Bound in Light & Dark

Merlin had been called away from his dinner by a very scared looking scullery maid – Anya or Reya, he could never really tell them apart – saying that the Prince probably could do with some help. There was no way to describe just how high Gaius' eyebrows went after such commentary, but Merlin knew better than to waste time enquiring what had happened – surely he would find out as soon as he got to Arthur's chambers.

The noises are loud even when he's still a few steps away from the door. The guard standing on the corner of the adjacent hall were wincing every time something clashes with the wall (Merlin is quite sure it is the wall because it is followed by a softer noise announcing the arrival of the item in the floor. Just what he needed, more stuff to tidy up). He was halfway scared that – with his luck – he was going to be knocked out as soon as he walked inside, but some god was merciful enough to avoid it.

Arthur took a look at him and dropped the plate in his hand, his cheeks burning. Merlin wasn't sure if it was from anger or embarrassment. Although he had often seen Arthur throwing a tantrum, it had never before actually meant throwing stuff around. A quick survey at the room revealed broken water jar, two crests that seemed to have fallen off the mantelpiece, a turned over chair, a shield and a silver cup across the floor. Arthur was now seating at the edge of his bed, looking completely lost.

"You're scaring people" said Merlin, his tone even.

"No one saw."

Merlin couldn't fight the snort.

"Well, yes, but it can be heard from the other side of the castle. I'm almost sure the guard in the serpent hallway is going to have a sore shoulder from all the wincing he was doing."

"Coward" Arthur muttered, but there was no heat in it.

They stayed silent for a little while until Merlin decided that, whatever it was, Arthur would take his time to manage it into words – he wasn't very good with them – so it was better to start to solve the mess in the room. He put the chair back in place, hung the shield and the crests and is halfway through collecting the plate when Arthur finally spoke up.

"Morgana is a seer."

The sheer surprise of it made him drop the thing with a loud "clunk". Arthur winced a bit, and Merlin felt the sweat running through his back – what had she told him?

"She says… She saw…" he stops, and Merlin just stared at the prince, not knowing what to say. "Tell me the truth: I got hurt when I was away with Sophia?"

Merlin could barely swallow, but he nodded, and Arthur snorted.

"Morgana claims to have dreamed of it. She says it's a gift…" his voice dropped as he stood up and started to walk around for a while before looking straight at Merlin. "Did you know?"

"Um…" Merlin didn't know what to say, but it took everything he had to lie about himself, day in and day out, so he just nodded again. Arthur snorted, once again.

"Of course you knew. You always know everything – long before I do, or that my father even suspects it. What a bunch of fools we must look to you!"

Arthur made a wide move with his arm, as if he was swinging a sword and it sent the cup Merlin had just retrieved flying again.

"Gaius told me" he finally found his voice, and defended himself as much as he could. "He hoped… The potions… He hoped he'd make it go away. He didn't even want her to know for the longest time…" to be honest, Merlin still hadn't told the old man that Morgana knew both about his powers and about hers; it felt too much like betrayal, and he still hadn't forgotten the physician's reluctance to heal the druid boy – Mordred. "He was – he is – scared of what the King would do if he found out."

Arthur shook his head, not looking at his servant.

"Aren't we all?" he said, finally.

The prince threw himself back in his bad, staring up and Merlin went back to putting things in their places. The air was heavy with tension, but neither spoke, and for a while, the only sounds were from Merlin's movements in the room.

"Why did she have to tell me?" wondered Arthur, and Merlin frowned at such a question. He stopped what he was doing and walked closer to the prince, knowing that he had to say his mind looking at the man or he'd never stop wondering what he really thought beneath the little he said.

"Would you have her lie?" Merlin asked, fighting not to fidget. "Would you have her hiding and suffering it alone? Can you imagine what it would be like – such a secret and no one to turn to?"

Arthur sat up, clearly ashamed of his behavior when Morgana had to deal with so much.

"Who knows what could have happened? Anyone – she would have turned to anyone willing to help, and the person might have no qualms to use her against Camelot…"

The prince let out a small laugh, disbelieving.

"Morgana is made of harder stuff than you give her credit for" he said, confident. "She wouldn't be turned away just because…"

"… just because if the King finds out he'd put her in a pyre? Just because she can never say the truth about herself or trust anyone to accept her? Just because she'd be judged for something she never chose? Just because she'd be seen as liability and a traitor?" supplied Merlin, unable to silence himself anymore. "The pressure would kill her – it would kill anyone – and just finding out the truth…" Merlin looked Arthur in the eye, his voice loosing the confident streak and turning softer, mourning. "She's already broken."

Arthur's eyes had also changed, somewhere between grief and worry. He took a deep breath and let his head fall, looking at his hands.

"She shouldn't have told me – I'm not… I can't do this, Merlin. I'll always be torn between her and my father – not knowing where my duty lies. I am not strong enough for this" he muttered, all his arrogance and self-confidence breaking in a ragged gasp.

Merlin couldn't help but kneel right in front of him, holding Arthur's hands as if he was about the swear fealty. It broke him inside to see Arthur that way, and to stand by him had already become a second nature to the warlock.

"You can do this – if anyone can do this, it is you, Arthur." The other man snorted, denying it with his head, and Merlin went on. "I have seen – the king, the man you're becoming, and you always do the right thing for others; as a prince should. You, Arthur… I know it is not easy to feel like you're being torn apart from the different things people tell you that is right, but I am sure that you can deal with this, that you can make what is fair and right in spite of it all – Uther didn't manage to stop you from saving me, and it didn't stop you from saving Mordred…"

"… It was her" Arthur complained, with a shudder. "She managed to talk me into both – without her, I'd never have…"

"Do you regret it?" the servant asked, his tone soft.

