Hi there everyone! Okay, so. This was a birthday present for FlyAwayDreams because she makes me all kinds of amazing graphics for my stories (check them out on my profile). I was like, I wish I could do something for you...She was like well...I'd like a oneshot. So this was born. She asked for a kidfic, and I just kind of ran with it. This follows our boys from age 5 through age 20, taking leaps and overcoming self-loathing. Hope you enjoy it.

This was pre-read by DisturbingEmily and Allie Amberwhite. Much love, mah ladies. All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

Yes I know the songs are anachronistic. These are just what I listened to as I wrote. :)

Feist-One, Two, Three, Four

Central Park, 1994

"Stop it! Go away! This is my castle!" Alec Lightwood yelled. He just couldn't understand why his dumb sister couldn't go build her own castle. They were the only ones in the sandbox; she had plenty of room.

"But I wanna play in yours!" she protested. "It has a moat!"

"Well build a moat around yours!" he retorted, shoving her down on her butt with all the force his five year old arms could muster. She fell and she didn't cry. Instead, she gave him a death glare and immediately jumped up and ran off, yelling for mother in her 'I'm about to tattle' voice. He just rolled his eyes. Dumb girls. He wished there was no such thing as girls. Why were they around anyway?

He went back to carving out surprisingly accurate gothic windows in the sides of his three tier prince's abode. All of sudden, he heard a rustle in the bushes about ten feet away. Alec, who had always loved to play with animals—no matter how mangy, and no matter how much his mother protested—thought it might be a rabbit or squirrel or something, so he went to investigate. He approached the surrounding brush as though he was a hunter tracking a timid deer. He stepped very lightly, trying not to startle his target. As he came closer, he discovered a pair of greenish yellow eyes staring up at him intently, a little scared. Well, it most certainly wasn't an animal.

The boy looked about his age, and was dressed in a purple t-shirt with a large picture of Reptar smattering the front of it. His expression was timid, and he sat there looking like he didn't know whether to flee because he'd been caught, or resign to whatever fate the other boy was going to deal him for spying on his castle project. Alec thought he looked nice enough. He was a boy after all, and they were usually all okay. Although, Alec did notice something rather odd: this boy's feet were bare—which wasn't all that weird, since they were playing in a park—but his toenails were a bright neon orange. Still, he seemed alright, so Alec held out a hand to help him up out of his hiding place.

When the boy stood, Alec tried not to stare. His pants looked a little too small for him. He stood almost a head taller than Alec, and he looked incredibly uncomfortable in his skin. But Alec held his hand and pulled him over to the sandbox. Without a word, he went back to his work, and the other boy sat still and watched. They went on in a comfortable silence for some time. When Alec was finished, he backed up a little to admire his handiwork.

"It's pretty," said the boy in a quiet voice.

"It is not pretty," Alec replied with a frown. "It's manly and scary and a dragon lives inside. He's my pet. He likes to eat girls because they're stupid."

"Girls aren't that bad," the other boy countered. "My mom's a girl. She paints my nails sometimes, if I ask real nice, since I can't paint them myself."

"Why do you want your nails panted? That's weird. Boys don't do that," Alec said.

"It makes them colorful and pretty. They're fun to look at," said the boy, looking down and wiggling them. On second glance, Alec thought, they were rather eye-catching. He wasn't sure he'd ever do it, but he conceded that it looked okay on the other boy.

"I guess so," he said. He was thinking to himself now that this boy was rather okay looking. He looked very…graceful. He had honey colored skin and bright eyes. His hair was black, like Alec's, but it was really, really shiny and soft looking. Alec found himself wanting to touch it, just once, to see what it felt like. He imagined it was like his mom's nightgown that she wore all the time. Sometimes, when Alec had nightmares, she came into his room and lay in bed with him. Alec would find a pinch of the fabric and rub it between his fingers until he fell asleep. He couldn't explain why, but it was comforting. His father usually didn't like it when his mother coddled him like that, but she did it anyway.

By contrast, Alec was pale and blue-eyed and awkward. He'd always been kind of self-conscious, choosing to play alone instead of making friends with the other boys at daycare. They tried to befriend him, but Alec was so quiet and closed-off that they usually gave up. He didn't have many friends, so he was glad this boy was still here, talking to him and not getting fed up with him.

"I'm Alec Lightwood," he said, holding out his hand again. The other boy looked at it for a second as though he didn't know what he was supposed to do. "You shake it," Alec prompted.

"I know what to do!" he retorted, but his face softened. "I'm Magnus Bane." He reached out to grasp Alec's hand again and let out a small smile.

"That's a funny name," Alec said. Magnus just shrugged, as if to say he didn't know what his parents were thinking either. Alec smiled, because Magnus looked cute just then; however, after he thought about it, Alec was a little weirded out that he'd thought something like that. But it was too late now, and Magnus didn't seem to notice.

"Does your dragon let boys in? Or does he eat them too?" Magnus asked, looking longingly at the castle.

"No, he doesn't eat boys. Boys are cool. But you can't come in unless you're a prince. Only princes are allowed. Are you a prince?" Alec asked.

Magnus seemed to contemplate for a moment. "Sometimes," he answered.

That was good enough for Alec. He'd kind of always wished for another prince to live in his castle with him, so he wasn't so lonely. He smiled, and they went back to playing.

John Mayer-Belief

Marsh Elementary School, Upper East Side, 1999

"Did you bring it?" Magnus asked excitedly. They were huddled behind the corner of the gym at recess.

Camille looked around nervously, her blonde hair whipping back and forth, making sure the coast was clear. She pulled out the prize that she'd swiped from her parents' room that morning. Her mother's Cosmopolitan magazine, the cover sporting the girl that plays Joey on that show Magnus' mom was so obsessed with. He didn't see appeal of her. He was partial to the boy with the dark curly hair that always got in trouble. He was way better looking than her. Camille usually agreed with him, though she thought it was weird that he liked the guy better; but she never said anything, presumably because she liked having a friend to gush with. The girls usually steered clear of Camille Belcourt. She had the tendency to be a little overbearing and bossy, but Magnus didn't put up with her shit from the get go. They became fast friends.

