Chapter 4

Meredith's eyes fluttered open, as the sound of chirping birds floated into the room. Christina entered and opened the window, the first gentle breeze of spring wafting in. Meredith pulled the blankets up to her chin, trying to tell Christina that she wasn't ready to get up yet. But Christina didn't take the hint. She started to pull out an outfit for the day and fill up the washing basin.

"Can't you see I want to sleep, Christina?" Meredith groaned.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. Maybe if you didn't stay up all night with Mr. Sheperd, you wouldn't be so tired," she said as she continued to flitter about the room. Meredith bolted upright in bed, fear rising in her throat. "Don't worry, I am not going to tell anyone," she assured Meredith when she saw the look of terror on her face.

"How did you know about that?" Meredith asked, the fear causing her voice to shake.

"I saw him sneaking out of your father's study early this morning," Christina replied, glancing up at Meredith. A soft groan escaped Meredith, as she brought her hands up to her face. She could not believe this. Even in her own home, she could not keep one thing in her life hidden. She had taken one risk, lived recklessly for a few moments, and she was already feeling the repercussions. At that moment, she realized why exactly she had lived by such strict rules. The first time she did something out of line and her world was already threatening to come crashing down.

"Miss, I promise you, I won't tell anyone," Christina tried to reassure Meredith.

"Does anyone else know?" Meredith whispered, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

"No, I was the only one who saw anything."

"Good," Meredith said, as she wiped away the tear that had escaped. She threw back the covers and stepped out of bed. "And no one else will ever know, because I will not do anything else with that man." She pulled the nightgown over her head and quickly washed her body. She then put on the navy skirt and grey blouse that Christina had pulled out. Christina wound her hair up in a tight bun and Meredith slipped her feet into her boots. The door cracked open and another maid stuck her head in.

"Miss Meredith, your father would like to see you in his study," she said quickly and then withdrew. Meredith stood up, smoothed the wrinkles out of her skirt and walked confidently to the door. The confidence slowly fell away as she walked down the menacing hallway.

"He knows," she thought to herself. "He knows and I am now going to be the shame of the family." She reached a shaking hand to the knob and slowly turned it.

"You wanted to speak to me, Father," she said timidly, as she stepped into the room.

"Sit," Thatcher said sternly. Meredith shakily walked to the chair and sat down, her body tense. "Were you in here last night?"

"No, sir," Meredith replied.

"Then, why was my telescope on the opposite side of the room and why did I find this," he asked, as he held up Derek's coat, "on the window seat?"

Meredith sucked in a breath when she recognized the coat. She silently cursed herself and Derek for being so careless. They had slept together in her father's study. It was only then that the stupidity of that fully sunk in.

"I don't know who's that is," Meredith lied through her teeth.

"Yes, you do! Don't lie to me, you stupid girl!" Thatcher roared, as he thundered over to Meredith. Before Meredith could comprehend what was happening, his hand raised and his knuckles connected with her cheek, sending her crashing out of the seat. She laid there in a crumpled heap, as a searing pain shot through her head. She tried to lift her hand up to her throbbing cheek, but Thatcher roughly grabbed her wrist and twisted it, pulling her back up off of the ground. "Who was here? Who was in this room with you? Who violated you?"

"No one violated me, Father. No one was here, I promise you," Meredith cried, her voice strangled with the pain now in her wrist.

"Then whose coat is it?" he roared once again.

"It was probably one of the help. They must have forgotten it," Meredith replied, gritting her teeth and trying to not yell out in pain. After what seemed like decades, Thatcher finally let go of her arm. She held it delicately in her other arm, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"You may go," Thatcher said, as he turned back to his desk. Meredith quietly walked out the room and back to her own bedroom. After shutting the door behind her, her knees gave out under her. She sunk to the floor, her skirt fanning out around her. Tears flowed down her face like waterfalls and sobs shook her body violently. Her hand rested limp in her lap, distinct outlines of her father's fingers on her wrist. She lifted her other hand to her throbbing cheek and touched it gingerly. She could already feel the area becoming puffy and swollen. After a few moments, her sobs subsided and she got back to her feet. She walked over to the vanity and saw that a deep blue bruise was already forming on her cheek. She wiped away the evidence of her tears and reemerged from her room. She descended the stairs and walked into the parlor, where she was surprised to find one perky Isobel Stevens.

