Title When Push Comes to Shove, You Go SPLAT

Beta Christine I love you hun…you're awesome

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, even though it would be totally awesome if I did. I can imagine myself walking around the set, talking it up with Alexis and Matt. Wouldn't that be a dream. And Luke's diner would be a little different. Two words: Glitter Menus!

Summery: Post Not as cute as pushkin It all started with a simple marriage prank. But what was once a harmless prank turns competitive when neither Rory nor Logan are willing to let each other win. How far are they willing to go before the other one cracks? Well, as far as they need to.

A/N: Sorry that I haven't updated in like forever and a day. I have been super busy with my saturation paper and red and gold (a production) Anyway, here it is and I will be updating more later. And no, I am not giving up on this story as some of you had said. I was just like really busy, that's all. Review!

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Chapter 7: How Far is Too Far

It had been quiet all morning. Uncommonly quiet. Usually someone would have bothered her by now. Her mother had not called, her grandmother had not called, and even Logan hadn't called. It was glorious, but yet a little weird. Rory turned over in bed and snuggled deeper into the blankets. Maybe she would be able to sleep in for a change.

All of a sudden, she heard a door slam following with loud stomping and finally her door opening.

"Rory, answer the damn phone before I break it in half. And next time, don't put your dorm phone in my room." came a shrill voice from the other side of the room.

"One more minute, Paris." Rory murmured, putting her face into her pillow.

"No, not in a minute, now!" And with that, she threw the phone at the brunette and stalked back to her room.

"Oww!" Rory crocked, as the phone landed on her arm. "Stupid Paris!"

She grumpily leaned over and grabbed the phone, putting it to her ear. When it was clear that the caller wasn't going to speak first, she started.

"Hello?" Rory said, sleepily.

"Rory darling, this is your grandmother and Shira Huntzberger."

"Hi Grandma." Rory said, springing up in bed. "Hello Shira!"

"Hello, dear. How are you and my son getting along?" asked the snooping Huntzberger.

"Oh; well, just well."

"Good, Good."

"Yes, I seem to fall deeper in love with him every day." Rory smirked.

"Aw, how wonderful. But just remember dear, save the important things till after the wedding."

"Excuse me?" Rory asked, scrunching up her nose. She had a feeling that she wasn't going to like where this was going

"You know, the unmentionables."

"Um, I'm sorry Shira; I don't think I'm following."

"You know, Rory," her grandmother cut in, "Sex."

"Oh, um that." Rory said, starting to blush. This was the first time she had ever heard her grandmother say that. She definitely didn't like where this was going.

"Yes Rory, Sex can be a deadly weapon. Now when you're married, it's good. It's like a, what do you think its like, Shira?"

"It's like a big chocolate cake that's fat free."

"Yes, Yes like a fat free chocolate cake. It's sinfully delicious, but is good for you too."

Rory's mouth opened slightly. Sinfully delicious? Rory was starting to get a little scared.

"But dear, if you're not married," Shira went on, "then sex is like a gun, deadly and bound to hurt someone."

"And it's usually the girl." Emily agreed.

"Uh, wow." Rory gulped. She got out of bed and started to pace with the phone still trapped to her ear. Poor ear, never had a chance.

"Now, I don't want to scare you away from my son, Rory, because sex can be good. Not only does it feel great, it helps to produce an heir as well. But I know what you're thinking. How do you spice things up when you two get older and the romantic heat slows down? But not to worry, honey. That's why were talking to you. In my opinion, outfits are the best way to get a reaction out of your husband."

"I agree, Shira. For instance, one time for Richard, I put on this leopard leotard. Richard has a thing for leopard. And I got him his favorite dessert: Crème Brule. He absolutely came crawling to my feet."

"Really? How scandalous!" Shira laughed. "Well one time I gave all the servants the night off, slipped into a red satin charmeuse gown and scattered the bed with dollar bills."