They flipped through the contraband magazine—forbidden, most likely, because it had the word 'sex' on the cover about eighteen times—and marveled at the advertisements depicting beautiful make-up looks and the latest fashions. They giggled over some article about satisfying your man; they had no idea what half the words meant. And why would they want to learn how to "Amplify your Orgasm"? What even was that? But they liked the pictures, so they kept flipping until recess was almost over. Camille slipped the magazine back into her backpack and zipped it shut like it held the key to Fort Knox. They came out from behind the corner giggling together.

As they made their way back to the main building, Camille grabbed Magnus' arm and sighed dreamily. He followed her gaze across the playground and caught her target, which was obvious. Flipping over and through the monkey bars like a, well, a monkey, was a lithe blonde boy. He pulled himself up and shimmied in between the bars and up over the top and flipped over to the bottom again, repeating the motions like he was an acrobat in the circus. Magnus rolled his eyes. Jace Wayland. He was a full year younger than them, but he was always hanging out with the older crowd because he was just that cool. Magnus couldn't stand him. He was always team captain for kickball, he was the fastest runner, the highest jumper, the best at everything. He was the one who was going to be quarterback and captain of the football team in high school, that was obvious. The most popular boy ever. And of course, all the girls were constantly swooning over him.

Magnus couldn't stand him. He was so annoying, and it was just irritating to be around him. He was what Camille's mother would call a 'smart ass', though sometimes he acted like he wasn't smart at all. Maybe he didn't need to be. He was pretty enough that it didn't matter. However, Magnus didn't think he was the prettiest boy in the school, as all the girls said. No…the prettiest boy in the school was the one leaned up against the bottom of the monkey bars, reading a book quietly. Magnus watched his clear blue eyes dart across the page, taking in whatever action the words described. His hair had grown much longer since they'd first met; it now hung over his eyes like a shield.

Magnus didn't understand why Alec Lightwood seemed to always want to stay hidden. He was best friends with the most popular boy in school. It wasn't like they weren't always surrounded by admirers. However, Magnus had noticed that Alec didn't smile at the girls the way Jace did. He always seemed aloof in their presence. Mostly, he just stared at Jace. Magnus couldn't blame him. Everyone stared at Jace.

Magnus didn't really want to say it, but he wished he and Alec could still be friends, like that day in the park. He'd been so floored that another boy had asked him to play with him. He wished Alec still wanted to be his friend, but apparently Alec liked hanging around the popular crowd. They were at the age where those lines were beginning to be drawn, and Magnus was afraid that soon, he'd lose his chance forever; he just couldn't get up the courage to talk to him.

"Isn't he hot?" Camille asked, still staring dreamily at Jace.

"Huh?" Magnus said lamely, startled out of his daydreaming. "Oh, yeah I guess." He shrugged.

"What, you don't think he's, like, the hottest guy on the planet?" she asked, as if to contradict it would be blasphemy.

"What makes you think he is? I think…I think Alec is cuter," he said lowly. Camille just gave him an odd look.

"Alec? The one that never talks and is always reading? He's so…weird," she said. "I don't see why they're friends."

"Maybe because Jace does enough talking for the both of them," Magnus retorted, leaving her side to head back to class.

John Mayer-Half of My Heart

Lightwood home, Park Avenue, 2003

"You sure you don't want to go to the dance? Mom said we could stay out till eleven!" Isabelle squeaked happily. She already had on her Kate Spade dress and was putting on her makeup—the amount of which was sure to make their mother scream—and she was still trying to convince her brother to go. "It's your last middle school dance before high school! Your last chance to be at the top of the pile before you're thrust down to the bottom of the totem pole."

"Why would I go? I don't have a date, Iz. What's the point?"

"Because it's fun, Alec. Besides, I heard Maia thinks you're cute," she said with a side glance at him. Honestly, it was the normal way of the things that Alec didn't have a date to some stupid dance. All the girls flocked to his best friend. No one in their right mind would want to go to the dance with a date that was probably going to ignore them. Alec couldn't help it, though. He'd always been one to keep to himself. Plus, he'd be too busy looking at Jace the whole night, and hating himself to pieces for it. No one in their right mind wanted to go with a date who didn't like girls, either. He was a weirdo that no one would want to be around, even if they didn't know it for sure.

"I don't think so. I'm just gonna stay here and watch a movie, I think." He got up and left her room, going down to the living room, as though to make his point. She sighed loudly to herself. She, of course, was fighting off dates with a stick. Isabelle was one of the prettiest girls in school, and as a brother, Alec had his hands full fighting off the ones who were just looking to cop a feel of her…early-developed body. He didn't know what he was going to do when he went to high school and left her to her own devices for two years until she caught up. She'd already dated half the school, in the sense that any 12 year old can "date". It usually translated to one of their parents driving them to the movies. He was pretty sure Isabelle and her dates never actually watched the movies, but he tried not to think about that.

Alec, on the other hand, had never been kissed in his life. He was quite content with not kissing girls, really. He still didn't see the appeal of girls in general. He just didn't…like them. They were nice to talk to sometimes, but most of the girls he'd associated with besides Isabelle had been the dippy ones that Jace dated, and their conversational prowess ended at Leonardo DiCaprio or Nick Lachey.

Sooner or later, Isabelle had left and Alec was alone in the house. It was quiet nowadays, without his little brother or his dad around. Robert Lightwood had worked as a lawyer, which had given them their privileged life, along with his mother's inheritance. Robert was at work and Maryse had left their youngest son, 3-year-old Max, in the daycare at his office while she ran errands around the city. She'd just dropped him off and gotten about three blocks from the towers when hell broke loose in the skies. It took four NYPD men to keep her from going in. Robert and Max and everyone in that office were three floors from the top; there was no hope to be had. Alec still missed them so much, but the family was getting better. Their deaths had affected even Jace, who was almost like an adopted son to the Lightwoods. Max had looked up to Jace like a superhero.

Alec flipped on the flat screen in their massive living room, turning to FX to watch whatever was on. He wasn't really paying attention, so the ring of the phone startled him. He reached over and picked up the cordless phone on the end table.

"Hello?" he said quietly.

"Um…hi. Is Alec home?" said a male voice on the other end.

"It's me. Who's this?"

"Oh, um…This is…Magnus Bane," said the voice. Alec thought for a moment. Magnus Bane. He knew the boy. He always hung around with that blonde that Isabelle couldn't stand. Alec figured they were dating, but they didn't really act like it. They were always giggling over magazines and pictures of Johnny Depp together. People who were dating didn't do that, did they? He realized he hadn't answered back.

