I don't own anything. Just a plea for you to forgive me for my absence, and a request to read the author's note at the bottom.
As the cool Montana night begins to grow damp and heavy, I pull my jacket tighter around my body. The weight of the night settles between my shoulders, and my eyes sting from the burden of unshed tears.
"He was in the hospital for two months. Emmett for much, much longer." The images of the broken and beaten men are forever seared into the back of my eyelids. For so long, it was all I could see when I closed my eyes at night.
"Edward had a fractured hand, a shattered pelvis and multiple contusions on his face. The lacerations went all the way down his neck and hands. He looked...awful." My bottom lip quivers, and the tears threaten to revolt and escape. Jamie's warm hand covers my own and gives a silent squeeze of reassurance.
"The police said it was hard to know for sure, but they believe he probably hit the tree at about 85-90 mph. The car..." At that thought, a lone tear makes an escape, fleeing from the pools that threaten to erupt.
I remember only being able to identify the make and model of the car because of the wheels.
"Edward was ejected pretty early in the crash, but Emmett wasn't so lucky."
There were so many weeks of wondering if he would wake up. Once he did, we were faced with the fear that he may never walk again. Those days were hard.
"It would probably be easier to identify the bones that weren't broken in Emmett. He was shattered like a broken glass."
Poor Rosalie had been devastated. Those days were pretty dark for everyone. We all split our time between the boys and helping her as much as we could. Of course, my time wasn't as limited considering Edward could barely stand to be in the same room with me.
"Edward's grandmother on his mom's side had left him a modest inheritance. He used every penny of the inheritance and what little was left from his sponsorship on Emmett. Emmett had the best physical therapists in the state."
It was definitely money well spent, because that was the only time there was hope in Emmett's eyes during those months.
"Edward lost his sponsorship, obviously, and soon we couldn't pay our bills. It just made the rift between us even worse. I think we slept in the same room maybe two nights once he got home. "
The day Edward packed up his things from our room and moved into the den was the second hardest day of my life. I cried for nearly a week, and I wondered what it would take to bring him back to me.
"The next year was pretty much the same day, over and over. He was so depressed and guilty that he could barely function. I worked two jobs and went to school. I didn't need the spare time anyway; Edward would barely look at me."
Taking a deep breath, I rub my palms along my thighs, and the tears become too much to hold back.
"I came home early one day and found a blonde leaving the house," I choke back the sobs. My tongue seems thick and there is a pain in my chest.
I can remember her trashy black roots, and dark eyes that hadn't seem make-up remover in days.
"I waited until she left. When I went inside," a sob overtakes me and I can't breathe.
Jamie immediately leaves his chair and pulls me into his arms. Whispering soothing words into my ear, I feel his fingertips stroke up and down my back. After a few minutes pass, I gather myself and calm down.
Jamie wipes the tears from under my eyes, and he smiles at me warmly.
"I found him with a mirror full of blow at the kitchen island."
I had tried to forget that day above all others, but it was always there, lingering in the back of my mind like a parasite that slowly ate away at pieces of me.
Jamie pulled me into his side, and he tucked my head under his chin. I am actually pretty surprised at how good it feels to have this entire thing out in the open. I carried it around for so long, and even though there are parts I have highly censored, I'm glad to have a lot of the past off my chest.
"I wish you had told me before we came here."
I can't blame him. I should have. It would have only been fair.
"I wish I had too."
Blowing out a shaky breath, Jamie tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.
"I guess I knew there was something between you and Edward...well, I would have if I had paid enough attention. When the two of you are in a room together, you're like two pieces of a whole. You never get far from each other, and you never lose sight of where the other one is."
I'm shocked at this. I never realized this about us. At least, not the us that we are now.
"Jamie...it's over between Edward and me."
He smiles at me with tight lips.
"I think you and I both know that isn't true."
Isn't it? I know that I have no desire to be hurt like I was before. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than to know the pain of that last year.
"Bella, be honest. Do you feel for me the way that you felt about Edward?"
