Notes: I've been working on rewriting this, now that I have a bit more time and I've improved over the last decade. I plan on updating it every two weeks and it's also on Archive of Our Own under the same title for those who prefer that site. I look forward to reading your comments and thanks for sticking with me!
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
- Martin Luther King Jr.
When Danny was a kid, he'd loved 'helping' Dad in the lab. Before the accident, before the secrets. That had mostly been Danny watching beakers of ectoplasm and getting in the way. Dad had been pretty good with dealing with Danny and when he got frustrated and yelled, he'd always take Danny outside after bedtime and point out constellations. Some of his favorite memories were of laying on the lawn, looking up at the stars and listening to their stories.
Of course, as he got older and realized what a weirdo his dad was, it wasn't so fun anymore. Other kids laughed at him and made fun of his dad. Nobody believed in ghosts back then, and it sucked being the crazy guy's kid. He'd stopped wanting to hang out in the lab and tried to distance himself from their experiments.
Then the whole thing with the portal happened, and listening to Dad talk about dissecting things like him really didn't help. Danny had started missing curfew and getting bad grades due to ghosts. Dad got frustrated with Danny, Danny got frustrated because it wasn't his fault, and then everyone was angry. Danny had been too mad to even consider telling Dad at that point.
Now, Dad would never know. Danny wished he'd spoken up. Maybe things would have been different. Did Dad even know Danny loved him? The teen wasn't sure. More than anything else, that ate at him as he stood in the corner with Sam and Tucker on either side. The words I'm sorry for your loss filled the room like everyone didn't immediately turn around and gossip about Dad and what happened. If they were really sorry, they wouldn't talk about Dad like that. They wouldn't be filling the house with black clothes and pitying stares. His eyes burned and he blinked hard. They hadn't respected Dad before, why did Danny think -
"Daniel." Danny's eyes snapped up to meet Vlad's. The man angled himself so he blocked Danny's view of the room. "I think you should get some air."
Yeah, well, what did Vlad know? The last time Vlad had seen Dad, he was trying to kill Dad. He shouldn't even be here, not that anyone would listen to Danny. No, it was all he's a nice guy Danny and you're overreacting Danny because Jazz didn't know and Danny wasn't going to tell her. Not now. Scowling, Danny opened his mouth to tell Vlad to leave him alone, but the man widened his eyes at Danny. He paused. What was Vlad…
Oh. His eyes weren't just burning, they were glowing. No wonder Vlad stepped in. Giving away his secret here wasn't how Danny wanted to tell his family. He wanted to tell Mom eventually but… not now. He turned towards the stairs to the upstairs hallway, avoiding looking at the chair they'd angled over the discolored carpet. It didn't matter if he couldn't see it - he'd always know it was there. He assumed Mom felt the same way. No wonder she wanted to move. Not that she'd bothered to tell Danny - that would require talking to him for longer than a minute. Danny had heard her telling Vlad. Apparently Dad had set up a deposit box at the bank that Mom hadn't known about. There had been stacks of money in there, rather than in an account. Mom figured Dad had been putting money away for as long as they'd been married, if not longer, and there was almost a quarter million in there. It was enough for a downpayment on a new house.
Danny walked into the bedroom that he'd lived in his whole life. Before everything, he would have resisted the idea of moving; but maybe moving would help his skin stop crawling everytime he went down the stairs. With a shake of his head, he opened the window. His room wasn't going to help him calm down when everywhere he looked he thought of Dad, from the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling to the models on his desk. He hesitated just a moment, but transformed and left invisibly out the window. If anything went wrong, Vlad was at the house and he could protect Mom, Jazz, Sam, Tucker, and everyone else. The man was so much stronger than Danny. He wouldn't let anyone get hurt.
The wind and summer air helped a little with the tightness in his chest and the teen took several deep breaths. He released the invisibility above the treeline. It was windy and overcast enough that anybody outside would be too focused on getting inside to look up. Taking another breath, he reminded himself that he didn't care what other people said and thought. He didn't. They didn't matter. They didn't know Dad like Danny did. They never bothered so why did they show up now? For the drama? No, it didn't matter. They didn't matter.
"Howdy y'all, here for a rematch?"