"No" was the answer, shaking his head. "That's the worst of it – I betrayed him twice and I can't even… I couldn't look at myself if I hadn't…" He raised his head, staring Merlin in the eye, his own full of unshed tears. "Am I becoming a bad son? A traitor of my king and my kingdom?"

"Never" Merlin answered, full of certainty. "You've only done what's right for you – what good is obedience if it isn't tempered with judgment?"

Arthur snorted.

"You'd say that – you're completely incapable of following orders."

For the first time, Merlin didn't rise to the bait and didn't let the conversation turn into their usual banter; he knew he had to say his piece or regret it forever. His eyes never left Arthur's as he spoke.

"You were not made to follow, Arthur, but to guide. And I, for one, am ready to go wherever you lead."

It was clear that the message had gotten across – there was something in the very air that showed that his pledge had been heard, as if the magic of the land was writing his words in the fabric of the world. The night was sudden thick with emotion and magic, in a way that he couldn't explain, and all along Arthur's blue eyes were in his, his skin prickling with anticipation their hands clasped together in a promise – but of what, Merlin couldn't say.

It wasn't sudden, but it was such a perfectly smooth move, so natural and right that Merlin didn't notice how unusual it was until it was done – until Arthur's mouth was in his and he was parting his lips to allow the touch to deepen. He didn't think of it as they kissed, and it never felt like the first time they were kissing, for it seemed, then, that they had always been bound to get there. It was not lust and passion, and it wasn't just loyalty – it was something else altogether, all and none of those things that could not be translated in any other way.

Arthur's lips were soft even if his moves were a bit harsh, their tongues meeting as every barrier melted and they were bared in front of each other; every wall dismantled – nothing mattered in that moment, not the secrets they kept, not their hopes and fears, no distinction could be made – no rank, no clothes, no lies stood in between them. In that moment, they were equals.

Merlin felt as if he was sinking, gasping for air as Arthur pulled him closer, grasping his shirt, the kiss changing into something else, into a desperate touch, full of desires they both had been too scared to face before. They were falling into an abyss and the gods only knew where it would have taken them if the door hadn't opened suddenly.

The two men broke apart, but it was impossible to hide what had just happened – their clothes were wrinkled, their mouths were swollen. Merlin turned in fear of what he'd see as Arthur's face paled, and he saw Morgana standing in front of the door that was still slightly open.

"I'm sorry" she said, fidgeting. "I didn't… I thought…"

Merlin felt terrible – he knew, in that moment, just what he had made her think; and it hadn't been a lie or a play, but things that he had indeed felt; it was too confusing – he didn't know, couldn't know how to wrap his head around the mixed, confusing feelings he had – around some sort of choice he never knew he would one day have to make. But Arthur was far ahead of him.

"Morgana!" he said, his voice strangled. "It isn't…"

"It is" she said, with a small smile. "It has always been and it will always be – just as it should."

"No" pleaded Arthur, standing up and walking closer to her. "Morgana, I…"

"It is alright" she said, her voice a bit shaking. Her eyes turned to Merlin, who had stood up, but still couldn't bring himself to walk closer. "You'll stand with him and I…"

Her voice died and Merlin felt his own heart breaking at her resigned farewell.

"It doesn't have to be like this" he said, finally coming closer to her. "We can find another way."

"There is no other way" she whispered, sadly.

"There is" Arthur said, his voice firm and his movements sure as he closed on her and took her face in his hands and kissed her too. Morgana went rigid and pulled away, shaking her head.

"No, Arthur" she pleaded. "Let's not fool ourselves – we all know what lies in your heart"

The prince looked at his manservant – wondering, pleading, showing just how far he was willing to go for what he believed to be right, and Merlin was stuck anew with wonder at the man he was becoming, amazed to understand just what was in the other man's head.

"I agree" he said, cleaning his throat. "Let's not fool ourselves"

And he gave a step forward, holding her hand as if he was about to kiss it, but instead of lower himself, he used his other hand to caress her face. Morgana's eyes were wide, she was clearly somewhere between confused and outraged at his actions, and he decided to take his chances and leaned towards her, touching her mouth lightly where Arthur had done forcefully. Although his own eyes were closed, he could feel hers widen, and the warmth of Arthur's body closed upon them as he caressed her nape and hair, his other arm gripping firmly on Merlin.

"We can have it all" Arthur whispered as they smiled at him. "And nothing will come between us – nothing can, not while we're true to each other. And we shall be stronger for it, for we'll be dividing but never loosing." He let go of them, standing up taller before addressing Morgana. "My lady, do you agree?"

"Yes" she said, her voice trembling with emotion. "Oh, Arthur… Yes."

"Merlin?" he asked, raising his eyebrow, but he knew the answer – Merlin had already made himself clear enough earlier without meaning to.

"I'll be always with you" said the warlock, and his eyes moved from one to the other. "It whatever way you want me to."

Morgana allowed her emotions to show in hugging him closely while Arthur smiled, his eyes warmer than Merlin could have ever dreamed.

Merlin knew that much stood in their way – that such things were easier said than done, that they had too many secrets left in between them, that the road ahead would be long and hard, but he couldn't worry too much. At least, they could try three (and it was bound to be better than being just one).