"Meredith, dear, there you are," Isobel squealed, quickly gliding over to her. She wrapped a reluctant Meredith in a hug and pecked her on each cheek. She then pulled back, a wide smile plastered on her face. "So, are you excited for the dinner party the Montgomery's are having tonight? My dress arrived this morning. It is incredibly beautiful, a light blue silk with lace inlays and pearl details. I am so excited!"

"Yes, so am I. My dress should be arriving at any time." As she said this, there was a knock at the door. One of the maids got it and soon walked into the parlor carrying a large box.

"Miss, your package from Lord & Taylor just arrived."

"Oh, what luck, I get to see it," Isobel squeaked. She flicked her hand towards the maid, signaling her to open the box. The maid scrambled to remove the paper and the lid and pulled the dress out, holding it out in front of her. Isobel squealed as she beheld the sight of the burgundy satin gown with ivory inlays. It had intricate ivory embroidery across the neckline of the strapless dress and the bottom hem.

"Oh, Meri, it's beautiful. You will look absolutely stunning in it, the most talked about in the papers the next morning!"

"It is quite lovely, isn't it?"

"Every eye will be on you when you walk in the room. And Addison will not be happy." Meredith grimaced as she thought of the woman that was marrying Derek. Another wave of guilt settled into her bones, turning her stomach. She had ruined a marriage before it even began. She needed to get Isobel out of there, before she was sick. She turned her head toward the maid that was bringing in tea, yelling at her in her mind for prolonging the visit. Isobel floated over to the couches and daintily sat down, as the maid poured the tea. Meredith sat down on the couch across from Isobel and reached for her tea. She took a small sip of it, hoping it would slightly relieve the cold knot that had formed in her stomach. Completely oblivious to any problem, Isobel sipped her tea and chattered away for what seemed to be hours to Meredith. After several minutes, one of Isobel's questions caught Meredith by surprise.

"What happened to your cheek? I noticed the bruise when I first got here, but didn't want to say anything."

"I…" Meredith paused, trying to think of a suitable lie. "I fell. It was late and I couldn't see where I was going and I tripped."

"Is that really what happened, or is that just what you want me to believe?" Apparently, even though she was very energetic and bubbly, Isobel also had a brain. Meredith would have never known.

"That is really what happened. You can even ask my maid. She thought some furniture had fallen, the noise was so loud." She was apparently losing her touch at creating realistic lies.

"Well, I won't push the matter," Isobel replied as she took another sip of tea, a skeptical look on her face. "I should probably be heading back home anyway. It's time to start getting ready for tonight." With that, she got up, said some quick goodbyes and departed from the Grey house. Meredith had one of the maids take the dress upstairs. She followed behind and she and Christina set to the task of preparing her for the extravagant dinner party.

The team of six jet black horses pulling the polished, plush carriage clattered to a stop next to the Montgomery mansion. The driver stepped down from his perch and opened the door, offering his hand to Meredith. She gracefully stepped out, her skirts swishing around her legs. Her balance wavered at first, due to her stifling corset, but she quickly recovered. She felt her father's hand at her elbow and they continued forward, up the steps to the great, oak doors. They entered into the foyer, where they removed their outerwear and handed them to frazzled maids, who scurried around trying to hang everything up and not get in each other's way. Meredith and her father continued on into the Great Hall. Before they entered, though, Thatcher was caught by a business partner, leaving Meredith to fend for herself. She paused at the entrance of the room, surveying the room for a familiar face. She had to stop herself when she realized that she had, in fact, been looking for Derek. She continued into the room, not realizing that in that moment that she had paused in the door way, every single eye in the room had turned to her, every man mesmerized, every woman jealous. Especially Addison. This was supposed to be her party. Why was this newcomer taking the attention that should rightfully be hers?

She turned to Isobel, whispering behind her gloved hand, "Who does she think she is, acting all high and mighty like that?"

