Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age (though I wish I did). I only own my own characters and extra ideas I put into the story.

Chapter 1 – The beginning

"Are you all right? Say something, please!" Sylverin awoke to the voice of her friend. Her head was spinning and she felt like vomiting. Was this how a hangover felt like? Well, she wouldn't know, but she had heard Anders talking about it and this situation really felt like what had been described then.

"Jowan? Is that you?" She didn't open her eyes. Sylverin could see the strong light of magical candles through her closed eyelids and didn't want to look into them. She turned onto her side and slowly started getting off the bed.

"I'm glad you're all right. They carried you in this morning. I didn't even realise you'd been gone all night. I've heard about apprentices who never come back from their Harrowing. Is it really that dangerous? What was it like?"

"When did I say I was 'all right'?" she asked, as she finally opened her eyes slowly, now sitting on her bed looking up at Jowan. "It was… harrowing… But I honestly don't want to talk about it…" the memories of the Pride demon looking down on her still made her feel really bad. She had been almost caught off-guard. What was it thanks to, that she hadn't become an abomination? Her willpower? Her magic? Neither seemed possible for her, and yet, something had prevented the demon from taking over her body.

"If you wish. But Irving would like to speak to you. He is waiting in his office. You better not keep him waiting." Jowan said, looking a bit disappointed.

"No way… I might puke all over the place and now I have to walk up to his office? Argh, I love this…"

"Don't complain. You passed your Harrowing and you are officially a mage now. Considering your age, it is pretty amazing!" complimenting her as he pulled Sylverin up into a standing position.

"If only Anders was here…"

"But he is not. Don't act like a spoiled child. Go on, walk up! The First Enchanter is waiting for you."

"Right…" Sylverin took a deep breath and left the apprentice quarters. Walking was easy enough, but the constant feeling of butterflies in her stomach didn't help. Good thing she hadn't eaten anything for quite a while now, because then she'd really have had something to puke out. She walked past the library on the second floor, her favourite place in the whole tower. This was the place of knowledge, the place where she spent most of her time, especially after the window incident. As she was passing through she suddenly saw something unusual. There was a man standing there, surrounded by female mage apprentices and mages. He wasn't a mage, and definitely wasn't a templar, considering that his armour was just a simple Splint Mail Armour, as templars usually wore heavy armour. He seemed desperate to get away from the girls surrounding him, but couldn't quite manage. He was smiling awkwardly but his eyes were not smiling at all. No, they were showing some great sadness. Was it only Sylverin who could see that? It was true that the mages didn't often get to see outsiders, but to be so ignorant…

"What's happening?" she walked over to one of the mages.

"There's a Grey Warden here, and he's his recruit. So handsome!"

"Erm… Okay…" These girls must have been imagining things. There was no way a Grey Warden would be in the Circle tower. Yes, occasional visitors, surely, but Grey Wardens? Not a chance. Sylverin shook her head and decided that getting to Irving was more important at that moment. She quickly left and met Cullen on her way. It wasn't a good thing. Seeing the man in his heavy templar armour made her remember the horrors of her Harrowing again and the feeling of sickness came upon her again.

"Are… are you all right?" the man asked worrying.

"Yes, yes. I'm just still not completely over the Harrowing…"

"You were gr… great, you… you know. Yours was the fa…fastest Harrowing I've e… ever se…seen."

"Well, thank you… But why are you stuttering?"

"What? I-I'm fine. I... uh, I'm just glad to see you're alright, you know? Th-they picked me as the templar to strike the killing blow if... if you became an abomination. I-It's nothing personal; I swear!"

"Would you really have struck me down?"

"I would have felt terrible about it... But... but I serve the Chantry and the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded."

"I… I should be going now! I have to see Irving. And I shouldn't be distracting you from your duties either. I'm sorry."

"Oh, you are not distracting me. I mean, you are, but… you are not… I mean, you can come and talk to me anytime you'd like."

Sylverin giggled and Cullen blushed deeply. "Thank you! I'll see you later then!" she said as she ran towards Irving's office. An interesting conversation awaited her there.

