Visiting Hours: Chapter Two
"You again, huh?" I was grinning when I saw Chris sat waiting patiently for me in the visiting hall. He was wearing jeans and a casual shirt. We were way past the legal stuff now but Chris had kept visiting.
"Staying out of trouble?"
"Always little brother, always." He stood up to shake my hand before we sat down.
Chris looked at my knuckles and looked back up at my face. I knew it wouldn't take him long to notice. Screw law, this guy should have been a cop.
"Richie, you been fighting?" He said in annoyance.
I took the cigarette from behind my ear and lit it, blowing the smoke in his direction.
"It was self defence, your honour, I swear."
He waved my smoke away impatiently and I wondered when it was that he became the grown up who felt he had to take care of me. I wondered if I'd ever felt like I had to take care of him. It always seemed like he'd been able to take care of himself.
"Well, let's hope you don't have to say that for real."
He was always worrying about nothing. I told him so; told him he should chill out and that he'd give himself an ulcer.
"One of us has got to worry, ass hat." Chris looked tired which wasn't like him. Since he'd put 500 miles between himself and the old man, he'd look nothing but refreshed.
"You hung over, man? You ain't looking so hot."
"I didn't touch a drop last night," he said. "It was Gordie's party, remember? " I remembered now. Chris had told me in one of his letters there was a party but he'd also said he wasn't going.
"So you went in the end?" I asked. "At Gordie's parents house, right? Doesn't sound like a whole barrel of laughs."
Chris shrugged and then kinda smiled. "It was a nice night."
I knew that look. It had been a while, but I certainly knew it.
"You hooked up with someone, didn't you?" I sat up straighter. As sad as it was, my little brother's love life was as exciting as it got for me in here.
"Hey, no, stop it." Chris threw a look around the room like someone here might overhear and actually give a shit. It was just like him to wanna protect some chick's honour. Surely, all chicks know every score is fair game for bragging?
"Listen, man, they don't even let you have girly mags in here, so help a brother out. Did you score or not?"
"No…no I didn't….I just, met an old friend is all…"
And then he got his Nina look on, and I started to worry. Mother of God, I did not want to be the object of Ace's anger again. We had done the Chris and Nina dance too many times.
"Tell me you did not spend last night with Christina Merrill."
Chris shrugged. He had always been a shitty liar.
"Well…she was there…"
"Chris, man, you are gonna get the both of us killed," I hissed at him. "She is a married woman!"
"Chill, Richie, nothing happened…I didn't think she'd be there. Gordie told me Ace probably wasn't gonna let her come so I turned up but she was there- with her son, okay?"
I started to relax.
"Chris listen, she's Ace's wife, it's been years man…you have to let her go."
He looked old suddenly, and sad, so sad that if we were anywhere else I might have been tempted to hug him. Tempted. I doubt I'd do it.
I waited for him to speak and when he finally did, he said;
"I've been trying to, man. I have. I moved states so I didn't have to run into her, I never show up at Gordie's without calling, and it had been 3 years man- I thought I'd handle it better seeing as it's been so long…"
By the look on his face, he had handled it at all.
"So what happened?"
Chris eyed me warily and I put up my hands.
"Look, Ace might have been my best friend but he hasn't visited me once since I've been in this hole and I wouldn't waste a stamp on him right now." This was the truth too. I had always sided with Ace before but not this time. I remembered who had written and visited; my baby brother sitting across from me. But at the same time, I didn't need Ace on my back.
"Nothing happened." Chris sighed. "You know the thing I used to want most was to get the hell out of Castle Rock? Now all I want to do is come home."
I snorted. He had college, a job, a whole new life and identity in California. In Castle Rock, he was just one of those no good Chambers kids.
"Don't be stupid man. What the hell is there for you back home?"
He looked at me and he didn't need to say the words. Nina was there.
"You know, I thought I was in love once?" I said thoughtfully. "Eliza Salles- blonde, beautiful, legs up to here," I motioned with my hands and Chris gave me a look.
"Not one of the things you just said makes me think you were in love with her," he said.
"How so?"
"Cause all you talked about is how she looked."
"Well, she smelled great too, like french perfume or some shit-"
"How did it end?" He cut in. I shrugged.
"Her family moved to New Jersey."
"And?"
"And what?"
"And she moved away and you got right back on the horse with the first girl that looked your way."
I grinned at him. He knew me well.
"Something like that."
He looked at the table for a second before he met my eyes again.
"I didn't sleep with a girl for 8 months after I moved to California. And it was about 18 months since I split with Nina."
I gawked at him. What was this kid going for, priesthood?
"Why?"
"Because I couldn't get her out of my mind. Because all I could remember was how she tasted, and how she felt in my arms. "
I was going to start ragging on him, the old me definitely would have, but instead, I felt kind of curious.
"How did you know you were in love with her?"
Chris leaned back and sighed heavily.
"We haven't got a lot of time, Richie. This is what you wanna talk about?"
"Well, hell, I ain't got much else for you," I said honestly. "Still the same amount of bars on my cell. I ate the same thing for breakfast I have had every morning since I been here. But I can tell you again if you want."
He considered this, and then he leaned in closer to me.
"I knew I felt something for her when I saw her one night in the Blue Point. Her step dad had wailed on her- she didn't have a coat, and it was raining. All I wanted to do was go over and hug her."
I batted away his comment with my hand.
