A/N: I'm back from my trip to Tunesia. It was… sunny. My trip back (I went a week earlier than my mother and sister, due to the tourney in Prague (heh, Prague… Maybe I'll get lucky and Chuck will have another Season 3 moment. I'll be there to pick up the pieces (A man can dream, can't he?)) was pretty brutal. For anyone interested, here are the statistics of the trip back. 3000 Kilometers travelled, in 11 hours, taking 4 different modes of transportation (Bus, Plane, Train, Feet), through three countries (Tunesia, Belgium, the Netherlands) and two continents (North Africa and Europe).
Here's an idea that's been going through my head on vacation, (Seriously, I've had story ideas every single freaking night before going to bed. I couldn't sleep until I had written them down. Most of them are for my second story which is looking to shape up quite nicely if I do say so myself. I didn't have a lot of ideas for the Intersect project, but that's okay, 'cause it's basically finished in my head anyway.) and I decided to write it down. No fluff, just some "baww" moments. It's different. Hope you like it.
On a side-note: I will begin writing another chapter of the Intersect project tomorrow, so it should appear within 48 hours. I'll see you then.
Disclaimer: Don't own Chuck.
Dear Bryce
There were three people in Chuck's life who knew him really well. First off, there was his sister, the brilliant, beautiful Eleanor Faye Woodcomb née Bartowski. She'd been his rock for so long that he started losing track of the years. Whenever Chuck was feeling lost, depressed or any other form of emotion that would make a psychiatrist's eyes light up with dollar signs, she would be there to comfort him. Most of the time, she would be there without Chuck even knowing he needed help. It took him a while to realize that particular fact, but when he did, he never let go of that knowledge. His sister had on more than one occasion, saved him from himself.
The second person was Morgan Guillermo Grimes. Chuck always figured he was the other half to Ellie in the superhero team, designed to safeguard Chuck. When his mom left, Morgan was there to pick up the pieces. He'd sit with Chuck and spend the day playing video games, until late at night. They kept up this new "tradition" for nineteen years, excluding Chuck's Stanford years. Even then, they would hook up online and usually play for a few hours. Of course, Chuck couldn't do this all the time. He still had to attend classes. But the gaming went pretty much nonstop after Jill's betrayal. All the way until that fateful day in September, that the love of his life decided to walk through the doors of the Buy More with slow motion effects that would make the Wachowski brothers drool and wind machines that would make a photo shoot look amateuristic.
Which brought him to the third person and arguably the one who knew him the best. His wife. So Sarah had her flaws. At least, Chuck thought she did. He hadn't found them yet. Hell, he had stopped looking for them after twenty seconds of first meeting her and accepted her for what he considered to be perfect. And said perfect creature decided that she would like to spend the rest of her life with him. It'd been a while since they had gotten married and he still wasn't completely sure it wasn't all some sick joke played by the C.I.A. with several mind altering drugs. Of course, if it was, they had done a damn good job.
It had actually caused Chuck a tinge of worry at one point. After all, Sarah could play any role she wanted to. And that would mean that she would have no problem slipping into the cover of wife. Chuck had, in a state of near-panic after another dream, asked her how he could know if it was real. If she was truly happy, or simply playing a role. Sarah answered that question with a way only she could. The sounds that were emanating from her throat during their… time, answered most of his worries.
But the truly amazing thing about her was that she, even more so than Ellie, knew when things were bothering him. Even if he himself didn't know that they were. So one fateful morning, he was happily eating his fruit loops, when she came padding down from the bedroom.
"Good morning." Chuck said, cheerily.
"Chuck, we've got to talk."
Chuck swallowed hard. "That's never a good way to start a conversation."
Sarah quickly assuaged his fears. "Don't worry. It's not a relationship talk. Actually, I'm pretty content in that area. I'm worried about you."
