As always, I own nothing, except for a few fantasies with the beautiful Motoward...hmm...
As always, an incredible thank you to TwilightMom505, I didn't give her much time with this one and she took it in stride. I love her...even if she is a bulldog! Though, we have both agreed that we hope my boys kick some Irish ass this weekend. Roll tide!
Also a big thanks to Lot Twi Ffn for making me an incredible banner. It's beautiful and I love it! Also, I have to give a BIG shout out to MereCullen. I told you guys last chapter that the line about being on a diet and in the bakery wasn't mine. Well, she is the genius who came up with that and I am eternally thankful to her for it.
See you at the bottom for some good...and bad news!
~o0o~
When I was twelve, Lauren Turner had the first co-ed sleepover any of us had ever heard of. Of course, her parents were out of town and thought she was at Kaitlin Anderson's house, otherwise, they would have killed us. I remember being excited when the bottle landed on Ben Masters. He was a grade ahead of us and so cute that he only dated older girls. When he kissed me, I thought I would explode with excitement. Then, a few years later when Edward Cullen kissed me for the first time, I knew that my pathetic spin the bottle kiss couldn't even compare.
Now, of all the kisses I have shared with Edward over the years, none were quite like the one I am experiencing now.
As Edward's hand slips into my hair and his thumb stokes the base of my neck, I can't help but lean into him, no matter how much I know better. Somehow, my hands find their way up his chest, and I moan into his mouth. My body is shaking and tingling all over, and I swear, I can feel this kiss in my fingertips and toes. This is how kissing should be. I haven't felt this good since the last time…
Shit! Jamie!
Suddenly, the bronze colored fog that has taken over my brain dissipates, and I realize the situation for what it is. I, Bella Swan, am cheating on my boyfriend. Quickly pushing my flat palms against Edward's chest, I jerk away from him and stand on my shaky feet.
"What are you doing?" I know as loud as I am screaming, I may actually wake the neighbors, but I can't seem to care.
"You can't just…I have…what is wrong…" I can't seem to form a logical or coherent sentence because I'm so confused by what the hell is going on here.
Standing quickly and shaking his head while holding out his palms, Edward looks just as shaken as I am.
"Shit, Bella. I'm so sorry, that was so wrong and…" he stammers and looks guilty.
"You are damn right it is!" When I look back on this later, I'm sure that I will realize the wild gestures I am making with my arms makes me look insane, but right now, it's making me feel better.
"I know, Bee. I'm not that guy and…"
"What? The guy that just sticks his tongue down the throat of another man's girlfriend?" I cut him off, never letting him finish his sentence.
"You aren't just some other guy's girlfriend. You're Bella. My Bella." He argues, and as good as it hears him to say that, I know that it is still wrong.
He continues with a pleading look, "…I mean, I think I do deserve some credit for managing to keep my cool this long. You have no idea how hard it was to not tell you how much I wanted to be buried inside you the second I saw you at the track."
Even as he says it, he eyes widen because he knows it's wrong.
"Ah hell, that sounded bad. I didn't mean to be shady, Bella. I don't want to be that kind of guy, really, I don't."
My mouth gapes open.
"Edward, I'm here with another man!" I yell.
"Fuck, Bella. You think I don't know that?" He screams back at me.
"You have no idea how much I know that, and to make matters worse, he is a great fucking guy!"
He's shouting and pointing and completely as insane as I am.
"You can't imagine the battle I fight in my head, Bella. If he was a jerk or treated you badly, it would make my life so much easier, but he's not. He is actually a stand-up guy!"
His eyes are glassy and red.
"When he touches you, a part of me wants to rip off his damn arm, and then, another part of me is just so thankful that he's good to you."
When the first sob leaves his body, it fuels a rage inside of me. Gone is the cold and indifferent man I spent an entire year dancing around and in his place is the boy I fell in love with. The boy I tried so hard to find and bring back, and somehow, in my absence, he came back all on his own.
I see red.
"Don't play that bullshit jealousy card, Edward. It's too tacky," I spew.
"Jealousy? Don't even go there. Everyone else at that damn table may have overlooked it last night, but I didn't."