"You hug everybody. I saw you hug Old Lady Granville next door once." Mrs Granville had hated all of us except Chris.
"Her husband had just died, you moron. And you're not letting me get to the point."
"Alright, go on."
"Well, I don't think loving her was one day, or one action, but lots of little things."
"Like what?"
He thought about this.
"Well…the way she always said 'hey' when we woke up together…her hair would be messy and I'd know I was the only person who got to see her that way. She always made me a coffee if she was up before me without me having to ask. And if our song came on at a party or at the diner, her eyes would always find mine and she'd smile. Haven't you ever been with someone who you know you'd do anything for?"
I scratched my head.
"There's some I'd have done anything to get in their pants?"
Chris rolled his eyes.
"And she was kind in small ways. She made friends with this shy girl on the bus who never spoke to anyone before Nina talked to her. We had a kid in our class that kept getting picked on- you know the type -wears glasses, kinda quiet- and you could bet she would tell guys twice her size to shut the hell up if she overheard it."
I was starting to think Nina Willis sounded a lot like Chris. This little punk would get himself killed for a stranger without thinking twice. I had never really seen that side of Nina. She was always just Ace's girl and Ace had never talked about her like this.
"She listened to me- and she fought to listen to me-she didn't accept it when I told her I was 'okay' and she knew that I wasn't. And she never judged me for being a Chambers. She didn't care that I was Eyeball's kid brother-"
"Hey!" I protested. "My reputation has kept you afloat, you little punk." But I was grinning. I knew what he meant. I'd heard plenty of chicks fathers tell them 'not with that boy, you don't. He comes from a bad family.' Lucky for me, that was a turn on for most broads.
"You know, when she went back to Ace I felt like my right arm had been cut off," Chris said quietly. "And then I learned to live with it. But last night it was like, I remembered what it was like to have both arms…and now I guess I have to get used to living without it all over again."
I watched him carefully, this brother of mine that I had so little in common with.
"Give me your arm." I held out my hand for his, and he looked confused. "Just give me it."
He extended his right arm and in lieu of being able to punch him in it without my visit being ended, I took the skin and twisted it quick and hard.
"Ow!" He exclaimed, quickly gaining his composure as he realised he was attracting the attention of the guards. His voice was a hushed whisper as he spoke. "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just reminding you your arm is still attached."
"Gee, thanks, Richie, sympathy noted."
I smacked my forehead with my hand in exasperation.
"Chris, she is MARRIED. And she chose to marry Ace. She has a kid with him. Up until I was landed in here the two of them made me sick. She has his dinner on the table every night, he kisses her every time he leaves. They went on a family vacation to Canon Beach, and Ace didn't come to Irby's for two weeks so he could pay for it." Alright, he had complained every single time I saw him but he had still stuck to his word. He had come home from the beach suntanned and quietly content which is more than I'm sure even Nina suspected he was capable of.
Chris put his head in his hands.
"I know, man. I know. It's not like I'm putting the moves on her. I didn't, I wouldn't- I just miss her, ya know?"
It was funny. Until I was holed up in here I had never truly missed anybody. I missed what they could give me if they weren't around. But it had never occurred to me that I could just miss somebody being there. Now it was different. Now I missed my Ma, Chris, the runts, Ace, Billy, Vince, Charlie (who I didn't see that often). I even missed my old man sometimes, for those moments when he might laugh at one of my jokes, or talk to me about baseball. Those moments were few and far between though, and i reminded myself that he spent a lot more time breaking my balls.
"Go home to California and put her out of your mind," I told him. "Go and score yourself a Californian blonde, get a couple of beers down your neck and forget about her."
He nodded slowly.
"I know you're right."
"Damn straight I am. Trust me. I am now a man of God."
"You're a what?" Chris raised an eyebrow while i grinned at him.
"So you know you told me religion would look good to the parole board?"
"That's not exactly what I said."
"Potato, Po-tar-to," I went on. "Well, I joined a church group. Turns out that means you get two extra hours a week out your cell. And also, church chicks are hot- I joined this church penpal scheme, I am writing to this chick called Alison and man, she is smoking. Soon as I'm out she's the first stop I'm making."
Chris wasn't saying much.
"What's wrong? You're surprised I'm digging the church thing?"
"No, I'm surprised you managed to charm anyone with the way you write," he said.
I gave him the finger. Brand new pre law graduate. Same smart mouth little brother.
"Seriously though, it's good you're putting in the work for your parole. Still going to therapy?"
"Why, yes. And I am learning to channel my anger into other things besides people's faces," I said in a calm sing song voice. "I wasn't allowed to go on Thursday though."
"Why not?"
"You know…" I held up my knuckles to remind him. "Breaking people's faces…"
Chris was shaking his head at me by now.
"He was asking for it!" I said indignantly. "And anyway, Dr Reynolds says there's nothing wrong with a slip. He said the road to recovery is not a straight one.. And before you ask, I'm still doing the stupid plumbing course. A trade on the outside means avoiding more inside." I swear they had a stupid motto for every stupid thing in here.
The guard called time then, and I stood up and reached for my brother's hand.
"Stay-out-of-trouble," Chris emphasised as if I were stupid.
"Stay-away-from-Nina," I responded in the same tone.
We were shaking hands at this point, and I guess in some way, we were striking a deal. A deal that neither of us thought we could keep.