Chapter 5

Disclaimer: It's not my birthday yet, but I also haven't given up hope yet. And if it's not for my birthday, maybe I can get them for Christmas?

oOo

Somewhere on Naboo, still under water:

The not-bongo was presently diving into a tunnel that looked exactly like the one they had just fled into from the "bigger fish" (or not "bigger fish", in that case).

"Where wesa goin?" Jar Jar wanted to know after already being on his way to wherever they were headed for about half an hour. He really had to prove every few minutes that he was not the brightest creature on this planet… or probably any other planet, for that matter.

Qui-Gon, being Qui-Gon, instantly replied: "Don't worry, the Force will guide us."

Obi-Wan could feel another one of his Master's fits of backseat-driving coming along, leading the way and all the while claiming that the Force told him where to go. If it really was the Force that was guiding them whenever Master Qui-Gon decided where to go, Obi-Wan had to suspect that it had a rather poor sense of direction.

Jar Jar had heard a lot about the Force and was genuinely in awe of anyone who could use it. He had always admired the Jedi Knights in the tales his mother used to tell him when he was still a small tadpole and he had a healthy dose of respect for this arcane power.

"Oh, maxi big, da Force," he said. But it didn't come out quite as deferential as it was intended, Jar Jar being the one who was speaking. It rather sounded condescending and mocking and earned him an offended stare from Obi-Wan.

Displeased with his own choice of words, Jar Jar tried to make amends by making his own statement look bad. "Well, dat smells stinkowiff."

But his apology wasn't received the way it was meant either, only deepening the frown on Obi-Wan's face. But that might also be due to the alarms sounding as the lights dimmed and the engines failed.

"We're losing power." Obi-Wan was obviously back to stating the obvious. He thought that it was an acceptable alternative to cursing in the most foul and colourful terms he could think of.

"Oh, no!" exclaimed the one person… creature… whatever on board who could survive in the water without problems, seeing as Jar Jar was of a species actually native to water.

The lights flickered and died and the not-bongo slowly started to sink. In Obi-Wan's opinion, it was not such a huge surprise that they had trouble with their vehicle because said vehicle was currently sporting a huge hole in its hull. In fact, it was rather a miracle that not all the circuits had already shortened out and their ship had not already sunk to the ground, slowly filling up with water.

"Wesa dyin' here!" Jar Jar whined.

Obi-Wan considered this overdramatic. For the Jedi, there was a slight risk of dying, even if it seemed very far-fetched at this point. Obi-Wan was quite sue that as main characters, they got to live a little longer than that. But Jar Jar could breathe under water and his body was adjusted to living in the depths. So the only way he could die was if he got himself eaten by some huge gooberfish. And Obi-Wan wouldn't let it get so far, so Jar Jar's demise was still far off. More's the pity…

Looking at the control panel, the Padawan quickly saw that their ship was in surprisingly good condition, given that it had almost been eaten just moments before. Simply readjusting the power from the systems leaking the electricity into the water to systems that were still intact would do the trick, and it would only take a few seconds.

Meanwhile, Qui-Gon tried to calm down the distraught Gungan who was once again very close to pushing random red buttons in his reach. Not that it would do much good now that the power was gone, but still it probably wasn't a very brilliant idea.

"Just relax. We're not in trouble yet," said the Jedi Master on the backseat, completely unfazed by their current predicament. He was confident that his Padawan would get them out of this one, as he usually did.

"What, 'yet'?" Jar Jar asked, incredulous, just as Obi-Wan turned on the emergency power so that at least the lights were back on.

"Monsters out dare. Leak'n' in here. All sink'n and no power? Whena yousa tinkin wesa in trouble?" he hysterically tried to get through to Qui-Gon, who still didn't look in the least bit concerned. Thinking that it was not the Jedi Master's fault if he was a bit slow on the uptake, Jar Jar tried to explain the severity of their situation. He knew too well what it was like to slightly lose one's grip on reality, and obviously Qui-Gon was not completely aware of what was going on at the moment.

Thankfully, Obi-Wan managed to hotwire their means of transport right then, so that further discussions were prevented.

"Power's back," he said because he suspected that at least Jar Jar didn't notice the obvious right now and so it wouldn't hurt to inform the frantic Gungan. And besides, stating the obvious was what he was best at. He had always been top of his class in that particular subject in his time as a youngling at the Temple.