"I'm worried about me too. I'm afraid I might slip into a happiness induced coma. Seriously, Sarah, what could be wrong with me? I've got the girl of my dreams, my family is back together and we're freakin' billionaires."
Sarah enveloped Chuck in a hug from behind. She leaned into his ear, and whispered, "You still haven't dealt with Bryce and his passing yet." Sarah had hit the sore spot. A small twitch in Chuck's left cheek was all that she had to go on, but she knew she had it right. "Look, it may sound silly to you, but you should try writing a letter. You don't have to do anything with it, just write it. It'll help you sort out your feelings towards this whole ordeal and eventually you'll be able to put everything in its proper place."
Chuck turned towards her, his eyes slightly shining. "But what do I do with it, Sarah? What can I possibly put in there? He's dead. There's nothing that I can say or do that will bring him back."
"Have I ever steered you wrong?"
"Well, there were those first three years of our relationship."
The words stung. "That's not fair, Chuck. And you know it. I went from a place where I couldn't rely on anyone, not even a former "lover" if Bryce was even that, to falling in love within twenty-four hours of meeting him, who I still have trouble sometimes believing is real and would be willing to share his life with me. It was a hard transition and I've made my mistakes. I'm sorry for them. But that doesn't mean that you can throw them back in my face whenever you feel like it."
Chuck cast his eyes downward. "I'm sorry, Sarah. It's just… I'm… scared I guess. It's easier to just not deal with it, you know?"
Sarah chuckled. "It's okay, Chuck. And trust me; I know exactly what you mean. Why do you think I kept pushing you away for so long? It was so much easier for me to not deal with things, or at least, so I thought. Of course we both know how that ended up. If I recall correctly, I'm sharing your last name now, aren't I?"
Chuck nodded. "You're right. Still… I don't know… What can I even put in there?"
Sarah walked off, and came back with an A4 sized paper, a pen and an envelope. She put them down in front of him, before giving him a kiss. She pulled back, and looked into his eyes. "Whatever you want." She walked off, leaving him to the privacy of his writing.
Chuck looked at the pen, and the paper. Without even realizing what was happening, he grabbed the pen, and started writing.
"Thanks for coming along with me, Sarah." Chuck said, as they trudged past the rows of headstones. The graveyard was bleak. The trees had lost their leafs, and the red and orange leafs that were so inherent to autumn contrasted starkly against the gray of the headstones, and the green of the grass still wet by the morning dew.
They took the opportunity to pass Stephen's gravesite before going to Bryce. Chuck had bought a bouquet consisting of dark-crimson roses and pink carnations. He didn't so much pick them for the way they worked together, but more for the meaning behind them. He had successfully dealt with his passing and simply bought the flowers to pay his respects to his deceased father. Sarah had let him be. She was simply there to support him.
As they grew closer to Bryce's headstone, so too did the ball of anxiety in Chuck's stomach. His breathing became slightly erratic and he felt like the only thing he truly wanted to do at that moment in time was turn around and go back home. But Sarah had a firm grip on his hand, and led him on. She had dealt with Bryce's death far faster and better than he had. He simply chose to ignore the fact that he saw his former best friend and at the time current back-to-becoming-close friend bleed out in front of him.
Sarah's nimble fingers started caressing his shoulders, easing the anxiety a bit. It might've sound horribly clichéd, but he knew that with Sarah with him, he could pretty much do anything. Even dealing with what was the horrible conclusion to most spies their lives; a bullet and a one-way ticket off of the Earth. He silently mused that part of the anxiety was because it was an everlasting part of his life as well. But the thing that truly scared him was that it was part of Sarah's as well. They had had the discussion, and they both agreed on being scared for the other's wellbeing. They agreed to be extra careful but the danger was always looming.
They reached Bryce's grave. It was simple. Sharp. Just the way Bryce would've liked it. It bore his name, his date of birth and passing and a simple inscription. The grave, like all of them, was well taken care of by the graveyard's caretaker. Chuck didn't know much about him, except that it was an older gentleman who, despite his occupation, had a perpetual smile on his face. Sarah turned to him. "Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?"
