Olivia sits with Lauren in the interview room the next day, dressing up the Barbie dolls that Lauren has gathered from the chest of toys. Lauren has spent the previous night in temporary foster care, and she seems even more withdrawn today than she was yesterday, barely responding when Olivia asks her how she's feeling and what she wants to play with.
Lauren has found three or four mismatched shoes for the Barbies and is currently squeezing one Barbie's foot into a pink high heel, her face scrunched up in concentration.
"Would you like some help with that, Lauren?" Olivia asks, holding out her hand.
Lauren glances warily at her, then sighs and hands Olivia the doll. "Yes, please," she says quietly.
Olivia smiles and puts the shoe on. "There you go, sweetie."
Lauren peeks at Olivia again. "I don't want to go back to the Macys' tonight. I want to go home."
"Lauren, I don't think that's going to be possible. Not tonight, at least."
"How come?"
"Because it's my job to keep you safe."
Lauren's lower lip begins to tremble. "But . . . but I want my mommy," she whispers before her face crumples and she begins to cry. "I want Mommy!"
Olivia holds her arms out to Lauren and the little girl, sniffling, hugs Olivia back.
Alex stands outside the interview room, watching Lauren and Olivia through the one-way mirror. Seeing Olivia interact with the little girl makes Alex fall in love with her all over again, as she always does when she watches Olivia with a victim or a child.
"Counsellor."
Alex turns at the sound of Captain Cragen's voice. "Yes?"
The captain clears his throat. "Alex, Damien Anderson wants to speak to you. He's in my office, making a big fuss about the little girl. He has an order from a judge."
Alex shakes her head as if to clear it. "For what?"
"So he can bring her home with him. Apparently, Judge Taft believes it's 'detrimental' and 'not in the child's best interest' to spend another night in foster care."
"Bastard," Alex mutters.
"My thoughts exactly. But there's not much we can do except release her to her parents' care and file a motion tomorrow."
"No, that could take days – I'll file an emergency motion right now to stay his parental rights indefinitely and put Lauren back into temporary foster care."
Captain Cragen nods. "But for now, Anderson wants his daughter, and we've got to give her to him."
Alex sighs and raps lightly on the door to the interview room before going in. Lauren and Olivia both look up, and Lauren stiffens when she notices Alex and the captain standing in the doorway, which makes her feel guilty all over again for what she did yesterday. She honestly hadn't meant to scare the little girl.
She beckons for Olivia to come speak to her, and Olivia says something quietly to Lauren before getting up and walking over to Alex.
"Her stepfather's here," Alex says shortly. "We have to send her home with him."
Olivia shakes her head. "No. I won't put her in danger again."
"I know, Liv. I don't want to, either. But we don't have a choice. I'll file an emergency motion this afternoon, but for now, he has a court order for us to return Lauren to his care."
Olivia sighs. "Okay." She goes back to Lauren and kneels down beside the little girl. "Lauren, your step daddy's here. He's going to bring you home to your mommy."
Lauren's face lights up. "Is my mommy here?"
"No, but she'll be at home. Damien's going to take you home."
Lauren's body shudders, but then she shrugs and slips her hand into Olivia's. "'Kay. Can I come play with you again tomorrow?"
"I hope so."
Olivia and Lauren follow Alex and Captain Cragen into his office, where Damien Anderson is sitting in front of the captain's desk. His eyes flash when he sees Lauren and he stands up, taking Lauren's shoulders and pulling her away from Olivia. Then he turns to Alex. "You, Ms. Cabot, are going to regret taking my daughter away from me."
Alex opens her mouth to say something, but before she can get any words out, the captain steps in front of her. "Mr. Anderson, I'm sure I didn't just hear you threaten our ADA."
"Not a threat." Damien looks at Lauren. "Come on, let's go." He yanks Lauren out of the room. Lauren shoots a furtive glance at Olivia before following her stepfather out of the precinct.
Olivia slowly enters the precinct washroom to check on Alex. The young woman tries so hard to make herself look like the Ice Princess, that tough as nails, afraid of no one, driven, strong attorney, but Olivia knows differently. Alex lets everything affect her. She is not the heartless, politically ambitious attorney everyone thinks she is. She is Olivia's princess. Her sweet, gentle, loving princess. No one knows that Alex woke up several times in the night yesterday and cried herself back to sleep out of guilt for scaring Lauren. No one knows how the losses in court destroy her, and that no joy comes from winning, just a numbness to the tragedies they see all the time. No one sees the fear she tries to hide every time a perp threatens her, and no one knows how much she loves Olivia, how she would do anything for her.
"Alex? Princess, are you okay?" Olivia approaches her girlfriend and rests her hand on the small of Alex's back, her heart aching at the sight before her.
Alex is on her knees, vomiting into a toilet. This isn't because of Damien's threat but because the look she saw in Lauren's eyes. Fear. She is scared of Alex. Tears spill onto the floor as Alex shudders from the last bout of sickness. "I failed, Liv."
Kneeling down and pulling Alex into her arms, Olivia kisses the top of her love's head. "Baby, you didn't fail. The system did. We'll fix this. We will make sure Lauren is safe and loved. Damien will be put in jail and everything will be okay."
"She's scared of me, Olivia," Alex says quietly.