But the answer he got was not the expected half-serious reprimand from Qui-Gon but an ear-splitting shriek from Jar Jar: "Waaah! Monster's back!"

From the backseat came the admonishing voice of Qui-Gon Jinn: "Padawan, what did I tell you about stating the obvious? That Monster is taking up all of the view from the front window, how should anyone have failed to notice it? You should really do something about that annoying habit of yours. And besides, there is also no need to screech like that. This is a small craft and not the Death Star, and we can all hear you perfectly well if you talk moderately."

While steering their ship safe of the huge teeth of the slug-like thing that obviously found two Jedi and a Gungan in a bin very appetizing, Obi-Wan protested: "But Master, that wasn't me. I know that I tend to occasionally state the obvious, but I would never shriek like that. Just out of curiosity: What made you think…"

But his objection was quickly cut short as he rather focused on evading being eaten - yet again.

This was truly not a day of warm welcomes…

Obi-Wan wondered if that monster and any further monsters that might conveniently pop up in the next few minutes had been attracted by the electric discharge their damaged craft had sent out earlier or whether the Force was simply out to get them. And whatever his Master said, sometimes he couldn't help but think that the Force really must hate a certain Obi-Wan Kenobi.

At least Qui-Gon was finally taking care of Jar Jar, who was completely out of his mind, looking around aimlessly, gesturing wildly and again dangerously close to indiscriminately pushing buttons on the control panel of their ship.

Placing a hand on Jar Jar's shoulder, Qui-Gon soothingly muttered "Relax!" at which the Gungan promptly slumped in his seat, though Obi-Wan was not sure if that was from his Master's Force suggestion or from the shock of having someone grab his shoulder from behind when he was already in a panic or probably a mix of both.

With a dramatic sigh, Jar Jar was out cold.

Now, the Gungan was lying on the floor of their little craft in a near-comatose condition. Clearly, this was too much for Jar Jar. The Force suggestion Qui-Gon had used could have knocked out a furious rancor.

"You overdid it," Obi-Wan commented. But he would do hell and use the Force to bring the Gungan back to consciousness while they were still chased by the fluorescent slug, already having enough problems to deal with as it were.

And just as Obi-Wan was thinking that the exit of the tunnel they were presently leaving seemed somewhat familiar, the head of Godzilla popped into view, teeth and all. Swerving the not-bongo around in a desperate attempt to avoid being crushed by thousands of sharp teeth, they managed to narrowly escape their untimely demise. Their pursuer was not so lucky and ended up as dessert for Godzilla (the gooberfish it had devoured earlier had been the hors d'oeuvre).

Being a bit distracted by all the dangerous sea-life trying to eat them, Obi-Wan totally didn't expect what happened next.

With a gleeful smile all over his face, his joy clearly reflected in his eyes and a satisfied tone in his voice, Qui-Gon stated: "There is always a bigger fish!"

Failing to see how these circumstances differed from the ones earlier so that his Master's favourite bit of wisdom was suddenly 'applicable to the situation', Obi-Wan was seriously considering banging his head repeatedly against the controls if it weren't for the danger of crashing against a wall of rocks or maybe yet another 'bigger fish' showing up and trying to eat them.

With a little prodding through the Force, Obi-Wan got Jar Jar out of his Qui-Gon-induced coma. Slowly, the Gungan was coming back around, although Obi-Wan certainly hadn't intended for him to be awake so soon. As he looked to where his Master was pointing as he told him to head for some outcropping or other, his suspicion that they had been going around in a huge circle was affirmed. That 'outcropping' they were aiming for was exactly the same round and even tunnel they had passed twice already. Small wonder they had encountered Godzilla twice, as well, if they were passing the same spot again and again. But his Master's tone didn't brook any argument, so the Padawan did as he was told, hoping that 'the Force' (as Qui-Gon usually titled his terrible sense of direction) would eventually lead them to Theed…

oOo

On the surface of Naboo, a huge army of battle droids was nearing Theed, the capital city of Naboo, and by default also the palace where Queen Amidala was standing at a ceiling-high window, staring out at her beautiful city being invaded. Momentarily, a sad expression crossed her face before she schooled her features back into an unreadable expression – it was one of her favourite expressions, she thought it gave her an aura of maturity and mystery.