"Oh, hi. Uh…what did you want?" he asked, curious as to why this boy from school that he'd never talked to was calling him on the night of the school dance. Wouldn't he be there by now?

"I, uh…wanted to know if you were going to the dance tonight," said Magnus, sounding a little anxious.

"No, I'm not," Alec said with finality, wondering why it would matter to Magnus.

"Well, I'm not going either," said the other boy.

"Oh," was Alec's lame answer. "Why not?"

"Can't go with who I want to go with," Magnus replied. Somehow, Alec could relate. "So," the other boy continued, "I was wondering if…you wanted to uh…well, Pirates of the Caribbean is at the Multiplex in the city. I was wondering if you…might want to go. You like action movies, right?"

"Well, I don't know if that really counts as an action movie," said Alec.

"Oh, come on. It's got blood and guts and fighting and stuff. It so counts."

Alec couldn't help but laugh at his reasoning. He had kind of been wanting to see it. He all of a sudden remembered that Magnus liked Johnny Depp. He realized he was trying to suggest something that gave them a little common ground. Still, Alec had to ask, "Why are you asking me?"

A silence followed, and Alec thought the connection had been lost. "Hello?"

"Sorry I…Um…Well, I was wondering why we weren't friends anymore," Magnus said.

"Anymore?" Alec asked. They'd never really talked all that much. They had English together in 6th grade, but that was it.

"Yeah. I mean, that day in the park, you were pretty nice to me. But…we never talked again. You were the first person who was nice to me ever." The slight hurt was obvious in Magnus' voice. All of a sudden, Alec remembered a castle and a dragon. He remembered exotic green-yellow eyes hiding in the bushes. That day had been one of the most fun he'd had. How could he have forgotten?

"I remember now," he said. There was an awkward silence. He thought about it; what harm could there be in hanging out with Magnus? It wasn't like anyone would notice—his mom and sister were gone, and Jace was certainly at the dance. "Um, sure. Do you…want me to come get you?"

"You can't drive," was Magnus' answer.

"I mean our driver. Do you want us to come pick you up?"

"You have a driver?" he asked incredulously, but didn't wait for an answer. "Sure, that'd be great."

"Okay, where do you live?" Alec asked.

"Brooklyn," Magnus answered.

They decided to forgo popcorn in favor of gorging themselves on candy. They were both surprised when they found out each of them had a nearly uncontrollable craving for Reese's Pieces. They got a large box to share.

The movie was pretty good, as far as Alec could tell. He didn't want to admit it, but he'd not been watching it very closely. His eyes kept cutting to his left to look at Magnus. Alec had always admired Jace's effortless appeal; he was that kind of all-American, conventional handsome that people wrote about in books. The prince that always rescued the princess at the top of the tower, his rippling biceps and flowing blonde locks looking flawless even as he slew the dragon. Magnus, on the other hand, was a kind of exotic, other kind of beauty. His skin was a silky, unmarked caramel color. His hair was shining and dark, an almost blue-black that seemed to open up to an unknown abyss. His eyes were the oddest shade of greenish yellow, which seemed like they would be off-putting, but Alec found them enticing, especially when they lit up with laughter at Captain Jack's one liners.

Somewhere around the time they were about to sacrifice Elizabeth, Alec jolted in his seat with realization. He'd been staring at Magnus Bane a lot more over the years than he'd realized. He'd always thought of Magnus as this kind of random kid that was on his own wavelength most of the time, and really only had one friend. However, as he thought about it, it was clear Magnus had charm all his own. He was attractive in a non-conventional sort of way. Alec was all of a sudden uncomfortable with himself at the thought of being possibly attracted to Magnus. No, he couldn't be. And even if he was, nothing would ever come of it. There was no way of knowing if Magnus would return the feelings, but it wasn't like Alec would ever act on them anyway. No…he would keep his mouth shut, and his feelings to himself. Thoughts like that would only get him into trouble.

Before he knew it, the credits were rolling. He'd missed most of the movie. Magnus turned to him with a grin and squealed, "That was awesome!" Alec couldn't help the smile that spread across his face at Magnus' enthusiasm. The way his eyes lit up when he was excited was mesmerizing. "You ready to go?" Magnus asked.

Alec had to kick his brain back into gear before he could answer. "Sure," he said quickly, getting up from his seat and turning to retreat up the aisle to the door. He didn't stay to see the look on Magnus' face at his abruptness.

The car was waiting for them outside and they climbed in in silence. Hodge, the driver, didn't speak to them, opting to close the window that concealed the back seat from the front. Alec was trying to control his racing thoughts, wringing his hands together in his lap while Magnus sat quietly on the opposite end of the seat, as far away as possible. That was Alec's proof, right there, that Magnus would never return what he was feeling. Someone like Magnus would certainly never think that he was beautiful. He should just stop thinking these things and move on to a normal train of thought. Girls. Girls. Girls. That's what he needed.

When they arrived in front of Magnus' apartment in Brooklyn, Magnus already had his hand on the door handle, and it was trembling slightly, but Alec didn't notice that part. He was too busy chastising himself for being so weird and different. He had resolved to hating himself until he made himself normal.

"Um…Alec?" Magnus' voice startled him out of his brooding, and he turned to look at him, being assaulted again by his beauty. "I had fun…" he said, trailing off.

"Yeah," was Alec's lame answer.

Magnus' hand was still clamped on the door handle, the door partially ajar. He seemed to deliberate for a moment before looking up and meeting Alec's eyes. Alec had no earthly idea what he saw there, but he was almost sure it was apprehension. Possibly at being in this car any longer with such a weirdo. He just kept waiting for Magnus to turn tail and run. He'd probably noticed Alec staring at him all night…oh god…

Magnus hesitated for just a second longer, but then he let go of the door handle. He slid across the seat, leaning right up against Alec. Before Alec could register what was happening, Magnus placed a very light, chaste kiss against his parted lips. Alec couldn't help the little gasping breath he took, but this seemed to deter Magnus from further exploration. He immediately turned and bolted out the door, leaving a shocked Alec behind, running a finger across his lips in astonishment.

No. This couldn't happen. It was wrong.

