I don't own Death Note

Chapter 51 Father

"DAD!"

The scream tore through my throat, ripping at my vocal cords. The feeling of terror was overwhelming. Fear? I had known nothing of it before this moment. As I stood there, surrounded by rubble and fire, smoke choking me, did I have my realization.

Light was a murderer. Sayu most likely traumatized. Maybe even a vegetable. My father was on the verge of dying. And my mother. God, my mother. How could she stand this? Watching her family slip away one by one. Would she be able keep on living? If we were all gone and she was left alone?

All I could imagine was her standing alone. Her shoulders hunched in grief. Tears flowing down her face.

Like mine I realized, feeling water tricking out of my eyes. But I was done crying, wasn't I? I had been done crying for Light and L and Tai and the whole damn world. I almost wanted to laugh. All that blustering and conviction and promises and here I was; the tears still fresh and ready.

I grit my teeth and viciously rubbed the tears away, smearing soot and ash across my face. Kira was killing my family without even raising a finger. Just sacrificing them. I could feel my anger returning. The desire to scream at the sky and demand for everything to be put back the way it was. Or the ability to shatter everything if I couldn't have my way. I really was a child. A child on a childish rampage for revenge.

I disgust myself.

But right now, I needed to be with Dad. I wiped my eyes once more for good measure before running towards him, the heat from the ruins searing. I dropped to my knees beside his body as I fumbled to find his pulse. It was faint, but still there. And he was breathing. His chest was rising and falling ever so slightly. I laughed weakly in relief. Until the light of the fire illuminated what was in his hands.

The death note.

He had managed to retrieve it. But if Dad had it…was Mello dead? Or was this some part of a convoluted plan he had concocted? Or was this Near's device. Whatever it was, I wanted to destroy it. The fire behind me crackled and burned; the flames inviting me to destroy the weapon.

I reached for it. My fingers brushed the cover.

"Rei…" Dad croaked out.

My hand fell limply to my side.

"Hey, Dad," I answered weakly. "Long time no see."

"CHIEF!"

"CHIEF!"

Matsuda dropped to the ground next to me. Aizawa hovered behind him.

"Chief, are you alright?" Matsuda asked in panic. His eyes fell to what Dad was now clutching to his chest. "You still have the notebook!"

"I'll be alright, Ma-" Dad's reassurance was cut short by a fit of violent coughing. Blood dripped from his mouth.

"Get the ambulance. Now," I ordered. "We can't afford to remain anonymous. Dad needs medical attention."

"Rei…" Matsuda said quietly.

"I said now god damn it! He's dying! NOW!" I screamed.

Matsuda flinched, but did as told.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Rei," Aizawa said softly. "It'll be alright. We'll get him help. You'll see. He'll be able to walk home on his own tw-"

"Where's Light?" I demanded.

"I can't tell y-"

"Where is he? He's not even going to watch as his own father dies by his own hand? Or is Kira too good for that? DOES KIRA EVEN HAVE A FATHER? Or has his own godlike persona already convinced himself he was never human? Or do you even still believe that he's innocent WHERE IS MY BROTHER?" I turned to glare at Aizawa. He had stepped back, his face uneasy.

Aizawa turned away his gaze sinking to the ground. "I can't tell you," he said.

The flashing was getting closer followed by the sirens. I turned back to my father taking one of his hands in mine. I swallowed heavily. "It's gonna be okay, Dad," I murmured. "I promise. You're gonna be fine. A-a-and we're gonna go home. And we're gonna see Mom and Sayu a-and we're gonna smile and laugh and be a family. A-and we're gonna catch Kira and everything will be okay." The tears were coming again. I didn't bother to wipe them away. "Okay?"

Dad smiled softly up at me. "Do you promise?" he managed to say, pulling his hand free and raising his pinky slowly.

I laughed softly, crying even harder now. "P-promise," I answered wrapping my pinky around his.

A door slammed and I heard footsteps behind me. "Miss, I need you to let go now. We need to take him," a medic asked. I nodded and wiped my eyes again. Dad was lifted into the ambulance. "Would you like to come with us?" I nodded and he helped me into the ambulance.

I shuddered in the sterile white environment. Dad was unconscious now and I watched as they worked over him; attempting to save his life. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see my father as they all huddled over him. A breathing corpse.

Dad was asleep. He looked so frail. So broken. And so tired. Was it selfish of me to want to keep him alive? After all the pain he had put himself through? But what was worse, hoping he survived for my sake? Or hoping he would…die, if only to end his misery? Either option was cruel no matter what my intentions.

But I still wasn't as cruel as him. I clenched my fists as I watched Light come in, oblivious to my presence in the dark hospital room. I wasn't as cruel as this man who had deceived our father and then killed him.