"Many have already gone to Ostagar: Wynne, Uldred and most of the senior mages. We've committed enough of our own to this war effort." Greagoir said to Irving in an annoyed voice.

"Your own? Hm! Since when have you felt such kinship with the mages, Greagoir? Or are you afraid to let the mages out from under Chantry supervision, where they can actually use their Maker-given powers?" apparently the old mage knew how to annoy templars. Irving's answer had a very strong effect on Greagoir.

"How dare you suggest…" Greagoir started, but was cut off by a third man, standing next to the two quarrelling old men.

"Gentleman, please! Irving, someone is here to see you."

Irving and Greagoir finally realised that Sylverin was standing in the doorway looking at them shyly.

"You… sent for me, First Enchanter?" she asked quietly, not really understanding the situation she had stumbled across.

"Ah, if it isn't our new sister in the Circle. Come, child." Irving said, as he walked closer to her.

"This is…" the other man asked.

"Yes. This is she." Irving answer made Sylverin shiver a bit.

"Well, Irving, you are obviously busy. We will discuss this later." Greagoir said, as he left the room.

"Of course. Well then… Where was I? Oh yes! This is Duncan, of the Grey Wardens."

"A Grey Warden? In the tower?" Sylverin asked in a surprised voice.

"Grey Warden's go wherever duty sends them." Duncan answered.

"You've heard about the war brewing to the south, I expect?" Irving asked. "Duncan is recruiting mages to join the King's army at Ostagar."

"Who are we fighting?" the little elven girl asked with honest curiosity. She didn't really get too much information on current events, only gossip.

"The darkspawn threat grows in the south. We need all the help we can get." Duncan answered.

"What do you mean?"

"The power you mages wield is an asset to any army. Your spells are very effective against large groups of mindless darkspawn. I fear if we don't drive them back, we may see another Blight."

"Duncan, you worry the poor girl with talk of Blights and darkspawn. This is a happy day for her." Irving interrupted.

"We live in troubled times, my friend." Duncan answered.

"We should seize moments of levity, especially in troubled times." With that Irving now looked at Sylverin. "The Harrowing is behind you. You phylactery was sent to Denerim. You are officially a mage within the Circle of Magi!"

"Thank you, First Enchanter." She did not want to say anything mean to him, even though she felt like screaming. No matter how difficult it was, she knew they'd never let her out of the tower. She wanted freedom, more than anything, and still, even after almost dying, she couldn't leave. She knew that too well, from Anders. And so, the only thing left for her was to play the good girl as she had before.

"I present you with your robes, your staff, and a ring bearing the Circle's insignia. Wear them proudly, for you have earned them."

"Thank you." Sylverin had never liked the robes. She couldn't really move in them, as they were too tight. And she also hated the staffs. For her, using her hands was a much more comfortable method of controlling the mana around her than if she used a staff. It felt more natural. But she wouldn't say that to the First Enchanter. What kind of mage would she be if she did? No, keeping quiet was what she'd done until that moment and it would be what she would do now.

"Now then, take your time to rest, or study in the library. The day is yours."

"I will do that." She said respectfully.

"I will return to my quarters." Duncan stated.

"Would you be so kind as to escort Duncan back to his room, child?" Irving asked.

"Of course."

"And we should find my companion as well. I'm sure he will need some rest too." Duncan mentioned.

"He was in the library when I came here. I'm sure he's still there." Sylverin said thinking.

"Then let us go."

Sylverin left with Duncan, but not before her eyes caught a few books on blood magic on the first enchanter's bookshelves. Why would he need those? Well, it wasn't something for her to worry about, so she just kept going towards the library. Her stomach was still very upset and the constant feeling of sickness was very disturbing. She could still find the strength to have a conversation with Duncan about the darkspawn and the Grey Wardens. If only he could recruit her… She'd be able to get free from this prison.

As they were on their way toward the library, they met the recruit.