Leona Lewis-Bleeding Love

Pearson Prepatory School, Upper East Side, 2007

The paper streamers alone were revolting. The ridiculous color scheme clashed with his impeccably chosen and tailored blue Badgley suit, and the music was like a trip back to middle school—the DJ kept playing the greatest hits of the late 90s. It was completely mind-numbing. Magnus drummed his glittery silver nails on the ugly orange table cloth, watching as his date flirted up a storm with Will Herondale, Jace Wayland's older cousin. Sometimes, it was like they were the same person, even though Jace was angelic bright blonde and Will was brooding and dark. They wore the same mischievous smiles and pretty faces that any girl—or guy for that matter—would throw themselves at without question. Which, coincidentally, was what Camille was doing, and she was sucking horribly at it. Somehow she missed every time Will rolled his eyes at her prodding. However, Magnus couldn't bring himself to save any of his sorry feelings for her.

He was sitting there, depressed as ever, thinking that this was his senior fucking prom, and he'd come with his best friend. How lame was that? His outfit was meticulous, his makeup perfect, his hair was flawless; everything was in its place. He'd done it all for a reason, and it wasn't for his 'date'. She could care less what he did all night, and he pretty much felt the same. But it was all in vain. His target had yet to look at him once the entire evening. He'd been missing for the past hour anyway. He'd probably skipped out early. Of course, Magnus hadn't really expected Alec Lightwood to pay him any attention anyway; he'd shot any chance he might have had back in 8th grade. He'd taken a leap, and he'd scared Alec so far into the closet that Magnus was sure he could play dress up in Queen Elizabeth's gowns. Magnus was sure Alec was in the closet, obviously. The look on his face in the back of the limo that night had said it all. Plus, it wasn't like he hadn't noticed those blue eyes checking him out through the whole movie. It was the only thing that had given him the courage to actually go through with it. But, it had backfired majorly. Alec Lightwood shut him out like a winter chill, afraid to even be near him lest the gay rub off and people would notice. He dated a string of girls, none of them lasting very long, and all of them lauding his prudishness. Magnus knew, though, that there was a reason Alec didn't want to make out with or sleep with them. He had spent the whole four years of high school denying who he was, and it seemed that Magnus was the only one to know. He was the only one who noticed how utterly hollow Alec Lightwood had become; he was a shell of the little prince from Central Park.

As Will shoved Camille off for the last time, she came over to the table and slumped into the chair across from Magnus with a heaving sigh.

"What a douchebag," she said to the space between them. Magnus didn't look up, still drumming his manicure against the cheap linen. "You ready to get the hell out of here? Tonight totally blows."

"If it was about blowing, I'd be having a lot more fun," he retorted. Camille just rolled her eyes, not even indulging him. "Let's go."

As they were leaving the gym, Magnus glanced down the hall and spotted a dark figure settled on the floor against the lockers, his tux jacket slung over his shoulder and his head drooping on his shoulders. His profile was unmistakable, at least to Magnus, who'd admired it for the better part of ten years now. Also unmistakable was the very soft quiver of his broad shoulders.

"You go on ahead and take the car. I think I'm going to stay for a little bit longer," Magnus said to Camille. She followed his gaze and gave him an annoyed but knowing look. Then, she simply gave him a nod and a light peck on the cheek, turning to pass through the door into the humid April air.

Magnus approached slowly so as not to startle the boy sitting on the floor, which was hard considering the crisp click the heels of his wingtips made. When he was about five feet away, glistening blue eyes flicked up to him and then away so fast he could almost hear the snap of the movement. So he was crying. At prom. Well, how utterly cliché, Magnus thought.

"Something bothering you?" Magnus asked, a little sarcasm creeping into his voice. He hadn't remained unhurt by Alec's ease in brushing him off all these years. He may be madly in love with this boy, but that didn't mean he'd roll over and take his bullshit. He tried to retain at least some shred of dignity.

"No," was the lame answer. Yeah right.

"How convincing," Magnus retorted. He stood there deliberating for a few seconds before deciding, what the hell. He walked up beside Alec, leaned against the lockers and slid down to the floor, inwardly cringing at what the action must have done to his suit. But, you did what you had to do, and love made you do some stupid things. Like ruin perfectly good wool and cashmere.

Magnus looked over at Alec, who was hanging his head between his knees again, presumably not caring about being seen crying like a teenage girl who'd been stood up. Alec had grown a lot over the years. Back when they were little, Magnus was almost a foot taller than him; now, Alec stood about six feet tall, only missing Magnus' height by about an inch or so. But unlike Magnus, who'd stayed long and lean through the years, Alec had filled out with corded muscle over his arms and chest. Magnus was sure there was a six pack under that tux shirt. He'd had dreams about it; he even once considered joining the football team just to get a glimpse of that body from time to time. However, there were just some things he couldn't stand to do, no matter how much he loved Alec, and that included being on the team with Jace, the wonderboy quarterback.

Magnus sighed to himself, thinking of his own pathetic woes, and how Alec's probably related somewhat. "Let me guess…does this have something to do with Clarissa Fray?" he asked, taking a stab at what he knew was most likely the problem. After all, he'd pined after this boy for years; he knew who Alec pined after. It was obvious.

"What? I don't like Clary!" Alec retorted with a frown.

"I know," Magnus said in a low, soft voice. He waited for it to sink in. He caught the exact moment that Alec caught up with him. His eyes widened a fraction and he flinched away from Magnus the tiniest bit. Then, he went back to hanging his head.

"Fuck," he whispered. "Is it that obvious?"

"Only to me, I suspect," Magnus answered. He started fiddling with the hem of his jacket.

Alec looked up. "Why you?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused. It stung for Magnus to think that Alec had pushed the limo incident so far out of his mind that he didn't remember what happened. If he did, it would be completely clear.

"Maybe because I see the same look, that look you're wearing, in the mirror every single day." He said it with bitterness, the image of him crying himself to sleep on more than one occasion coming to mind. It really was hopeless, how he felt for Alexander Lightwood. He could truly relate. Alec knew Jace would never notice him like that, and Magnus had resigned himself to the notion that Alec would never return his feelings. It was just the way things were. But that didn't stop it from hurting.

Alec looked at him for a long moment. Finally, he dropped his eyes and muttered, "Sorry."

