Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, the voices in my head do. This disclaimer is once again, courtesy of Megan.
Chapter 13 Sides
I woke up to the sound of faint breathing. I opened my eyes in disorientation seeing Light sleeping peacefully next to me. I got up with a small groan and disentangled my legs from the blankets on the bed. Creeping silently over to my closet, I grabbed some clean clothes and headed into the bathroom to change. I locked the door behind me and leaned against one of the walls, finally sliding down to the floor, my head in my hands.
Shit.
Light knew. God must really hate me. How the hell was I supposed to explain this? Could I just brush it off as stress related? Something told me that wasn't going to go well. What if I left before he woke up? That might work. Just get dressed and then sneak out. With my work schedule I could probably avoid Light for about two weeks. I could come up with a good explanation then. Alright, problem solved for now.
"I'm changing now," I muttered softly, sure L's cameras could pick up the sound. Hey, just because I didn't mind him watching didn't mean I shouldn't give him some warning. I slipped a sweater over my head and pulled on some jeans. It wasn't like anyone would really mind if I wasn't dressed up today. Cautiously, I opened the door, peering out to check if Light was still asleep. I sighed in relief when I saw his unconscious form. Potential disaster averted. I walked over to my door, my hand outstretched towards the handle, when I heard Light stirring behind me. I whirled around and froze as Light groggily sat up.
Double shit.
"Rei," he muttered as his eyes focused on me. He took in my dressed appearance and frowned. His eyebrows scrunched together as he put everything together and let out a small sound of remembrance. We stayed silent for a few moments. "How long have you been having nightmares," he asked finally.
Triple shit.
"They never stopped," I admitted grudgingly. Honesty was the best policy…unless of course your brother was a deranged serial killer. Whoops. I probably could have planned that better.
"What?" he hissed. I flinched at his harsh tone. I never could deal with Light being angry at me. He continued his voice low with suppressed fury. "Are you telling me, you've been having nightmares for the past five years and didn't tell me? Why the hell would you keep something like that to yourself?"
In that moment, I suddenly realized I was furious. Me? How could I keep that to myself? How could you not tell me what happened to you? That you suddenly saw yourself as a godlike figure who could inflict his cruel version of justice anyone he pleased?
"Yes, Let's talk about me Light," I said dangerously my eyes flashing. "Let's talk about me who was sick of having her entire family breathing down her neck every time I looked sad or unhappy. My family that flinches every time I raise my voice because they're sure I'm suddenly about to break down. My family who threw hundreds of therapists and medication at me because they were trying to help. Well it didn't help! And I was sick at having no control over my life! Do you think I'd be able to do anything I do now if I admitted I still had nightmares? I'm not as fragile as you all make me out to be," I finished slightly out of breath. Light looked down avoiding my eyes.
"You still should have told me," he answered with a slight tone of defiance. I shook my head at him.
"You're such a hypocrite, Light," I laughed darkly. He looked up his eyes instantly narrowed in calculation.
"I don't know what you mean." He was lying. He sounded defensive and seemed wooden to me.
"Liar," I accused. He opened his mouth about to protest before I cut him off. "Do you think I honestly wouldn't notice? You're different, Light. Secretive. When you talk to people it looks like you're enjoying a private joke at their expense or like you're planning their demise. You're cold and calculating and manipulative," I spat out, ignoring all the warnings going off in my mind reminding me to tread carefully. That he was unstable. Screw it. I was unstable too, and pissed as hell. "And you expect to me to be able to trust you? Trust goes two ways Light. So if you want to know why I didn't tell you, then tell me, why didn't you tell me that something was wrong? I come home one day and you're shaking and then you lock yourself in your room. When you come out, you've, you've transformed into this," I said gesturing towards him. "So, you tell me, what happened?" I glared at him, my mouth twisted into a frown.
"Nothing happened," he responded. "You're imagining things." His voice was low. Soothing. Trying to lure me back into the delusion he's created.
