"Don't tell me you've gained weight recently; I thought you changed up your workout routine," Natasha teased as she helped Yelena up the stairs, dragging her along to their shared room so that she could get some rest.

Yelena scoffed, offended at the mere implication she was out of shape. "I have you know if I had any gains, it was pure muscle."

"Sure, I believe you," Natasha continued, quick to grin when Yelena rolled her eyes.

After their short discussion with Kate in the gym, it was clear that Yelena had worked herself to the bone, and the dark circles under her eyes indicated that even though Yelena had been lying with Natasha at night, she hadn't been sleeping much. Natasha hoped to pull some information out of Yelena about what was going on so she could help, but she wouldn't be surprised if Yelena fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow. Either way, Nat was ready to be there for her. She already felt guilty enough not having noticed the signs earlier.

"I want you to change into something more comfortable. Preferably some shorts. Do you think you feel strong enough to do that?" Natasha asked in her ear when they finally reached the room, asking her the sensitive question quietly out of habit, the need to protect Yelena's dignity present despite knowing they were alone. She really liked Kate, but she was glad to have this time to themselves.

"I'm tired, not dead," Yelena reminded, pulling away from Natasha to try and prove a point.

But Natasha watched her walk away, the way she limped and staggered over to the dresser. As if having to help her up the stairs wasn't enough, this proved to Natasha that this had been going on for longer than just today. It doesn't take only a couple of hours of dancing to get into a state like that. Natasha would know.

"You have a sprained ankle," Natasha pointed out, her voice matter of factly, but she didn't stop Yelena from changing. Instead, she turned her back and waited for her to finish, mentally kicking herself hard for all the things she'd missed.

Yelena bit her tongue as she struggled to pull on shorts while standing on her better leg, refusing to admit that Natasha was right. She had been stupid, but that didn't mean she'd admit her faults. "I'm fine, Romanoff. 'tis but a scratch."

"Hm." Natasha smiled a little, her mind drifting to their many movie nights playing catch up together. Movie references became a typical occurrence in Yelena's arsenal of quips, and she couldn't help but think fondly of it. As frustrating as they sometimes were. "Let me know when you're finished struggling so we can talk." Yelena let out a breath from behind her, and Natasha knew it was because she didn't want to talk about it. But she needed to. Yelena knew that too.

"You're good now."

Natasha turned around in time to see Yelena bow with a dramatic flourish.

Yelena smiled widely, her stance, slanted as it was, cocky. "See? I can dress myself like a good girl."

"Yeah, yeah, good for you." Natasha walked over to her sibling and tucked her hand behind Yelena's shoulder, gently leading her over to the bed. "Lay down, Yelena. You need to get off your feet."

"Yelena, huh?" The Russian hopped up on the bed with a soft grunt before leaning against the pillows with a guilty smile. "Guess there's no use for a fond nickname right now, is there?"

Natasha exhaled through her nose, pressing her lips tightly together before she took a seat on Yelena's right side near her legs. "I'm sorry, Rooskaya. I promise I'm not upset with you."

"I know." Yelena opened her mouth to say more, but before she could, Natasha had slid down her sock slightly and started examining it. Her jaw clenched and her head tilted back into the pillow, seething pain she didn't feel before shooting up her leg like a rocket. "Dang it..." Her voice came out shaky and breathy, hardly trying to hide the pain she was in. There was no point.

"Sorry." Natasha gently brushed her thumbs up and down Yelena's swollen ankle before she drew closer and switched to rubbing Yelena's sore calves. "Do you think we need to go to the lab and get you checked out?"

"Uh-uh." Yelena's eyes drifted close as she practically melted into Natasha's soft touch. "I have you. And I don't trust the doctors here."

Natasha kneaded her knuckles into Yelena's leg muscles, willing to, at least for now, give Yelena a chance to not think about what had happened. "That's right. You've got me." Nat leaned down and pressed a playful kiss to her knee before she carefully climbed over her and continued the process on the other leg. "At least you understand how cool your big sister is."

"Didn't say you were cool." Yelena gently kicked the underside of Natasha's knee, earning a scowl from hitting a particularly ticklish spot. "I merely implied it."

"Oh, I see how it is." Natasha shook her head, smiling fondly at Yelena's ability to bounce back. "Well, I take your implication as a compliment."

Yelena tilted her head and watched Natasha as she stood from the bed and replaced herself next to her, that same stupid smile still plastered on her face.

"How are you feeling?"

"Ugh." The assassin grabbed onto the Avenger and tugged her down to her level, bringing Natasha into an impromptu cuddle session whether she wanted to or not. "You know I hate that question."

"Figured I might as well try, you know?"

Yelena's hand slipped up to hold the back of her neck, mirroring Natasha's actions from earlier.

Natasha let herself relax into her touch, pressing against Yelena's shoulder and bringing her arms around her waist. Yelena knew she couldn't say no to this, and Natasha hated that she was right. But, at the very least, she knew Yelena wanted this too, and she wasn't about to take that away from her. Not yet.