"For what? You can't help who you love," said Magnus in a hopeless, resigned tone. It was the tone of someone who'd seen a lot of heartbreak and had learned to deal with it day to day. Alec's heartbreak was somewhat new and still festering, and no matter how much Magnus wanted to hate Alec, no matter how much he wished he could change his own infatuation to loathing, he felt his heart clench at seeing those pretty, innocent blue eyes so sad. Alec was like a kicked puppy, scolded for taking table scraps, when he hadn't been offered much else anyway.

In his musing, Magnus hadn't quite noticed what he'd said. It had taken Alec a bit to catch it, but his head raised and he fixed his azure gaze on Magnus. His voice came out very soft, and very astonished. "You…you love me?" It was almost a whisper.

Magnus' brain caught up with what he'd said, and he wanted to kick himself. He'd shown weakness around Alec back in 8th grade, and yes, he was still in love with him, but he had refused to let that crippling weakness show around him anymore. He kept his head low, his vivid eyes to the ground. He pulled in on himself, trying to put the fabulous, sarcastic walls up, but they wouldn't budge. Not with Alec around. Alec stripped him down without even knowing it, and it was infuriating. All of a sudden, Magnus was disgusted with himself, with Alec, with the whole situation.

"So what if I did?" he snapped, and Alec flinched away. "What would it matter? You're stuck in your 'I'm so straight' world, living life in a big fat rut. Newsflash, Alexander! Denial isn't just a river in Egypt." He practically spit the last few words, getting up and brushing off his suit, which was beyond repair now. He turned to go, but stopped himself. "I hope it's spacious in that closet, Alec," he spat over his shoulder. He set a determined pace down the hallway, his shoes clicking bitingly on the tile, egging him on. He waited until he was out on the steps before he let the burning wetness fall, the little black rivers trailing off the cliffs of his exquisite jaw. He was done. So fucking done.

Augustana-Steal Your Heart

NYU Dorm, 2009

Alec tried desperately to drown out the sounds of the party next door. The dorms were all crazy now that finals were mostly over, but Alec still had one more left at 8 the next morning. He'd started the cram session at 6 p.m. that evening, and it was now half past midnight. He'd been staring at International Finance for six straight hours and he was no closer to understanding it than he had been on the first day of the semester. He absolutely hated math of any sort.

Suddenly, his bedroom door creaked open loudly, the back of it banging against the wall with the force of the visitor behind it. Simon entered like a king taking over his throne, a red cup of lord knows what kind of alcoholic concoction teetering precariously in one hand, a cigarette in the other.

"What do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be socializing! This is college! You're not supposed to study!" he slurred. He was only stumbling slightly, but it was clear he'd had his fair share of the pleasure punch already. The party had only started about an hour and a half ago.

"Unless I want to be taking finance classes until I'm thirty, I do need to study!" Alec shot back over the blaring music. He couldn't help but laugh at his happy-go-lucky roommate. Simon was a year younger than Alec, but sometimes it seemed like he was one of the wisest little nerds in the world. Alec was jealous a lot of the time; Simon was smart without trying. He was one of those guys who got into Harvard and Princeton, but chose NYU because he knew the parties were better. Plus, Alec suspected even the scholarships he'd gotten wouldn't cover the tuition at either one of those. He'd been to Simon's house once, last summer. He lived in a little row house in Brooklyn, not far from… He stopped his train of thought.

"Oh, come on, man!" Simon went on. "There's plenty of twinks out here for you, too," he said loudly. Alec's face turned red at the comment. "See! I've been doing my lingo research!"

"Simon, do you even know what a twink is?"

"Sure! It's a pretty boy. A cute little pretty boy. Like you! Except DTF," he cackled. He took another swig of his drink.

"Simon! What the hell, man?" Alec whined. Yes, Simon knew he was gay. Alec had unloaded his whole life's sob story on him about a week into the year, from never liking girls when he was younger, to being infatuated with his best friend, to being kissed and scared to death in middle school, to the night of his senior prom, when he'd caught Jace and Clary getting it on in their Navigator behind the gym, and Magnus catching him in his moment of weakness. He didn't really comment on Magnus' words that night; he still didn't know how to really take them. Who would ever love him? He didn't deserve it. And certainly not from someone like Magnus, who was so beautiful and perfect and confident that he was on a complete other plane of existence from the likes of Alec. Sure, he'd loved Alec once, maybe, but now? Alec couldn't fathom any universe where Magnus didn't hate his guts now after that night, and the way he'd treated him in high school.

"What? You need to get laid, man. It's like, fucking with my zen and shit. Like, the balance of chi in the room is all off because of you. That heavy ass V-card you carry in your back pocket is fucking shit up, man." It would never fail to fascinate and amuse Alec that Simon could sound like a complete stoner and a veritable genius at the same time. He also cringed at the truth of Simon's statement. While in his first year and a half of college, Alec had come out to his friends and his sister, and had actually dated a couple of guys casually. He'd never done the deed, though. He couldn't bring himself to do it with any of them; he always got the image of a pair of exotic eyes staring at him, through him, like he was betraying them or something. He always ended it before the pants came off. Then, he'd lie in bed and chastise himself for not growing the fuck up and moving on.

"I know, Lewis. But I'm not getting laid tonight. I've got this exam in the morning, and I still don't know what the hell chapter ten is talking about. Sorry, bro. Gonna have to skip the festivities for the night. Unless you want to help me?" he asked without a shred of hope that it would be answered in the affirmative.

"Nice try, Lightwood. The party beckons! Besides, engineering doesn't mix with finance. What makes you think I'd understand it, anyway?"

"Because you know everything," Alec said, hoping Simon was drunk enough to forget he'd said that, even though it was sort of true.

"That, I do," said Simon with a laugh and another sip of his drink. With that, he turned and slammed the door shut, and Alec could hear his yell to the rest of the crowd in the hallway about what a party pooper his roomie was. Alec chuckled despite himself. He turned back to his textbook, flipping through the chapter for the hundredth time, looking for the answer to one of the review questions he'd been stuck on for the past hour. It was hopeless.

Suddenly, he remembered the book his professor had recommended for help on the final. He hadn't bothered to get it before now, but where else could the answer be? He'd scanned and scrutinized his textbook over and over—it wasn't in there. Alec looked at his alarm clock across the room. 12:42. Bobst Library closed at 1 a.m. If he hurried he could get there in time to find the book and check it out. He dropped his pen and grabbed his leather jacket off the back of his chair. He flew out the door, narrowly dodging the revelers who thought he was finally going to join the party. He slipped down the three flights of stairs that were littered with red cups and couples making out, through the lobby and out into the cold December night.