Chuck's grip tightened. "No. Please don't leave."
Sarah nodded. "Don't worry, Chuck. I'm not going anywhere." Chuck understood both meanings.
He gazed upon the grave again and the reality of it all overcame him like a wave. He broke down. He felt his knees weaken and he felt gravity's pull take its toll on him. The strong arms of Sarah held him upright though. He turned around to face Sarah, but after meeting her eyes, his flicked back to the earth. "Sarah, I don't want to do this anymore. I can't lose you. Can we please just cut our losses and leave it? Hand the company over to Casey and just retire?"
Sarah looked at Chuck's broken form. She felt empathy well up inside of her. It was a foreign emotion to her. Well, it was foreign when applied to anyone else but Chuck. She lifted his head to meet her gaze. "We'll discuss it when we get back home. Do what you came here to do, Chuck."
Chuck nodded, and sniffled. He turned back to the gravestone. He sank down on his knees, the earth below him feeling cold and hard. It reminded him of his current life. He looked at the simple picture of Bryce, and reached for his carrier bag. He pulled out the picture of Bryce, their two frat-buddies and him at Stanford, and placed it next to his photograph. Afterwards, he put the letter against the headstone.
"Hey, Bryce… I don't really know what to say. I kind of wrote down some things I wanted you to know though. And I hope that somehow you'll be able to read them. Because it's hard, Bryce. It's hard to see the world for what it is, when you've had such an idealized vision on it. But I want you to know one thing, Bryce. Even after all the stuff that we've went through, I still consider you one of my greatest friends.
So I hope you'll be able to read the letter, and when Sarah and I end up joining you in heaven, you can tell me what you thought about it, okay?"
He nodded to the grave and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He blew out a shaky breath, and got up from his knees. Sarah was standing a respectable distance away, but Chuck held out his hand. Within two strides, she was by his side and grabbed both of his hands. "I'm proud of you, baby," she whispered, before pressing a kiss on his lips. "Let's go home."
Bryce loomed over his own grave. It was always weird to return to this place. He'd seen Chuck's confession and the truth was, he was dying to know what was in the letter. He bent down, when he saw the photograph of them at Stanford. Instead of grabbing the letter, he instead grabbed the photograph. It was one of his happiest memories. Stanford truly was one of the best times in his life, even if it ended up with betraying the one guy Bryce was ever proud of saying was his friend. He'd heard about Chuck and Sarah marrying and truth be told, he was glad. Glad that two people who he deeply cared for had found happiness in each other. Still, it meant that he was still alone, in the cold and hard world.
A teardrop fell on the picture, on Bryce's own face. He wiped the tear away, when a voice came from behind. "You know, you can still go back if you so choose."
"General? How'd you know I was here?"
"Regardless of what you may think, agent Larkin, the C.I.A. and the N.S.A. like to keep tabs on their employee's. Besides, you're not the only one with access to the graveyard's camera system. It was an easy guess."
Bryce nodded. "I can't go back. Even though I highly doubt that it would do anything to break their relationship or even put a strain on it, going back would mean them having to deal with my inevitable death all over again. It's better to leave it at this."
Beckman nodded. "I see. Just so you know, Larkin, if it ever gets to be too much. We've got some excellent people to talk to."
"I know… Thank you for the offer General. I'm thinking I might take you up on it someday." The General turned to leave, when Bryce's voice stopped her. "Please don't tell them."
Beckman turned around. "Don't worry, agent... Bryce. I'm actually quite good at keeping secrets." She strode off, leaving Bryce alone.
He put down the photograph, and grabbed the simple white envelope. On it, his name was written in a clear handwriting. Chuck had always been good with his hands. He slowly flipped up the envelope's lid and pulled out the simple paper. He began reading.