"Duncan! Thank the Maker I finally managed to find you. These girls are like a nightmare. No offence, my lady." he said, as he looked at Sylverin with an apologetic smile.

"It's all right. I know how bad they can be with visitors to the tower." She said with an understanding look.

"They are worse than the darkspawn…" he sighed.

"A girlspawn." Sylverin said, giggling. "But I must leave now. I have to move my things to the mages' quarters." she said, making a small curtsy and then rushing away. The feeling of sickness still hadn't left and she desperately needed some air. She went to the library to find a window and breathed in deeply. "I hate my life..." she sighed.

The rest of the day went by quickly. Sylverin spent most of her time packing and reading. She occasionally caught sight of Duncan and his recruit, but never engaged them in a conversation.

"Dinnertiiiime!" Jowan came into her new room where she was just lying on her bed feeling as if the world was spinning around her.

"Go away…" she turned to the wall.

"Come on! I'm hungry, and you need food as well. You haven't eaten anything today."

"So?"

"Sooooooo, you need to eat and regain your energy."

"I'm not hungry." she said, but a loud sound from her stomach betrayed her. "Fine, I am, but I can't eat."

"You don't know until you try."

"Oh, believe me, I know."

"Get up!" he became impatient. This of course didn't mean much to Sylverin, but she was too exhausted to argue with him in her state. She slowly got out of her bed and let him help her up. "And now we go to the Main Hall. Good girl!" he patted her head.

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't be with me."

"Anders is missing and nobody else wants to talk to me."

"Oi."

"Hehe, sorry."

They went up to the Main Hall where there was a huge table prepared. Two tables for mages and apprentices, one for Enchanters and Duncan and his recruit and then another for the Templars and priests. Dinner was difficult. Sylverin felt sick about everything she saw, but Jowan made her eat anyway. Vomiting everything out in one go after dinner was hard to resist, but she managed, nonetheless.

The next day wasn't so good. It all started off with Jowan waiting for her at her door in the morning.

"I'm glad I caught you before breakfast. Do you have some time to talk?" he asked.

"Going through another personal crisis?"

"Very funny."

"Good morning to you too, by the way. How was your night?"

"I need to talk to you. I've been… troubled. I'll explain. Come with me, please."

He led her right to the chapel. She didn't understand anything of this situation and the fact that they stopped right in front of a priest didn't help a lot.

"We should be safe here." he said turning around.

"You do realise that there's a priest standing right here, right? And also, the chapel? The templars' favourite haunt?" she asked with scepticism in her voice.

"Not a priest. I am merely an initiate. And we can see when someone comes in from here." the priest said. She was tall, only a bit shorter than Jowan. She looked trustworthy enough and Jowan looked like he would trust her with his life. Now all that was left was to know what was happening.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Jowan, what's going on here?" Sylverin turned to her friend.

"A few months ago, I told you that I… met a girl. This is Lily." he answered blushing.

"Erm… Could you wait here a few seconds, while I commit suicide?" Sylverin asked and turned around.

"Wait! This is serious." Jowan said as he took her arm and hold her tightly.

"I know! This is a serious problem! She works for the Chantry! She has taken vows! And you are a damned mage. This is not only forbidden, but crazy as well." She had ideas about how the chantry would react to something like this. And she wanted to take no part in it.

"Please, listen to us first!" Lily begged desperately. And for the Maker's sake, how could Sylverin say no, when her friend was also looking at her with those puppy eyes that always worked so perfectly. That heartbroken shimmer glowing in his eyes that made her feel as if she was betraying him. He might have been a bad mage, but he was good at controlling people.

"Oh fine! What's the problem?"

"They are… going to make me tranquil.' Jowan said. And what scared Sylverin was that it looked as if he had known this for a long time. His whole face looked as if he just got rid of some kind of a burden that was killing him from the inside. But he was serious. She could tell. What he said was true, and Lily knew it as well, as she didn't seem surprised by it. "They'll take every thing away from me! My dreams, hopes, fears… my love for Lily. All gone…"

"How… How did you find out about this?" Sylverin asked shocked.