He walked briskly at first, but gave up the pretense and started jogging when he looked at his watch. He made it to Washington Square with about half a minute to spare, or so he thought. When he ran up to the doors, he saw the chain across the inside, holding them bolted shut. Shit, he cursed to himself. Now what? None of the bookstores were open, and he didn't know any of his classmate's phone numbers to check and see if they had the book. He really, really wanted to make a good grade in this class. He thought briefly about breaking in, but decided pretty quickly that he wasn't that kind of guy. He'd rather have a bad grade on his record than jail time for breaking and entering.

He turned his gaze to the sky, cursing himself for being so last minute. That's when he noticed the lights on in the third floor stacks. A beacon of hope. Maybe a janitor would let him in, or better yet, maybe one of the employees was still there, since they'd just closed. He went back to the doors and banged hard on the glass, calling out.

"Hey! Excuse me! Anyone in there? Open up!" he pounded his fists against the glass, trying to get someone, anyone's attention. "Hello? Anyone in there? Helloooooooo?" he yelled. People in the surrounding dorms were starting to look out of their windows. He was about to give up, turning around to head back to his dorm in shame, resigned to his fate of failing his final, but he stopped when he heard chains rattle. He whipped around, and suddenly wished he hadn't.

There, looking at him through the glass, were those haunting green-yellow eyes from his childhood, his youth, and the darkest years of his life. They'd always been there, steady in the background. It only made sense that they showed up now. However, that didn't make the situation any easier to deal with.

To make matters worse, Alec caught the look on Magnus' face when their gazes locked; it stayed for a split second before it was covered with annoyance. 'What do you want?' was mouthed through the glass. Alec debated for a moment. He could just run back to the dorm, take the final in the morning and hope for the best, and not have to deal with all the feelings and memories that face brought up. Or he could tell the truth and say he needed a book and he would be in and out in a matter of seconds, he swore. Either way, he ended up looking like a complete jackass in front of Magnus, so he figured it really didn't matter.

He walked back up to the door. "I need a book!" he said.

"We have open hours, you know," said Magnus, his voice carrying muffled through the thick glass.

"I know but…it's really important. The exam is at eight in the morning and I haven't finished half the review. I really, really need that book," he pleaded. The eyes that stared back weren't completely hard, but they weren't pleasant or forgiving either. "I promise I'll only be like, two seconds!" he said. He must have looked sufficiently desperate, because the next thing he knew, Magnus was pulling the chain loose and opening the door for him. He stared for a second before rushing inside and wiping the small flurries of snow that had stuck to his jacket. "Thank you, so, so much. You really didn't have to do this," he said. He knew he was in danger of rambling, so he tried to shut up. Being around Magnus was something he needed to prepare himself for, and this was so unexpected that he wasn't quite sure how his body or his mind should be reacting. He settled for flustered idiocy.

"I know I didn't have to. I could shove you right back out the door, if that's what you'd prefer," said Magnus, the old sarcastic walls still solid. Alec couldn't blame him. They were probably like a fortress around Magnus' heart by now. There was no way any of that feeling, whatever it had been, remained for Alec, not after how he treated him. So why was he helping?

"So, why did you? Let me in, I mean."

Magnus only gave a shrug. "What do you need?" Alec gave him the name of the book. "That's on the fifth floor. Come on." He turned and led the way to the elevators, pressing the button to go up. Alec looked over at him. He looked tired; he'd probably been working here all day, and was now here late into the night tidying up or whatever it was they did after hours in a library. When the elevator doors opened, he figured Magnus would usher him inside and let him be on his way; so, he was surprised when he followed Alec inside, pressing the button for the fifth floor and settling against the opposite wall from Alec.

After a few seconds of silence, Alec couldn't help it. "So…how long have you worked here? I didn't know you went to NYU. But, I guess it's a big school and you can't really expect to run into everyone. I mean, we're only sophomores and all, so it's not like we've been here forever. It would take a long time for you to see everyone that went here. Not that you'd want to…you know I—" his brain finally succeeded in shutting his mouth off, much to his dismay. There was that rambling word vomit he'd been dreading. Go ahead, Alec. Make a complete fool of yourself.

Magnus was just looking at him like he'd lost his mind, but answered anyway. "Yes, I go here. We haven't run into each other probably because I study fashion. I'm assuming that's not anywhere close to your area of expertise," he chided, looking Alec's rumpled jeans and t-shirt up and down. Magnus, on the other hand, wore a fitted black vest over a pinstriped purple shirt and dark wash jeans that were so tight they looked like they were painted on. He had a small diamond stud in each ear and his hair was gelled into perfect spikes. He'd always been stylish and a little outlandish, which had gotten him ostracized in high school; not to mention he was out at the end of 9th grade. That sealed his fate as an outcast. But Magnus had always been the kind of person to let hate roll right off his back. He never batted an eye at the homophobic comments that were hurled at him in the halls; he was always smiling and walking straight and tall. The only time Alec had ever seen him weakened and vulnerable was when Alec himself was around. If only he'd noticed that back then.

The elevator dinged, effectively ending the short-lived conversation. They stepped out and Magnus led the way to the appropriate aisle, pressing a button to turn on the timed lights. They perused the shelves, searching for the title Alec needed. There were several books on International Finance, but they were having trouble finding the one his professor had mentioned. Both of them scanned the spines for a good five minutes before Magnus spotted it on the bottom shelf. Alec was on his tiptoes right above him, and when Magnus' face popped up it startled him and he almost tripped into the shelves. Luckily, a hand shot out and gripped his elbow, keeping him upright. He was momentarily stunned.

"Th-thanks," he stuttered as Magnus let him go quickly.

"No problem. Well, there you go," Magnus said, handing him the book. "Now, before I get into a shit-ton of trouble—"

"Magnus?" Alec interrupted him. Magnus stopped talking, looking at him questioningly. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I won't really get in that much trouble. Besides, I'll just tell them you harassed me until I gave in. This kind of thing happens more than you'd think," he went on, turning to walk back across the long floor to the elevator. They were way in the back, buried deep in the smell of old paper and binding. It was like being in another world. It was hard to believe there was a bustling city just outside those walls. The windows were high and let in the glow of the stars and skyscrapers surrounding the building.

