Rated M of course ;D I don't own anaything
SELF-CONCIOUS
Kendall Knight walked down the hallway leading to his apartment with his hands stuffed in his pockets, his head down. Today really hadn't been the best day for him.
First of all, Gustavo had screamed at him during rehearsal so loud, it nearly caused another earthquake. Secondly, the boys had mistakenly slept late today, so before going to the studio, they barely had a moment to talk to each other or grab breakfast, and to top it all off, Kendall hadn't seen Jo in four days because of both of their busy schedules.
He definitely needed to clear his head, so the second the four exhausted boys returned to the Palm Woods, Kendall had gone out for a long, deserved walk in the cool, crisp California breeze.
Kendall took out his key from his pocket, opening the door with a sigh, as he entered, where James, Carlos and Logan were all gathered on the couch talking, almost like…girls. Kendall gave his friends an odd look and threw his keys on the counter, closing the door behind him.
"What's going on?" Kendall asked with a furrowed brow, taking a few steps towards where his friends where chuckling heartily, James patting Logan's back with a proud, jubilant smile.
"Well, it looks like our little Logie is finally a sinner," James said proudly, egging on Carlos who seemed bright as ever. Kendall looked at his friends confused, and then at Logan who had a crooked, sly grin.
"Huh?" Kendall asked enthusiastically. Logan sighed and looked up at him with bright, masculine eyes, fidgeting with his hands a bit.
"Me and Camille had sex last night," Logan said with a chuckle, the absolute happiness radiating off his face. He couldn't have been happier. He and Camille had officially been dating for six months now, and the two teens were practically enthralled in one another. It seemed it was only a matter of time before this happened.
Kendall's heart dropped and he bit his lower lip, trying to muster out some sort of smile for his best friend. Ugh.
"Finally! It was about time, dude. It's been six months already," James laughed loudly as Carlos chuckled, Kendall's straight face dropping even more. Logan smiled and laughed bashfully to himself, his face blushing a bit. His gaze went to Kendall who had sat down on the edge of the couch quietly, not saying a word, a distraught look on his face. It was then Logan realized what was bothering his friend.
"Kendall, I'm sure it'll happen soon. It's been like what…seven, eight months?" Logan asked quizzically. Kendall looked at Logan with sad, translucent green eyes.
"Nine," Kendall muttered out miserably, running his hands through his hair frustrated. He couldn't believe that he had been with Jo for so long and yet, she still refused to do anything past what she called "feeling around", on top of clothes of course. He loved Jo to pieces, and had never thought once about breaking up with her because she wouldn't, well, "put out", but it was starting to frustrate Kendall to no end. All he wanted to do was be closer to his beautiful, perfect girlfriend, and yet she wouldn't let him. Now he was one of two virgins left…him, and Carlos.
"Don't sweat it, K-Dawg. I've never done it either," Carlos said enthusiastically, patting his best friend on the shoulder with a chuckle. Kendall looked at Carlos with heavy, angry eyes, sitting back on the couch.
"Yes, but you don't have a girlfriend of nearly a year," Kendall groaned out annoyed, pushing his hair back, staring up at the sky. James sighed.
"Okay, well what have you guys done?" he asked curiously. Kendall's head shot up and he looked at James with a weird, embarrassed and annoyed chuckle.
"Uh…that's kinda personal." James looked at his friend and sighed deeply.
"Listen, if you want my help, then you're gonna have to tell me," James said, crossing his arms in an authorative pose. Kendall rolled his eyes and sat up more, leaning forward, hands on his thighs.
"Did I ask for help?" Kendall asked cluelessly with a scrunched up face. James stared at the boy knowingly and Kendall sighed, knowing that James probably could help him.
"We've…kissed and stuff," Kendall muttered out under his breath. James nodded.
"And?"
Kendall swallowed hard. There really wasn't much more to tell, honest to God. Kendall had never felt embarrassed in front of his friends before, he felt his face get hot, and he bit his lower lip.
"We've…touched, and things like that," Kendall said softly, looking down at his fingernails, picking at them nervously.
"Mmhm. Now, has she ever blown you?" James asked outright, causing a burst of laughter from Carlos, and a horrified look from Logan. Even though he wasn't a virgin anymore, Logan still found disgust in such explicit terms.
"Dude!" Kendall said shocked, furrowing his eyebrows and holding out his hands in confusion.
"Answer the question," James said with stern eyes. Kendall sighed and rolled his eyes, falling back into the couch.
"No, alright?" he muttered out annoyed. James seemed very, very surprised, which just added to the boy's embarrassment.
"Hand job?" James asked confused with a raised eyebrow. Kendall bit his lip and nodded his head no, his green eyes cast down in humility.
"Seriously?" James asked, as if the fact Kendall hadn't gotten a hand job was quite possibly the most unbelievable thing in the world.