"Addison, honestly, she is harmless. And she's not that kind of person. She doesn't carve attention."

"No, but she still gets it."

"That's probably why. She's not desperate."

"No matter, this is my night and I will make it my night, regardless of what this twit from Boston does." With that, she plunged into the crowd, mingling with as many people as she could. She was going to be who was talked about, even if she had to force people to talk about her. She glanced over at Meredith, a smug smile coming to her face when she saw that she had withdrawn into the open drawing room. She wasn't even trying. This was a battle that was going to be easily won. She scanned the room, looking for her fiancé. Certainly, if she was with him, that would draw some attention. But she could not find him. She could not find him because after Meredith's unintentional, yet glorious entrance into the Great Hall and her withdrawal into the drawing room, he had also slipped into the drawing room, much to the horror of Meredith. She had stood at the wall, examining the beautiful painting hanging there, when Derek had come in. He had planned on sneaking up on her, but knocked over some books when he started to walk towards her. She spun around and, realizing it was him, rushed out of the room before he could catch her. Something was wrong; he just didn't know what. He started to go and find her when he heard the announcement that dinner was served. He walked to the dining room, deciding that he would just have to find out later. The elegant dining table stretched as far as the eye could see, with at least 75 places at it. There was an excited hum in the air, as everyone searched for their name on the placards. After a few minutes, everyone was seated and the servants brought out the first course. Much to Derek's delight, he found that Mark was sitting next to him. At least he would have someone sane to talk to.

"Good evening, Mr. Sheperd," Mark said in a lavish voice.

"Good evening to you, Mr. Sloan," Derek replied, clicking his scotch glass with Mark's.

"You sure are a lucky man, getting to marry Addison. She will throw some spectacular parties, for the whole city and just for you," Mark said, raising his eyebrows. Derek looked away from him, still sickened by the thought of ever sleeping with Addison. After last night, the only person he ever wanted to with was Meredith.

"Can we not speak of Addison? I'm trying to make this night a happy one and talking of her will not help," he said and then took another generous sip of his scotch. Before looking back at Mark, he stole a glance in Meredith's direction, who was talking to the women around her. The flickering candle light lit up her face long enough for Derek to make out slightly the bruise on her cheek. He could feel the anger rising in his throat at the thought of someone hurting her. She noticed his gaze and quickly looked down. After a moment, he turned to look back at Mark.

"You are smitten with her, aren't you?" Mark asked, obviously noticing the look exchanged.

"Yes, I do believe I am," Derek said with a sigh, as he looked back towards her. The look was innocent enough, but it did not go unnoticed. Especially by Addison. She sat to the right of her father, at the head of the table, and had looked down at just the right moment to see that stolen glance. Her blood started boiling, as she saw that the newcomer had also drawn her fiancé's attention. Her fiancé, not that little wench's. Her mind immediately set to work devising a plan to bring about Meredith Grey's downfall. An evil smirk crossed her face.

"What's on your mind?" Isobel asked, noticing the menacing look on Addison's face.

"Oh nothing. Just thinking of the wedding." Isobel did not believe her, but dismissed it. She truly did not like Addison, but only put up with her because she would help Izzie's social status. She turned to the man next to her, leaving Addison to her scheming.

It felt as if a thousand little insects were crawling over Meredith's body. She shifted in her sit, trying to shake the gaze that was coming at her from across the table. She could not bear to look at him, or even be in the same room as him. Her stomach was violently turning, so much so that she had barely touched her meal. She had attempted to make small talk with the people around her, but every time she would start to feel normal again, he would look at her and she would catch his gaze and she would be back where she started. She hated that he did this to her. She was an independent woman capable to taking care of herself, but any time she was around him, she turning into this trembling mass of helplessness. And she knew he noticed the bruise; it was evident in the way he looked at her, questioning yet angry. If she didn't feel so guilty, she would have been ecstatic; he noticed and he cared enough to get angry. But the guilt beat down any sense of ecstasy. She wished that she could just go home and crawl into her bed and never get up again. And that scared her. She was living her life around a man and that frightened her more than anything had ever before in her life. The stares finally became too much for her. She pushed back her chair and gracefully lifted to her feet.