There was no telling how long they stayed that way. But when Yelena finally spoke up, quiet as it was, Natasha had to completely tense her body to prevent herself from jumping out of her skin.

"What did I do to her, Nat? Katie could barely even look me in the eyes... I didn't mean to hurt her..."

Natasha sighed through her nose before she leaned over and pressed a kiss behind Yelena's ear, whispering there against her head, "Are you sure you want to do this to yourself? It's not your fault."

"I need to know." Yelena's fingernails dug into Natasha's sides at the hazy memory of the look on Kate's face after she had... well, she didn't know. Her head hurt when she tried to remember anything that had happened while in her trance. "Tell me. I can take it."

"Yelena..."

"Please."

She tried so hard to stop her voice from shaking, but she couldn't. Yelena thought she could control it this way, but the horrible truth was that she was a danger to everyone in the compound. The only reason she'd allowed herself to be this way with Natasha was that she knew that, in the end, Natasha could contain her. She knew all of her secrets, all of her moves, and everything that made her tick.

Natasha was the only person she trusted right now. But that didn't mean she didn't care about what had happened. Even if the person Yelena had put in danger was her rival. She couldn't tell Kate this, but at this point, she didn't know what she'd do without her. Who else was she supposed to make fun of on a daily basis?

"Okay, fine. I'll tell you. But it is not your fault. Kate doesn't blame you either. She knew something was wrong." Natasha tried not for the first time to drill that into her brain, not even giving Yelena a chance to think otherwise. It took her years to come to terms with her own issues she couldn't control, but she didn't have a sister to look out for her then. Natasha wasn't about to let Yelena have the same experience.

"Alright," Natasha began, pulling away from her sister so she could look her in the eyes. "She told me that you were speaking Russian, but she didn't understand what you were saying."

"Sounds about right," Yelena deadpanned with a dry laugh before she tilted her head to encourage Natasha to get to the good part.

Natasha pressed her lips together, her heart beating faster against her chest. She didn't want to do this. "You... You choked her. But I promise I checked her myself for injuries! She's okay. You didn't hurt her."

But, despite the constant outpour of reassurance, Yelena fell deathly silent. Her stare was far off, and Natasha could almost see the gears in her head spinning.

What to say, what to say, what to say. How was Natasha supposed to make this any easier? Choking someone, whether you meant to or not, was personal. Yelena hadn't made Kate bleed, but that memory of seeing her friend's glazed-over eyes with her hands around her throat was something Kate was soon not to forget. No matter how many times she'd insist it was fine, Kate's shoulders were going to tense up in the assassin's presence. There was no sugar coating this.

Yelena had attacked someone in the compound.

"... Is there anything else?" the Russian muttered, avoiding Natasha's gaze like the plague.

"That's all she told me," Natasha answered honestly, holding there for a moment before she flipped onto her back, allowing Yelena the time she needed to process the situation without her staring. Phase two will have to be on the back burner for now.

Yelena's hand flexed at a distant memory, her eyes blinking rapidly to try and outrun her looming past. She had wanted to know, she needed to know, but now... the deed had already been done. There was no taking it back now. If only she wasn't such a fool and had come to Natasha sooner.

"You..." Yelena trailed off, licking her lips as she contemplated how to approach such a sensitive topic. "When I asked you... You never answered my question."

Natasha angled her neck to look at her, her eyes darting back and forth as she wracked her brain for a question Yelena had asked. She had just told her about what happened with Kate, so what else was she forgetting?

"When we got drinks... You know, after that Budapest incident?" Yelena cleared her throat before she rolled over to match Natasha's position. She found it easier to talk to the ceiling than straight to Natasha's face, as cowardly as that might sound. But right now, she didn't care. "I asked you... if you wanted kids. You didn't say anything, but... I know you wanted to."

"Yelena..." Natasha's heart sank even more than it already had as her mind began piecing things together. Of course, how could she be so stupid? "Is it-"

"I want to know." Yelena's arm raised to tuck behind her head, her gaze still locked onto the roof. "Did you have ambitions to be a mother?"

Natasha knew that her question was genuine and that she wasn't asking her to bring up bad memories or rub it in her face.

But that didn't make it hurt any less.

"Yes." Natasha's chest tightened as she tried to hold her voice steady, but her eyes betrayed her, and they began to water. "I still want to, I think. That instinct... It's still there, even though I know I can never have any of my own."

After a pause that lasted just long enough to be uncomfortable, Yelena finally turned back onto her side, and Natasha followed suit, expecting Yelena to need a hug again.

But what actually happened was the last thing she anticipated.

Yelena looked up at Natasha, her eyes flickering with remorse and a pinch of distant hatred. But not for Natasha. The assassin carefully moved down the bed, trying her best not to agitate her swollen ankle before her arms caved around Natasha, resting just above her hips. Her face buried against Natasha's stomach, and she did not miss the way her sister's abdomen clenched at her touch.

Natasha couldn't move. She wanted to hold Yelena, to give her the comfort she never got, but she didn't know what to do. Natasha now knew for certain what this was about. But even then, she didn't know what to do.

