Akaya turned over in his bed, staring determinedly at his lamp. Marui had been knocking on his bedroom door for the past twenty minutes, but Akaya hadn't bothered opening it even once.

There was no way in hell he was leaving the room.

Yukimura, being the filthy rich, ultra-famous celebrity he was, could find him in the blink of an eye. But not even his very tall and scary looking body guards could get Akaya out of bed. It was just too humiliating. After waking up from possibly the worst (and only) hangover he ever had, he'd snuck outside for a mug of coffee and quickly dashed back in.

The coffee mug now sat, empty, on the bedside table. A box of half eaten cereal was placed next to it. He had all he needed to survive in that one room.

"I know you're awake!" Marui suddenly shouted from outside the room.

"Am not!" Akaya blurted, then promptly slapped a hand over his mouth. "Oops."

Marui chuckled. "Let me in, come on! You can't stay in there forever, you moron. Niou-san's coming over. Said he wanted to talk to you about the project or something."

"Tell him I'm dead!"

"You just spoke to him yesterday."

"Kill him."

Marui's chuckle morphed into a full blown laugh. "Sorry man—you know you're my best friend and all, but not even I, the genius of all geniuses, hottest of all hot guys, smartest of all smart people, most charming of all charmers—"

Akaya rolled his eyes behind the wooden door. "Marui."

"Oh, right. Not even I would ever face the wrath of Niou. Without Yagyuu, he'd kill us without a second thought."

"That's why I said kill him first."

"No way, I heard he's had combat training since he was five—why are we talking about this? Get up already. You need to call Yukimura, apologize sweetly, and ask for a second chance. From what you told me yesterday, he seemed more amused than anything."

"That's what sucks about it," Akaya groaned, and buried his face into a pillow.

"Well, suck it up and go hit on him because otherwise you're getting fired," Marui said unsympathetically. "And you know Niou has like, two hit men on speed dial."

True.

Resignedly, Akaya flung the door open and glared at the older man. "I don't like you."

"Like I care," he snorted. "Save all your loving for Yukimura, 'cause you're calling him. Now."

I am either very brave or I have a death wish, Akaya decided. Because once again, he was standing outside of a restaurant, debating whether or not to enter at the risk of potentially being sexually assaulted by a pro tennis player.

It was a very stupid idea to ask Yukimura out. He should have known that Yukimura would never let Akaya be the one to ask him out. No, he'd never let Akaya play the male role for once. The conversation went something like this:

"Uh, Yukimura, right?"

"Aka-chan!"

Twitch. "Aha… yes, it's Kirihara. I felt horrible about how I acted last night, and—"

"Oh, this is perfect! I was going to call you to ask you out again, anyway. This must be fate, ne?"

"Uh, right. So I wanted—"

"Let's go out again, today! I have the day free, and I'd love to see you again, Aka-chan."

"As would I." Lie. "I feel bad about being so rude last time." Lie number two. "And I was hoping I could make it up to you." Lie number three. "So I thought maybe we could meet up at the—"

"How's L'Chambeau sound? Today at five?"

Another twitch. "That's great."

"See you soon, cupcake."

There was some undignified sputtering at the rather outrageous nickname, but Yukimura had already hung up the phone.

"Are you Kirihara-san?" The voice interrupted his thoughts, and Akaya whipped around to see a grumpy looking man in a fancy suit. The imagery was completely ruined by the improper cap on his head.

"I am," he said coolly. "And you?"

"Sanada. Sanada Genichirou. Pleased to meet you." But he didn't sound pleased at all.

Sanada Genichirou, Sanada Genichirou. Why did that sound so familiar?

Then…

Oh, crap.

"You're Yukimura's friend," he blurted. "Sanada Genichirou, of course. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you earlier. It's great to meet you." And I'm totally not saying this because you look like you could kill me with your bare hands.

He merely nodded in response. "Yukimura's waiting for you. What are you doing, standing outside?"

Akaya hesitated. There wasn't really a decent excuse for making Yukimura wait, and considering the fact that Sanada had been standing there the whole time, watching, gave Akaya very little to work with.

"Just nervous," he finally said, and grinned sheepishly to make the act more convincing. "I guess it's kind of intimidating, going out on a date with someone so talented."

Sanada gave him a look, like maybe he was laying it on a bit too thick. "And you're not after his wealth, fame, or power," he said dubiously.

Akaya almost rolled his eyes. Like hell. No, I just need to pretend to be gay to get as much dirt on him as possible so my boss doesn't kill me. "Of course not," he said briskly. "Yukimura's a wonderful person, if not a bit…" He flinched. "…Er, not subtle."

With one perfectly arched eyebrow, Sanada inquired, "What do you mean?"

"He sort of tried to bite my neck on our first date," Akaya said flatly.

Much to his annoyance, Sanada laughed. Seriously. You don't laugh when your best friend tries to swallow a complete stranger's face. It was just not done.

Of course, switching your sexual orientation to please your boss wasn't really done either, but Akaya decided not to think about that.