Danny's breath fogged in front of him as he heard the words and his fists and teeth clenched. He couldn't do this now. "Go away, Youngblood."
"Go away," the ghost mimicked, flying up to get in Danny's face. "I was here first so you go away."
Great, trying to get away from everything and Danny had flown right to the source of everything. Heat flooded his veins and his hands shook. He couldn't do this.
"Fine," he gritted out, whirling away. The kid, still dressed in his cowboy getup, scowled and circled Danny. His skeleton horse thing was nowhere to be seen, so it must still be recovering from last week, the last time Danny had seen them.
Danny wasn't thinking about that.
He started to fly away, but Youngblood blocked his route and poked him hard in the chest. "Are you running away, like a yellow-bellied coward?"
"Move it." Danny ducked to fly under the ghost, eyes fiercely green. He needed to walk away, not blast the ghost into the next century. Go back to the wake. Back to every gossip and liar there to see the freakshow house and pretend they cared. Back to where Mom didn't look at him and Jazz kept trying to analyze him and where Vlad the jerk could walk in and apparently fix everything Danny had been trying so hard to hold together and failing.
"Fine!" Youngblood shouted after him. "Go cry to your mommy and daddy!"
Danny saw red. Launching himself at the other ghost, he saw the uncertainty flicker on the kid's face for a split second before Danny barreled into him. They flew for several feet before slamming into the ground. Panic was in Youngblood's eyes as he turned himself intangible, but Danny just held on, turning intangible too. They rolled and the ghost wriggled from Danny's grasp. He shot upward. Danny was faster. He smashed into the ghost from the side. They tumbled for a moment before hitting the ground once more, Youngblood pinned beneath Danny. Pain ripped through the teen as he pulled back a fist lit with ectoplasm and threw it into the younger ghost, not aiming, nor caring where the blast hit. He hit the boy again, then again.
How dare he? How dare he? What was his problem? Did he think it was funny that Dad was dead? The next blow was harder. What was his problem? That stupid idiot! What in the world did he think he was doing? Oh, yeah, let's laugh at the fact that your dad is dead? And it was this ghost's fault that Danny wasn't there to stop it. Danny hated it! That little, stupid, know-it-all jerk! What was its problem?! What, since it was already dead, it thought that people dying, Dad dying was funny?! Did it have some sort of issue with sadism, or was it part of the 'Let's Make Life Miserable For Danny!' club, like every single other stupid ghost in this stupid town was? Did it hate Danny, or Dad, or did it just have some sort of death wish?
Danny's fist hit concrete as the ghost flickered for a moment and hot and cold pain ran up his arm. He hissed, pulling the hand close to him. His glove and knuckles were split and ectoplasm stained the white fabric. He tried to straighten his fingers and sucked in a breath. He'd broken a knuckle or something. His ears were buzzing, but he could hear something else now in the pause.
"Please, stop, please." Danny's gaze refocused on the ghost laying beneath him. It was pleading, "Stop, please, I'll do anything, please stop!"
"Anything?" Another wave of fury and pain, despair, rocked Danny. "Anything?! It's too late for that. It's too late, because he's already dead! You want to do something?!" Danny roared, "Bring him back!" Fiery ectoplasm flickered over Danny's hand as he tried to draw it back into a fist. His first two fingers wouldn't bend at the knuckle and Danny gritted his teeth.
"I can help you, please!"
He looked down as he shook out his hand and really saw Youngblood for the first time. The ghost's lips were swollen and split and he couldn't open one eye. Burns from the flaming ectoplasm and bruises decorated his face, and Danny looked away as his stomach twisted. What was wrong with him? "Don't lie to me." The teen's voice shook. He was done. This was messed up. "You can't help me, or him. You can't bring him back."
"Please, I know who can!" The kid could barely speak through swollen lips, "I can help you, please, I can!" He sniffed wetly as tears mixed with ectoplasm streaked his face. He didn't seem to realize Danny had stopped. "Please, listen to me!"
The teen swallowed and got to his feet, off of the kid. Still looking away, Danny rubbed away the traces of wet that he hadn't realized soaked his own cheeks, trailing in streams from his eyes. It was from the wind, he was sure. He hadn't been crying. Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, the teen glanced back at Youngblood.