"I saw the documents on Greagoir's table. It authorised the Rite on Jowan, and Irving had signed it." Lily answered.

"Why would they do this to you?" the little elven girl still couldn't believe this. What she had been afraid of might happen to her for so long was going to be done to her best friend. That couldn't be!

"There's a rumour about me… People think I'm a blood mage. They think that making me a circle mage will endanger everyone." Jowan answered ashamed.

"What? That can't be! It's not true, is it?" Sylverin didn't want to believe it. She has never heard the rumours, but wanted to make sure. Doubting a friend was not nice, she'd never done it before, but this was important.

"Of course not! But we need to escape. I need to destroy my phylactery. Without it, they can't track me down. We need your help. Lily and I can't do this on our own."

"Give us your word that you will help and we will tell you what we intend." Lily said.

"You don't give me much choice in this… Do you have any idea how long it took me to earn the faith of Greagoir and the First Enchanter after all my escape attempts?" Sylverin didn't know what to do. She wanted to help, but was afraid to make a move against Irving who had helped her so much in the past few years.

"I understand your problem, but if I stay, I'm dead. You are the only person we can trust." Jowan voice was full of fear and Sylverin knew what she had to do.

"I will help." her voice was trembling. Her fear was obvious. Yet, she still accepted her friend's request.

"Thank you! We will never forget this!" Lily said. Sylverin didn't like her. It was the first time they'd talked and her first impression wasn't good. Yes, maybe Lily was a good person, but from what Sylverin has seen, wasn't anything good so far.

They discussed their plan. Sylverin was to get a fire rod so they could get into the repository. There they were supposed to be able to find the phylactery and destroy it without any problem.

The first part of the plan was successful. Sylverin got the fire rod without much problem. Every Enchanter knew she was Irving's star student, and the form Owain asked to be signed was signed within minutes. What was left after that was to get into the Repository. The first door they tried was locked. The second activated the Sentinels protecting the Repository. Sylverin and the other two had to fight their way to the repository which proved to be quite difficult. They managed however and soon they reached the repository. Sylverin got stuck at one statue, slowing the others down quite a bit with her fascination of Tevinter history. The statue of Eleni Zinovia talked to them and while Sylverin found it fascinating, her two companions feared it. They left the statue and got into the phylactery chamber with a bit of manoeuvring. They had to move a bookcase and strengthen the fire-rod's powers using an artefact. But they managed. The party was attacked in the phylactery chamber too, but after the fight they finally managed to find Jowan's phylactery which was destroyed without a problem. They decided to head back to the apprentice quarters. Unfortunately they ran into trouble there.

"We did it! I can't believe it! Thank you. We could never have…" but Jowan was cut off by Greagoir who walked into the room with Irving, where they came up from the basement.

"So, what you said was true." Greagoir walked towards them and Sylverin found herself trembling with fear, greater than any she has ever felt before. The look in the templar's eyes and in Irving's eyes was something she'd never seen before.

"Greagoir…" Lily started to panic.

"An initiate conspiring with a blood mage… I'm disappointed, Lily. She seems shocked, but fully in control of her own mind. Not under the control of the blood mage then. You were right Irving. The initiate has betrayed us. The Chantry will not let this go unpunished. And this one." He pointed at Sylverin, who took a step back. "Newly a mage and already breaking the rules of the Circle!"

"I am disappointed in you. You could have told me what you knew of this plan and you didn't." Sylverin felt horrible. Irving didn't shout at her, he said all this calmly, his eyes looking at her, filled with disappointment.

"You don't care for the mages! You just bow to the Chantry's every wish!"

"Jowan! The first enchanter does what he can to protect us!" Sylverin just couldn't shut up. Well, not that it mattered at that time.

"Enough! As Knight Commander of the templars here assembled, I sentence this blood mage to death! And this initiate… Take her to Aeonar."

"Th… The mage's prison… No! Please no! Not there!" now it was Lily's turn to take a few steps back.