"That's what I thought," I said with a small laugh. "Honestly, Light. I'm going to miss you. Let me know when you're ready to let me in and start telling the truth. I walked out the door, willing myself not to look back. Already knowing his face would show no regret.
~L's POV~
I stared blankly at the monitor that had displayed Rei and Light's argument. My thumb was halfway to my mouth; paused in the journey it had been making when the shouting had begun. It was only a matter of time until Rei was here and I needed to make preparations. Her father for example, was still asleep. Blissfully unaware of the violent transaction that had taken place between his two children.
I reached over towards the slumbering man and gave him a light prod. Surprisingly, he sat up right away even though he remained unconscious during the increased noise level.
"What is it, Ryuzaki," he asked blearily, still not completely awake. He ran a hand through his hair, suppressing a yawn.
"You fell asleep during surveillance last night. Due to the lack of sleep you have endured over the past few days, I thought it prudent to allow you to rest. Nothing of consequence happened." I said all this in my usual monotone, knowing lies fell more naturally from my lips when I acted normally. I was briefly reminded of Rei's question, if anyone could tell when I lied, but the man seemed to believe me.
"Watari," I said knowing he would respond no matter what he was doing.
"Yes, Ryuzaki?"
"Prepare a room where I can debrief Rei about her observations of the Yagami household. I would also like you to prepare some sort of meal for her. She did not eat before exiting the house.
"Yes, Ryuzaki." I spent the time waiting for Rei to arrive continuing to monitor the rest of the family until the house was empty again. When I heard muffled greetings coming the next room, I entered seeing Rei being assaulted by Matsuda, who was explaining how much he missed her. The over exuberant man even had the audacity to embrace her. My lip twitched as I repressed a frown. Hmm. It appeared I was jealous again. Though it was a dark day indeed, if I found myself envious of Touta Matsuda.
I coughed, getting the task force's attention. Immediately Matsuda flushed and tripped in his haste to release Rei. I felt a grim sort of satisfaction at seeing him splayed on the floor. I simply raised an eyebrow at him as he got up, his cheeks growing even darker with embarrassment. This time I suppressed a smirk.
"Rei, I would like to debrief you on your observations of the Yagami household," I explained.
"Sure," she answered avoiding her father's curious gaze. "But would you mind if I ate something? I kind of skipped out on breakfast…." She trailed off.
"I had Watari prepare something for you."
"Of course you did," she muttered before sending a wry smile my way. A smile that I regretfully admit, made me forget all plans to further humiliate Matsuda. I was beginning to doubt that I merely wanted friendship with her. Unless I was an extreme possessive friend, something I couldn't entirely rule out.
We sat in the previously empty room while she picked at her breakfast, which earned another smile as it included an apple. The silence was not uncomfortable. I doubted anything could be any more uncomfortable between us that our first meeting. I simply waited, knowing it would be better if I let her take the initiative.
"So," she said finally. "You've probably realized, I have nightmares." I nodded content to let her continue at her own pace. "I've had them ever since I was kidnapped and when it was clear to my family they weren't stopping, they enrolled me in therapy. As you can probably guess, that failed miserably. Therapy is only effective when you're unsure of what's causing your reaction to something, but I always had a strong grasp of what terrified me in my dreams. Eventually, in a last ditch effort they put me on a special type of medication." She paused unsure how to convey what happened. "I had a…bad reaction to the meds. My dreams were suddenly that more real to me, so much more vivid." She swallowed loudly. "They got so bad that I couldn't wake up." Her voice hitched. I had to admire her bravery. This obviously hurt her to explain to me, but she was willing to help me understand anyway. Her eyes closed.
"One morning, Light couldn't wake me up. He started shaking me and my eyes opened. But I didn't see Light."
"You saw the men who kidnapped you," I guessed my stomach sinking as I tried to imagine what emotions were running through her head.
"I was terrified. I ran downstairs screaming for my parents or Sayu to tell them they were back. But I didn't see them either," her voice was a whisper. "I collapsed into sobbing ball and whenever they came near I screamed, calling them monsters. I woke up in the hospital; the drug was being pumped out of my system. After that, I couldn't deal with it anymore. All the hovering and concern. So I lied. I told them the nightmares stopped, and I got a bit of my life back." She snorted. "I guess that's over."