My breath catches and a huge lump forms in my throat.
"That's different, Jamie. I was young and he was my first love and..."
I don't get to finish, because Jamie cuts me off.
"It's okay to say no, Bella." He takes a deep breath and seems to struggle with himself for a minute.
"I don't feel about you the way I did about Tori."
The sounds of the night cease and it's eerily quiet. I would be lying if I said it hadn't occurred to me that Jamie didn't love me the way he had his wife, but it didn't sting like I always thought it would. In fact, I barely felt it at all.
"I thought that maybe with time, we'd get there. Seeing you here, where you obviously belong, I can finally admit that we just aren't meant to be...and I think you know that too."
Did I?
Had I always?
I think that maybe I had. It was nice to have a break from the horror of my past, but had I unknowingly used such a sweet and kind man?
"Jamie, I never wanted to hurt you. If you never believe anything else I say, please believe that," I plead with him.
I need him to believe it, more than anything else right now.
Pulling me close to his chest and placing a kiss on top of my head, I know that my time with Jamie is over and I'm about to start another chapter in my life.
As we load Jamie's bags into the backseat of Alice's car, I can't help but find myself fearing what this unexpected turn could mean. The last few months of consistency had been like a little slice of heaven, so to find myself back at a point where I didn't know what tomorrow would be...well, frankly...it scares the shit out of me.
"Jamie?" Gently tugging on his arm as he loads the last bag into the trunk, I struggle with the words to say once his eyes turn to me.
"I just..." I wish I knew exactly what to say.
"I know, Bella. I know." He smiles sweetly and I realize that this is going to be one of those amicable break-ups that I hear people talk about. You know the ones? He was great, we just didn't work out.
"I am going to miss you so much, Jamie. Really. I never wanted things to end up like this." The tears come again and I fight the urge to sob.
"I know, babe." Babe. It sounds so different now. Almost the way you say it to a friend who hands you the glass from the top shelf, thanks babe.
"This is just where we were supposed to end up, you know?" He pulls me into a hug, and I know that I'm going to miss this the most.
This is what I am going to miss this the most?
Have I been using his comfort and protection all this time? The realization starts to settle upon me as the anguish I should be feeling...just doesn't appear. Perhaps I've relished having a friend, a companion, but I can't say that I ever burned for him, or for his touch.
"Listen to me, okay?" He smiles at me while he places his hands on my shoulders.
Pulling my lip under my front teeth, I feel the exhaustion from the past few days start to settle on me.
"I realize that your life hasn't always been what it should have been. I know that Edward played a huge part in that." His eyebrows arch toward his hairline and I can see the truth in his eyes.
"But that man loves you, Bella. He looks at you like you are the most precious thing in the room and he's terrified that you're going to disappear. It was always there, I just wasn't paying attention until today."
As I struggle to pull away from Jamie, his grip tightens and he struggles to look deeply into my eyes.
"I get it. Okay? I do. But listen to me, Bella. You have no idea what I would give for another chance to hold Tori."
Jamie's eyes start to glisten and I know that he's laying everything on the line now.
"It's been 4 years. I know you think you've spent all that time moving on and growing. But you haven't, Bella. You've spent it running from here and he's spent it waiting for you to come back. Anyone can see that."
"You can't be serious," I begin to argue. "Suddenly you're Team Edward here? He hurt me Jamie. Cheated on me for an eight ball and pushed me away when all I wanted to do was help him!"
My breathing was labored and Jamie's face looked pained.
"I know. I'm not saying that you should forgive him and get back together. I'm saying that you need to move on - for yourself. Maybe with him or maybe without. But either way, you need this."
As Jamie gave me a final hug and brushed the tears away from my cheek, I thought about this incredible love that I had been gifted. It hadn't been a passionate flame that burned and fizzled with time. Instead, it had been a steady ember that brought comfort and warmth to a cold heart that had once believed it would never beat again.
Jamie may not have fixed my heart, but he had soothed my soul in a way that I could never have done on my own.
