My soccer team won! YAY! FC Porto won the UEFA Europe Cup! Yeeeaahh!

Anyway, here's chapter 18. I hope you'll like it and tell me your thoughts about it! I'd also like to thank Charhamblin for her help (and suggestion about a David's POV which is on its way) and Ms C. Harris for creating these characters (especially Eric… Yummy!). Have fun, Célia

Sookie "Starting All Over Again"

I was almost finished cleaning the kitchen when someone rang our bell. I immediately ran to the door, cleaning my hands in a kitchen's cloth. It was already past 9 pm, Lizzie was sleeping upstairs and I didn't want that bell to ring again. And that was probably the reason why I didn't check the peephole – I just wanted to prevent my daughter from waking up.

I opened the door and I saw him. Eric. My heart rate sped up and I felt like fainting – whether from the surprise, or because I was very scared or really happy, I didn't know. Probably all three reasons. All my mind could process was the fact that Eric was standing at my door. Eric. At my door.

"Hello Sookie," he said. In a second, I could feel my heart rate calming down just because of the sound of his voice. I was as nervous as you can get but I was actually calming down. Why? Well, probably because I had always felt cozy and safe with Eric.

But against all my Gran's social rules and my upbringing, I didn't answer his address to me. Instead I just stared at him for a few moments. I wanted to be sure that Eric was there. Almost ten years… Yeah, we had talked once after my kidnap but I was still kind of in shock back then and also a little high because of all that pain medicine I was taking. So for me, it really was as if I was seeing him for the first time in almost a decade. Jesus! A decade! I saw him staring back at me, and then I realized that I still hadn't answered Eric's words.

"Eric," I finally managed to say. But that was as far as I could go. I couldn't say anything else. And I didn't know if I was answering him or just saying his name out loud to make it real. Either way, that was the only word that left my mouth. Eric. And I just stood there looking at him. He was exactly the same as before, obviously. He was still tall, blond, gorgeous, compelling, intimidating and frightening. And absolutely breath-taking. And I really mean breath-taking because I gasped when a minute or two later I tried to invite him in. My second attempt was better and I managed to ask him inside.

"It's been a while," I said when we both sat on the couch. "It's been a while"? Oh my…! I must be completely out of my mind. What a stupid thing to say. Jesus! Was I dim-witted or what? But what else was there to say? I mean, there was a lot to say, a lot-lot-lot to say, but none of those subjects were anything that I wanted to talk about. So I just closed my mouth and used my eyes instead and I kept staring at him.

He was dressed in dark blue jeans, and a black leather coat. I could see a light blue t-shirt under his coat. His long, blonde hair was just as that first night when I saw him, in his Fangtasia throne. And I even had to fight the urge to run my fingers through his hair. But God! He was so good-looking. I guess I had forgotten how much. He really looked like a runway model. And I immediately felt self conscious of my yoga pants and my old, big sweater. Besides, I wasn't wearing any make-up and my hair was probably a mess! Oh, and there was also something else: I was 10 years older than the last time I had sat with him in a couch.

"Indeed." He answered me. Dammit! Even his voice was as perfect as before.

And his eyes too. They had always been a blue so pale and vivid that it had always made me think of electricity or a laser beam. And even thought I wasn't close enough now to see it, I knew they had a dark-blue rim around the iris and then an even mix of pale blue and white rays in the iris. Yeah, I wouldn't ever forget Eric's eyes. And because he was a vampire, it didn't matter that almost a decade had passed. Eric was still Eric. And he would always be. Yeah, a runway model was a pretty accurate description. Or rather: the greatest male model… ever.

"You look good." I managed to say. He looked… perfect, amazing, great.

"So do you," and I saw and I could even feel his eyes roaming all over my body, "Tennessee suits you."

I just nodded, tried to smile and felt awkward. I knew I was different from before. I looked older and I knew I was older. I felt older. Yes, I was definitively worse than before. Eric had met me in my twenties. I was now a decade older, and I was a working mother. And Eric was… Eric. Before, when I was younger, I had always felt good with myself, and my body. But even then, I always felt a little self-conscious about me when Eric would compliment me. And now? Add ten years to that self-consciousness, some yoga pants and an old sweater, and you have plain old me. Eric's words were just that. Words. He was just being polite.

I remembered Gran's expressions too: "you are only as old as you feel". Haah! That might have been true pre-vampires. But not now. And definitively not when I was sitting next to Eric who was exactly like he was before. Well, not exactly. By complimenting me that way, he sounded even more polite than before. But then again, you should to be polite to your elders. And I sure felt like an elder then.

I had to end those thoughts. I had too. Maybe not speaking and just glaring at him wasn't such a bright idea either. I had to say something.

"I'd offer you a True Blood, but I didn't... ahh..."

"I've already eaten tonight, thank you." He had already eaten… A huge pang of jealousy ran through me. He had probably drunk from some blond, stupid, trailer-trash bimbo… And even thought I had no right, it bothered me. So I decided to change the subject. Thinking about Eric biting other women was just too painful. I knew he did it, obviously. He had to. But I didn't want to think about it. Or… talk about it. Yes, a new conversation topic was needed. ASAP.