"Come on! Please, Dad! You can't die on me like this!" Light pleaded. He would still pretend. Light would still pretend that he even cared that Dad was going to die.

"… Light …." Dad whispered.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Eh …, thank… goodness…." Dad sighed softly.

"You'll be fine. It's okay," Light reassured.

"Light… I still have them….I still have the Shinigami eyes…. According to that Shinigami Ryuk, I can't see the life-span of someone who owns a notebook….But I can see the numbers above your head…Light…you really aren't Kira…I'm so glad…. My son." Dad blinked slowly.

"Don't tell me you're still worried about that, chief. Of course he's not Kira," Matsuda said with a small smile.

"You shouldn't talk so much, Dad" Light said softly.

"I…I'm so sorry…but, in the end, I couldn't do it, I couldn't bring myself to kill him…." Dad apologized.

"Come on! Dad! Write his name! You can't let him beat you like this! Write his name down! With your last bit of strength, do you want to die in vain? Dad! No!"

Even now he was still trying to manipulate Dad as he was dying. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted them all to be able to see the blood on his hands.

"… Light," Dad managed to whisper.

The heart monitor beside him flat lined. His eyes closed and his final words faded away.

Soichiro Yagami, my father, was dead.

"I'm sorry for your loss," a doctor attempted to console.

"Dad, wake up! Come on, damn it! Don't you die on me, you idiot!" Light screamed as his sobbed over Dad's body.

He was crying. Weeping. Always keeping up the appearances. Even when Dad was dead.

"You think you still have the right to act like you care?" I asked flatly.

Light turned to face me his eyes wide. "Rei," he said in shock.

"You still think you have the right to pretend to mourn him after you sent him to his death?" I demanded. "After you tried to make a murderer out of him? Or did you simply want to bloody his hands in order to make him fit your image of a god. ANSWER ME!"

"I'm not Kira, Rei," Light said in response. "Dad, he could…he could see my lifespan!"

I gazed at him coldly. "We both know all that means is that you aren't currently in possession of a notebook."

"You're letting Ryuzaki's past accusations get the better of you! You want a scapegoat for Dad's death," Light accused. "Ryuzaki-"

"Don't," I said harshly. "Don't say his name. You don't even deserve to use his alias, let alone carry his title. All you are is a liar. A false god."

Ide, Aizawa, and Matsuda parted the way for me as I walked toward Dad. I kissed his forehead and grabbed the notebook from Light, sprinting for the roof. I could hear them following me. I ran out into the cool air as they shouted my name.

"SIDOH!" I yelled. I skidded to a stop, watching the shinigami swoop down in front of me.

"REI!"

"COME BACK!"

"Another shinigami?" I heard Light ask. I ignored the men behind me as they made their surprise known.

"You need this don't you?" I asked. "In order to live?"

"Yes," Sidoh answered.

"Take it back," I said thrusting the notebook back. "Never drop it in the human world." He reached out accepting the small black book and flew off without another world.

We all watched as he flew away, his silhouette disappearing. I shivered when a particularly cold gust of wind blew through.

"I almost believed you Light," I said suddenly catching everyone off guard. "I could almost believe that you meant everything you said to him." I looked over my shoulder locking eyes with my so called brother. "Until you started to cry." I smiled bitterly at him. "Why would a god ever cry for a human?"

"I'm not Kira, Rei," Light said gently. The task force stood nervously behind him. Aizawa, Mogi and Ide had looks of doubt on their faces. "I'm not Kira and I never was or will be! What can I say to make you understand that?" Light adopted a look of grief on his face. "Dad's dead now, Rei. Can't you put this aside for his sake? Do you think he's proud that you're doing this?" Light asked.

"Do you think he's proud his son is a murderer?" I retorted. Light simply stared at me, willing me to back down. "I'm leaving," I said. "Don't try to follow me."

I went back down into the hospital with every intention of fleeing, until the phone Matt had given me rang.

"Hello?" I asked dully.

"Rei? Are you okay?"

"Matt? I'm fine, what about…" I trailed off as a nurse walked by eyeing me suspiciously

"…he's burned. Badly. H-he needs a doctor."

"I'll handle it," I said fiercely. "I'm more or less in the equivalent of doctor heaven. I'll just borrow one. Where are you?"

"At the small motel four blocks from headquarters. Room 4A. And Rei?"

"Yeah, Matt?"

"Hurry."

I heard a dial tone. Right. I needed a doctor. Preferably one who would cooperate at gunpoint and not call the police.

"Shit," I muttered.

"Rei?"

"I told you not to follo-" I stopped midsentence as I turned to face the man who had said my name.

