I own nothing but the concept of Motoward and a very desperate plea to actually read the author's note at the bottom of this!
~o0o~
As the shower sprays down on me, I can't help but think about everything that happened today. It was certainly eventful, that was for sure. I spent the morning basically plotting the death of Alice's dogs and the rest of the day wondering if my life in Charleston was everything I thought it was.
I really hate that.
Charleston was a great town, and I have a great life there. Now, I will admit that it isn't a life full of adventure and excitement, but it is one that makes me happy. I don't have to worry about all the ghosts of my past popping up around every corner.
As I rinse the shampoo out of my hair, I have to admit that it was pretty great being on the track again. It had been so long since I had been on a bike; I had forgotten how much I loved it. Of course, kicking Edward's ass didn't hurt either. A part of me wonders if he let me beat him. I always wondered that back in the day, but I know that I was only able to beat him then because he spent most of the time watching me instead of the track. I have to admit that a part of me wonders if that could have played a part in my victory today. He has certainly made me think he might still be interested in me since my return, but there is no way I can be sure.
There is also no way for me to say exactly how I feel about that.
I will always love Edward. Of that I will always be sure. He was my first love, and the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. All that doesn't change the fact, however, that he is also the man that drove me away. As long as I live, I will never forget the day I left. The things he said to me. The image of that blonde leaving my house. MY house.
Everything I had put up with for the year before that paled in comparison to the idea of him with another woman. Sometimes I still dream about it. I wake up in a cold sweat with the urge to vomit. I can still see that note I found in his truck; She never has to know. -Kate
As I shut off the water and step out of the shower to dry off, I wonder what tonight will bring. Even with Edward there, I couldn't say no when Carlisle and Esme decided to have everyone over to their house tonight. When they moved here a few months after Edward did, they bought this little cottage that Esme's amazing vision turned into a beautiful home that is worthy of Better Homes and Gardens.
God, I missed them so much. I hadn't even realized it. I knew that day at Daddy's funeral that I needed them, but I hadn't considered how much I needed them after too. It was just too easy to cut out as much of this life as possible, and now I realize that wasn't really the best idea after all. They had done so much for me. Esme had been a surrogate mother, and Carlisle was always helping me with scholarships or the homework that Daddy was clueless about. I can't even remember how many nights they stayed at the ranch until the wee hours of the morning because they were helping with something.
All those years, I thought that they were just happy to be with Edward and for him to finally be letting them in, but it didn't occur to me until now, that maybe a part of them was there for me too.
When I get back into our room, I notice Jamie is asleep on the bed. Sprawled out in just his sleep pants, I can't help but feel sorry for him. He was so sore that I had to help him get up the stairs. I told him that riding was going to be hard on his body because he wasn't used to it, but he didn't listen.
I decided to keep it low key for the night since it just a nice, backyard barbeque. After doing a quick scrunch with some sea spray on my hair and adding just a little mascara and lip-gloss, I decide to just let Jamie stay in and sleep tonight.
"Baby, can you hear me?" I sit on the side of the bed and gently stroke the side of his face. He takes a deep breath and moves his nose, but he is still out cold.
"Sweetheart?"
Rolling onto his side and cracking open his eyes a little, he smiles up at me.
"Hey, are you ready to leave already?" He starts to make a move like he is going to get up, and I stop him.
"Baby, just sleep, okay? It's no big deal, and you need the rest. You're tired and can barely move." I chuckle.
"I don't want to upset Carlisle and Esme. I want to make a good impression." He still tries to get up but winces when he tries.
"It's okay, sweetie. They will understand. And trust me, we will be having many more get-togethers before we leave." I smile at him.
"Are you sure they won't mind?" He has already closed his eyes, and I know it's a lost cause.
"Yeah. Sleep."
He smiles and drifts back off before I even leave the room.
As I make my way downstairs, I hear Alice and Jasper moving around in the kitchen. Alice has thrown together some slaw and a dish of apple-snicker dessert. Yeah, that thing looks good.
"You guys ready? I ask as I put on my jacket.
"Yeah, where is Jamie?" Alice asks me as we move to the front door.
"Oh, he is going to stay in tonight. He can barely walk, the poor thing!"
"I told him he was going to regret not sitting out a few laps today!" Jasper laughs as he opens the door to the Tahoe and lets me in.
As we settle in and head across town, we fall into a comfortable silence that is occasionally broken up by Alice's singing along with the radio.
"So, Jamie is pretty cool, Bella." Jasper glances up to me through the rear-view mirror.
"Yeah, I would have thought you would have figured that out by now." I can't help but tease him, but a part of me is serious. Alice and Jasper have been coming out to see us for a while now.
"Yeah, but this was the first time I ever got to be around him alone. When we all go out to dinner, it is mostly you two yapping." He throws a glance toward Alice who scrunches up her nose at him before throwing him a smirk.
"Yeah, he is great." I can say that because it's so true. Really true.
"I remember you said that you met him through work?"