"So…" I eventually said a moment later, "Why are you here Eric?"

"Am I not welcome?" His question was immediate.

Oh, yeah. Right. It had probably sounded that way. But it hadn't been my purpose. I just wanted to change the subject. And to tell you the truth, I was curious too. It was not every day that Eric Northman showed at my doorstep. And apparently, it was a once in a decade kind of thing. So my curiosity had a reason to exist. Never, in my wildest dreams, had I thought that Eric would be there, in my house in Cleveland, Bradley County, Tennessee. "No. No. It's not that. Of course you're welcome here. I was just… wondering why."

"We were friends once. I came to visit."

And then… I laughed. And I laughed loud. Yeah, sure. Eric Northman, vampire extraordinaire, came all the way from Louisiana to Tennessee, without any reason, just to visit. Yeah. That made total sense! He smiled back at me and I felt the awkwardness starting to dissipate. I took a deep breath and felt as if I had been holding it for the last ten years.

Then, all of the sudden, everything tensed again with his next question: "Where is your husband?"

"David's… ahh…. We had some problems and… he's not living here now."

"Definitely?"

"Yes."

"Where does he live?" Uh-oh, here we go.

"It's close. He rented an apartment 10 minutes from here."

"Did he leave you just like that?"

"We both decided it was for the best if he lived somewhere else."

"When did he leave?"

"Six months ago."

"Does Pam know?"

"I didn't tell her."

"Why didn't you?"

"This is a private matter. There was no need to tell her."

"That's not a reason. You've told her private things in the past. Tell me: why didn't you?"

Eric's tactic of shooting question after question resulted. Because without even pondering my answer, I just said: "I didn't want her to tell you." When I realized what I had said, I consciously tried to shut my big mouth. Besides, I was starting to get fed up with his questions. I really wanted to end those.

"Why not?"

"Because." Good Sookie. I had kept my big mouth quiet. And yeah, I was definitively fed up with his questions.

"Why. Not." He repeated with a little pause between his words.

"Be-cause." I repeated as well, with the same pause between the syllables.

He stopped his questions for a minute and we just looked at each other. I thought that I was off the hook already. But I wasn't. "What were the problems?" he asked.

Eric was definitively Eric. And I already knew that whenever he started something, he could go on forever. Eric had always been like the freaking Duracell Bunny. Yes, he was an Energizer Rabbit all right; he just kept doing it non-stop. Well, I didn't mean… You know… that! Well, actually that too. But I just meant that once Eric focused into something he could continue functioning for a longer amount of time before his battery run down. And I definitely didn't want to talk about my separation from David. I just… didn't.

"What is this Eric? 20-20? Why the questions? What is it to you why my husband left or where he is?"

Obviously, questions were allowed. But not my questions. Just Eric's. And so he changed the subject. "You have a daughter," I nodded looking at him. I tried to figure out how he felt about my daughter but, as a vampire, I couldn't listen to his mind and without the blood bond I couldn't feel him. And his face was expressionless. As always. "Elizabeth," he added. I didn't know if Pam told him about our talks. Apparently, she did.

"Yes. Lizzie."

"I would like to see her. Is it possible?"

"She's sleeping now." I answered. He looked almost… sad? "But once she's down, she sleeps pretty well." I added. "Come upstairs to see her. But you have to be quiet. Like I said, she's sleeping." I got up and before I even realized what I was doing, I took his hand to show him the way. But when we touched, I felt some sort of electrical shock between us. So I took my hand off his quickly and walked towards the stairs. I could feel Eric behind me and I could almost feel his eyes on my back. And it made me nervous. Really nervous.

When we got to Lizzie's bedroom, I stayed by the door but he kept walking. He crowded in front of the bed. I couldn't see his eyes with the lights off but just as I knew the exact color of his eyes, I also knew that he was staring intently.

We stayed there for 5 or 10 minutes, in silence, before he got up and came to the door.

Lizzie sleeps with the door open and so I left it that way and started walking down the hall. Eric grabbed my arm and I turned to him. "She's beautiful Sookie. She looks like you." My answer was just a smile and he continued: "And she smells like you as well."

"And her father?"

I had always wondered if supes would be able to smell Lizzie's supernatural heritage. Pam had never even met Liz, and I didn't want to ask David in case he'd see my question as an accusation (we had always decided that Liz would be brought up as "regularly" as possible).

"Yes, there's some were in your daughter. But there's much more you. I could tell she is yours in a second." I smiled again, and he asked. "Can she hear people's thoughts?"

"No, thank God," I replied, "at least not yet. And in my earliest memories, when I was a child, I was always able to do that. Sometimes I even try to send her thoughts, but so far, he can't listen anything. I'm hoping Lizzie's completely normal. Well… ah… her father's a were, but I'm not, so she might not have to change, even at full moon nights. Like... never. I guess we will have to wait a few years, until she's a teenager, to know that for sure. I'm hoping she doesn't have to change but David's confident that she will. I don't know. I just care for her and I hope for the best. That's everything a mother can do for her children and…" I was babbling. I always babbled when I was nervous. Or with Eric. And now I was nervous and with Eric. So I just shut up, I breathed deeply and then I said: "No. She doesn't."