The boy was still lying there. Danny hadn't noticed it before, full of anger and hatred and hurt, but Youngblood was paler than the halfa had ever seen him, a shade away from invisible. As he stood there and watched, Youngblood flickered. Cold ran through Danny. He'd done that. Danny had done that. The kid still didn't move and a bitter, sour taste slipped into the back of Danny's mouth. His stomach rolled and he gagged. He was supposed to help people, not that. He'd never wanted to be the monster. He coughed sharply, acid in his throat. With a shudder, he spat onto the ground and took a few breaths.
When he looked back at Youngblood, the ghost was floating in the air, streaked with green. His eyes caught sight of the pavement where Youngblood had been lying. It was cracked and indented. Ectoplasm stained the sidewalk in several places, pooling most severely in the deepest depression. The breath caught in Danny's throat and his stomach churned as he realized that that dent was where Youngblood's head had been. He hoped that was where he'd hit the sidewalk and not from hitting Youngblood. He fought the nausea. What was wrong with him? He was fifteen, he shouldn't lose control like that!
"Clockwork."
Danny refocused on the child ghost. "What?
Youngblood didn't look at him. "Clockwork is the name of the ghost. He might be able to fix it."
A strangled, "Okay" was all Danny could manage. He cleared his throat. "Where is he?"
"We'll have to go into the Ghost Zone." The boy's voice was soft and Youngblood still didn't meet the teen's eyes. Danny swallowed. That meant they'd have to use the portal in the basement. Back where everyone was whispering and where Sam and Tucker would probably be looking for him.
No one had been down there since Dad had died.
Should he really be bringing a ghost into his home, full of people, even if they were annoying Danny? Would Youngblood hurt them? Would he go after Mom or Jazz? Would he be risking the rest of his family for a chance to maybe talk to someone who could help?
But Vlad was there. Youngblood didn't have a chance of beating the both of them if he tried anything. But if there might be a way to bring Dad back, Danny had to try.
"Let's go." Danny turned and headed home, keeping an eye on Youngblood. Neither spoke as they flew towards FentonWorks. It was almost a shock when he reached his home, seeing all the cars on the street and the people in black coming in and out. He hovered for a moment, gaze angled upwards and away from the sight. He focused his eyes on the Ops Center. That looked normal at least.
"Are we going or not?"
Danny figured the kid probably wasn't too traumatized if he hadn't lost his attitude at least. "Yeah." The teen dived into the road to come through the wall of the basement instead of diving through the house and living room. Danny slowly straightened until he was floating completely upright. The lab, covered with a fine layer of dust, spread around him. It never looked so abandoned before. Shaking his head, Danny turned to the closed Portal. Youngblood floated forward until he was a meter from the portal. He turned to look at Danny, scowling.
With a deep breath, Danny activated the portal and the ghosts floated through to the Ghost Zone. The green expanse of the Ghost Zone opened up before them, cold and unearthly. Quiet. No ghosts floated around the portal entrance as Danny followed Youngblood. The young ghost led Danny past various doors and domains. Danny remained on his guard as he passed Skulker's island and kept an eye out for Walker. He really didn't need trouble today. Luckily, neither ghost seemed to be around today. After what felt like a long time, Youngblood stopped. The teen barely managed to avoid running into the young ghost. Looking ahead, Danny saw a large tower, decorated with clocks. He glanced at the other ghost.
Youngblood nodded to the building. "That's Clockwork's lair." Danny blinked and looked again at the tower. It was a little intimidating, but Danny would risk it. If this ghost could bring Dad back, it was worth anything.
Danny turned to thank Youngblood, but the ghost had already disappeared. The teen swallowed and returned his gaze to the tower. He took a deep breath and approached the heavy door at the base of the tower. Carefully, he opened it and slipped through. The door thudded closed, echoing in the huge space. The room he'd entered was full of gears and what looked like round TV screens. He stepped in further, taking a better look at the screens. They each showed different people and events Danny didn't recognize. As he came into the center of the room, the screens all changed.