"Jeez. I guess that explains why you jerk off so much," James said curtly, as Logan and Carlos shot the pretty boy an evil look.
Kendall didn't even respond to the remark, his face hot and his heart pumping. He simply stood up angrily, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he walked to his room. Logan hit James with an annoyed look, as the pretty boy looked on clueless. Kendall opened the door to his room, and shut it quickly with a loud, angry slam. He scurried towards his bed, laying face down, breathing in the scent of his pillow.
Not even ten seconds later, there was a knock at his door.
"Go away, James. I get it, you're sorry. You're forgiven," Kendall said angrily, his voice muffled by his pillow.
"It's Logan. Can I come in?"
Kendall sighed. The only person he would've rather not seen more than James was Logan. But Kendall knew Logan had felt horrible about what had happened, even though he was just merely excited about everything that had gone on between him and Camille.
"Sure," Kendall said, sitting up on the bed as Logan entered his and James' room. Logan took a seat on James' bed a bit awkwardly, looking down at his hands as Kendall looked away from his eyes.
"Listen, James is just being James, Kendall. Don't even bother with him," Logan said softly. Kendall, not saying a word, nodded as his gaze locked with Logan's crooked, and comforting smile.
"So I uh—guess congratulations are in order for the big man," Kendall spoke softly, not being able to hold back the fact that he was a bit happy for his best friend, even mixed up in the sea of jealousy inside of him. Logan chortled to himself awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck.
"Thanks dude, it means a lot," Logan spoke softly. Kendall smiled at his friend and laid back against the wall, a pillow in his hand.
"So, how was it?" Kendall asked nervously, looking down, cursing himself for being such a good friend and asking. Logan sighed and shrugged.
"It was nice," he said straight faced, obviously holding back his real feelings. Kendall looked at Logan with a raised eyebrow and a sorta "Oh Come ON" look, as Logan chuckled, sitting against the wall on James' bed.
"Alright. It was incredible," Logan said with soft laughter and a smile. Kendall smiled and let out a small chuckle, playing with the pillow in his hands nervously. There was silence between the two friends, but Kendall knew what was going to happen. He was going to end up talking it out with Logan, who always seemed to know just how to make Kendall feel better.
"I just—I'm so frustrated with this whole situation Logan," Kendall deeply sighed, his head leaning back against the wall.
"Well, have you guys talked about it?" Logan asked his friend. Kendall shrugged and then gazed at Logan pained.
"Not really. I mean, I tried to get her to loosen up a bit the other night, but anytime my hand goes anywhere she's uncomfortable with, she freaks out about it," Kendall said lowly, very embarrassed at his lack of experience. "I just—I want to experience all this stuff with her and she won't let me. I feel like she doesn't trust me or something like that."
"I'm sure it's not that, Kendall. Maybe Jo is just very shy when it comes to stuff like that. You are her first real boyfriend. Maybe she just is self-conscious or something," he said lightly. Kendall groaned.
"She has no reason to be self-conscious. She's absolutely gorgeous," he muttered out, with a small smile. "How could she ever be self-conscious about herself? That's so silly." Logan smiled back.
"Well, why don't you tell her that?" Logan suggested with a smirk. Kendall looked up at his friend with a smile and swallowed hard, not even thinking that something as simple as that could work.
"Do you think that would work?" Kendall asked with lively green eyes, his heart beating fast. Logan shrugged.
"That's how things started with me and Camille last night. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to try," he said with a wink. Kendall bit his lower lip and nodded, hoping it would prove even half the success of what Logan had endured.
"I think I will. We're supposed to watch a movie tonight at her place. I guess, I can try something then?" Kendall asked. Logan nodded.
"But dude, if she says no, she means no," Logan said, pointing a finger at the blonde. "Remember that."
Kendall chuckled and nodded, rolling his eyes. "Yes, Logan. I will."
Kendall and Jo sat cuddled up on the couch of her apartment, the bright TV illuminating their faces. Jo had picked some surprisingly entertaining movie for them to watch tonight, but there was no way Kendall could concentrate. She cuddled up in Kendall's strong arms, her head resting on her chest, listening to his heartbeat. The two hadn't really talked since turning the movie on, Kendall's head resting on Jo's, taking in the sweet smell of her raspberry shampoo.
Kendall's hand laid one around Jo's back, the other on her bare thigh, holding her close to him. If he wanted to make a move he was going to have to now. Kendall closed his eyes and slowly began rubbing small circles on Jo's thigh. She sighed loudly, and nuzzled more into Kendall, obviously not minding the feeling.
Kendall bit his lip nervously, as he slowly moved his hand up more, gradually massaging as she shifted a bit uncomfortable. He decided to distract her even more by swooping his lips to her neck, and gently suckling on her pulse point, nipping a bit with his teeth. His hand moved to her inner thigh, the highest he had ever gotten as he slipped a finger under the hemline of her shorts, tracing her bikini line.