Sitting at the vanity, I brush the black liner under my lashes, and I concentrate on trying to keep the stray powder from falling onto my cheek.
"Are you sure you are okay? You don't have to go tonight." Alice sits beside me, twirling the hot iron around yet another curl.
I've told both her and Rose that I'm fine, but neither seem to want to believe me. Since Jamie left yesterday, they both have chosen to become my personal ladies-in-waiting. I hadn't planned to put so much time and effort into my look for the gala tonight, but it seems that it has brought a welcomed distraction from the recent turn of events.
I haven't spoken to Edward since the race; though Alice assured me that he sent his deepest regrets for any role he may have played in the demise of my relationship.
I can't imagine that is the truth on any planet.
"I'm fine girls. I promise. Jamie and I are still going to be friends. It really did end well." I paint the light nude lipstick on my lips and press them together.
Rosalie snorts. "Honey, you can't be friends with a man who knows your cum face. Trust me."
Alice giggles and I can't help but smile.
"Yeah well, I'm fine either way."
We fall back into our quiet routine of getting ready. There are broken fragments of sound when compacts fall to the granite and inhales of breath follow tweezed eyebrows. Either way, I can't help but think about how much I missed moments like these.
As we all stand and check our final appearance in the mirror, I can't help but dread tonight. I've never been one for dressing up at fancy events, but this one will be the first time I've ever had to go alone. I know I will be busy talking to people from the business, but I can't help but dread it anyway.
Walking down the stairs at Alice's house, I notice how handsome Emmett and Jasper look standing at the bottom. It still amazes me how much Emmett has changed since I last saw him. Rose told me that he had started working out so much during his physical therapy, but he obviously really enjoys it to stay this huge.
"You are stunning, my love." Jasper takes Alice's hand and places a light kiss on her knuckles.
I can't help but smile at their display. Even after all these years, he is still as affectionate to her as the day they declared their love to each other.
Emmett wraps his arm around Rosalie's waist and we all make our way outside, only to find a limo parked in the drive.
"Em! What did you do?" Rosalie smacks at his chest, though it's obvious that she loves it.
He winks at her and Jasper opens the door for Alice to get into car. I start to get in myself after Rosalie and Alice, but I'm shocked at the rude manners of Emmett and Jasper as they quickly jump in, leaving me for last.
However, my own entrance into the car is thwarted as the tall frame of a bronze haired boy emerges from the car.
I'm taken aback at first. I had forgotten how beautiful Edward looked in a suit. Now, I will be the first to admit that it pains me to see his ink covered, but this is a welcomed sight. For sure.
"Look," his voice is shaky and he drags his hand through his hair. Such an Edward-ism. However, the lip that disappears under his front teeth is a trait that he picked up from me.
"I know this is pretty presumptuous, and I promise that I am in no way trying to make light of the fact that you and Jamie just broke up, okay?"
I recognize the look of sheer honesty and fierce determination in his eyes.
"I just thought, I could be your date tonight. Your very friend-like date."
I wish I could say that I heavily weighed the options and put careful thought and consideration into the decision.
I wish that I could say that I was careful to think of what this could mean and how it would look.
In reality, it took about two seconds for me to decide that I wanted to have his support for the night. I also can't lie and say that I didn't think about the fact that this could be the last time I'm on Edward Cullen's arm.
With Jamie's final words in my head and my foolish heart on my sleeve, I smiled hesitantly at Edward and got into the car.
Hey Guys! I know I sort of dropped off the face of the earth, but I'm back! My internship is almost over and I've finished most of my portfolio, so I have a lot more free time on my hands now! As always, mad love to you all for being so patient and to TwilightMom 505, my incredible beta. She puts up with me and I thank her for it. This chapter has actually been ready to post for a while, but I kept going back in and changing things because I just couldn't be happy with it. So, while it has been beta'd, it's also been messed with since then, so that's all on me.
I'm hoping that I will get to post more regularly now, in fact, the next two chapters are already finished and about to be on the way to the beta! I love you, forgive me, and thanks for hanging in there!
-Eva