Not fair
It had been an awful night for Rachel. She couldn't sleep and when she finally managed to she woke up with a headache but she didn't have the time to dwell on that either as Tina walked inside her room to help her dress for the day, she had to attend breakfast with Finn.
There she found herself. Sitting in front of her fiancé while he eat his breakfast using extra force in cutting the eggs on his plate. The beautiful morning didn't erase the palpable tension that could be cut with a knife. Tina stood motionless on the corner of the room.
"I had hoped you would come to me last night." Finn's voice was the calm before the storm, she had a feeling. It was true that she had no intention in going to his suite at all but the thought had completely vanished from her mind last night.
"I was tired" she said with her mind already filled with memories from the night before. A gentle hand holding her own, hot breath on her face, how she rejected a kiss that she wanted with desperation.
"Yes." Finn nodded, brow furrowed "Your exertions below decks were no doubt exhausting." He set his cup down as he looked up to look at her in the eyes.
Anger rose up within Rachel in less than a second when she realized how he knew that "I see you had that undertaker of a manservant follow me." She growled out, trying to keep her cool because no good could result of an argument.
"You will never behave like that again. Do you understand?" it was order. He was giving her an order and they weren't even married yet. She hadn't done anything wrong other than have a little fun in the third class. She knew what he was really saying though. He was forbidden her to see Quinn again and that's what hurt the most.
She couldn't let him treat her that way. She was not an object.
"I'm not some foreman in you mills that you can command!" Finn's face went blank having not expected the talkback "I am you fiancée."
"My fiancée?" he chuckled humorlessly, bitterly "My fiancée!" he swapped the breakfast table to the side, sending the crockery flying to the floor, the food, the coffee. He pushed everything aside until there was nothing separating him from Rachel.
He towered over her, mad and sick with jealousy, his ego needed a bust, he needed to put this woman back on her place.
She felt trapped and insignificant under his raging stare and big arms.
"Yes! You are! And my wife in practice, if not yet by law. So you will honor me, as a wife is required to honor her husband. I will not be made out a fool by you! Is this in any way unclear?" the echo of his voice still resounded against the walls while Rachel shook with fear beneath him.
Rachel nodded her head as fast as she could to not farther enrage him. He smiled at her, a half crocked smile that he probably used to recompense his poppy when he did something good. It sickened her to no end.
He then stood up straight and without a second glance back he left her there, shaking and on the edge of tears.
Tina ran to pick up the mess but her real intention was to check on the Miss who was trying to suppress the sobs that were threating to come out. She had never been so scared of a man in her entire life and to think that her future husband had just done this to her.
"We had-we had a little accident." She fell to her knees on the floor next to Tina.
"It's ok Miss, I get it" Tina took her hands with care.
"I'm so sorry Tina" Rachel finally cried.
"It's ok Miss, it's ok."
She was numb from that point on. She helped Tina with the mess despised the maid's protests. Her hands were still shaking when Tina was helping her with her corset back on her room an hour later.
Rachel was trying to wrap her mind around everything because everything seemed unreal. Her life could certainly not be going that way.
It hurt too much to think that they were trying to separate her from the blonde girl.
"I want tea" Shelby ordered as soon as she walked inside her daughter's room. Tina made a quick reverence before leaving.
Rachel saw her mother's reflection through the vanity mirror. The woman was furious as she pulled at Rachel's corset strings with unnecessary strength.
"You are not to see that boy again, do you understand me Rachel? I forbid it!" Rachel imagined that Finn had gone running to her mother when he found out what happened. Despise everything he was still a man child.
"Oh, stop it, Mother." She didn't want another argument, she didn't but she was not a child. She needed the strength that Quinn gave her last night again, she needed to make her own decisions "You'll give yourself a nosebleed."
Shelby pulled her shoulder and turned her around with force but the treatment didn't scare Rachel as much as before. She was used to be treated that way by her mother.
"This is not a game" Shelby looked desperate, her eyes were imploring for once "Our situation is precarious. You know all the money's gone!" she said through greeted teeth.
"Of course I know it's gone. You remind me every day" Rachel fired back. Shelby looked taken aback for a second. She wasn't used to her daughter talking to her with such disrespect.
"Your father left us nothing but a legacy of bad debts hidden by a good name. And that name is the only card we have to play." She was scared and Rachel could see it "I don't understand you. It is a fine match with Hudson, and it will insure our survival." Her mother insisted, she didn't know what Rachel's angle was. They needed this deal.
"How can you put this on my shoulders?" Rachel was on the edge of tears. She was seventeen and her own mother was selling her like a piece of meat to a disgusting man just because she needed to clean their name.
"Do you want to see me working as a seamstress?" Shelby knew that she needed to put it differently. Sure, in her daughter's heart she still cared for her old poor mother. "Is that what you want? Do you want to see our fine things sold at an auction, our memories scattered to the winds?" she covered her mouth as if she was going to cry and Rachel felt her heart break.
She didn't want any of that. She wanted to help but it was the how that she couldn't accept yet. It was so unfair for her and only her, seeing as everyone else was going to get something that they wanted.
Finn would get her completely and her mother would clean her name, sealed her debts and live the life that she chooses.