Eyes widening, Danny took in the new scenes – each of them featuring him. In one, the teen was in ghost form and leaning around a building corner. As Danny watched, the Danny in the scene shot an ectoblast towards a strange group – one of them green, one part robot, and the other three in strange outfits. The Danny on screen ducked back around the corner and fled. The scene replayed and Danny looked to another one. In this screen, Danny was lying on a white tile floor, bruised and bloody. He struggled to rise, but his arms gave out. Finally, the onscreen Danny pushed himself to his feet – only to be yanked forward, out of view of the screen. Danny turned around to see another screen – Danny strapped to a metal table, writhing and screaming with a mask over his face and tubes in his arms. The teen shuddered and turned his head away to see himself, again in ghost form, talking pleasantly with one of the boys he had thrown an ectoblast in the other screen. The screen beside it showed Danny again, this time looking a little… off. His eyes glowed green even though he was in human form. A trickle of blood dripped from his nose. What were these things!? The real Danny turned to another screen, this one seeming actually not so bad. Onscreen Danny was laughing, leaning over to playfully shove somebody Danny couldn't see due to his angle. He moved closer, but the screens all changed to a swirling green before Danny could see the other person.
"It is not wise to see possibilities of the future."
The voice came from behind Danny, deep and ageless, and the teen spun around. Across the room, a ghost floated, old and hunched. He held a staff in one hand and had some sort of clock around his neck. Danny swallowed and eyed the ghost. Was this Clockwork? The other ghost floated closer and Danny fought the urge to take a step back, sudden nervousness welling up inside him. The ghost passed Danny and Danny stood facing the opposite direction for a second, gathering up his determination, before facing the other ghost-
The other ghost that was no longer there. In the old ghost's place hovered a tall, strong-looking ghost. It had the same hood, medallion, and staff, but stood straighter and unwrinkled. It stared apathetically at Danny, who was looking for words.
"Where– Who–?" Danny started, but was cut off.
"Who am I?" This ghost had the same voice as the other one, steady and knowing. "I am Clockwork, the ghost of Time." He stared steadily at Danny. "That is why you have come to seek me out."
Danny's eyes widened. The ghost of Time? Did that mean… Danny opened his mouth to ask Clockwork a question, but was cut off before he could say the first word.
"Yes, being the ghost of Time does mean I can control it." Before the teen's eyes, the man shifted to a child. When the kid spoke, though, he had the same ageless voice. "Past, present, and future."
"Please, I need your help." Danny didn't know how to ask, so he just blurted out his request, "I need you to help me fix something in the past. It shouldn't've happened, and I need to change it. Please, can you help me?"
The ghost simply stared at the teen. Danny felt his heart sink. This wasn't going how he wanted it to. The other ghost was supposed to agree, to tell him that he could, that it was possible!
"You can do that, right?" Danny heard the desperation in his own voice, but he didn't really care.
Clockwork just looked at him. Finally, he shifted again and responded, "I do not meddle with time on request."
Clockwork wasn't going to help him? He had to! He had to get Dad back! "No, you don't understand! I have to go back! I have to fix it! It can't be this way, it's not supposed to be this way, he needs to be here, and I need to fix this! Please, he's my Dad!" Danny's breath was fast and shallow. "Please, you have to help me!"
The other ghost turned his back. "I will not change the past."
"You won't?" Danny repeated numbly.
Clockwork shifted again, back into an old man. "You don't know the consequences that change could bring about."
"I don't care!" Danny shook his head. "I don't care what could happen! I just want Dad back!" The teen blinked furiously as his vision blurred slightly.
"No." The elderly ghost's hood tilted upward, though he didn't turn to look at Danny. "If I allowed you to meddle with the timeline, countless lives would be lost - including that of your father's."
"I - What?"
"The death of your father, though it was not planned, averted a greater tragedy where he would have also lost his life."
It felt like the ground was moving under Danny's feet. "Wait, so even if I did change things, he'd die anyway?" That wasn't fair. He rubbed burning eyes.
"Yes." Clockwork was a child again, half Danny's height. "This is better than the alternative."
Being shot by some guy with a gun looking to steal their TV was better? Dying alone while Danny was out playing hero was better?
If that was better, Danny didn't think he wanted to know the alternative the ghost had mentioned.
