A/N: Shit. I'm late again. Oh well. Is there anybody even out there? xD Nah, I know. People hate OC AUs...
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
Papa Roach – Last Resort
Chapter Nine: Downward Spiral
18 Days Left
Quinn is lounging over her chair, looking unconcerned and smug. The elation of killing Jakes hadn't quite worn out for her. I was happy to see him dead, sure, but I see people I hate die all the time. It's not that huge of a deal. They're gone. I have an eternity to play it over in my mind, so why would I think about nothing else for a solid week? It's a waste of time.
We were waiting for her hearing to start - it had been a week of course, and Dr. Michaelis had assured Quinn that was incredibly quick for a response. Quinn was still a little brat about it.
Her hearing consisted of a lot of gibberish I was too lazy to pay attention to. One thing I did understand was that Quinn was denied a community treatment order, which meant she couldn't continue any kind of treatment outside of the hospital. And her status as an involuntary patient was not repealed. She spent the last part of the hearing glaring daggers at her mother, who was dabbing at her already red eyes and avoiding Quinn. She and her lawyer had stood up and avidly opposed Quinn. Dr. Michaelis thanked the board humbly, and everyone filed out of the conference room.
Quinn stalks out of the room, and I float along beside her, amused. Quinn's mother catches up to her and gets her by the shoulder.
"Quinn, I'm sorr-," she starts but Quinn whirls around to look at her, fire burning in her eyes.
"Don't talk to me!" she spits, looking deranged. "You're not my mother. Don't ever speak to me again. I don't want you to visit me in this prison. Because that's what I am now. A prisoner."
Quinn walks away again, and I have the incredible urge to snicker. I don't though. I'm stronger than her, and immortal…but at that moment, I don't doubt that Quinn would find a way to kill me if I did. I content myself by doing backwards somersaults through the air to keep up with her. As I turn around and around, I read the numbers above Quinn's mothers' head. With my motion, they are jumbled streaks, but I'm able to see it.
Quinn is quite angry. And her mother doesn't have much longer to live.
Anna smiles at Quinn as she returns to the main part of the ward, but it quickly drops off her face when she considers the outcome of Quinn's hearing. Quinn, though, shows no sign of the anger she just demonstrated. She's extremely calm, and even manages to smile back at Anna quietly.
Her behavior was probably the reason Anna allowed her to walk back to her room.
The second she turns the corner into her room, her angry demeanor returns. I give her some space for obvious reasons, but she doesn't seem to want to throw any punches at me. Instead, she takes handfuls of her hair and walks in rapid circles, like a caged animal. Her eyeballs look like they were going to pop out of their sockets. Her lips turn white as she clenches her teeth. Then she does something even I didn't expect. She walks over to where I had last hidden the Death Note in the wall.
Then she punches the wall.
Punches it.
Her fist goes right through the plaster, revealing the black notebook. The pen that was tucked in the spine drops out of it, falling down the inside length of the wall, but Quinn doesn't look concerned about that. She rips it out of its hiding place and flips it open. Since she has no pen, she takes the fingernail of her index finger and chomps her teeth around the end and jerks her head. With a horrible sound, the entire nail pulls away from her finger. A shocking amount of blood wells up instantly, but she puts her raw finger to the page and doesn't even cringe as she scribbles out her mother's name.
I then gape as Quinn chokes out a sob and sinks to the floor. Her fingers are knotted in her hair, staining the pale gold red. The Death Note lies forgotten on the ground. Her sobs are getting progressively louder, so I snatch the Death Note and drift over to the far wall and shove it through. Quinn is making unattractive crying sounds. A few seconds later, they escalate into the ear shattering shrieks that she made when she killed Cathy.
Looks like another month in seclusion.
This is going to be so boring.
And somewhere in the building – or perhaps the parking lot by now? – Quinn's mother's lifespan blinks out.
After a long afternoon of handstands to entertain myself, I finally relax and drift up into the center of the room. Quinn – surprise, surprise – is strapped down to a bed again. Asleep from a tranquilizer. Every time I lost my balance and fell out of my handstand (I blamed her because she ruins everything), I'd walk over to her and extract a maggot from my head and pinch it between two fingers so it wouldn't disintegrate, and then send the little worm-like thing a mental apology for being subjected to this torture. But Quinn deserved it. I'd lean down over her sleeping form and draw the maggot across various parts of her face – mostly her eyelids and lips.