"Kendall," Jo said nervously, pulling away from him, slowly pushing his hand down. Kendall sighed annoyed and rolled his eyes to himself. Unfortunately, Jo had caught it. Her big brown eyes looked worried at the boy, as her brows furrowed.
"What was that for?" she asked annoyed, moving away from him on the couch.
"What?" he asked confused, playing dumb.
"Rolling your eyes at me," she asked with an upset, angry look on her face. Kendall swallowed hard and shook his head.
"Nothing. Forget it," he said coldly, turning his head away from her. Jo looked at her boyfriend with angry, upset eyes.
"Tell me," she said adamantly, her voice rising a bit. Kendall's eyes remained on the movie with his arms crossed, obviously beyond frustrated and annoyed with the situation.
"Leave it alone, Jo," Kendall spoke gruffly. Jo picked up the remote from the table, and put the movie on pause, slamming it back down as she turned to Kendall, still not satisfied.
"Can you just tell me?" she asked annoyed, sprouting a bit of an attitude. Kendall turned to her with alit eyes, and furrowed eyebrows.
"Fine, you really wanna know why I rolled my eyes?" he asked annoyed, his voice raising. Jo swallowed hard, wondering if she even wanted to know anymore. Kendall looked at her angrily, his passion getting the best of him.
"Because you don't even let me touch you, Jo! There, I said it. Happy now?" Kendall yelled out at her, his hands flailing about. "Freaking Logan and Camille have been going out for six months and they're already having sex!" he yelled out in jealousy.
Silence.
Jo looked down at her fingers awkwardly, as Kendall's chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. Kendall immediately felt horrible for what he had said as he let out a sigh, and rested his palm on his forehead, his fingers pushing up his bangs. Jo was silent.
Kendall turned to her and swallowed hard. "Listen, I-I don't mean it like that. I just—I feel like you don't trust me. Like you think I'm going to hurt you or something," Kendall said softly, taking his girlfriend's hand in his. Jo looked up at him with sad puppy dog eyes, tears coming from them. Kendall sighed and closed his eyes.
"Shit," he mumbled out upset, taking his hand from Jo's limp one and stroking her face with it. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry I said that, alright? I didn't mean it like that," he said upset with himself. Jo turned her face away from him embarrassed as Kendall sighed deeply, eyes closed.
"Can we just…talk about something?" he asked her from the bottom of his heart. Jo nodded silently, as Kendall gently pulled her back into him. Jo accepted his arms, and cuddled up in his chest silently, her hands touching his strong arms around her. Kendall kissed her forehead and sighed, tipping her chin up so he looked in her the eyes.
"I love you, Jo," he started off, emitting a natural, involuntary smile from her. Kendall smiled back at her, and quickly wiped the last tear that fell from her eye. "I love you so much, and I understand if you're not ready for certain things to happen between us. I get that you're not ready for sex or anything like that," Kendall spoke gently, Jo cringing at the word. "But I like…I like touching you, baby," Kendall said nervously, looking at Jo's reaction.
Jo sighed deeply, studying Kendall's eyes in an odd way he had never seen before. He sighed deeply, trying to get it out as good as he could. "I wish you would let me touch you. I wish you would let me make you feel good like I want to. I wanna make you feel good," Kendall said softly kissing her face gently. "I wish we could make each other feel good."
Jo looked up at Kendall with big brown eyes and sighed, nodding. "I know. I understand, Kendall. And it's—it's not that I don't want to. Believe me it's not," she said, her voice cracking a bit. Kendall looked at her confused, as her eyes grew watery again. She swallowed hard and looked at him again.
"I just—I don't know…I don't know how to give a hand job, or give head, or anything like that," she whispered out her eyes shut tight, embarrassed from saying the words. Kendall looked at her in awe, very confused at what she was saying, but also a bit relieved that she had noticed the tension between them. "I don't want to mess it up," she whispered out in a small voice.
Kendall was flawed.
"And I—I like when you touch me, I do, it's just…no one's ever…seen me before," she said upset and shyly. "No one's ever touched me in the places that you want to, and I'm—I'm nervous," she whispered out slightly, nuzzling her head in Kendall's neck. His hands ran up and down her back as he kissed her hair gently.
"It's alright to be nervous, baby. I'm nervous too. It's a big step for both of us. I would never do anything if it was uncomfortable for you," he said softly, massaging her back gently. "And it's alright if you don't know how to do those things to me. You won't mess it up. As long as it's you touching me, you could never mess it up," Kendall spoke softly into her hair.
Jo looked up at him with those eyes and smiled at him. "Are you sure?" she asked gently. Kendall nodded, leaning down and pecking her lips gently.