"My God, Rachel. How can you be so selfish?"
"Selfish? Mother! It's so unfair" she finally let a few tears fall. She knew what she needed to do but it hurt to think about it and its meaning.
"Of course it's unfair, dear. We're women. Out choices are never easy" Shelby hugged her daughter close to her chest. She saw Rachel's decision reflected in her eyes and she knew she'd won.
…
Quinn woke up that morning with one thing only on her head. Tell Rachel everything.
As soon as she finished breakfast she practically ran to the A deck and entered without much trouble seeing as there were no guards on the doors.
Despise what happened the night before she felt good because she knew that Rachel felt the same way. The girl freaked out just when they were about to kiss and not in that 'I can't be gay' kind of way but more like in 'I'm falling in love' kind of way freak out and Quinn knew that they needed to talk.
She spotted a crowd inside a room but two guards stood outside and she was wearing her usual clothes that morning.
"You're not supposed to be in here" said one of the men guarding the doors. William was standing behind them.
"I was just here last night, don't you remember?" it was the same guy that opened the door for her the night before. "He'll tell you" but William had a line on the tip of his tongue ready.
"Mr. Hudson and Mrs. Berry Corcoran continue to be most appreciative of your assistance. They asked me to give you this in gratitude…" he had a twenty in his hand and offered it to Quinn.
"I don't want money" she cut him off, hurt that they'd think that that's why she was coming back.
"…and also to remind you that you hold a third class ticket and your presence here in no longer appropriate." William ended and that's how Quinn knew that Rachel didn't know about this. Rachel wasn't ashamed of being seen with her, she knew Rachel had feelings for her, that's why she was there.
She slapped William's hand away when he tried to give her the twenty dollars and behind his back she spotted Rachel standing between her mother and Finn while they sang to some church choir but Rachel didn't look her way.
"I understand William but look. I just want to talk to Rachel for a minute and…"
"Gentlemen, please see that Mr. Fabray gets back where he belongs" William cut her off while offering the twenty dollars to both guards "And that he stays there."
"Yes, sir!" they took the money as William smirked and Quinn stared unimpressed.
Each guard took one of her arms and took her outside, down the corridor and straight to the D deck.
"Don't come back" one of them threatened her right before they pushed her to the ground.
"Hey, what's your problem?" Santana yelled after seeing what just happened.
"Leave it" Quinn said from the floor before they decided that she needed a few punches to go with that threat. Brittany helped her to stand up.
"I thought you were going to see Rachel" Santana was confused.
"I was. I still am" Quinn said as she headed down the deck again, this time the D deck of course.
There was no doubt in her mind that Rachel had no idea of what just happened, meaning they were trying to break them apart even before they built something to begin with. She was already seen as threat to little Mr. Hudson and she wasn't going to let Rachel go that easily.
She had to fight, Rachel was worth fighting for.
"What happened?" Santana asked again as she ran behind her.
"They want me to stay away" Quinn said as she eyed the rails on the above deck from beneath. She got to the gate that read 'Second class entry' and looked both ways before she opened it and walked in.
Santana and Brittany right behind her. Both incredibly alert after the guards dropped the blonde on their deck floor.
"Who? Quinn, stop and explain" Quinn stopped and turned around to face her best friend and for once Santana knew that she wasn't going to be able to change Quinn's mind because the look on her friend's face was a determined one.
Quinn was in love, so in love that no matter what Santana or anyone said she wasn't going to stop trying.
"Her fiancé, her mother, the freaking bodyguard. They don't want us to see each other again" she was on the edge of desperation.
"Calm down Quinn. How do you know that Rachel is not with them?"
"She's not. She doesn't know what they're doing. I know this Santana" she pleaded while Santana just stared at her with sad eyes.
"What's the plan?" she asked after a few moments and Quinn smiled appreciatively and looked up to see how she was going to climb up to the A deck.
"Help me climb this and I'll do the rest."
Rachel had mentioned a walk around the boat deck and that's where Quinn needed to go. Santana and Brittany managed to boost her up the rails.
"He's not being logical" Brittany commented as Quinn walked away in the upper deck.
"Love is not logical" Santana said with her eyes trained on the blonde English girl she'd fallen for in the last three days. Brittany smiled softly before taking her hand and dragging her back towards their deck.
In the first class deck Quinn spotted a man playing with his son that had left his jacket hanging on the side of the rail. She needed to hide and looked somehow presentable to not being thrown out again so without a doubt she grabbed the jacket and the hat without the man noticing and walked off to find Rachel.
…
Shelby looked pleased while Finn went back to being his confident jerk self and Rachel was left to deal with her broken heart on her own.
She had thought that Quinn would try to see her that day but the blonde was nowhere to be found and she didn't want to think badly of her mother but she knew Finn was a different story.
She was sad, confused, and angry. She was shrinking in front of them once again and she hated it.
Mr. Chang was explaining how the boats had been built, the trouble it had been to put them there when Rachel remembered something that had caught her attention the day before.
"Mr. Chang, I did the sum in my head, and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned. Forgive me sir but it seems that there are not enough for everyone aboard." Chang looked ashamed for a split second before he smiled politely at the rest of the people accompanying them.