Even though I'm finished with my handstands, I still look down at her from my floating-place and feel resentment flare up within me again. I grab another maggot and am about to do it again when I hear a hoarse voice from behind me.
"Anathema."
I jump and drop the maggot. It hits her lips and disintegrates. I turn towards the voice.
"Ryuk!" I say.
"Hi, Anathema," he chuckles, taking a bite of an apple he probably stole from somewhere. He chews it with his mouth open and I cringe. It's bad enough that he's always grinning. It looks like he has to put a great deal of effort into unfreezing his expression long enough to eat. "Long time no see. What has the Human World done to you? You freaked out pretty bad."
"I'm punishing this human," I defend myself.
"Really?" he laughs. "Looks like she's the one who has succeeded in screwing you over pretty badly."
"That's why I'm punishing it," I snap.
"That's petty," he says through a mouthful of apple. He finishes it off with a gulp, core and all. I shudder inwardly. Human food. Foul. He drifts upward slightly with his feet together, reclining.
"What do you want?" I growl. "I'm busy serving out my punishment. Which, by the way, was completely unwarranted. I don't steal Death Notes. Those lot are just angry that I always beat them."
"Yeah, I know," he says. "And I just came to check up on you. You're something of entertainment for the other Gods right about now. There's never been less gambling going on. We're all just watching you squirm. And what about that girl? Gone soft?"
I narrow my eyes at him. Maggots swarm angrily over my scalp.
"Do you have a point?"
"Nope. Just wanted to let you know. Time is running short, though. Her," he nods at Quinn,"end is coming soon. We're placing bets on whether or not you'll lose your Death Note again." He grins grotesquely at me. I resolve to ignore him pointedly. He notices instantly and laughs again. "Well, 'bye now."
He flies upward through the ceiling and is gone.
I hear stirring from behind me.
"Anathema?" comes from a quiet voice. I close my eyes briefly. It's just one thing after another in this place. I take a deep breath, composing myself. It's all about how I do this, now that I know I'm being watched. Gone soft? Idiots.
"What?" I roar, turning towards her. She doesn't even flinch as my burning red eyes are leveled on her.
"Who was that?" she asks.
"Er..huh?" I say, losing it completely. There was no way she could've seen Ryuk. "Who?"
"I don't know," she says faintly. "I just thought I saw someone in the room. A shape. It looked like one of the monsters. Only it was in the center of my vision instead of the corners."
I open and close my mouth several times before turning away, remembering the act. I'm still angry at being ridiculed by practically every God of Death in existence. Except for perhaps Armonia Justin Beyondormason, because he doesn't associate himself with the infantile ways of the younger Gods. And he's conceited. Coldly intelligent. No – I take that back. He doesn't need anyone else telling him he is intelligent. He's…old. And knowledgeable.
I am not going soft.
I ignore her even though she continues to call out to me. I can't help but notice that our roles have swapped significantly. I'm the one acting childish and confused (I am not going soft). She's the one disregarding morals and human life. And, incidentally, she's the one about to hit rock bottom. There's no hint of that in her lifespan – her life ends when it ends. But I know she's going to lose it. But it's going to have to happen soon, because, like what Ryuk said, and what I've known for months now…her time is almost up.
0 Days Left
Quinn doesn't talk anymore. At least, not to me. I thought that would be pleasant, because I despise having to make conversation with someone as ridiculously moronic as her. But when you're living in confinement, even the smallest interaction is a respite from the dull existence. She's being unbelievably bipolar. Worse than Pyre, in fact. No doubt she'll go right back to normal as soon as we get out of here. She's just selfish that way.
And again, when a nurse comes to collect her from her seclusion, I am surprised. Quinn had been remarkably unresponsive for most of the time here, but obviously they think it is safe to move her back to the Yellow Ward. She's escorted out, back to the Yellow Ward, and I steel myself for Pyre's antics.
She doesn't disappoint. The moment Quinn walks into the recreation lobby, Pyre runs at her and loops an arm around her waist, all but carrying her to the arrangement of furniture at the center.
"Finally! You're back!" Pyre yells. "I kept telling them! Want to go out with me? Provided the nurses," she cups a hand around her mouth and leans closer, "aren't too jealous."