"NO! I won't let you touch her!" as Jowan said that he took a knife out of his back pocket and stabbed his hand. He cast a spell, causing everyone to lose consciousness.

"By the Maker! Blood magic! How could you… You said you never…" Lily backed away.

"I admit I dabbled. I thought it would make me a better mage."

"Blood magic is evil, Jowan. It corrupts people. Changes them."

"I'm going to give it up! All magic! I just want to be with you Lily! Please come with me!"

"I trusted you… I was ready to sacrifice everything for you… I don't know who you are, Blood Mage! Stay away from me!"

Jowan looked heartbroken. He looked at Sylverin, but she shook her head.

"What are you waiting for? Run!" she whispered tears flowing down her cheeks. She felt betrayed. All she wanted was for Jowan to leave the tower and get to somewhere safe. To run away from this nightmare that he had brought her into. And so he did. She had no idea what awaited her, but she did not want to share it with her friend. Was he even her friend? He had lied to her, had kept secrets from her. And had expected her help. Sylverin, at that moment, did not care about herself anymore. She ran to Irving and tried to wake him up.

"Are you all right?" he asked her after waking up. "Where is Greagoir?"

"I knew it! Blood magic! But to overcome so many! I never thought him capable of such power!" Greagoir said standing up slowly.

"Jowan said he wasn't a blood mage. He lied to me…" Sylverin said quietly.

"None of us expected this. Are you all right Greagoir?"

"As good as to be expected given the circumstances! Where is the girl?"

"I… I am here, sir." Lily said backing away a bit.

"You helped a blood mage! Look at all he's hurt!"

"Lily didn't know he was a blood mage." Sylverin tried to protect her.

"You've been a good friend, but you needn't defend me any longer. Knight Commander… I- I was wrong. I helped a blood mage. I accept any punishment. Even Aeonar."

"Get her out of my sight!" Greagoir shouted.

"How can you say that?" Sylverin snapped at Lily. "You said you loved him! He did all this to protect you, because he loved you, but you can just send him away like that? What kind of love is that? He was ready to sacrifice everything for you and yet you sound like you were the only one who was about to do that! I hate people like you…" Sylverin said with tears in her eyes. So she hadn't been wrong when she'd thought Lily wasn't a good person. Sylverin could love Jowan, even after being betrayed.

"You helped the blood mage escape!" Greagoir shouted at her. The whole tower was probably shaking from that much screaming and shouting.

"And I stand by my decision!"

"All our prevention measures are for nought because of you!"

"I don't care. If this is what it takes him to be free, it's worth it. Anything is better than this cage." She had absolutely no emotion in her voice. Like a tranquil. An empty shell. Betrayed, left alone.

"Take her to the Dungeons. You'll learn respect soon enough. If you thought that the tower was a cage until now, you'll see just how wrong you were!" Greagoir snapped. And Sylverin has no strength to do anything about it.

"Greagoir! You can't d…." Irving started protesting, but was cut off by Greagoir.

"I am the Knight Commander and it is my Duty to see that the tower is safe. This girl is a threat and I will teach her how to be respectful and how to understand her place!"

"She is only a child!"

"Well, it's time for her to grow up."

Sylverin didn't know how long she was in the dungeon. She was only starting to feel the pain now. Something strangely tickling, but accompanied with a sharp pain at the same time at her scapula was the most painful. She couldn't feel any other part of her back anymore, but she did feel the warmth of her own blood there. She felt like a puppet. A lifeless being, thrown away by its owners. Had life always been so difficult? When had it become so tiring that she did not want to live it anymore? All she wanted was freedom and a family. Why couldn't that be given? Why did she have to become a mage, an elven one at that?

Sylverin opened her ocean blue eyes and slowly looked around. She was lying in the corner of a room. She heard faint voices around her, but could not recognise them. There was a sudden, loud sound, as if a door was opening. Then the warmth of a body, holding her up. Who was it?

She did not know.

Her sight was blurry, probably from blood loss and this warmth was so welcomed. She couldn't help herself, she fell back into darkness again.