"Yeah, he is the head of the history department on campus, and they were looking for a designer for a historical house they acquired near campus for his department's offices. Someone referred him to the historical society to ensure that they stayed within code to be certified, and we hit it off."
I went to work for the historical society after I graduated. With my history degree and my background in restoring the Victorian farmhouse that Edward and I bought when we got engaged, it was the perfect job. When Jamie came in, I was shocked because he was young and handsome –two things that seldom came into the historical society building. It was a about a month after Charlie's death, and it was the day that would have been my baby's birthday. I was feeling pretty down and in comes this handsome professor, and before he leaves, he asks me out. In all honesty, had it been the day before or the day after, I probably would have said no. But that day, I had never felt so alone, and I just didn't want another second of it.
So I said yes.
"Really? All this time I just figured it was because you were both history people." Alice chimed in.
"Yeah, like a naughty teacher thing, you know?" Jasper laughs.
I don't have to smack him, Alice does it for me.
Laughing, I reply, "Nope. I remember him being brought on staff in the history department during the final semester of my undergrad, but I never met him on campus."
I hesitate to tell them the next part, but I decide to because I honestly don't think Jamie will mind.
"Jamie's wife and baby were killed in a car wreck, so he moved to Charleston to start over. That's why he came in the middle of the semester."
Silence. Much like my own drama, this is why you don't tell people this heavy stuff.
"That is so sad, Bella." Alice turns from the front seat to look at me.
"Yeah, it is."
As we pull up to the front of the Cullen house, the jovial mood has returned to the car, and for that, I am very thankful.
After helping Alice out of the car, Jasper turns to do the same for me, but I am already half way up the sidewalk. I am so excited that I can't help myself. It would seem that I am not the only one because before I can even ring the doorbell, Esme has thrown open the front door and wrapped me in a hug.
"Come in, dear. I made your favorite!"
I pull back and look at her with confusion.
"Chicken parmesan?"
"Of course," she smiles.
"At a barbeque?" I giggle.
"Anything for you."
She pulls me into the house, and Jasper and Alice follow. Once we all make it to the kitchen and Jasper puts down the dishes Alice has made, I notice that everyone is out on the back patio, gathered around a fire pit. It doesn't matter what time of year it is, Montana nights get fairly chilly.
When we walk in, I notice that Edward's expression softens, and I don't want it to make my heart flutter, but that doesn't stop it.
Carlisle hands Jasper a beer, and Esme offers to pour me some wine.
I notice that, once again, Edward is drinking from a Coke can instead.
"Where is Jamie, Bella?" Carlisle questions as he stands to check on the meat that is on the grill.
Placing my glass down on the table, I wipe my mouth before speaking.
"He's not gonna make it tonight. He is incredibly sore and very tired from today. He tried to come anyway, but I told him to just sleep."
"Oh, bless his heart! I hope that he is okay. Did you give him any ibuprofen? Does he need anything?" Esme, always the mother.
"Yeah, I gave him 800 milligrams. He will be fine after a good night's sleep." I smile.
"I bet he was pretty stoked to see you kick Eddie-boy's ass today, huh?" Emmett bellows.
The entire table breaks out in laughter. Edward's never ending quest to out-ride me is legendary, and everyone has always given him crap about it.
"How do you do it?" Rosalie questions. All eyes turn on me.
"Do what?" I ask.
"Beat him. I mean, hardly anyone can take him on the track, but you make it look so effortless."
"Probably because Charlie had her on a bike since practically birth!" Alice jokes, and everyone laughs.
"It's a lot of things really." I can't help but look at Edward. I have avoided it as much as possible up to this point. I just can't resist any more.
"Come on, Bells. Give us the secret." Emmett leans in like he is going to whisper though we both know the man couldn't keep a secret to save his life.
Looking at Edward again, he is staring at me so intently.
"I know him." A look of confusion fills the table, and I know I have to elaborate.
"He rev matches in turns when he should be double clutching, and that always keeps him from being as aggressive in the straight- aways as he should be. Not to mention the fact that he always backs out on tabletops. I figure he probably loses a good 3 to 4 seconds at the end of the race. So, I always make sure to pick up as much speed as I can on each apex and take full advantage of the jumps."
The entire table looks at me like I have grown a second head.
"Oh my god, Dude. How did you ever let her get away? I think I have a chub just listening to her." Emmett barely manages to get the sentence out before his wife punches him in the ribcage.
"Ow!"
"Yeah, you deserved that." Alice points her fork at him.
Suddenly the table is bursting with energy as everyone looks for something to do in order to distract the table from Emmett's comment.
Before long, the food is ready, and we've all sat down to eat.
"Edward, do you want to say grace?" Esme calls to her son softly.
"Sure, Mom." I realize it's about the only thing I have heard him say tonight.
We all bow our heads.