"What the hell are you talking about?" He wasn't even with a date at the bar. Who would I have been jealous of?
"The waitress." He chuckles and wipes at his eyes.
"When she hit on Jamie, you smiled and tried not to giggle like a 3rd grader, but when she came on to me? You damn near had fingernail imprints on the inside of your palms."
Fuck. He's right. I hadn't realized it at the time, but I didn't care when she hit on Jamie. But I damn sure did care when she turned her sights on Edward. Silence stretches out between us, and I don't even know what to say.
"What, no witty retort? No denying that you were jealous of the idea of me and another woman?" He takes a step closer.
"Don't be." He says simply.
I have to admit, the thought of him and someone else is enough to make my stomach turn. I have always been on the irrational side when it comes to other women, and I always hated the idea that he had been with other girls before me. I don't even want to think about the ones that came after me.
"What if I told you," he moves so close now that he's practically whispering in my ear. "You are the last woman I was inside."
Anger fills my heart, my soul, my entire body, and if I had the physical strength to rip his arms off, I would.
"Don't. Feed. Me. That. BULLSHIT!"
I can't even feel my fingers, my heart is racing, and my teeth hurt from being ground together.
"I saw her, Edward. I know all about Kate." I spit at him, and his reaction is surprising. His forehead wrinkles, and he seems confused.
"Kate? Who's Kate?"
I can't believe his has the audacity to lie to me.
"Edward, don't patronize me. I know you cheated on me." I start to turn away from him, but before I can, Edward grabs my arm by the elbow and pulls me back toward him.
"I have never, ever, cheated on you. Ever. I don't think I even could, if I wanted to."
"Oh, please," I hiss.
He never lets go of my elbow and pulls me even closer to him.
"What? You want to hear about the one time I went out? How Emmett set me up with a girl, and I nearly busted her lip jerking away from her when she tried to kiss me?"
My heart stops. I can't breathe. Time may actually be frozen. Four years of celibacy? I can't believe that. I mean, four years?
"I can see those gears turning in your head. I'm not lying." He brings his hand up to my face and traces the backside of his fingers along my jaw.
"I couldn't be with anyone but you."
I can feel my resolve crumbling, and I have to get out. I have to remind myself that I have lived four years without this man, and I've survived it.
"All I am asking for, Bella, is to talk. Give me a chance to explain."
I know that if I stay, I won't be able to say no. This is Edward we are talking about. He is my biggest weakness. My brain is screaming at me, 'Abort Will Robinson, Abort!'
"I can't Edward." I pull away from him and head toward the door. He reaches out toward me and brushes my hand, but I move before he can get his grip tight.
"Just stay away from me Edward. I don't want to have anything to do with you."
His eyes widen, and the tears fill them again.
"Please don't say that, Bella." He reaches again. "Just let me talk to you!"
Backing away from him, a part of my heart hurts.
"I'll be gone in a few days, and we'll never have to see each other again." I keep stepping backward toward the door.
Edward falls to his knees and wraps his arms loosely around my waist, burying his head against my stomach.
"Please! I can't lose you again, Bella! Please!"
It takes all the power I have in my body to pull myself away from. It takes even more to turn my back.
Everyone tries not to notice as I run through the house and out into the car. Alice and Jasper never say anything as they climb in the car. Once we start on our way back to their house and Alice is holding me in the back seat while the sobs shake my body, all that power is gone.
~o0o~
When we arrive home, I'm thankful that Jamie is still sleeping and is turned away from my side of the bed. It doesn't escape my notice that just last night the fact that he was turned away from me hurt, yet tonight, I'm thankful. Damn Edward.
As I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, looking like a complete train wreck, I just want to disappear in a dark closet, alone, maybe with a large glass of some pink drink. Ah hell, who am I kidding, the Bella that I have buried deep inside of me is screaming for Jack, Jim or Johnny.
Crawling into the bed and burying my face in the pillow, I am surprised that sleep takes me so easy.