"About half, actually" he admitted "You miss nothing, do you Rachel?" he laughed. He was a decent man and she respected him "In fact, I put these type davits, which can take an extra row of boats here" he showed her where but there were no extra boats "But it was thought by some that the deck would look too cluttered. So I was over-ruled." He hated the idea as much as she did at that second.
The nerve of this people!. Looks were more important than safety that was what Mr. Chang was saying. It sounded ridiculous to her ears.
"Waste of deck space as it is, on an unsinkable ship!" she could always count on Finn to over-rule her thoughts. She shared a look with Mr. Chang, he smiled sweetly at her.
"Sleep soundly, Rachel. I have built you a good ship, strong and true. She's all the lifeboat you really need." Her mother and Finn started a new conversation with Mr. Chang about the looks of the Titanic and Rachel stayed back. Her mind filled with concern because something could always go wrong.
Suddenly someone touched her arm and grabbed her wrist to turn her around. She almost screamed but then she recognized the person behind the hat. Her first reaction was to smile but she forced herself not to do that.
"Come" Quinn whispered as she pulled her to an empty saloon and closed the door behind them but Rachel didn't take another step further inside as she leaned against the door.
"Quinn, this is impossible. I can't see you" Rachel said but Quinn was having none of it. She put her hands gently on Rachel's shoulders and made her look into her eyes.
"Stop it Rachel and listen to me" the brunette closed her mouth while she tried to keep her eyes empty of any emotions. She wouldn't be able to stay away from Quinn if her feelings took the best out of her.
"You're no picnic and I'm aware of that" that got her attention alright "You're a wonderful girl, you're strong, pure heart and you're the most astounding lady I've even known and I …"
"Quinn, don't" Rachel begged "Please."
"No, listen. You are amazing and I know that I…" Quinn looked down at the floor. She was beyond scared of losing Rachel but she also needed to be honest with the girl "…I know that I have nothing to offer you, Rachel. I know that, I'm not stupid enough to believe that I can give you everything that you have now but I can promise you that I will try until my last breath to give you what you deserve. I'm involved now. You jump, I jump, remember?"
Rachel felt the sting of tears behind her eyelids but she couldn't cry. Everything that Quinn was saying was making it so difficult all of the sudden. She knew what she wanted to do, her heart and mind were clear and the object of her affections was standing right in front of her saying all the perfect things that she wanted to hear.
"I know it's scary, Rachel. I know we'll have to hide in front of public and I know that nobody wants that but I promise you to make it worth. I'll try every day from here to my dying day to show you what true happiness is all about." Quinn pleaded as she lowered her hands to hold Rachel's.
"You're making this very hard" Rachel said as she looked up and Quinn rubbed the back of her hand with her thumbs.
Quinn knew in that moment that Rachel had made up her mind that morning and she was just letting the blonde know. There was nothing she could do to make her see things differently.
Her mouth was suddenly dry, her throat was hurting and her chest felt like it was closing and squeezing her broken heart to the point of physical pain.
"I need to know that you're going to be alright." Quinn whispered the last sentence. She could feel the tears that were about to fall down.
"I'll be fine, really" Rachel's voice was hoarse and pained. She had to clear her throat a couple of times just to keep herself from crying.
"You don't even love him" Rachel knew that the girl was telling the truth but she couldn't help herself from arguing back.
"I'm marrying him" she cleared her throat again "Of course I love him"
"No, you don't."
Quinn wasn't letting go of her hands, not that Rachel wanted her to but she needed some space before she fell back again.
Quinn knew that Rachel was lying; she could see it in her eyes. All the pain and trouble she was going through by just standing there and deny her.
So she leaned in slowly without breaking eye contact, her thumbs still drawing small circles on the back of Rachel's hands. Her eyes traveled down for only a second to see the lips of the girl that owned her heart.
"Tell me that you want me to stop" she whispered and her hot breath tingled Rachel's lips but she didn't say a word as Quinn pressed her lips softly against her own.
Everything fell into place and in that moment and Quinn knew that she wasn't going to be able to forget, to let go and she wanted to cry because it felt so perfect to be that close to Rachel.
"Stop" Rachel managed to move her face to the right, Quinn's lips pressed against her cheek now. Their bodies were flushed together and she wanted to stay that way but she couldn't afford to.
"You deserve to be happy too, Rachel" Quinn ran her hand on Rachel's hair as she pressed a soft kiss to the girl's ear.
"It's not up to you to save me, Quinn." Rachel pushed her back, putting space between them. Space that they didn't want, that didn't need.
"You're right. Only you can do that." They locked eyes and Rachel saw hazel eyes begging her to stay. To choose the girl that was standing in front of her.
"I have to get back, they'll miss me. Please, Quinn, for both our sakes, leave me alone and forget this ever happened."
Rachel managed to make a quick exit but not before Quinn saw the tears running down her cheeks.
The click of Rachel's heels down the corridor finally told Quinn that the girl was really gone and she let her tears to finally fall as she pressed her back against the closed door and slid down to the floor, where she hid her face between her knees and cried.
…