"Excuse me," she murmured to no one in particular. With that she quickly departed the room. She had no idea where she was or where she should go, so she just started wandering the halls of the Montgomery mansion. What she didn't know, though, was that Derek had excused himself a few moments after she left. And he now followed her through winding halls, about twenty feet behind as to not make his presence known. She finally stopped when she reached the conservatory. She opened the glass door and retreated amongst the greenery and flowers. A gentle breeze floated in, the fresh air helping clear her mind. She walked amongst the plants, admiring their beauty. Every so often, she would lean down to smell a flower; roses, tulips, lilies, and orchids. She felt at peace here, for the first time in days. The beauty of the flowers brought joy to her soul, like parched soil finally receiving water. Derek stood at the door, admiring the beauty before him. The moonlight toyed with her hair, as she drifted along amongst the plants. Derek felt his pulse quickening, as he grasped the severity of the situation. He was in love with her. He was madly in love with her and due to be married to someone else. But he didn't care. He just wanted to be with her. He tried to quietly open the door, but the hinges creaked, announcing his presence. Meredith's head shot up and a pained look befell her face when she saw who it was. Try as she might to avoid him, he was stubborn and insisted that that not happen. The peace that had descended her body quickly fleeted, leaving her light-headed and gasping for air. This was not what she wanted. She did not want to be tormented so. She didn't want to be wracked with guilt every day for the rest of her life. She didn't want to, dare she say it, love a man that would never love her back, at least not fully. She had had everything figured out in Boston, but all of the walls she had built up had been ruined when she came to New York, by one single man. She cursed herself for allowing herself to let those walls come crumbling down and she cursed him for causing them to fall in the first place. She cursed herself for allowing herself to fall in love with this man and she cursed him for making her fall in love. Her eyes pleaded with him to not say anything, to just leave, but he didn't take the hint.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concern lighting his eyes.

"No, I'm not alright. I'm not alright because you're following me and watching me and I can't breathe with you looking at me!" she screamed in her head. How she wished she could tell him that. But she could not.

"Yes, I am fine," she answered quietly. She bowed her head, not believing herself strong enough to bare his gaze. He walked towards her and gently grasped her chin in his hand, pulling it up as to look into her eyes. He lifted his other hand and gently ran his fingers over the raised bruise. She tried to shift her eyes, as the tears started to form again.

"No, you're not," he said quietly. "What happened?"

"I fell," Meredith tried to lie, but even she didn't believe it.

"I doubt that. You're too graceful to fall," Derek replied, a small smile toying with his lips. Meredith pulled out of his grasp and turned to the window.

"Well, I did. Whether or not you choose to believe that is your choice," she said, trying to not let her voice shake. He came up behind her and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. She jumped at his touch and he could feel the goose bumps rise under his touch. She quickly pulled away and turned to look at him.

"We can't do this," she said, ducking her head to not look at him.

"And why is that?" Derek asked.

"My father is suspicious," Meredith squeaked out.

"How? How could he know?" Derek asked, fear rising in his voice.

"You left your coat in his study," Meredith murmured.

"No, no I couldn't have."

"Well, you did," Meredith said harshly, all of her mixed emotions turning into anger.

"How could I have been so careless?" Derek asked himself, bringing his hands up to his face. "How?"

"I don't know, Derek. How could you have been so careless?" Meredith replied coldly, trying to resist the urge to yell.

"Getting mad at me won't solve the problem," Derek said.

"Yes, it will because then you will leave me alone! Last night was nothing! I don't want anything to do with you! I don't want you following me or looking at me or touching me. I don't want you near me, so just go!" Meredith yelled, her face becoming flushed. A deeply pained look fell over Derek's face.

"If that is what you want, I must comply," he said, his voice strangled.

"It is," she said, trying to keep her voice strong and icy. Derek bowed his head and slowly retreated, closing the door behind him. Meredith looked after him, the dam finally breaking. She sunk among the flowers, her heart tearing a little more.