~o0o~
"Hey guys, you still watching film?" I couldn't believe they were still at it. I don't even think that any of the three of them had moved from that couch since we left. The boys had all been watching film from the last event for the past week. I know this upcoming race is important, but I think the rest of us are ready to have our boyfriends back.
As the girls and I put down the take-out bags on the table at the house, I make a mental note to get a new tablecloth. When Edward and I moved in here a couple months ago, we spent all our extra money on flooring and doors. Things like curtains and tablecloths were picked up at Goodwill and yard sales, and this one doesn't look as good now as it did at the store.
"Hey Baby." Edward nuzzles into my neck and his arms slip around my waist.
Leaning back into him, I smile and tilt my head, giving him better access.
Jasper and Emmett come into the room, jabbing each other in the ribs and joking as Alice pulls the take-out boxes from the bag.
"You wish. I wouldn't have to keep rebuilding them if you wouldn't keep blowing them up!" Emmett argued and pointed at Jasper.
"Whatever! If you built them better, they wouldn't blow up all the time!" Jasper threw back.
"Okay, boys. Let's drop it and enjoy our dinner, okay?" Rosalie tried to reason.
"Can we eat and watch film?" Emmett asks as he stuffs some of the chicken tender in his mouth.
Alice, Rosalie and I all groan in unison.
"Come on, can't we just eat without that damn film?" Alice rolls her eyes.
"Just a few more minutes, Al. Please?" Jasper pulls her toward him and tucks her head under his chin.
"Fine. Fine." She agrees, and we all go into the living room with our Styrofoam boxes and make ourselves comfortable. I'm glad Edward and I splurged and got the sectional, it's coming in quite handy.
Edward clicks play on the TV and the footage rolls again. We all sit around and watch for about an hour before Edward shuts it down, and we spend the rest of the night having a nice time with our friends. When everyone finally leaves, I find him back on the couch watching film again.
"Baby, aren't you gonna come to bed?" I smile at him and lean seductively into the door frame, but he's too busy looking at the screen to even notice what I am doing.
"Yeah, honey." He answers but never turns his gaze.
Huffing, I walk closer to the couch.
"Edward." I whine, stretching his name out.
He looks up at me and smiles that panty-dropping smirk, and I suddenly could care less about the TV, the couch or pretty much anything other than what's hidden in his boxer-briefs.
"Come here." He turns, putting one leg against the back of the couch and the other on the floor, creating a space for me to lie in between. When I go to him and get settled in, he turns the TV back on.
I try not to groan and enjoy laying here with him, but I can't help but think of other things we could be doing…upstairs.
Suddenly, the track disappears from the screen, and I see our living room. I'm a little embarrassed that my first thought is that maybe this is our 'amateur' video, and I hope the guys didn't see this earlier, but then Edward comes on the screen.
He sits in front of the camera and smiles.
"Bella, I don't even know where to start. You are my entire world. I spend my first moments of the day holding you and thanking God that he woke my dumb ass up and showed me what was in front of me. Then, I spend the last waking seconds of my day holding you and wondering why in the world you think I'm worth it. You make me want to actually be all the things you already think I am. I want to be worthy of you, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to be. I promise to wash the mud off my boots before I leave them in the garage. I promise to keep the oil changed in your bike. I promise to wipe my beard hair out of the sink because I know you hate when I don't do that…and I promise that I will love you every single day of forever, because, Bella? Not even death will stop me from loving you."
The screen goes black, and when I turn to look at Edward with wide eyes, he is smiling and holding a black velvet box in his hand.
I glance down at it and then back up in his eyes.
He opens the lid slowly and inside sits the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. Now, I'm not really into jewelry, and I don't know all the technical terms, but I do know that it's square with little stones all around it and that it is perfect.
"I love you so much, Bella. I can't imagine my world without you in it. Please say that you'll be my wife?" His eyes look hopeful, and I can't even imagine why he would think my answer would be anything other than yes.
He chuckles when I throw my arms around his neck and pepper his face with kisses.
"I'm gonna say it's safe to assume that I should be in the market for a tux soon?" He pulls his head away from mine, but his arms never leave my body.