Quinn doesn't answer, shrugging out of Pyre's grip and plopping down on the sofa. Pyre looks surprised for a moment, then leans forward and hugs Chloe's shoulders over the back of the sofa.
"Fine. Chloe will go out me, won't you Chloe?"
Chloe yawns and nods halfheartedly. Pyre squeaks and drags her out of her seat. Chloe resists for a moment, and then allows Pyre to drag her away. After a glance towards the nurse's station, they vanish around the corner.
I glance at Quinn. She doesn't think it's unusual at all. I float upwards, through the ceiling, so I don't draw attention the fact that I'm interested by their leave. Then I walk in the direction they were heading and drop through the floor, so that I'm around the corner.
They're standing at the end of the hallway. Pyre is whispering feverishly to Chloe, who's shaking her head and muttering. I get closer to them quietly, even though they can't see or hear me, until I'm able to make out their conversation.
"Nothing unusual at all?" Pyre asks. "You were there."
"Not really," Chloe shrugs. "He was just attacking her about her monsters. You know, acting like he acts. Being a jerk."
"Did she seem disturbed by it?" Pyre says.
"She stormed out, so I guess so," Chloe responds.
A pause.
"Did she say anything?"
"She said something about him destroying himself because he'll be attacked by a monster from the inside," Chloe says. "Then she yelled from the hallway… 'Speak of the devil and he shall come!'" So they were talking about Jakes, right before he died. What was with that? Quinn had been a little headstrong with her threat, and again with the circumstances of his death, but that wasn't enough to put together.
"And you don't think that's odd?" Pyre scoffs. "The guy was just killed. Cathy was killed. She was there for both of them."
"Coincidence?" Chloe asks. She scowls at the look on Pyre's face. "What are you suggesting? That she makes people have heart attacks and rip their own flesh off? Come on."
"Everyone she has a problem with dies," Pyre hisses. "Aren't you just a little suspicious?"
"No," Chloe says. "I'm glad I'm on her good side."
"This is serious!" Pyre exclaims. "Why would he be yelling about a monster inside him as he hurt himself? That's just too weird."
"Maybe he was just thinking about what Quinn had said earlier. Maybe he was so shocked he believed it for a moment."
"Stop playing the Devil's Advocate!" Pyre snaps. "There is a bloodstain on the floor from a week ago. You were there. Thompson and Aidan were there. I was there, Quinn was there. Anna was there. We all watched someone die. Can't you at least humor me?"
"Don't get yourself worked up," Chloe says, holding her hands up defensively. "I'm sorry. You're right, it's weird. But no one has the power to kill people like that. It's just impossible."
I chuckle quietly. Humans would never dream of a God of Death existing. They've got their gods, sure. But they believe that they work in strange ways, with no direct contact with their subjects. I guess being worshiped makes you lazy. Or maybe you just vanish into nothingness. Gods of Death are not worshiped, and here we are.
Okay. Gods of Death are lazy. But we still do things. Sort of. We don't ignore the humans, like their own gods. That's what matters. If you keep an open mind, you can find proof of our existence.
"And what about her mom?" Pyre presses. "Right after she lost her trial, her mom died in the parking lot."
"Her mom had a heart attack. It was stress."
"Cathy had a heart attack too!"
"If it was really Quinn who did it, like you say, then why didn't her doctor die too? He had just as much of a hand in her losing her trial as her mom."
Pyre stiffens and looks at where I am. She can't see me of course, but I still back up a bit. I was too close anyway – a mere foot from their stupid human faces.
"What?" Chloe says, following her gaze.
"Nothing," Pyre says, shaking her head. She goes back to looking threatening. "I don't know about her doctor. It doesn't make any sense. I'll figure it out. Let's go."
They turn and walk back towards the recreation lobby.
"So what are you going to do?" Chloe asks. Pyre keeps walking, and it's a moment before she answers.
"I don't know yet."
I resolve not to tell Quinn. The rotten little monkey-face can figure it out herself. Or not. She's bothering me with her high and mighty attitude.
I am intrigued by Pyre's suspicions though. I've seen Quinn's lifespan every day for months – perhaps Pyre has something to do with it. That'd be hilarious. Pyre murders Quinn or something because she thinks Quinn has been killing people. What an embarrassing way to die. But Quinn doesn't deserve anything dignified.
