I do not own Death Note.

Chapter 42 Misstep

It was late. Common sense and a weariness that came from the realization the answer to the case had eluded us once more, ordered that we stop, go to sleep, and pretend this was all a nightmare and that we had would have Kira in custody; his reign of terror over. But there was adrenaline coursing through all of our veins; the fight or flight instinct exerting it's command over our bodies the cause? A notebook of death. A shinigami regarding us all blankly with an undercurrent of disgust and distaste radiating towards us. A Kira still out and killing.

I held the notebook loosely, reluctant to have my skin touch the murder weapon. But there was fascination mixed in along with that reluctance. A desire to experiment. To discover more about the supernatural object. Bile rose up in response to the feeling. I disgusted myself. But perhaps that was the power of the notebook? A compulsion at first to experiment, to research…and then the temptation to use. I pushed the impulses back, my fingers tightening over the small black book. I would not allow myself to fall prey to it. Having the greater evil under control, I focused on the lesser.

Rem.

That was the name she gave. The only indication was the voice. Low, but still female. I cautiously observed the creature, tilting my head in contemplation. She appeared to be made of bones, or armor that resembled bones. I had no doubt that it I touched the pale milky surface it would certainly feel like bones. But her face had a distinctive human structure to it. It reminded me of pictures we had seen in class of indigenous tribes in the Africa and South America. A medicine woman, I decided, was what she resembled in that way. Perhaps it was the pointed teeth, or what seemed to be dyed dreadlocks falling around her face. But it was definitely the eye (the other hidden beneath bandages), slitted like a cats, that completed the feral look. She was fearsome indeed.

But despite the utterly foreign makeup of her body, that was not what had me focusing on her so intently. It was the aura surrounding her. She was hostile to say the least. She was agitated despite her motionless relaxed stance. Her eyes kept flickering between Light and L. Her lips twitching in what I assumed was a resisted snarl. There was a hate in her eyes. She despised us. And it was that, that had me wary. I was very aware of the fact she could kill us. The notebook at her hip proved it. What was worrisome to me, was that she only needed a reason to murder us. Something beside her inherent disgust. I would not give her the opportunity to find an excuse.

My eyes flickered back to the notebook resting in my hands. I flipped open the cover and began to read aloud.

"How to use it." Nobody turned to me, but I could feel them listening. "The human whose name is written in this notebook shall die." I paused, my brows furrowing. "This note will not take effect unless the writer has the subject's face in mind when reading his or her name. If the cause of death is written within forty seconds of the subject's name, it will happen. If the cause of death is not specified, the subject will die of a heart attack. After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written within the next six minutes and forty seconds."

I flipped to the back inside cover, noticing several more rules. "The back cover has two more rules," I said, hating the tremor in my voice. "If you make this note unusable by tearing it up or burning it, all the humans who touched the notebook will die."

"What! Is that really true? Oh man…maybe I shouldn't have…"

I ignored Matsuda, focusing intently on the page before me.

Convenient isn't it? The notes can't be destroyed, or everyone who has touched them will die. The task force will die. Kira's only opposition will die. So the notes must remain intact. the notes must remain usable. Just waiting for Kira. Ready for Kira.

I shook my head. I was thinking in fragments. My thoughts were fractured. But truth rang from them. The rule was so convenient… It was so…Light.

Noticing the chatter had stopped again, I finished the final rule. "If a person uses the note and fails to consecutively write names of people to be killed within 13 days, then the user will die."

"Wait a second!" Matsuda interrupted. "If that's true, then that means Light and Misa Misa are completely cleared, doesn't it?"

If that's true…

This was all too convenient. It fit the situation too perfectly. And the way the rules that benefited Light were tacked onto the last page, almost like an afterthought. I didn't like it. It rubbed me the wrong way.

Not Light.

KIRA, I tried to tell myself firmly. I had sworn to myself. This wasn't Light anymore. That person who had snarled at me in the helicopter like an animal, was not Light. this was Kira. I would not back off this decision. Light was, and now is Kira. I would treat him as such. I would force myself too. I would not be weak.

"Yeah, now that you mention it, that's right," Aizawa agreed. Aizawa had accompanied us back from the confrontation with Higuchi. That L hadn't protested was worrying. "Light and Misa were detained for more than fifty days and are still under surveillance. If either of them were Kira, there's no way they would still be alive by now."

Aizawa looked relieved. He hadn't liked the idea of Light being Kira anymore than the rest of us. But it was disheartening to see how quickly they wanted to believe in Light's innocence. He wasn't a suspect to them. He was a martyr, I thought is distaste. Someone had to bear the brunt of L's endless accusations and rare displays of temper. A martyr. The thought was venomous this time.

"Wow! That's great news, isn't it Chief? Rei?" Matsuda enthused.

"Yeah," Dad murmured, a great weight visibly lifted from his shoulders. Matsuda turned to me expecting a similar reaction. I stared at him blankly for a moment. His smile faded and he stared back nervously. I dropped my gaze to the floor, my grip on the notebook tightening.

"Rem, was it?" L said suddenly. "That's your name, isn't it? The white thing over there?"