"Promise you won't hurt him," Sanada finally said, sounding strangely serene. "He puts up such a sadistic front—"

Akaya snapped, "You think?"

"—but he's a delicate person at heart. He's fragile. Protect him for me."

With a sigh of resignation, he agreed, "I will."

And just like that, Sanada's kind demeanor vanished. "Good. Because if you break his heart, I'll break your neck."

Akaya took that as a sign to run home.

Of course, Marui had completely broken his promise to avoid laughing when Akaya told him what happened, and was currently cackling hysterically on the floor. And finally he got up, dusted himself off, and gave Akaya a serious look. "Dude, you're screwed."

"No way," Akaya answered sarcastically. "I thought he was just threatening to snap my neck for fun. And he could do it, too. Seriously, he could. Have you seen the pictures of him in magazines?"

"He looks like a rock," Marui agreed.

"He looks like a rock with abs," Akaya corrected. "And muscles. And he's really big. And he was staring down at me, all condescending-ish."

"He's a big rock with abs and muscles," his friend concluded. "And a cap. We can't forget the cap." Then something dawned on him. "If you ran straight home like a chicken—"

"Not like a chicken," Akaya grumbled.

"—like a chicken, then you didn't show up for Yukimura's date, did you?"

He froze. "Oh, shoot!"

Marui shot up, out of his seat and pointed accusingly at the green-eyed reporter. "You stood him up! Niou's going to have your head for this. You were supposed to make up for last time, today! Remember, when you made an idiot of yourself and started talking about bunnies?"

"Don't remind me," Akaya moaned. "Really, don't. Now I'm going to have to ask him out again, and he's going to be the one who ends up making the calls again, and I'm going to be embarrassed again…"

"If it weren't for the totally obvious annoyance in your voice, I'd think you were a giddy schoolgirl who's about to ask her idol out," Marui noted, and was promptly whacked with a pillow. "Aw, don't be like that, Akaya. If it helps, I'll take you to a gay bar or something, call up Jackal or someone, and we'll teach you how to act fag-ish. I think he has a video on it, actually…"

"…"

Yukimura laughed, sitting across from Sanada in the restaurant. "I was wondering why he didn't show! You scared him off, eh?"

Sanada frowned. "I don't like him. You shouldn't trust him, Yukimura. He could be using you."

"He is," Yukimura chirped. "I did some research on him. He's a reporter, and his boss sent him to pretend to be my boyfriend to get gossip on me, and he's going to publish it as soon as he gets something."

"Wh-what—"

"And," he went on merrily, "he's straight! Which is why he was acting so idiotic on our first date. He's clearly homophobic. Poor guy, pretending to be gay. He's definitely meant to be straight."

"Aren't you straight?" Sanada asked with an even sharper frown. "Wasn't this whole pretending to be gay thing just a ploy to get the fangirls off your back?"

"Pretending to date him can't hurt," Yukimura explained, sounding so ridiculously casual that one might have assumed he was talking about the weather. He poured himself a small glass of water and smiled at his friend. "If people think I'm taken, then I'll get fewer confessions, and the such. It's actually beneficial, so you don't need to worry."

"But he's trying to get dirt on you!" Sanada exclaimed. "What if he actually finds something?"

"He won't," Yukimura assured. "I'm good at keeping secrets. I'll be fine."

"You're only inviting trouble."

"I know," he said with a little giggle.

The giggle. Sanada frowned. The giggle was always a bad sign.

At least, for Kirihara, it was. Maybe he ought to warn him.

…Nah.

"But it's just so much fun," Yukimura continued. "I can't help it. He's so much fun to toy with. I was flirting with him the whole time yesterday, and he was shaking like a leaf. I haven't enjoyed myself so much since I was twelve."

Sanada opened his mouth to say something, then paused. "I have a headache," he said at last, and Yukimura chuckled again.

"Don't scare him off next time, okay? You're ruining the fun. In fact, if you promise not to scare him, I'll let you join in for a threesome." He threw his head back and laughed (rather maniacally).

Sanada shook with disgust at the mere thought. "I'd rather not." He hesitated, then added, "But I wouldn't mind helping your cause."

"That's the spirit!" Yukimura praised. He raised his glass of water. "To a future of sadism and entertainment."

Sanada clinked their glasses together. "Don't kill him."

"I'll try." And Yukimura laughed again.

Poor Akaya. He has no idea how much torture he's about to go through…

Is anyone confused? Feel free to ask if you are. And now, the preview:

"I really do feel bad about last time," Akaya said apologetically. "If there's any way I can make it up to you…"

He shouldn't have said that.

Oh, Akaya. Dear, naïve Akaya.

Yukimura's grin took a sadistic turn, but Akaya didn't notice. "There is a way, in fact." He reached for Akaya's curly hair and brushed it away from his face. "If you wouldn't mind…"

Akaya bit his lip. Don't scream, don't scream, don't scream. You're manlier than this, Akaya. "Of course not," he managed. "Anything."

"Anything," Yukimura repeated with a sly smile. "I like the sound of that. Come with me to the costume shop, then."

"Costume shop…?"