"I am glad for you. She looks like a great kid." I am always proud of my daughter. But when other people praise her, my pride skies rocket. And Eric's praise? Well, that meant even more.

"She is." I answered and we continued into the hallway, and down the stairs.

We sat on the couch again.

"Is she…" Eric started but then he didn't finish his question. I could tell this was something hard for him to talk about. Whatever it was. But soon he continued: "Is she… children that is… Did you leave because I couldn't give you children?"

"No." And that was the truth.

"I can't feel you any more. But I was a father once and I see your face and hear your voice when you talk about your daughter. She is the most important part of your life."

"Yes, she is. And I would die a thousand deaths if that meant protecting her. But back then I didn't know this. That was not the reason why I left."

"Why did you?"

"I just had too. It was a compulsion of sorts. I knew I wouldn't deal well with the road my life was taking."

"Do you mean me?"

"We were too different Eric. And I was afraid. I didn't want to be hurt or end up dead. Or undead, for that matter. And let's face it. I would either die or someone would turn me sooner or later. And I sure didn't want it. I needed peace. And normalcy. And I had already suffered with Bill's cheating on me and…"

"I am not Bill," he interrupted me.

"I know. It's just that… We had those days, but then you forgot everything. And when you remembered it again, you vanished. I waited months without a single phone call. I called you, I went to Fangtasia, but you never replied to my messages. And the first time I heard from you after that was the night of the… knife thing and then I just realized that I…" I stopped. I wasn't sure if I should be telling Eric this. It was all water under the bridge now.

But Eric wouldn't let me be, and so he asked: "You what?"

I sighed. See what I meant when I said "Duracell Bunny"? I didn't want to talk about any of this. But he did. And so he insisted until I broke. I knew he'd keep asking me question after question until he got his answers. And so I just said it. "I loved you too much I guess. And I was afraid that you would break my heart."

Eric stayed in silence until I looked him back in the eyes. And just then, he said: "I loved you too much too. And you did break my heart when you left."

I shut my eyes when I heard his words. And I felt a pain swelling in my chest. In that second I realized that maybe I had wasted 10 years in my life. No. Not maybe. I did waste time. I could have been happy with Eric for the last decade. But I wasn't sorry. Any road that didn't include Lizzie was the wrong choice.

But that didn't mean that I wasn't sorry for Eric. "I loved you too much too." Oh my God. If only he had said it back then. If only he hadn't vanished from my life all those months after he remembered everything. "And you did break my heart when you left." Well, Eric had always been good to me. And he sure didn't deserve to be hurt. I had to make it better. I just had to.

I got up from my place and then sat by him and I grabbed his hand. His thumb began rubbing the back of my hand, just like he used to do. I kept looking at our hands, and then I said "I'm sorry." I knew that after a decade, my words sounded empty, but that was all I could say.

"So am I." He answered before he touched my chin with the hand I wasn't holding to make me look at him. I knew he wanted to kiss me but wasn't sure if he should. I just knew it. And then I saw his Adam's apple move. Like he was swallowing saliva. It was such a human gesture and I knew he did it involuntarily. He was just nervous. I closed the gap between us and my lips touched his. For a second. Well, actually maybe even less than a second.

I opened my eyes and I saw Eric on the other couch in my living room. His chest was moving as if he had just run a marathon and was trying to catch his breath. But I knew he didn't need to breathe that way. Well, he didn't need to breathe at all. Let alone that way. Was that… my kiss? So why did he move away?

"Eric?"

"No Sookie. Just… no."

"What…" I started saying while I was getting up to move closer to him.

But then he raised his arm and his hand with this "stop" kind of movement and said: "Stay there. Please stay there."

It was as if Eric was afraid of… me? But that was just… comical. He was much faster and stronger than me but he did look like he was scared that I would hurt him. But why? And then I heard his words again in my mind: "You did break my heart."

I couldn't let it stay that way. So I started to say: "Eric, please let me just say that…" But then he made the same "stop gesture" for the second time.

I didn't care and I insisted: "Eric, about what happened when I left and about the two of us, I have to explain that..." And then I saw his hand for the third time and he interrupted me: "I have absolutely no interest at all in hearing anything that you have to say about the two of us."

And my jaw dropped. Eric didn't want to hear me? But I was… It was me! I had never thought that he wouldn't want anything to do with me… He had fought for me 5 years ago, and he was at my house now, and… My God. He wouldn't even listen to me so I could apologize. I felt my heart splitting in half.

"I must go now," he said. And then, he just... left.

Is he coming back that night? Or is he going back to Louisiana and ask Pam instead to call Sookie and tell her about the fairies? And in the meantime, will she be attacked? Or are the fairies just "nice Tinkerbells"? And why did Sookie and David separate? Ahh… the possibilities. Lol

One detail: yes, Sookie is getting older. But she's doing it much slower than us, regular folks. So, you mustn't pay too close attention to all her self-consciousness about herself. She only looks slightly older than before.

"Starting All Over Again" is the second song of the second CD of the "100.000.000 Bon Jovi Fans Can't Be Wrong" box set (2004).