"Fine." His shoulders slumped, voice bitter. He was so tired. "Fine." Danny stepped back and turned, leaving without another word. He shoved open the door and flew through the Zone, eyes stinging and only half paying attention to where he was flying. He almost overshot the portal and had to loop around it once to decelerate. Smashing into the lab wall at 120 miles an hour would be a great end to the day. Now at a normal speed, Danny floated through the portal and transformed back with a sigh.
"Daniel?"
His head shot up to see Vlad leaning on one of the counters, arms folded and suit jacket buttoned up. "What are you doing down here?" Danny immediately hit the button to close the portal, eyes flaring green. "Is this the reason you came, to get my parent's technology?" Anger was so much easier than disappointment.
Vlad, the fake, looked startled. "What? No, I-"
"Then why are you here, when you know no one else will be down here because-"
"Daniel!" Vlad cut him off sharply before lowering his voice. "My ghost sense went off about an hour ago. I couldn't find you and the portal was open when I checked the lab. I was watching to make sure nothing came through." Oh, so this was Danny's fault too? "Why were you in the Ghost Zone instead of at the wake?"
"Stop it." He didn't want a lecture. "You don't get it. You don't want to get it. It's not like you care that Dad died-"
"Daniel, of course I care-"
The teen raised his voice to talk over the older man, "And you're here just to move in on Mom now that he's not around and you think that I won't notice that you're being a creep-"
"Daniel!" Vlad slammed his hand down on the counter and his eyes flared red. Danny jumped, shutting his mouth. The man closed his eyes and took a deep breath before looking at Danny. "Were you looking for Jack in the Ghost Zone?"
Danny took a step back. He… no. He hadn't even considered it. Would Dad be a ghost? As much as he'd hate that, Danny would love to talk to him just one more time. But would Dad turn into a ghost like the others? Would Danny have to fight him? He didn't think he could handle that. Mutely he shook his head.
Vlad studied him for a moment before sighing. "He isn't in there. I looked. I understand the desire to find him, but you could get seriously hurt. Why didn't you just ask me?"
"I wasn't looking for Dad." His fists shook at his sides.
"You weren't?" The man glanced at the closed portal then to Danny. "What were you doing?"
"It's none of your business." Danny took a step forward. "You don't live here. I didn't want you here in the first place. The only reason you even got in the door was because I was at the store and Jazz doesn't know what a dangerous creep you are." Vlad didn't even blink and Danny's anger surged. "If Mom hadn't come out of her room for the first time in three days, there's no way you'd still be here." Because she hadn't come out when Danny had asked her, and Jazz had said she needed time, she was in shock after identifying Dad's body, but somehow Vlad did what both of them couldn't. "I know what you're playing at and if you try anything, you're gone!" He was yelling now, but didn't care. "I will tell Jazz and Mom everything about what you are and what you did to Dad at the reunion and Mom won't ever want to even look at you ever again!"
Vlad watched Danny steadily. "What can I do to help you see that I am here solely as a friend to Maddie? I'm not here to 'move in' on her. One of my oldest friends is hurting and I am here to be whatever she needs, not to cater to my own desires and whims." The man's voice was calm and more than anything, that pissed Danny off. The teen scoffed.
"Screw you." He headed for the stairs, but Vlad's hand closed around his bicep, jerking Danny to a stop. His head snapped to look at the taller man.
"I understand you're going through a hard time, so-Daniel, but you will still treat me and your mother with respect. Do you understand?" His voice was velvety soft. Danny tried to pull away, but Vlad's grip was unyielding. Danny looked away.
"Yeah, fine."
Vlad released him and Danny turned invisible, stalking up the stairs from the basement, through the kitchen and living room, and up the stairs to his room. When he'd left, apparently over an hour ago, he'd gone upstairs and if he just came up from the basement, people would ask questions. He also wasn't sure if his eyes were glowing green again or not and needed to check. Still wasn't planning on outing himself that way.
He flopped onto his bed, staring up at the plastic constellations on the ceiling. Throat tight, he rolled onto his side and reached out to trace the incomplete model rocket on his nightstand from his birthday. He wasn't going to cry. He'd never seen Dad cry. Dad laughed, Dad talked, Dad yelled, but he never cried. Danny clutched the edge of the nightstand and took a shuddering breath. He missed Dad and his dumb invention names and weird outfits and how he overexaggerated everything. The man had been so dramatic about everything. It was like he lived to have everyone look at him. From his car, to his outfits, to even his food. Danny wouldn't ever look at cheese fries the same way. Or fudge. Or orange.
