can't ever tell if I'm getting the right one.
Maybe it's because I have cheap Target luggage. Wouldn't it be great to have some vintage Louis?
"I already got yours babe." Jamie called to me from a few feet from the door.
Perfect I tell ya. Just perfect that one.
"Bellabee!" I hear the tiny pixie tyrant way before I see her.
"Alice? What are you doing here?"
I can see her skipping and jumping and clapping and I'm sure that any onlookers probably think she is on crack.
Nearly knocking the breath out of me when she hugs me, I close my eyes and smile so hard that my face feels like it's going to break. My best friend, my sister.
"I missed you so much." Alice whispers in my ear.
Fighting the tears that are stinging behind my eyelids, a giggle breaks out of my mouth.
"I know, sis. I know." I laugh into her hair.
I feel Jasper's arms wrap around the both of us and I reach behind Alice we create a pixie sandwich.
When we finally pull away in what feels like 30 minutes, Jasper and Jamie do that weird fist-bump, man hug thing and Alice and Jaime hug too.
"Good to see you, Jamie." Alice smiles up at him.
"Thanks, Allie." James throws his arm around her shoulder. "She's doing good." I hear him whisper in her ear, thinking I can't hear him.
Alice brings her hand up to his that is hanging off her arm and squeezes it.
"Thanks to you." I hear her say.
Jasper and I walk in front of them and I glance over to him and see him give me a smirk, he knows I can hear them.
"So Jazz, I'm sure you knew that we were supposed to take a taxi to your place?" We finally make it to the car and start to load our luggage.
"Well, Alice decid-" He was cut off by Alice jumping in front of him.
"Can't I just come see you at the airport?" She is basically throwing our luggage in the back as she speaks.
"Maybe I just missed you?" More luggage thrown.
As we finish loading and begin to pile in, buckling our seatbelts, I feel guilty because I hadn't considered that maybe Alice couldn't stand staying away. It had only been 5 weeks since we last met up and I just assumed that she could handle waiting for us to get to her apartment.
"Alice!" Jasper warns looking into the rearview mirror to where she and I are seated in the backseat.
Alice lets out a huff and rolls her eyes.
"Okay, Okay." Alice turns to me with an expression I seldom see on her much these days…seriousness.
"We were afraid that we wouldn't be there because we needed to run an errand and I wasn't sure we would be back in time." Alice stated simply and I wasn't sure why that would be enough cause for her tone right now.
"Alice…" Jasper encouraged.
Taking a deep breath, she pulls her lip into her mouth, a signature Swan move for nervousness.
"There is this new prototype for a fork, something about the suspension, or blah, blah, blah. Anyway, Emmett just got it on and he and Jasper can't wait another second to try it out."
Okay. Still not following.
Alice must realize this because she takes another deep breath and her eyes connect with Jasper's.
"We are headed to the track to try it out and…"
I look toward Jasper and I swear he is about as pale as a sheet of paper.
"The team is running trials today for the tournament." His forehead scrunches in sorrow.
"The whole team, Bella."
That's when I get what she is saying. The whole team, meaning their star 250 rider. The rider that nearly broke me. The rider who I once thought would be my husband.
In just a few short miles, Edward Cullen would be in life again….let's just hope I can keep him from my heart.
There you go guys! Hope you liked it. I already have the next chapter written, but I'm still editing it. I don't think it will be long before I post it.