Not sure how quickly I'll be able to update this, but a little summer adventure for hiatus

Unfortunately I do not own these characters

All mistakes are my own

Don't forget to drop a review, they are really helpful to keep us writers going when the writers block hits

And as always, thank you for reading.

The steamy, warm water pounded along Elliot's back as he stood beneath the shower head in his bathroom after a long day. He let out a heavy sigh, every muscle in his body ached for relief. He let the spray massage his skin as he shifted on his feet, wishing it was someone that was touching him.

Her.

Olivia.

He sighed again as he thought of her, her name a whisper on his lips. He was remorseful, thinking of all the ways he'd abandoned her over the years, how he'd disappointed her time and time again since he'd been back in New York and in her life. Yet…she was still around for some reason, giving him chance after chance that he knew he didn't deserve.

He was a good man, or at least he'd tried to be. Lived by his convictions, provided for his family, served in a career to help those in need. Lord, he had helped so many people but at the end of the day, who really helped him? Who was the lighthouse that guided him back to shore through each storm?

Her.

Olivia.

He reached for the shower knob and turned it, letting the heat of the water intensify. It burned against his skin, reminding him that the day was being washed off of him and tomorrow, he could start anew.

His mind wandered back to that day in the precinct so long ago, so many years ago at this point, the one where his life had forever been changed. It happened frequently; the day was a film-reel that played back behind his eyes. The fact of the matter was that Jenna had just been a child and it had broken something in him that day – something deep down, something fundamental, rocking him to his core. The foundation of Elliot Stabler was shattered that day – leaving behind a man he didn't recognize.

And so he spent ten years chasing the shadow figure that stared back at him in the mirror, trying to put all the broken pieces back together again, find the light that had vanished from his eyes. Only to assemble a man made of steel armor, hiding what was left of his heart away beneath layers of masculinity and weaponry.

We both chose each other over the job, echoed in his mind as the water pounded over him. It was true, they both had; they couldn't deny that. The thought of Jenna hurting Olivia had caused him to draw his weapon and fire, protecting her in the only way he knew how. The only way he could – she wasn't his to lay down his life for, even though she was the reason his sun rose each day. What scared him the most was the lack of hesitation, the adrenaline rush that came with seeing the one true love of his life being threatened. Of course, he'd known he'd had feelings for Olivia over the years, pushing them down and denying his own happiness for the greater good of his family. Besides, divorce wasn't an option in his god's eyes and he was a man of his word. He had vowed to Kathy to be there for better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death do them part. He couldn't turn his back on that promise no matter how much he wanted to, how hard his heart ached each day for another woman.

So often he'd let his mind wander over the what-ifs of his life. What if he hadn't gone to Kathy that night when they were separated? They'd both known their marriage was over long before then but one last night of passion sealed their father forevermore. Deep down, he knew he wouldn't trade Eli or any of his other children for the world, but a part of him had always wondered how things would have ended up if he had gone to Olivia that night instead. They'd been hinting around their feelings during his separation, dancing a delicate line of boundaries until he missed a step in the routine and fucked it all up. Would that have been the night that started it all? Would that have been the night his life had changed and the rest was yet to be written?

Would the inevitable fifth Stabler child have been hers? Would there have been a spunky, fiery little brown haired, brown eyed girl he called his own or another blonde hair, blue eyed little boy chasing the dream of satisfying his parents? Eli looked enough like Olivia that he could pass for her son. Would they be together in wedded bliss now or even on speaking terms? God, she had been so pissed off at him when he told her Kathy was pregnant. But who could blame her? Time and time again, he messed up, choosing everyone else over her. He just never stopped wondering what could have been if their lives had been different.

Since he'd been back, it'd been the same old story. Time and time again, he messed up, yet she was still by his side. That had to mean something, right?

But time is a fickle mistress and you dance with the devil when you play the game of What-Ifs. And Elliot….well, he'd never been a good dancer.

He groaned, squeezing his eyes tight as he stroked himself at the thought of Olivia bearing his child, watching her grow with their baby, a fantasy he'd visited many a time throughout the years. She might not have ever adopted Noah if the cards had been dealt in a different hand and for that, he couldn't keep wishing things had been different. She was born to be that boy's mother and eh wouldn't want to take that away from her.