I can't help but feel respect for Pyre though. She managed to figure out that it was actually Quinn. She's no genius, and she got most of her information secondhand. The nurses knew Quinn was there when Cathy Dawe was killed – Pyre probably heard about it. All she had known was that Quinn had been forced to take medication. And again when she hadn't seen Quinn threatening Jakes. His death could have been taken in any context. It looked like he had just gone insane. But she had thought to question Chloe about it. She wasn't at the hearing either. She didn't know Quinn's relationship with Dr. Michaelis, so that would explain her confusion as to why he wasn't dead.
Pyre and Chloe return and sit down on the couch again. Chloe immediately absorbs herself in her nails, like always. I wonder briefly why she does that, but then I decide I don't really care. My own nails are claw-like and made out of stone. Hers are brittle and weak, so it must be some kind of maintenance that only she bothers with.
Quinn stands up and stretches. Pyre glances at her but Quinn doesn't notice. I sigh and boost myself into an upwards position to follow her.
She walks down the hallway and into a bathroom. I cringe and step inside as well. She doesn't go into a stall. Instead, she leans against the wall and gives me a look that seems blank, but her eyebrows slant darkly and her eyes are hard and flat.
"Pyre knows it's me."
"And how did you come to that conclusion?" I say uninterestedly, but I am actually curious.
"Don't be an idiot, Anathema," she growls. "I followed them, just like you did. I can't believe that you weren't going to tell me. I thought you said you'd stay by my side."
"I only said that because I thought that you were pitiful," I say. "I thought that you were sickly and frail and contention with you was unjustified. Then you surprised me and I changed my mind."
"So you're a liar!" she spits.
"I am a God of Death," I sigh wearily. "Although, you're quickly becoming a creature all your own. You killed that many people for such selfish reasons." I tut. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought children were supposed to be innocent. Although, I do have to say…I think your continued use of the notebook is hastening your madness. I'm surprised you haven't noticed yourself. I think you should just relinquish ownership of it before Pyre gets proof and finds a way to expose you."
"Mind your own business!" she yells, then leans forward and looks through the doorway to make sure no one heard. After a few moments, she settles back against the wall and crosses her arms. "You're the one being selfish. You just want to get back to where you came from with no regards for anyone you affected here. You may as well have ruined my life by coming here with that stupid Death Note!"
"I'm being selfish?" I say in disbelief. "You're just an insignificant little wretch who can't even control her own mind! You're the one who stole my Death Note! If you hadn't been so stupid, neither of us would be in this situation!"
"What situation?!" she screams derisively. She uncrosses her arms and has her fists clenched against her sides. "As soon as I get rid of Pyre, there won't be a situation! I'll convince Dr. Michaelis that I should be able to leave! Now that my mother and Jakes are gone, there will be no one to oppose me!"
"You're planning to kill Pyre?" I yell. "Why? Because she's the only one besides me who's smart enough to realize that there's something wrong with you?"
"What's it to you? I can kill anyone I want! That's why I kept the Death Note! So no one will treat me like a basket case ever again!"
"You are a basket case!" I shout. Her neck is bulging and her eyes seem bottomless. Whatever thin thread of tolerance there had been between us had snapped. She was shouting about leaving the hospital, but there was no way I could tell her she wasn't going to make it that long. "And I won't let you kill Pyre! I'll find some way to murder you before you manage it!"
"Why do you care!? You hate everything! You hate Pyre, and you hate Chloe and Aidan and Thompson and Anna and everyone!"
"No," I snap. "I hate you .You're the reason I'm stuck here, not them! I thought this entire world would be disgusting and evil! But it's too soon for me to speak of everything. I haven't seen everything! But I do know that I don't hate the people here. I refuse to let you destroy the only thing in either world that I've ever found appealing!"
"Appealing?" she screeches. "What are you, in love with her? Don't even try that! You're a God of Death, remember? You're not capable of feeling anything like that! And I wasn't even going to kill her, but now I think I will! I refuse to let you destroy the only chance I've ever had to make things happen my way!" She wheels around and storms out of the bathroom into the hallway. I stomp out after her, not even bothering to float. My mind is in too much turmoil.
"You try it!" I shout after her. "If you even dare to consider it, I will kill you!"
A/N: Fa la la la la la la la laaaa. Yeah. Anathema is in lluuuurrve. Next updates are iffy since I've stopped actually writing Anathema somewhere near the tail end...hm. Sorry.