"Kinoshita?" I asked in shock.

The man who had assisted Minagawa with his insane kidnapping plan, but had changed sides and had helped me escape the maniac's clutches.

"It is you!" Kinoshita exclaimed with a smile. "I couldn't be sure…. What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

He looked momentarily confused. "I told you I was coming to California remember?"

"…California." I blinked. He smiled to himself. "I've always wanted to go to California." I smiled back.

"I'll look you up there when all this shit is over," I promised.

"Deal."

"Right," I said smiling sheepishly. "I'm still a little foggy on some of the details from back then."

He winced. "Right. Sorry. That was stupid of me."

I shrugged. It was inconsequential now. I blinked, noticing he was in scrubs. "Are you a doctor?" I asked.

"Not yet," he said with a laugh. "I'm still a student."

"But you still have some medical knowledge?" I pressed. "Can you treat burns?"

"Yeah. That relatively basic. Why?"

Kinoshita," I said aloud. "You never asked about him."

"Ah yes, Minagawa's lackey. In truth, it did not concern me," L answered.

"You knew who he was?" I couldn't keep some surprise out of my voice. L sent me a look that clearly said: what do you take me for?

"It was not difficult to look through past records and testimonies given on Minagawa to determine who would be assisting him. I did not consider it relevant to the case. The case itself was not even reported to the police. It ended neatly without having to involve the law enforcement, and it would only create complications to do so." I winced at the word neatly. "I am restraining myself from any sort of research into the man as a reward for participating in your escape. However, I am assuming you are aware of his location." I nodded. "Then he will be the first contact you can add to your arsenal."

"But he doesn't owe me anything," I argued.

"Not by your reasoning, no. It is as simple for you as he righted a wrong and therefore owes you nothing. However, you must take into consideration Kinoshita's own nature. By his calculations, he still owes you and will continue to do so until he dies, so I would suggest you use him sparingly. He may very well kill himself if you ask for too large of a favor."

"I need to ask you for a favor, but you can't tell anyone about it."

"Anything!" Kinoshita promised.

"My friend is hurt. I don't know the extent of the injuries, just that he's burned pretty badly," I explained.

"Let's go."

I blinked. "You're okay with that?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Now we should probably go right?"

"Do you have a car?" He nodded. "Then yes, we should go."

"Matt," I hissed at the door, knocking furiously. "Matt!"

Matt opened the door. He was visibly shaking and I'm sure his face would have been pale if not for the ash and burns marking his face. He leaned heavily on the doorframe; more than a slight change from his normally chipper state. That if anything, demonstrated how bad Mello must have been.

When neither of us said anything else, Kinoshita nervously spoke. "Is this the friend? He doesn't look too bad at all."

I shook my head. "Come on," I muttered, slipping past Matt inside the motel room. Kinoshita followed. Matt shut the door behind us.

"C'mon," Matt said hollowly, staring at the floor. "He's in here." Matt opened another door in the tiny sitting room, leading to a bedroom.

All three of us squeezed inside and stood around the edges of the tiny bed Mello was laid out on. I exhaled sharply. He looked terrible. Matt hadn't been exaggerating his condition, if anything, he had understated it. I had been expecting major burns scattered across his body, not this…complete obliteration of his entire left side of his face.

The burn was an angry red, blackening in some places and encrusted in rubble in others. It started at his forehead and continued down underneath the remains of his shirt possibly down the entire length of his body. Aside from that, burns were scattered across his right side as well, though they looked treatable. He was breathing weakly and muttering something. In his hand he clenched his rosary.

"When I found him, h-he was pinned under a beam," Matt choked out. "He's conscious now, but he won't talk to me."

"I'm going to have to ask you both to wait outside," Kinoshita said blanching. "I'm sorry."

"Come on, Matt," I said gently, tugging him out the door. I led him to the couch. He sat numbly, resting his elbows on his knees and sinking his head into his hands. We sat there in silence, ignoring the occasional muffled grunts of pain coming from the room we had just left.

"He'll be alright, Matt," I attempted to comfort.

"I know he will," Matt said, "but did you see him? Do you know what kind of scars he's going to have to live with for the rest of his life?" Matt questioned, furious with himself. "I didn't get there soon enough and now Mells has to pay for it for the rest of his life!"

I sighed heavily. "Look," I began firmly. "Do you honestly think he'll care about any of that?" Matt looked at me in confusion. "Is this the same kid that we've been watching prance around in leather and ordering around the mafia for the past month? If anything he'll take it in his stride," I said with a weak smile. "He's gonna get through this, Matt. And besides," I added, "I'm sure he's had his fair share of scars before."