"No, I mean…I'm sorry for…not kissing you back." At Magnus' questioning look, he went on. "That night we went to the movies. In eighth grade, in the back of the limo. I'm sorry I didn't kiss you back."

Magnus still had that steeled expression on, but he was starting to look a little uncomfortable. He scoffed. "Alec, that was like, ten years ago. I'm pretty sure I'm over it," he said, though rather unconvincingly.

Alec looked him in the eye for a long moment before stepping closer to him. They were toe to toe, and Magnus wasn't backing down. In fact, Alec could see his breathing pick up. "What if I'm not?"

And then the ten minute timer ran out on the light, and they were plunged into darkness; it was that kind of inky blackness that seemed completely solid, before your eyes could adjust to the change. They stood in silence for who knows how long.

Alec slowly leaned in to the spot where he remembered Magnus' mouth to be, his lips seeking out the long-ago familiarity and finally finding them, soft and pliant. He could tell Magnus was startled since he hadn't seen it coming, in the physical or emotional sense. He stayed rigid for a minute or two while Alec pressed their lips together tentatively. Inside, Alec's body was in an uproar; he remembered the taste of these lips. Magnus apparently wore the same chapstick he wore in eighth grade: grape. For some reason, it tasted like coming home. It was odd, being on the other end of a non-returned kiss, but Alec couldn't bring himself to regret it even if Magnus pushed him away now and kicked him out of the library and demanded never to see his face again. At least he would know he'd tried. He'd returned the kiss he should have given into almost ten years earlier. Better late than never, right?

He pulled his lips away reluctantly, figuring it was never going to go any further than that. But, there was one last thing that he needed to know. Since he was going all out with his idiocy tonight, he figured he'd throw it out there.

"You never answered me, that night at prom," he said into the darkness. His eyes were still closed, since it didn't make much difference anyway.

"What?" came the breathless inquiry, inches from his lips. He suppressed a sigh and bit his bottom lip hard before speaking again.

"Did you love me?" he asked slowly. He didn't understand why, but his heart felt like it had shorted out. It seemed that it, too, was silently awaiting the answer.

Suddenly, those sweet soft lips were on his again, this time needy and prodding, not frozen in fear and shock. He felt a moan vibrate through his mouth, and gave his own in answer. He opened up and welcomed Magnus in, his hands flying into the gelled spikes of Magnus' hair, pulling at them desperately. His partner pulled away again, this time pressing their foreheads together, their ragged breath mixing in the space between them. Magnus' hands were gripping his hips, holding him in place.

"Still." It was a choked whisper in darkness. Their lips crashed together again. It was all hands and knees and teeth and tongues, dancing together in seamless rhythm. Alec felt himself being pushed back, and all of a sudden his back collided with the book shelf behind him. Books crashed off their perches, raining down on either side of them, but they paid them no mind. Magnus shoved his body up against Alec in a desperate need for contact at all points, like he needed the electricity between them to live. Magnus' knee forced its way between Alec's legs and parted them, rubbing against the already bulging hardness at the apex.

"Magnus—" Alec panted, but couldn't finish the sentence.

"Alec, I…" Magnus whispered against his swollen lips. "I've loved you forever. I could never stop loving you, no matter how much I wanted to." He captured Alec's mouth again, nipping at his lip. "You're…you're everything beautiful in my life, and I could never have you," he whimpered before pulling Alec in again. Magnus devoured him like he was the last drink of water in the desert. It was clear that he thought Alec was going to snap out of it at any second, so he was taking all he could in the moment he'd been given.

"You know that's not true," Alec said, gripping the sides of Magnus' face and pulling him closer. He placed a lighter kiss against the corner of his mouth, trying to slow down their progress, not to mention their breathing. Also, he wanted Magnus to understand. "You could always have me. I just…never let myself want you." He brushed his thumb across that tanned cheek, feeling the softness he'd dreamed about and admired. "I wasted a lot of years hiding. And at prom, what you said…you set me free. I'm out now, and my life is so much easier."

They kissed a few more times, lips lingering and caressing. Alec went on. "But there's always going to be something missing…without you. I know that now. As cheesy as it sounds, you've always been the one. The one who was there all the time, but I just couldn't see past my own stupidity." He heard Magnus suck in a breath. "Magnus, I think…I've been in love with you forever. I just never let myself believe it."

Magnus looked up at him through the darkness, their eyes adjusting enough to be able to see each other this close. "Do you believe it now?" he asked quietly, his eyes full of pleading and anticipation.

"More than anything," Alec answered. He leaned in again and held them together as their tongues moved against each other in perfect tandem. It was like Magnus knew exactly what he wanted. All the other guys Alec had kissed…they didn't click with him. It took once for Alec to know Magnus was right, and twice for him to know it for sure. That was all.

Magnus continued to push him up against the shelf, sealing their bodies together against the uneven surface of spines. Alec threaded his hands into Magnus' hair again and began to pull them both down, sliding down the shelf to the floor. As they knelt, Alec shrugged his jacket off and tossed it aside. He went to work on Magnus' vest, tearing it away. The same happened with the dress shirt underneath it. Magnus, meanwhile, all but ripped Alec's t-shirt over his head, adding it to the growing pile of clothes there in the middle of the aisle. Alec pushed Magnus down to the floor, going to work on his studded belt, Magnus doing the same with the button on Alec's jeans. He got it popped open before he let out a long moan at Alec's hands on his erection through his boxers.

Alec straddled Magnus' hips as he palmed him, rubbing up and down in a deliberate rhythm. He couldn't believe he thought he knew what beauty was before. This…was beauty. Magnus Bane's glorious, slim figure writhing on the floor, head thrown back and eyes slipping shut. He almost couldn't help himself. But, before he knew it, Magnus was rolling them to the side, pinning Alec beneath him. He pulled Alec's loose jeans off his hips, and Alec kicked them off as Magnus ran his smooth hands over the planes of Alec's chest. It was like heaven feeling those hands on him; like they knew exactly what he wanted, where to be touched, caressed, and pulled at. Alec kept his hand on Magnus' erection on top of his boxers as Magnus shimmied out of his skin-tight jeans.

"Wait," Magnus said, panting, as if it hurt him to stop. "Are we really gonna do this here? I mean, I've got protection but we don't really necessarily have the proper lubrication and such. Don't you want to go back to the dorm?"