As I squeeze him to me, he suddenly disappears and I find myself sitting on the floor in the hospital with the words swirling around me, written in the air.
Edward doesn't want to see you. They don't know if Emmett is going to make it.
Jumping forward with a deep breath, I nearly choke on the air as I drag it into my body as hard and as fast as possible. My hair is damp, and my shirt is stuck to me. I roll over and see that Jamie is gone and light is streaming through the window. Laying my head back against the pillows, I think about my dream. How strange to dream about the best day of my life and one of the worst, all at once.
Dragging my body up and wrapping my robe around me, I sit back down on the edge of the bed. The effort to walk seems too much right now. A part of me wants to go home, to Charleston, and another part wants to go home to the Victorian I shared with Edward. I'm so damn confused; I'm surprised that I manage to make it downstairs to the breakfast table where Alice is putting fresh biscuits in the center, and Jamie and Jasper are talking about today.
When they see me, Jamie smiles, but I can tell he realizes that I'm not doing so great this morning. How can I tell him that I kissed another man last night? That said man still haunts my dreams? That he is the same man that he went out riding with yesterday?
I can't say anything right now with Alice and Jasper because that is a private conversation, but tonight, we are going to have a long talk. I am going to tell him everything, from beginning to end. I'm tired of this secrecy and torment. He deserves the truth, if nothing else.
"So, Jasper tells me you are going to be a TV star?" He smiles at me and offers a cup of coffee. Thank god.
"Yeah, they are going to interview me today while they are at the track getting publicity shots of the riders." I offer but don't really want to talk about it because I dread it so badly. I hate being on camera.
"So, the riders just take pictures in their gear?" He asks Jasper.
Jasper chews quickly and swallows.
"Well, it started as a sort of practice run with all the guys coming out and getting a feel for the track. Then, people started dressing out so that it was a close to the real deal as possible. Soon, the media showed up, and photo shoots came pretty quickly after."
Jamie shakes his head and continues to eat.
As I stare at him, I send up a silent plea that not only will I forget Edward Cullen, but that I can love this man like I should.
~o0o~
When we get to the track, there are racers everywhere. Some of the rider I remember, most I don't. With everyone in gear, it feels so much like home, and I find myself missing Charlie more than ever. I see the familiar orange tent with Swan Racing emblazoned on the front and make my way toward my family. When Jamie, Alice, Jasper and I get there, everyone is already in action. Emmett is building god knows what; Rose is somehow maneuvering her belly to make room to check tire pressure, and Edward is getting his boots snapped on. He is wearing a cut-off t-shirt that is mostly a front and back connected with strings at the sides. I can see that the tattoos I was admiring earlier are covering the majority of his chest and back, while running down both arms. He has gotten a lot more ink than when I was with him. I concentrate on tying my hair back and trying to ignore the fact that I want to rip the shirt off and get a closer look at his new work.
"How's it coming Em?" Jasper goes over to the table where Emmett is working on a new fork.
"Alright, still not what I want, but we've got time."
We spend the next few hours working on little things. Emmett is showing Jamie how to change out handlebars. I have given a couple interviews, and I even managed to not protest when Edward put his jersey on. Everything is moving surprisingly smooth, considering what happened last night, when I hear a voice that I hadn't heard in years, and even then, it was only once.
"Bella?" I turn and see her. Renee fucking Swan.
As she gets closer to the tent, I realize she's aged a lot since that summer that Edward and I went to visit her in Jacksonville. I had decided I needed to meet her and regardless of the fact that Edward warned me it was a mistake, he went with me and held my hand when she talked to me for about 3 minutes and told me she wanted nothing to do with me.
"What are you doing…" I'm cut off before I can finish.
Edward steps beside me but angles his body so that he is shielding me.
"You need to leave," he says firmly but with venom in his voice.
"I just want to talk to my daughter," she argues.
"It has been made more than clear to you how Bella feels about you, so go." I've never heard him like this. Even when things were bad, he never sounded this…menacing.
"Oh yes, her little bodyguard. I should have known you'd be lingering around." She tries to crane her neck around Edward but fails to see me when he moves his body more in front of mine.