The nightstand splintered and broke with a loud crack where Danny was holding it. He stared at it for a minute before chucking it onto the floor. He didn't care right now. Rolling onto his back, he pressed his palms into stinging eyes. According to Clockwork, he wouldn't be able to save Dad in any timeline. Why was he so useless?
Over tight breaths, he heard a knock at the door. He let his arms fall onto the bed. Great. Probably Sam or Tucker or Jazz looking for him. Or Vlad. He didn't want to talk to them.
The knock came again. "Danny, sweetheart?"
Danny sat up immediately. "Mom?"
"Yes, sweetheart, can I come in?" Had he fallen asleep? Was he dreaming? Mom had hardly talked to him in a week.
"Yeah, of course." Danny swung his legs off the edge of the bed. Was there any dust or leaves on his pants? He brushed them off just in case and straightened the oversized tie he was wearing - Dad's tie.
Mom opened the door and stepped in, looking at his models. Of course she wasn't looking at him. Danny looked away. It wasn't like he blamed her. He avoided meeting his own blue eyes in the mirror half the time because they were the same color as Dad's. He heard her take a step forward, pause, then approach his bed. The mattress dipped as she sat beside him.
"Oh, honey." She smoothed the ugly, orange polka-dotted tie and Danny swallowed. She stroked his hair, tilting her head to look him in the face. Their eyes met. Hers were red rimmed and kept twitching as if to look away, but she kept her gaze focused on his face. "Oh honey."
He broke. He wrapped his arms around her, clutching her close but careful not to hurt her. She hugged him back just as tightly, one hand brushing through his hair as he sobbed.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart, this must have been just awful for you. I should have talked to you a week ago." She squeezed him. "I love you so much, Danny. I'm sorry I haven't been here. It's - You just look so much like Ja-" Her voice broke and she gave a shuddering breath before continuing. "You look like your dad. And I'm happy you do, and I'm trying, but it's hard right now and I'm so sorry honey. I promise I love you so much."
Danny nodded into her shoulder, his own breath hitching. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. He needed to be strong for Mom and Jazz, strong like Dad was. He could do this. He had to. With another bracing breath, he pulled away and rubbed his face with his hands, trying to wipe away any moisture. He could do this.
Mom squeezed his shoulder. "It's almost over, sweetheart, and then everyone can leave and it can be just us and Jazmine. Vlad offered to start implying people should leave when he said I should come up and talk to you."
Danny stopped. "Vlad said you should come up here?" Wasn't Vlad mad at him? Danny had just yelled at the man and Vlad had seemed mad when Danny left.
"Yes, I'm a little embarrassed. I should have noticed when you left, but Vlad told me you'd come up here and maybe you needed your mom." She smiled slightly. "Without you, Jazz, and Vlad, I don't think I could have handled any of this. Thank you for being such a rock, honey." She brushed back his hair again. "Let's watch a movie, you, me, and Jazz. We'll let Vlad get rid of everyone and go down once the coast is clear."
That sounded great, except "Isn't Jazz down there too?"
Mom pursed her lips. "Oh. I don't want her to have to be alone down there too long. Do you mind if I head back down, sweetheart?"
"Yeah, go ahead." He paused. "Will you say bye to Sam and Tuck for me?" He really should go and say it himself, but they'd been acting so weird around him and he just didn't want to deal with it right now. He didn't blame them for not knowing what to say, but their awkwardness was almost worse.
"Of course, Danny." Mom kissed his head and stood. "I'll see you downstairs, after everyone's gone."
"Yeah." He laid back on his bed as Mom left, closing the door behind her. Why had Vlad said anything? He had to have noticed that Mom was avoiding Danny, but wouldn't it be better for Vlad to split them up, so he could get Mom to trust him more in case Danny told her about the man's halfa status? It didn't make sense. Then again, Vlad hadn't gotten mad at Danny until the end of their fight, after Danny had already yelled at him. It didn't make sense. What was the man playing at?