Alec, laying there and seeing stars from the thought of what was to come, couldn't even bear to think of postponing this until they could get back to the dorm. Plus, there was no way in hell they'd get any privacy, and he was not going to have his first time interrupted by a puking coed. He suddenly thanked his lucky stars that his roommate was obsessed with his love life.

"Check my right pocket," he said. Magnus dug through the pile of denim and came up with a tiny packet of lube. He gave Alec an undefinable look.

"Strawberry?" he asked with a slight smirk. Alec's face grew red.

"Simon put it there okay? He's made it his life's mission to get me laid."

"Well," Magnus said, ripping the packet open with his teeth, "We can just tell good old Simon that his mission is accomplished." He smiled as he leaned down to kiss Alec again.

Sooner or later, the underwear was finally off. Yes, they were going to do this. At Bobst. In the stacks. Where people studied and hung out and everything. On the ugly blue carpet that one could never be sure was clean. And somehow, it was still romantic, because it was Magnus, and Alec had been waiting to give himself over for a long time.

He felt a cool, wet finger push inside him as Magnus' tongue swirled against the roof of his mouth. Alec let out a soft "Mmmm" at the pleasant sensation. Magnus slid the digit in and out a couple of times before adding another, stretching him slowly. Alec's body adjusted fast, and all he could say was "More, more, more," in a strangled voice.

When Magnus pulled his fingers out, he thought he was going to cry. "Please, Magnus. Please," he begged, tugging at Magnus' biceps to get him to come closer. But Magnus was searching around the heap of clothes for something. He pulled his wallet out of the pocket of his jeans and fished a condom out of it. For some reason, that image made it finally real for Alec. His body seized up and his eyes went glassy for a moment, not sure of himself.

Magnus bent down and placed a gentle pair of lips above his eyebrow. "It's okay if you don't want to keep going. I'll understand," he said softly. Just as the feeling of insecurity had rushed in, it left Alec in a flood. Yes, he wanted this. No, he didn't want to stop.

"Magnus, I want this. I promise. It's just…I've never…" he trailed off in embarrassment.

"You think I care about that?" Magnus asked. He smiled down at Alec, and the fear and apprehension were all but gone. Magnus read Alec's face, seeing the compliance, and continued his task. He tore open the foil wrapper and slipped the condom on, leaning over on his hands and knees. On instinct, it seemed, Alec wrapped a leg around Magnus' hip, settling his heel into the dip where Magnus' ass met the top of his thigh. Magnus took Alec's other leg and hooked it in the crook of his elbow as he leaned down, pulling Alec open.

Alec tried to relax his body and his racing mind as Magnus placed gentle kisses against his chin, the corners of his mouth, his forehead, his nose, everywhere. He continued as he began to push in slowly, settling his lips against Alec's temple. Occasionally he would place a kiss on the furrow between Alec's brows, trying to smooth it away as his forehead wrinkled in pain. But Alec's body seemed to accept Magnus more readily than he'd thought, and soon he was buried completely, their chests pressed together, already beading with sweat.

Alec's teeth found Magnus' earlobe and nipped, trying to diffuse some of the discomfort he was feeling. Magnus stayed still for a few more moments until Alec bucked his hips up and startled a moan out of him. He began with a slow, deliberate rhythm, setting a steady pace. Alec was grateful for the minimalism at first, simply because he was still getting used to the feeling of being so filled up.

"Oh my god, Alec," Magnus panted against his temple as his body moved in and out in a flawless, fluid motion. He was graceful in every aspect, Alec thought, even in making love. It made perfect sense.

"Magnus…harder, Magnus please," Alec whispered. He started to dig his heel into Magnus' ass, urging him deeper and faster. Magnus did his best to serve Alec's demands, pulling his leg up higher and throwing it over his shoulder. His lips left Alec's temple and went to the side of his knee, which was caressing Magnus' cheek at the moment. He let his tongue slip behind the bend to the thin, sensitive skin at the back of his knee. Alec almost had a heart attack, his body racked with pleasure. He heard Magnus cry out as he involuntarily tightened around him. Alec's hands were pulling Magnus' mouth back down to his, knocking their teeth and tongues together.

He wrapped his arms possessively around Magnus' waist, effectively limiting Magnus' freedom to pull out further than about an inch. He settled for grinding against Alec, pushing as deep as his hips would allow. Alec felt a brush against the bundle of nerves inside him, and stars exploded behind his eyes. Magnus hit it every time he circled his hips; constant pressure and rubbing on the spot made Alec's whole body begin to shake. He pulled himself against Magnus with all his waning strength, intent on melting them together. His own erection was sandwiched firmly between them, gliding over Magnus' slim abs, slick with their sweat. His will power was fading, he was giving in.

It was the sound Magnus made when he came that finally did Alec in. It was the most desperate cry of relief from years of torture that he'd ever heard. He let go of all his fear and self-loathing in that instant, letting himself be free, finally. It was the most rewarding feeling he'd ever experienced: giving into who he was. Sure he'd been with other guys and kissed and things like that, but that wasn't who he was. Who he was, was in love with the man above him, inside him. He'd been in love with him for years without ever acknowledging it. And that beautiful man felt the same. It was something rare in the world, and it was all his.

Magnus relinquished his hold on Alec's leg, letting his knee fall open on the floor and sliding out slowly. They lay there for who knows how long, panting and trying to slow their heart rates down. When Magnus lifted his head to look at Alec, all Alec could do was lean up and capture his lips once again. It was the only thing that felt right in the world at that moment.

At ten o'clock the next morning, Alec came back from his exam—feeling alright about his performance on it—and smiled at finding his bed just as he'd left it, with a sleeping prince tangled in the denim colored sheets, on his stomach with his head hanging off the pillow, his arm draped off the side of the bed. He dropped his bag on the floor quietly, and shucked his jeans and t-shirt. He climbed into bed as gently as possible, but Magnus was out like a light. Alec smiled as he snuggled up to him, laying his cheek in the dip between Magnus' shoulder blades. Two princes fell into a deep sleep, their castle hearts guarded by the walls of love—the kind that's always there, waiting just beyond the dragon, if you have the courage to slay it.

Hope you liked it! If you'd be so kind, please leave me a review and tell me what you thought. I'm always interested in your opinions, but especially when I step out of my norm. Thank you all! And Happy Birthday, FlyAwayDreams!