"Not necessarily," I disagreed. "You father fell asleep during surveillance. He did not see your nightmare or argument with Light." She slumped in relief.
"Thank God. I can't deal with another argument right now." Her eyes widened like she had just realized what she said. She began wringing her hands in her lap. "You're mad at me, aren't you?" she asked in a small voice.
"Mmm, no. I do not believe I am angry with you. I am slightly disappointed you behaved so recklessly, but I think Light, 'had I coming to him,'" I explained.
"You're not mad?" she asked with wonder.
"I believe I just reiterated that," responded, a trace of amusement in my voice. "Though, I am slightly concerned. I understand that therapy and medication did little for you in relieving yourself of nightmares, so there is very little that I can do. I will however listen to any concerns you have whether they relate to the Kira case or not. Watari is of course also ready to listen to anything you have to say," I added. She blinked at me, astounded before a wide smile broke across her face and in a fit of happiness she pulled me into an embrace.
"Thank you," she muttered into my shoulder as I mechanically responded to the unexpected hug.
"You are quite welcome," I answered stiffly. "I have become quite fond of your presence and would like you be as happy and safe as possible."
"You're so cheesy," she said while pulling away. "Now would you like me to write down all of my observations?"
"That would be ideal," I answered distractedly, nibbling on my thumb. Her eyes focused on my face. I immediately froze as she reached towards me, her hand heading towards my mouth. Reluctantly I allowed her hand to tug mine free from my mouth. She examined the thumb, a clinical expression on her face.
"Why do you do that?" she asked, continuing her examination.
"It helps me think," I responded easily as she ran her finger over my thumb, apparently completely at ease with the fact it had been in my mouth.
"You're going to make yourself bleed at this rate," she chided before releasing my hand. I brought my thumb to eye level, seeing that it was red and callused. I shrugged and after a moment replaced it in my mouth. I glanced back at Rei to see her giving me a strange look, one caught between laughter and chastisement. I raised an eyebrow and she shook her head slightly before beginning to record her observations.
~Matsuda's POV~
"What to do you think they're doing in there anyway," I asked, curiosity finally getting the better of me. Aizawa exhaled heavily and I winced preparing to be reprimanded.
"Ryuzaki told you, he's debriefing Rei. Now stop asking stupid questions and get back to work!" Aizawa almost yelled. Geez, that guy really needed to relax.
"I know that…but I was wondering if he was telling the truth…" I trailed off uncertainly. The Chief sighed.
"What do you think they are doing, Matsuda?" the Chief questioned, humoring me.
"Uhh…" I responded flushing. "Well um, don't you guys think, that uh, maybe Ryuzaki…might…like um Rei?" They all stared at me like I had just said Ryuzaki was an alien bent on using cake to gain World Domination.
"No."
"No."
"No."
Yeesh even Mogi had said no.
"Yeah, but didn't you see how he was glaring at me earlier!" I insisted.
"Because you were being an idiot," Aizawa insulted.
"Because I hugged Rei!" I argued. "And why else does he talk to Rei so much? I saw him smile at her the other day!"
"Matsuda even Ryuzaki smiles. He smiled the first day we met him remember? And every time Watari brings out cake," Aizawa said skeptically.
"But it would be so romantic…." I said dreamily. Aizawa cuffed me on the back of the head. "Ow," I muttered rubbing my head. The Chief sighed again.
"Matsuda, you need to understand that Rei and Ryuzaki's relationship is strictly professional. Rei isn't even eighteen yet," The Chief's expression suddenly turned dark. "And there is no way my daughter is ever going to marry someone in law enforcement. Not even if they're the world's greatest detective." I inched away from the Chief's scary expression and almost ran in to Watari.
"Watari can back me up!" I exclaimed. "Right, Watari?" Watari peered at us over his mustache.
"While I do not know the extent of Ryuzaki's affection towards Rei, her happiness is very important to him," Watari conceded.