Matsuda nearly fell over himself trying to reprimand L, shooting terrified glances at Rem all the while, for referring to the shinigami as a 'white thing.'

"What do you want?" Rem answered in a monotone that rivaled L's.

"There's more than one notebook in the human world, isn't there?"

"Who knows?" Did Rem glance to Light for affirmation? "There may be, and there may not be."

L nodded to himself, expecting this sort of evasive answer. L began stacking empty packages of crème, and I relaxed. L's silence and stillness had put me on edge. Fidgeting was a welcome change.

"If there are other notebooks," L drawled out, as if Rem wasn't being purposely difficult, "either here or in your world, would they have the same rules?"

"Yes. They all are the same. There are many notebooks in the shinigami realm, but they all have the same rules for when humans obtain them."

L mulled this over, continuing to build his tower. It was a few moments before the silence was broached.

"Ryuzaki," Aizawa began, his tone confrontational, "both Light and Misa have been cleared of suspicion. They shouldn't have to be under surveillance any longer."

L's tapered fingers hesitated, his entire tower collapsing in a matter of seconds. He slowly withdrew his hands, bringing them down on his knees. He seemed to curl in to himself,

A smaller target…

looking fragile and unsure of himself.

"That's right! It's crystal clear," Matsuda added.

L stared blankly. He looked like a doll, large glass eyes black and reflecting.

"I suppose you're right," L relented dully. "I understand. But please accept my apologies for all the trouble." L's voice sounded small.

"Thank goodness," Dad said placing his hand on Light's, Kira's, shoulder.

"Yeah," Light, Kira, agreed, "but we still can't say we've solved the case until we figure everything out. Would it be alright if I kept investigating? Without the handcuffs?" Light, KIRA!, pressed.

"…yes," L answered. That small voice again.

L withdrew the key. The sound of two clicks. The chain fell to the ground. L stood and began walking away.

I ran after him.

"RYUZAKI!" I called. He continued walking. "RYUZAKI!" I caught his wrist. He turned to face me, mild surprise alighting his face. There was something dead in his expression. "What's wrong?" I asked, my voice hoarse, panic both in the words and in my eyes. "Ryuzaki?"

L starred off into the distance, his eyes unfocused and blank.

"A misstep," he finally murmured.

He walked away.

I lingered in the doorway, seeing Watari's figure sitting at a huge monitoring desk. A single cup of tea was next to him.

"Watari?" I finally asked.

"Rei?" he asked in mild confusion. He noticed my anxious expression, and immediately he was concerned. "Is there something wrong? Do you need assistance with anything?"

"Can we…talk?"

"Of course." Watari stood, offering me a chair next to him. I sat and he followed suit. He waited patiently for me to begin with the temperament that only men of his age seemed to possess. He didn't press me to speak, rather, he wanted me to speak on my own terms.

"I'm worried," I finally said.

He waited for me to clarify. When I said nothing, he prompted me, knowing that now I needed a slight push. "About?"

"Everything," I admitted. "Ryuzaki the most." Watari pushed his glasses up, focusing even more intently at the mention of L. "He's…" I shook my head, changing what I was going to say. "He's hardly eating. When he does, he eats barely anything. He leaves the investigation team to their own devices. He's not monitoring Light. He goes to his room before eight o'clock every night. Every once and a while he asks a question, but he's silent the rest of the time. It's not healthy for him. I think he's brooding over Higuchi's death," my voice caught in my throat, "and when he talks to me, he's not really looking at me. He's acting like he's already lost. Like he's already, dead." I forced the word out.

Watari's gaze sharpened. "But you're not worried about Light?"

The corners of my lips raised in a mock smile; a harsh smirk. "That's a moot point isn't it?" I asked bitterly. "It's a bit late to be worried about Light."

"…"

"…"

"You believe Light to be Kira."

"Yes," I answered softly. "It couldn't be anyone else."

"And you're choosing Ryuzaki over Light?"

"It's not a choice when you can't choose. Light is Kira, a murderer. An unrepentant murderer. I'm not going to allow my judgment to be clouded because he's my brother. I can't. Not when he has everyone else eating out of the palm of his hand." I stared fiercely at Watari, conviction ringing out in my voice.

Watari smiled fondly at me. "An answer Ryuzaki would be proud of."

I felt myself smile back. "Tomorrow's his birthday, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes," Watari said in a voice that made me think he was reminiscing. "My boy will be twenty-five years old."

"What was he like as a kid?" I found myself asking, trying to imagine L as a child.

Watari chuckled. "Quite strong-willed. He had a very opinioned view of the world," Watari said with a smile, his eyes getting a misty look. "He was advanced beyond his years, but simultaneously very naïve. It was rare that you could say anything that went over his head, but the moment you put him in a social situation he was absolutely flabbergasted. He disliked the city, preferring the country. Secluded areas seemed to suit him best, and he disliked children his own age and adults. If ever spoke to another child, they were usually very young. He was very much the same as he is now." I nodded.

"I'm going to celebrate his birthday," I informed Watari.

"I would be disappointed in you if you didn't, my dear."