Matt took this in for a minute. "He's gonna be pissed to find out you called him a kid," he said finally.

I managed a laugh and he smiled. "He's been calling me a little girl for the past month," I pointed out.

Matt laughed before sobering. "How is your father?"

The smile fell from my face. "He's dead," I said softly.

"Fuck," Matt hissed. "I'm such an ass," he muttered his head falling into his hands.

"It's okay," I reassured him. "It was his time. If it wasn't this, he would have died the next day anyway." Matt looked confused. "He ended up making the shinigami eye trade. Aizawa explained it to me while the doctors were working on Dad. He thought he owed me that much," I said darkly. "But in order to get the eyes, you have to give up your remaining lifespan. And since he did it before the raid…he only had about a day left before he would have died of natural causes. This way at least he got to die for something he felt was meaningful."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Matt pressed. "You're looking at this rather…clinically."

I shrugged. "I can't really afford not to be." I closed my eyes brushing my hair away from my face. "If I think too hard about any of this I'll just wind up doing something stupid. I almost did tonight when I saw Light. But now I know he can't kill me after I accused him in front of the task force; it would be too convenient. At least I accomplished something."

"And he just let you go?" Matt asked.

"It would have been suspicious to the task force if he had dragged me back to Japan. I'm sure Light gave them some story about how it was more important to stop Kira so I would believe him of my own free will," I guessed, opening my eyes again.

We stopped speaking again and I eventually fell asleep. I woke up the next morning curled up on the floor. I groggily sat up and focused blearily on the person who now occupied the couch.

"Kinoshita? Where's Matt?" I asked hastily rubbing my eyes.

"He left to get some of the things he'll need to treat the boy back there. I was only staying until you woke up." Kinoshita to stood and turned to leave.

I scrambled to my feet. "But he'll be okay?" I demanded.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" he called over his shoulder, shutting the door behind him.

I bit my lip and slowly walked over to the door between Mello and myself. I hesitated, but eventually turned the knob, pulling the door open.

"M ells?" I asked softly.

There was a low wheeze and a Mello's normal sarcastic laugh. "Don't tell me you're starting on with that damn nickname too?"

"You sound like yourself."

Mello lifted his head to look at me. "Why wouldn't?" He coughed heavily. I winced. "Fucking smoke inhalation." He lowered his head again. "The whelp you brought couldn't really do anything about that without an oxygen mask."

"But you're not in pain?" I asked in confusion.

"Was. Then he doped me up pretty good. It's surprising what he was carrying on himself in his basic first aid kit. How the hell did you get him to come here?"

"He owed me a favor," I said vaguely. "But before that, what was it like?"

He paused. "It was like I was fucking on fire. I kept telling Matt to put me out." He barked out a bitter laugh. "And then I realized that I wasn't, and that I was worse than I thought off."

"You were holding you're rosary," I observed. "Were you praying?"

"Like hell," Mello confirmed. "But it was more like, 'GOD, IF I FUCKING DIE BEFORE I CATCH KIRA AND RUB IT IN NEAR'S FACE, I'M KICKING YOUR ASS.'"

I sat on the side of the bed and looked intently at the wall paper. "But you believe in God?" I asked.

"Yeah why? You don't?" He didn't say it with any judgment in his voice, just honest curiosity.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I'd like to believe in one…" I trailed off. "Why do you believe in God?" I asked trying to understand exactly what I was hoping for in his answers.

He didn't answer and I turned to look at him, worried I had somehow offended him. Instead, he merely looked like he really was mulling it over.

"Because it would be pretty sad to look around and think this was it," he said finally.

I considered this answer and decided it contained whatever reassurance I was looking for.

"…do you think my father is in heaven?"

"Yeah. I think he is."

~Author's Note~

I'm a terrible terrible person who was gone far longer than I should have been. I'm so sorry! I SUCK.

If you would like a better apology, I refer you to the song We're So Starving by Panic! at the Disco. You may even laugh.

Anyway. I will try to write like crazy to meet my deadline of July 31st, incidentally Harry Potter's birthday (!) Sorry. I know it's not really apparent from my favorites, stories or profile, but I'm a huge Potterhead.

As for Rei retaining her memories, both Mello and the task force still have their memories (though I'm still a little foggy on how) so I'm following that.

Thank you so much for the reviews!

trollin: uh…here?

AlbinoButterfly: Yes. Things will happen. Many things…

Katybugg: Yes. I am your master. OBEY ME SLAVE. I apologize. Too much Homestuck is not healthy when responding to people on the internet. July 24th? You got it ;)

ari from pari: It appears I have many convertees from last chapter. Hehehe…I will wield death to whoever I wish!