Dear Bryce,
It's weird, starting a letter like this, knowing you might never get to read it. Truth be told, I was never going to even deal with your passing… wow, that sounded bad. Sarah suggested that I wrote this letter, so that I could deal with your passing better than I have. I've been sort of neglecting it and apparently it caused a strain on me that I didn't even notice myself. I may not be the most eloquent with words, but I'll try my best.
Having you in my life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. There were soaring highs and crushing lows. I still remember our games of 'Gotcha!' fondly. But I also remember that fateful day with Fleming and Jill. The simple fact is, for three miserable years I believed that one of the two guys I had come to accept as my brother, the other being Devon, had stabbed me in the back. And it hurt, Bryce.
But there is one thing that you're good at, and that's restoring the balance. You took away my reason to live and replaced it with a new one. A better one, I might say. Sarah truly is the most important thing in my life. And if it wasn't for the Intersect I would've never met her. And even the thought of that, hurts. Simply thinking about it hurts more than Jill and Stanford combined. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I don't know how much news reaches up there in the heavens, but we've gotten married. Can you believe it, Bryce? Sarah wanted to marry me. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself. I was convinced that she was better off with someone like you. Because let's face it, you were awesome. But she remained adamant and so I asked her. When she said yes still ranks up with one of the best days out of my life. They furthermore include the actual day, when I found out that you tried to protect me from the life that I've grown to despise over the years and simply days where we could just be Chuck and Bryce, two frat boys trying to have some fun.
I'm so scared though. I'm scared for Ellie, Devon, Morgan, Casey, Sarah and me. I'm scared for you, even though you've already had the misfortune of this horrible life getting to you. Having had the Intersect has been both a blessing and a curse. It has forced me to see the world for what it truly was. It showed me that the human race was at its core an unequal amount of evil to good. For every good person I found, there were three evil bad guys who needed to be caught. And I've been looking over my shoulder ever since, knowing that at any point it will all catch up to us and we'll be done for. I'm scared, Bryce.
Is it egotistical of me, to try and force everyone I love out of this world, so I can keep them safe? Being a spy is the only thing that Sarah knows so is it fair of me to try and get her to quit her profession because I'm scared? That's what scares me the most. The fact that I don't have an answer to that question. And the worst part is, that I'm writing it in a letter that's addressed to someone who was taken by that very life that I'm so desperately trying to protect them from.
The fact is; I've decided what I'm going to do. I will do my best to get Sarah to see reason and try and get her to quit. I will present her my arguments and hope that she agrees to them. At the end of the day, it's still her call. And if she says no, I'll deal with it. But that doesn't make me any less scared. I'm going off-track though. What I'm trying to say is that I hope that you and my Dad are watching over me and are proud of me. And I hope that you're proud of the fact that I'm trying to get people out of this life instead of dragging them in. And what I hope most of all is that when we're reunited in heaven, Sarah, Dad, Ellie, Devon, Morgan, you and me, that we can pick up right where we left off. Because I've never gotten to tell you how sorry I was for the way I treated you. I was paranoid that you were going to whisk Sarah away even after seeing what you did for me. And while I may not agree with how you did them, I still appreciate it.
So what I'm trying to say is that I still think of you as one of my best friends. And I really, really miss you. But most of all, I hope that you're proud of me. Proud of what I've achieved and who I've achieved it with. The truth is that I can't wait to meet up with you again and just continue with our stupid games and having conversations in Klingon.
So that's pretty much everything, I've wanted to say. Know this though. I will never, ever forget you, for as long as I live. You've left a hole that won't be easy to fill, and you will always be a special part of me. Thank you, for the highs and the lows. Thank you for the Intersect. Thank you for looking out for me. Thank you for Casey and thank you for Sarah.
But most of all, thank you for being you.
I miss you, Bryce.
Chuck Bartowski
A/N 2: Thank you for reading. Please leave a review if you liked the story.