I slipped into L's room. It was quiet. The faint sound of my footfalls were absorbed by the thick carpet and walls. It felt…empty. Blank. It made me feel as if I was trespassing. I almost lost my nerve, and left. I swallowed, the noise loud, accompanied with the fluttering staccato in my chest.

I opened the door leading to a bathroom, the white tile only increasing the feeling that this space was unlived in. My fingers fumbled as I pulled on the red dress Misa had given me so many weeks ago. The corset beneath felt strange against my skin. The lace and ribbon brushed against me with every slight movement.

I shook as I zipped the dress up, the fabric falling just above my knees. I turned to look in the mirror.

I looked like Light.

Light. Not Kira. Not the flash of red that seemed to appear in his eyes when incensed. Not a murderer. I pressed my hands to my mouth, stopping a noise of what either would be a sob or laughter.

I heard the soft click of a door opening. L was back. I reached down, two red ribbons in my hand. I carefully tied one around my neck, the other pulling my hair back from my face.

I looked into the mirror one final time, observing the slight flush on my face, the effect of the red dress against my bared skin, the two ribbons. I wasn't nervous anymore.

I stepped out, closing the door softly behind me. L sat numbly on the couch. He was turned away from me. His head bowed. I stepped forward, sitting next to him. He finally turned to face me. The dead expression on his face flickered for a moment, curiosity showing through. He hesitatingly lifted a hand and brushed the ribbon at my neck, running his fingers across the silk.

"Happy birthday," I murmured.

He withdrew his hand slowly, nodding to himself. "I suppose it is," he muttered to himself.

"Ryuzaki, I-"

"I'm sorry," L said suddenly. "I suppose I haven't solved the case. Kira has w-"

"L," I said sharply. "Shut up."

I kissed him.

I kissed him.

I kissed him.

I wanted him to forget this. I didn't want him to think of Kira. I didn't want him to think of Rem. Or Misa. Or notebooks of death. Or of Light. Of anything. I wanted him to forget his damn name. I wanted him to forget everything.

His lips moved hesitantly against mine. Almost weakly. I could taste his acceptance of his own death.

You. Will. Not. Die.

I tried to force the thought upon him.

I won't let you.

I could feel his desperation. His own need to believe me finally coming through to the kiss.

And he began to kiss me back.

He needed this as much as I did. The assurance.

His hands tangled in my hair, mine pressing against his chest.

We pulled apart briefly. Our breathing was heavy, our eyes fierce.

He kissed me again.

And he pulled me under.

~Author's Note~

Well that was…awkward. Heh heh.

Well, as I AM a 15 year old girl, that is as detailed as you're gonna get from me. Sorry. AND YES. They use protection. Geez. Rei is not gonna get pregnant. That is a copout that has been done far too many times.

This may be argued as OOC for L. Not the sex, but the whole pity party. But after watching the anime especially…he just seems so defeated after Light gets his memories back. This will serve as a bit of a wake-up call for him. I guess the sex is too, but eh. Fanservice.

Is this sex plotless? Depends how you look at it. It's a way to express tension, it will serve as a wakeup call for L, and by this point in time, it's pretty natural for this sort of thing to occur. So, I would love critiques on whether or not it blends well and seems realistically placed in the story. Especially from WhiteLadyDragon. I tried to follow your advice, but perhaps I deviated a bit too much… Oops?

I got my braces off. Yes. You are jealous. And my red contacts came for my B Cosplay. Double jealous.

I just finished two Stephen King novels. The Shining and Pet Semetary. Can you tell? Especially from the italicized fragments...

I have been christened Princess Sparkle Jasmine. I am unsure if I said this. Apparently I am a Marysue. Weird…

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!

TO EVERYONE WITH AN ACCOUNT, FOR SOME BIZARRE REASON, I CAN'T REPLY, SO I'LL BE USING THE OTHER WAY OF REPLYING, WHICH IS AWKWARD.

World without L is just a word: You are forgiven. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. And the story does have what I consider a satisfactory ending. Not the happy ending of Harry Potter necessarily, where they don't want anything else to happen, but a happy one with possibility. And I'm not all that wise, just observant. Probably because I surprise people so much.

Saber Amane: Oh snap is right!

AlbinoButterfly: Thanks so much! Rei is still a bit too…eh for my liking, but I'm glad you like her! Rei's name…hmm let's see. Well, I was looking for a name I was already familiar with (didn't want to go all obscure) and something that went well with Light. Despite the pun, I really liked the sounds together. I also read somewhere that Rei meant bell in one of its multiple meanings. That settled it for me. L and bells? It seemed perfect.

A fan of course: Let's see… Rei is about 5' 5", tall for a Japanese woman/girl/ teenager thing. She has Light's hair color and eye color, that warm brown that almost has red in it. She has an average build. Not athletic, or super skinny, or, God forbid, busty. She tends to lean towards sweaters and jeans and sneakers. She's not super pretty, except when dressed up or in red (in her words, when she looks like Light). Is that descriptive enough?

Jayne Foyer: I emailed you, sister.

linda: Thanks so much! New readers always make my day :)