"See!" I said, pumping my fist. Aizawa, Mogi, and the Chief all glanced at the door leading to the room Rei and Ryuzaki were in.
~Rei's POV~
L was peering at me over the rim of his teacup, obviously deep in thought about something. It was seriously freaking me out. L already had an intense gaze, but this was making it way worse. Unable able to take it any longer, I met his eyes and put my pen down.
"Yes?" I asked with an eye roll.
"What is your relationship with Matsuda," he asked bluntly. I raised an eyebrow. Well that certainly came out of nowhere. I picked up the pen hitting it on my pursed lips, while searching for an answer.
"Well, he's a friend and a coworker. We both started working around the same time and got stuck doing all the easy work. You know, like coffee runs and making copies and picking up files. That sort of thing." I laughed. "The first time I met him, he was trying to make the coffee maker work, but somehow he managed to get the cord tangled in the blender and shredded the wires. That was a fun trip to the department store." L gazed at me somberly for a moment before speaking again.
"Do you have a," L paused searching for the right word. When he did find it, he said it with distaste. "Boyfriend," he finished flatly.
"Nope," I answered easily. "But really you should have figured that out from listening to me talk with Sayu."
"I could not be sure if she was exaggerating or not or if you were lying to her. However, I seriously doubt you have never engaged in a romantic affair with anyone." L reached towards the remains of my breakfast, which was the rest of my tea. I rolled my eyes again before shoving it towards him. Well at least L didn't believe I had any horrible fatal diseases.
"Is it really that hard to believe? I bet you've never dated anyone either," I criticized.
"That is more from a lack of opportunity and proper social skills," L retorted.
"Aha! So you do know you have no social skills!" L merely smiled back. He suddenly seemed to reach a conclusion though.
"So you and Matsuda…"
"Are not a couple," I finished firmly. "I love Matsuda, but not like that."
"I see…" L's mood suddenly seemed to improve dramatically. "I believe we should rejoin the rest of the task force." I nodded.
"Okay." We both stood up and headed for the door pulling it open only to have Matsuda and Aizawa fall at our feet. A few feet behind them, were Dad and Mogi looking slightly embarrassed despite their normal stoic appearance.
"What just happened?" I asked L. he stared down at Matsuda who flushed.
"I believe it would be wiser not to ask." And with that, he stepped over the bodies on the floor, calmly returning to the investigation.
~Author's Note~
The only real note I have on this chapter is that Ukita is not here because he is at the police station. That's it. Now I'm going to complain about my personal life.
I'm an insomniac. It sucks. All you guys probably think it makes you cool like L when really, it just sucks. Especially because after a certain time at night I need to be in bed with the lights off which means I can't do anything productive except curse and stare at my ceiling.
Oh and it's raining here. A lot. I live in bloody southern California and it's raining. Thunder and lightening status. Pretty intense. Now for some self-praise.
I am the world's best multitasker. I'm taking all accelerated classes (except PE), maintaining A's in those classes, doing choir, doing swim team, doing a church program, watching three different animes and getting three or four eps in every other day (FMA Brotherhood, the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, and Sailor Moon) and writing this. I gasp at my own impressiveness. Bow before me mortals!
And onto you guys. I switched over to PMing unless you're anonymous. Then I'll address you below.
Mega –Chan: haha sorry no chocolate this time either.
Ailia Sparrowhawk: You are not an evil witch! You are a writer's dream reviewer. You very politely told me what you didn't like and how to fix it in the future. I agree that canon Light would not behave this way, but I had to make Light seem slightly human so I can completely trash him later without feeling like I'm being unfair. Light's concern towards Rei is being based off the assumption that if Light had a very close sibling he would at least try to keep up the relationship before completely given into Kira. That was my thought process anyway. Light is overprotective of Rei which is why he sees her as more fragile than she actually is. And you inspired the argument at the top! I was already planning on having Light and Rei drift apart but after rereading my work I decided this would be better because it pushes Rei closer to L more quickly. Thank you very much for the review! It does so much to improve my work!