"I don't understand."
"Because of yesterday," Alex explains, ducking her head. "I'm just like Damien to her. I touched her just like he did."
Turning Alex toward her, Olivia raises her girlfriend's chin until Alex's eyes meet hers, guilt ridden blues gazing into intensely loving browns. "You did not touch her like him. You are not a perp, Alex. You are not like him. Don't ever think that." Olivia loves every part of Alex, even their heated arguments. But this is the one thing about Alex that she would give almost anything to change. After growing up in a family where mistakes were unacceptable, Alex feels that she is a failure every time she makes one.
"But Liv... the look in her eyes."
"Alex, you made a mistake. I've made my fair share. Lauren's just confused. She's been taught conflicting lessons and so she mistakes love with pain. I promise everything will be okay. For her and for us." She recognizes that this is about more than Lauren – Alex is having a bad day today and feeling bad about herself, and Olivia needs to figure out why, and reassure her. "Alex, I love you. Just a few more months and we are together for eternity." Olivia hopes bringing up their secret engagement and future wedding might brighten her princess' day.
A smile creeps onto Alex's lips at the mention of their wedding. Olivia is the other half of her soul. The missing piece of her heart. "I love you, too, Olivia. You are my everything. I don't know what I'd do without you." She takes a deep breath and then admits, so quietly Olivia barely hears, "I was so alone before you, the only thing that got me through my life was my career goals. But I was so lonely and hurt so much. You are my angel. God, Olivia, you don't know how much I love you, how much I need you. Please don't ever leave me."
Olivia's heart breaks at Alex's fear. Her princess is so scared of being alone. So terrified of losing Olivia. She doesn't know what has brought this on, but it doesn't matter. Alex is feeling insecure today, and it's Olivia's job to reassure her. She needs Alex to know she will always love her. But maybe, more than that, what Alex needs is to know she's not alone in her fear.
"Alex, I'm scared too. I mean, look at me. I am old, not rich, not very feminine, I have a rapist's and an alcoholic's blood in me. I am always called out in the middle of the night on a case and I can't be there for you all the time like I want to be. I hate it when I have to leave in the middle of the night to go to a crime scene," Olivia says, tears now filling those beautiful brown eyes.
Alex let hers spill, too, feeling guilty again for making her angel cry. Sometimes it's just hard for her to accept that someone as amazing as Olivia loves her.
Olivia brushes the pad of her thumb against Alex's cheek, gently brushing away her girlfriend's tears as her voice cracks with emotion. "Alex, you inspire me. You love me. You make me feel that I deserve love. I never had anyone to love me, and I thought I never would, but then a beautiful princess came into my life. My heart skipped a beat, and I knew as soon as I saw you that I wanted you in my life and bed." Both Olivia and Alex laugh at the memory, and Olivia gives Alex's hand a squeeze. "I wanted you so much. Then we became friends, and then . . . lovers, but it's so much more than that. Alex Cabot, you've saved my life. You've given me love. No one has ever done that. Gave me their heart and been there for me when I needed them. Even when I pushed you away, you came back to me and loved me. You're my everything, Alex, and I need you too. I will never leave you. I want to be with you, forever. I could never ask for anything more."
"I love you, too, angel," Alex whispers. "We're soul mates. We'll be together forever, I promise." Alex realizes that Olivia has the same exact doubts and fears that she has, and it makes her feel a bit better. She kisses Olivia's cheek. "I love you," she repeats.
Olivia, not even caring Alex had been sick a moment ago, presses her lips to Alex's. Alex returns the kiss, her tears continuing to fall at the vulnerability they've shared, at the emotion between them. Even though their marriage is a few months away, this moment is when their souls have truly joined together. Now, they are one.
Damien glances at his little girl through the rear view mirror, anger at Alex Cabot still coursing through his veins. That bitch lawyer will not take my girl away from me. I won't let her.
"My little doll, I promise that horrible lady will never take you away from me. You and your mother are always going to be mine, okay? You don't need to worry. I will always be there," Damien says.
"Yes, Daddy," Lauren says quietly, a shudder coursing through her body.
"I love you, my little doll." Damien smirks as his thoughts turn to the attorney. "Baby, you know that I tried to protect you. I saw what that woman did to you. I saw her lift your dress. Remember what I told you? Only mommies and daddies are allowed to touch their little girls like that. I will make sure she pays for what she did to you."
"Yes, Daddy," Lauren repeats, not wanting to anger her stepfather.
He nods, satisfied, and they continue their drive home.
When Alex and Olivia have composed themselves, they leave the washroom and go into Captain Cragen's office. The captain glances at them but doesn't comment on their slightly dishevelled appearances. "Donnelly says we jumped the gun," he tells them. "There's not enough evidence to make the charge stick. He's out on bail and there's not much we can do except release Lauren to his custody and keep looking for evidence."
Alex takes a deep breath. "I guess we're not going to get an emergency hearing for custody, then."
"Doubt it. There's not much we can do except prepare for the trial and hope we get lucky."
"Okay. I'll go to her school and talk to her tomorrow. The trial date is set for three weeks from now, though, I'm not really comfortable leaving her with him until then."
"But what choice do we have?"
Alex sighs. "None."