Yelena's head tilted slightly, and she pressed a gentle and intentional kiss through her shirt and to a scar Natasha donned just under her belly button. It hadn't been hard to find. Yelena had a matching one.

"It's weird," she began as she pressed her forehead more against her sister's stomach, a bitter yet quiet laugh spouting from her lips, "I never wanted to be a parent. That just wasn't something I desired. But for some reason, when the anniversary of the graduation ceremony comes around, things change. I become more sloppy. I become... cold."

"Yelena, it's-"

"I heard that, Americans, they have reunions after they graduate. They get together for a party and catch up after they had all grown old and fat. But all we get is pain. No special reunion for us, just mourning what never was." Yelena squeezed her eyes shut, her jaw clenching to keep the hot tears from falling. "I didn't even want to be a mother. So why is this happening to me? Why does this time of year always get to me? Wasn't the point of it to keep us from feeling...?"

Natasha's stomach heaved as she cried silently, thoughts of a younger and confused Yelena going through the same thing she had many years before. She could've saved her from this fate. She should've. Why didn't she fight harder?

"I'm sorry, Natasha," Yelena's voice broke through Natasha's self-hating wall like glass, easing her back into a much softer reality. "You would've made a great mother. And don't deserve to feel this way, I just... can't help it..."

"No. Stop!"

Yelena jumped back, startled by Natasha's sudden outburst, but the gentle hands that took hold of her face instantly reminded her of her previous state. Her eyes searched Natasha's, and there, although staring in the face of a blood-shot-eyed assassin, she found nothing but determination and love.

"Stop," Natasha repeated, much quieter this time as she carefully ran her thumbs across Yelena's cheeks. "The strongest person in the world could go through what we did, and they would still struggle with it."

Nodding along, Yelena raised her hands to hold onto her sister's wrists, wanting to keep her near. But that, she would never admit.

"But this isn't about me, Yelena." Natasha leaned in and kissed Yelena's forehead, remaining there just a moment longer than intended when Yelena gripped her arms tighter. "So listen carefully." Natasha let go of Yelena's face and moved away so she could make sure she was paying attention. She didn't miss the look of disappointment when her touch left her sister's skin. "You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to scream. You're allowed to do anything you need to do, as long as it's healthy, to get through this. You can talk to me."

Yelena's jaw quivered and shook, and her eyes reddened and burned with unshed tears. She could hear what she was saying, but there was always that voice in the back of her head that reminded her of who she was. Or, more accurately, who she used to be.

"So stop." Natasha replaced her hand on the Russian's face, and as soon as she did, Yelena leaned into her touch, the floodgates opening, and a watery kiss was pressed to Natasha's palm despite the heaving sobs racking Yelena's body. "Dancing like that is harmful; that's why they made us do it. It... It took me a long time to break that habit, so I get why you do it, but... I don't want you to. I want to help you." The Avenger moved over enough for Yelena to collapse onto her shoulder, and she took the opportunity to take hold of the back of her neck, knowing that she felt the safest in that position. Natasha leaned by her ear and finished her spiel: "You are allowed to feel. It doesn't matter what you wanted or didn't want before you were introducted to the Red Room. What matters is what they took from you. And I will never tell you aren't allowed to have feelings about something horrible that happened to you. Who would I be to say otherwise?"

Yelena pressed her head harder into Natasha's collarbone, desperate for her pain to be taken away. She knew it wasn't possible for Natasha to do that, but that didn't keep her childlike mind she'd revert to during her flashback episodes from still thinking so. For now, Yelena chose to believe Natasha could heal the hurt. Because without this assumption, she felt lost, floating in the darkness of space with no place to call home; sitting in an empty room as her own demons consumed her. It was warm here in Natasha's arms. Nothing could touch her. Nobody could take away what was left of her innocence when her sister was around.

As Yelena's heartbeat slowed and her tears dried up, Natasha finally let out a breath she hadn't known she was keeping in, satisfied with the result. Even with Clint, she never truly had the support she really needed when she escaped the Red Room. Her skillset was vast, but comforting someone with a past that mirrored her own somehow seemed impossible. Natasha found herself relying on an instinct that still seemed a little rusty: her sisterly one. It didn't matter if she found herself thinking it wasn't good enough. All that mattered was that Yelena felt safe with her, and nothing could compete with that.

"I thought..." Yelena's raspy voice caught them both off guard, but Yelena laughing under her breath was enough to make Natasha smile. "I thought speeches weren't your thing?"

"What can I say?" Natasha purposely nuzzled against Yelena's neck to make her laugh again, this time both louder and more Yelena-like. "You inspire me. Besides, I said they weren't my thing, not that I didn't know how."

"Fair enough." Yelena sighed deeply as her body began begging her to sleep, and she didn't have the strength to fight it. Instead, she pulled herself up and hooked her chin on Natasha's shoulder, smiling to herself as she thought about, despite everything, how lucky she was. She had an Avenger as a big sister. How cool is that?

"Thank you-" The Russian gently squeezed Natasha's middle, her eyes closing right before she drifted off into a much-needed sleep. "- for not giving up on me."