"You didn't!" Emily gasped.

"I did!"

You're so bad."

The two elders giggled like school girls while Rory tried not to throw up.

"But seriously Rory, you have to remember to make sure your husband is always happy. Logan's going to have a very stressful job, and when he comes home, he is going to need to relax. As his wife, it is your duty to make sure he always gets what he needs." Emily told her.

'Uh…well…"Rory said bright red. This was really too much.

"Oh Rory, darling, you are very quiet. Do you not know how to have sex? Well, it's quite straightforward." Emily told her. "When a man and a woman love each other very much, they decide to take their relationship to the next level. The man first…"

"I know how to have sex, grandma." Rory cut in, not wanting to hear the rest.

"Oh Good. Then we won't be needing the diagrams." Emily said.

"Oh my God." Rory groaned softly to herself.

"Well, lastly, we need you to know about STDs." Shira told her.

"STDs?" Rory sighed, not believing that her grandmother was having this conversation with her.

"Yes. Now it used to be that Aids was the worst thing that you could get, but now you have to watch out for some of the smaller STDs."

"You don't have you worry about that, Grandma. I don't have any STDs. But you know," Rory said with an evil grin," I'm sure Logan would love to here about that and see the diagrams."

"What an excellent idea, Rory!" Both elders proclaimed.

"Sure. I just want Logan to be as prepared for this marriage as I now am." Rory grinned. If she had to hear this talk, then Logan would too.

"Yes, you are so right." Shira said.

"Well, bye bye Rory. We'll see you on Friday night for dinner. Logan will be invited as well." Emily sang.

"Ok. Bye Grandma, by Shira."

"By Rory." Shira said.

Rory hung up the phone and flew back on her bed. All she could think about was grandma's leopard leotard. She was officially scarred for the rest of her entire life.

L……………………….…………O………………….………..………G………………………….…..……A……………………………...N

"Logan, Mate, get your arse over here!" Finn yelled. Logan had just finished a class and was walking out. Finn and Colin accompanied with two blonds, were in line to get coffee by the coffee cart. Logan caught up to them and smiled.

"Why don't we go to the pub instead?" Logan asked, raising his eyebrows. Since when did his friends start drinking coffee instead of alcohol?

"You know mate, I never thought about that. I knew there was a reason why I'm friends with you. Off to the pub then!" Finn called, pointing his finger in the direction of the pub.

"Logan, you're paying this time." Colin grinned.

"Yes, and I'm feeling very thirst today." Finn grinned evilly.

"Yeah, Yeah." Logan laughed, rolling his eyes and taking out his wallet. "Ah Shit!"

"What?" The two boys asked.

"I left my card back at the dorm. I'll catch up with you guys." Logan said, walking back in the direction of the dorm.

"Hurry Up!" Colin called to his friend.

"No need to worry mate, we'll just order without him, heh heh." Finn grinned.

Great idea." Colin said and he opened the door to go inside.

When Logan got back to his dorm, he went to his room and quickly grabbed the black piece of plastic that was on his desk. As he was about to leave, he heard knocking on the door.

"Just a minute." He called, walking over to the door and opening it. When he looked at who was standing on the other side, his jaw dropped. There stood his mother and Emily Gilmore, with big pieces of cardboard in their hands.

"Hello Logan." Shira smiled, walking into his dorm.

"Why Logan, what a wonderful little space you have here." Emily raved, following Shira to across the couch.

"Mom, Emily, always a pleasure. What can I do for you two, today?" Logan asked, putting on his fake smile.

"Well, we were talking to Rory, and she thought that we should talk to you too." Emily told him.

First off, Logan, we would like to talk to you about sex." Shira told him, getting out the diagrams.

Logan's eyes got large. What the hell was going on? Damn Rory. He could just see her face. He scrunched down in the couch and sighed. He hoped his friends wouldn't miss him, because this was going to take a while.

A/N: Review!