"Dear Heavenly Father. We come to you tonight and thank you for this wonderful meal that we are about to partake in. We want to thank you for the hands that prepared it, father. We also want to thank you for another day that we have gotten to spend with our friends and family, Lord. It has been a blessing to have a member of our family back, and we pray, Lord, that she feels welcomed and loved, father. We also thank you for the moments we have together. They are few and far between, often underappreciated and overlooked, God, but we give thanks for those and for the second chances they bring. In Christ's name, we thank you and bring honor and glory to your name. Amen."
To say the table is a bit tense would be an understatement, but we all continue to eat and try to make light-hearted conversation.
After dinner, we do a quick clean up and retire to the living room. After everything that has happened today, I feel like I need a few moments. No Jamie, no Alice, just me.
I excuse myself from the reunion in the living and room and find my way out into the yard where I sit on the wicker loveseat swing that Esme had installed out by the rose garden. I remember it fondly. Before I discovered the joys of making love with Edward, this swing was my favorite place to make out with him, instead.
I push the swing back and forth and drop my head back while I stare up at the stars. I think about how many times I have done this exact thing. Life seemed so much easier then. Those were the days when things were easy and fun.
When I feel the swing sag beside me and longer legs take over the push and pull that keeps us in motion, I don't even have to look up to see who it is.
"You hiding out here or actually just enjoying the view?"
"Why do you ask? Not matter what I say, you're going to believe what you want." I keep looking at the stars and try not to concentrate on the fact that his arm hair is tickling my elbow.
"That's because I know you, Bella."
A part of me, a very large part, wants to call him out on that comment. I want to deny it, kick and scream and prove him wrong. But the part of me that knows it's the truth doesn't comment at all. Truth is, he does know me. Better than anyone, I would safely wager. Though I had no idea just a few days ago, I have now realized that I've never really let anyone in Charleston get to know me.
"Well, I'd say that you've been thinking about a lot of things; in fact, if I know you at all, I'd say your mind has been racing with thoughts." I wish this weren't true.
He continues. "At the forefront of your mind, I'd say you're trying to figure out what to do about the fact that you miss home, and Charleston isn't as great as you thought it was."
Sitting up and angling my body toward his, I smirk. "And just how do you know all this, Mr. Cullen?"
One side of his mouth pulls up in a grin.
"Years and years, not to mention thousands of dollars, of therapy make it easy to spot troubled minds." He releases a deep breath and looks out over the garden.
"Therapy? Like a shrink?" I can't believe this.
"Yep. All that time you spent trying to convince me and I finally went. Still do, actually." He angles his body to match mine.
I'm not sure if I'm relieved or pissed. After the accident, I tried so hard to get him to see a therapist. Anyone who spent 5 minutes in the room with him knew he needed to talk to someone, but he always refused. I can't even count the number of fights that were caused by that very debate.
"I'm glad, Edward. I really am." I say so softly, I don't know if he even hears it.
"I wish it would have been sooner. I wish…" He trails off and runs a hand through his hair.
"Fuck, Bella. I wish a lot of things."
I drop my gaze to my lap and pick at my jeans. I realize that Edward is a lot like being on a diet. It's easy to talk a big game and resist temptation as long as you stay away from the bakery. But the moment that you find yourself in the same room as the cupcake, all that work is shot to hell.
"I know. I do too."
Pulling my hand from my jeans, Edward laces our fingers together and rubs his thumb over my palm.
"I miss you." He chuckles. "Actually, those words aren't even close to being strong enough."
I screw my eyes together so tightly, I think I see stars behind my lids.
"I know that things got messed up Bella, but…" He takes a big gulp.
"Do you think there could be another chance for us? Another chance for me to prove to you that I'm the one for you? That we are forever after all?"
My breath comes out in shallow pants and my heart races. Edward reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and lets his fingers linger over my cheekbone. Trailing them down to my neck, he gently pulls my head forward and licks his lips. My head knows he is going to kiss me, but my heart forces my body not to stop it.
As his lips brush mine, a feeling of panic overcomes me…and so does the feeling of home.
~o0o~
I don't even know where to start. I am so incredibly humbled and grateful for all the interest I have been getting in my story. To all those out there who have been pimping me out on FB and giving my little story nods, I cannot tell you how I squeal each time. You'll never know how much it means to me.
So, this week, I got a nod over at The Lemonade Stand. I have no idea who did that for me, but my gratitude is never-ending. It's so crazy to think that this incredible site that I have gone to for recs, now has me listed on the side column. There are so many amazing stories on there that I can't imagine that I would be included in the winners, but being up there with people that I have admired is so crazy to me. I would appreciate your vote, but in all honesty, check out some of the others there too.
I have to give an amazing shout-out to my beta, TwilightMom505 for being the absolute best. She makes it all pretty for you guys AND she spreads the word about Motoward. I don't know what I would do without her.
Also, the being on a diet and in the bakery line? Not mine, I got that in either a review or PM and it was too perfect not to use. I have searched through my inbox and can't find who sent it, but if you'll let me know, I PROMISE to give you the proper credit next chapter!
I love you guys and I will see you next Sunday/Monday!