"I'm serious, Renee. Get the fuck out of here!" He keeps his voice low enough to not attract attention from the other tents but loud enough that she knows he means business.
"I just want to see Isabella." Isabella: a name I hate.
"Bella, doesn't want to talk to you. Don't you have some husband somewhere to bleed dry?"
"No...We didn't…work out, after all." She crosses her arms in front of her body and tries to turn her nose in the air.
"Oh. So that's it then? Thought you'd come here and get some money from her?" He brings his arm around behind his back and tries to pull me into him, shielding me even more, almost like as long as she can't see me, he can keep her from hurting me.
I can't keep quiet any longer, and I step out from behind Edward.
"Is that it Renee?" At first, I was so dumbfound that she was actually standing here, but now, I'm just pissed off.
"You want money? What, you heard Daddy died and thought you'd get some estate money? Life insurance? What?" I practically yell at her, and before I realize it, my body is advancing toward her.
Edward's arm comes out and wraps itself around my waist, pulling me back.
"I just need a little, honey. I have this…"
I can't even let her finish.
"You heard him, Renee. Get the fuck out of here." She looks shocked and turns to leave, but only takes a couple steps before stopping and turning back toward me.
"Bella, I'm your mother."
I look her in the eye and try to hold back the anger that clouds my judgment.
"Esme Cullen is my mother. You are nothing more than incubator."
She actually has the gall to look offended before she turns away and stomps off.
"You okay?" Edward puts his finger under my chin and tilts my head up so that my eyes meet his.
"Yeah, I…"
"409 huh?" Jamie says as he walks forward and stares at us.
The rest of the gang stands behind him, and they seem as confused as I am.
"What?" Edward asks.
"409…your number." Jaime gestures to Edward's back where his number is proudly displayed just below the 'CULLEN.'
"Yeah…" Edward seems as confused as I am.
"I'm willing to bet that 409 has been your number for a long time?" The way he spits out 409 with disgust tells me that this isn't really a question.
"Yeah, since I was 16. It was a joke with some buddies about the commercials with the 'giddy up 409' jingle." Edward says simply and as the words come out of his mouth, I can tell that he and I both know exactly where this is headed.
Jamie turns toward me and narrows his eyes.
"Charlie's number, huh?" He angrily chuckles, shakes his head and looks away before he looks between Edward and I. I realize that we are still standing close and after the confrontation with Renee, I'm sure Jamie has figured it out.
"Just like the 409 that is tattooed on Bella's hip bone, huh?" Jamie turns to look at me and I don't even know the man that is standing in front of me.
My gentle and kind lover is replaced with a man that can barely stand the sight of me.
He shakes his head and starts toward the parking area before I reach out and grab his hand.
"Jamie, wait…" I plead.
He jerks his hand away like I burned him and his eyes narrow on me.
"What else have you been lying about, Bella? Huh? Has everyone been laughing at the 'poor idiot' behind my back?"
"No! Jamie, please let me just explain," I beg.
He shakes his head and clenches his jaw.
"No, Bella. I can't even be in the same room with you right now."
As he leaves and I yell his name, Emmett holds me back from running after him, soothingly whispering in my ear, "Let him go Bella. Give him time."
~o0o~
What did you think? I fully expect for my inbox to blow up after this one! There is a lot to be discussed here!
Now, you want the good first or the bad? I always prefer the bad first, so I'll give you that one now...
Bad News? I had previously stated that I thought I would have this complete by the first of the year. I don't think that will happen now. To be honest, Edward is getting pretty pissed at me cause he's getting a lot of hate mail and he wants to tell his side of the story. I let him have a moment a few chapters back and he's begging for more. This, of course, will add a few chapters and so I hope to wrap this one up around the end of January.
Good News? There is now a FB group for The Hole Shot! My username is ForeverAddicted ToHim and the group is Forever Addicted's Fandom. I don't have many members yet because I just set up the group, but I would love to change that. What is your motivation to join, you say? Teaser Friday! I'm also posting pics of things in the story (example: Bella's ring) so that you can see what I see! So come on over and join the party! See you next week!