"Yes, I'm sure," he said. Jo smiled and nuzzled more into him as he took a deep breath in.
"I love you, Kendall Knight," she whispered out with a smile. He chuckled and kissed her hair one more time.
"Now, why don't we watch the rest of this movie?" Kendall suggested with a smile. Jo nodded and snuggled up to her boyfriend, as Kendall leaned over, picking up the remote and clicking the play button.
About ten minutes later, neither Jo nor Kendall could shake their conversation off their minds. Kendall wanted nothing more than to maneuver his hand against Jo's flush abdomen, and explore all her body had to offer. Jo wanted nothing more than to please her patient, sexually frustrated boyfriend she had realized she was being too shy towards.
Jo looked up at Kendall, his eyes stuck on the screen, biting his lower lip as she gently leaned up and kissed his throat. Kendall looked down at her surprised, with a small smile as Jo's hands shakily maneuvered to the button of his jeans. Kendall looked at her taken aback, as Jo bit her lower lip in a smile. She arched her head to Kendall's neck again, slowly lapping her tongue across his pulse point, biting down gently. Kendall let out a soft chuckling moan as she quickly popped the button on his jeans, resting her hand just below his navel.
Kendall sighed loudly, as Jo continued to nip at his neck, her hand shakily traveling down, past the waist line of his boxers. Her hand finally tapped his hardening erection, and she drew her hand up a bit in surprise, ceasing kissing his neck. Kendall's eyes were closed as Jo went to his ear, and began kissing it, tugging on his earlobe lightly. Her hand then gently moved down, running over his clothed erection, her fingers delicately tracing the outline of it. Jo stealthily surrounded the tip with her fingers, and Kendall jumped a bit, the sensation a bit too much for him.
"S-sorry," Jo stammered out nervously, drawing her hand away from it. Kendall chuckled a bit, his breathing heavy as he sat back on the couch.
"No…it's alright. Just—stay further back," Kendall moaned out, swallowing hard. Jo nodded nervously, taking her shaking hand and dipping it down into his boxers. Her fingers brushed his length, her eyes wide at just how long her boyfriend was. Jo's fingers gently circled at his base and slowly moved up as Kendall's eyes fluttered, and he breathed in and out heavily.
"Is that okay?" Jo asked timidly in his ear, kissing it's shell. Kendall nodded in pleasure as Jo continued her pattern, trying her best to satisfy him. Kendall sighed in satisfaction and relaxation as Jo slowly began to twist her hand around him.
"Baby," Kendall moaned in surprise, Jo nipping at his jaw line, and beginning to twist her hand even more. She could tell Kendall liked it by the way he lost his breath, and how his back began to arch a bit. Jo moved her hand a bit faster, as she felt his length begin to throb beneath her. Her lips stayed at Kendall's neck as she nipped and sucked his stubbly jaw line, lost in all of Kendall's tightlipped moans.
"I'm…almost there," Kendall got out between hard, breathy swallows. Jo twisted her hands up his length, until she got to the tip, gently kneading it between her index finger and thumb.
"Keep doing that," Kendall whispered out between barely parted lips. Jo obeyed her boyfriend's commands, as his hips bucked forward a bit in her hand. Jo took the motion by surprise, as her hands delicately traced his entire length, her thumb stroking the underside slowly, and agonizingly. Kendall's hand tugged the back of Jo's hair as his head laid back on the couch.
"I'm g-gonna come," he moaned out loudly, as with one last final stroke, Jo sent her boyfriend over the edge to euphoria.
He sweetly released with one long, loudly, muffled moan as Jo swallowed hard and nervously at what was happening. After a few seconds of heavy breathing, Kendall, his abdomen muscles fatigued, shakily took off the thin white shirt he wore, exposing a beautifully toned torso. Jo's uncomfortably dampened hand still rested on his now softened length, as Kendall shakily removed it and immediately began to clean her hand with his shirt. The blonde boy looked insanely giddy and nervous, as he unsteadily cleaned off his girlfriend's hand, throwing the now ruined shirt to the floor.
Kendall's green eyes were filled with wonder and love as he looked at Jo. The blonde girl looked bashfully shy and still a bit nervous as Kendall leaned over, pants still unbuttoned, and gave her the sweetest, softest kiss he could imagine. The two lovers parted and Kendall leaned his forehead against hers, still breathing a bit heavy.
"That was absolutely incredible," he whispered breathily as Jo chuckled.
"Really?" she asked with sparkling brown eyes and an adorable smile. Kendall nodded, tilting her chin up with his fingers. He gently leaned into kiss her again as Jo smiled into the kiss, her face still a bit flushed as her and Kendall parted. He leaned his forehead against hers and touched her chin lightly, tapping her nose lovingly.
"Absolutely," he whispered to her lips gently.