Outside, the droids were advancing, and the viceroy of the Trade Federation had just arrived on the huge plaza in front of the palace.

Then, with an audible sigh, she remembered her duties as a queen and called to her servants to carry her back to her quarters - she was incapable of walking in that extremely stiff dress – where she would have to exchange this ridiculously elaborate gown for another one which was just as ridiculously elaborate. It was the least she could do for her people. And it certainly wouldn't do to wear the same thing for any extended period of time.

oOo

Not very much later, a commander of the battle droids informed the leaders of the Trade Federation: "Viceroy, we have captured the Queen."

"Ah, Victory." The viceroy sighed.

His assistant dared to remark: "Um, viceroy, the name's Victoria, and Victoria is Naboo's former Queen who has been replaced by Queen Amidala a few months ago. You talked to her earlier today, remember?"

At first, Nute Gunray confusedly blinked a few times before he remembered. "Ah, yes! Of course! I had wondered when Victoria had grown so young and pale. I had completely forgotten about this new Queen."

And with that, he proceeded through his new city, the assistant following in his wake, worriedly shaking his head.

oOo

Meanwhile, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Jar Jar were finally arriving in Theed.

Obi-Wan was glad that they had somehow managed to find their way, though they had certainly never come near the planet core. It was doubtful that their tiny craft would have been able to deal with lava, anyway.

"Dis'n loverly!" Jar Jar remarked upon seeing the impressive city that spoke of a rich culture and wealthy citizens. Neither of the Jedi could disagree with that.

They had arrived in the middle of some kind of river or elongated lake that was in the middle of the city. Obi-Wan immediately disabled the shields that kept out the water, desperate for some fresh air that didn't reek of perfume. Damn the Trade Federation and their anti-Jedi weapons…

At once Qui-Gon stood up although they were still in the middle of the water and he couldn't possibly go anywhere without getting wet. Obi-Wan feared that his Master would jump into the water, which would require that he follow his Master's lead. But fortunately, Qui-Gon just wanted to stretch his long legs which had been cramped into the back of the not-bongo.

oOo

In the palace, the Queen, her trusted advisor, Sio Bibble, and half a dozen of her handmaidens along with Captain Panaka were accompanied by the viceroy, his assistant and a bunch of battle droids.

Queen Amidala wasn't wearing her red gown anymore but a huge black monstrosity complete with scary black bird nesting on the top of her head. She had changed her attire in record time, considering that it looked very complicated to put on and the hairdo alone had probably taken three people two hours to do. She looked somewhat different than just moments before, but the change was rather subtle, the difference in height and the discrepancy in appearance barely noticeable.

"How will you explain this invasion to the senate?" Sio Bibble demanded.

"The Queen and I will sign a treaty that will legitimize out occupation here. I have assurances it will be ratified by the senate," the viceroy informed him with no small amount of satisfaction in his voice. He smirked self-sufficiently. Lord Sidious' plan was really good. It was working out perfectly so far.

Until the Queen said in a flat, monotone voice: "I will not cooperate."

Aside from the fact that this would deprive her of any chance to get rid of the Trade Federation, she didn't have the authority to sign anything, seeing as she was just a handmaiden dressed up as the queen, with the real queen walking a few paces behind her, dressed up as a handmaiden. And the real queen wouldn't be very pleased if her decoy would sign that treaty. It would make her look weak and uncool in front of all the eligible princes of the galaxy, and she had already thrown her eyes on a certain young prince from Alderaan who went by the name of Bail Organa.

"Now, now, Your Highness," the viceroy chided. "In time, your people's suffering will persuade you to see our point of view. You see, we will do a lot of terrible things to them. In fact, we will do all the terrible things to them that you threatened us with not too long ago, if I remember correctly. We will reduce their pocket money, we will establish a curfew that will see everyone to bed by ten and all the series on TV will be cancelled until further notice. See how your people likes you after watching commercials for a week!"

Turning to one of the droids that had been painted yellow, he said: "Commander!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Process them," he ordered.

"Captain, take them to Camp 4," the commander commanded.

"Roger, Roger."

The droid made a motion with his gun, making clear that the Queen and her retinue were to follow, and marched off.

oOo

Edited on 26th December, 2010