He was lost in thoughts of her, fisting his rock-hard cock as he felt the water gradually cooling down and he knew his time was up. He reached behind him and turned the water off, reaching outside the shower door for a towel. He rubbed the fluffy white fabric along his face and over his head before trailing it down his body. He stepped out of the shower, careful not to slip on the tile floor covered with condensation.

Elliot leaned against the vanity and wiped his hand across the mirror to clear the fog on it so he could see himself. He stared at his reflection, really stared at himself as he stood there, wondering who the man was that was staring him back in the room. The rising heat in the room prickled at his skin, making goosebumps appear in its path at the vast difference in temperature. The last few years had aged him more than the first few at SVU had ever dreamt about. He sighed as he studied new lines across his face and hands, realizing just how caught in Lady Time's web he really was.

He dried himself off and walked out of the bathroom to his dresser and pulled out some sweats and a tank top. Eli was over at a friend's house studying for the night; they were mending their relationship one day at a time. He'd turned over a new leaf, really set off on the right foot lately and that had earned him some trust back. Bernie was already asleep for the night in her room across the apartment, always early to bed and earlier to rise.

There was only one person he really wanted to see, to talk to, even.

He crossed the threshold of his room and picked up the phone, smiling as the family photo from Christmas came into view on his lockscreen. His kids were his world, they always had been. His smile grew as he remember Noah and Olivia joining them that day; it had seemed like his world was at peace for just one day. Everything came together just as it always should have been, a glaring reminder of what they could have had.

He unlocked his phone and searched for her number before hitting call and waiting. It rang three times before she answered, but she answered, she always did for him. She was good like that. She sounded distracted; he imagined her chasing Noah around their apartment. He smiled to himself as he thought about it; he'd always wanted to see her wrangle her own child after watching her wrangle perps day after day.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hi, El." She didn't hide the hint of surprise in her voice but the fact that she used her nickname for him encouraged him to keep going.

"Look, I know it's late," he sighed, "but are you busy? I just….it's been a long week and I just wanted to talk."

"Ah, no, no, I'm not busy." Her tone softened and he imagined her running a hand through her amber tresses. "Just putting on a movie," she continued, pausing before asking, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," he said as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He exhaled, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, feeling like there was an elephant on his chest. "I just…wanted to talk to you."

"Okay…" she trailed off, the hint of a smile in her voice, "so talk to me."

"Can I come over? Well, guess I should ask if Noah is home first."

"No, he's not home. But yes…you can come over."

"Really?" Elliot's hand bounced on his kneecap, a newfound enthusiasm coming over him.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Uh, I'll be there in a little bit."

He disconnected the call and jumped off the bed, a spring in his steps. He grabbed a jacket from the back of his closet door and threw it on over his shoulders before exiting his bedroom. He glanced in on Bernie before scribbling a quick note on the kitchen counter for her just in case she woke up. He grabbed his car keys off the island countertop and the umbrella by the door, having heard hints of a storm in the forecast for the night, and was on his way.

EO EO EO

"El, come in, you're soaked," Olivia said a while later as she opened the apartment door and motioned for him to come in.

He laughed to himself as he sat the umbrella down by the front door, thinking about how useless it had been anyways. He'd parked a little ways from her apartment and decided to walk the rest of the way, wanting to get out some of his nervous energy when the floodgates in the sky had opened and the storm erupted.

"Wasn't really expecting to get caught in a freak storm," he laughed, shaking his head. Water flew from him like a dog.

"Well, if you'd watch the weather channel every once in a while, you'd have known it was coming," Olivia retorted. "But I see that hasn't changed, either."

"Ya got me there." He sat his car keys down on the small table beside the entranceway and watched as she disappeared around the corner of the room. He took a moment to really look around her home, take it all in. The last time he'd been here he'd been completely out of his mind and he didn't remember many small details. Her living room was warm and inviting, an extension of her, he thought. Photos of her and Noah lined the walls, the family she'd always longed for the family she'd finally gotten.

"Here." She came around the corner of the room again with a stack of fresh NYPD sweats and a towel for him to dry off with. She handed them to Elliot, their hands brushing as he reached for the pile of dry clothes.

"Thank you," he murmured as he reached the jacket's zipper. "Um, bathroom?" he asked, "not sure you want me to track this all through your place." He motioned at his soaked clothes, sticking to his body like glue.

"It's fine," she whispered as he peeled off the jacket, revealing a tight, white tank top underneath. She spun around on her heels and felt the heat rising in her cheeks. Elliot Stabler was about to strip in her living room.

"Thanks again," he said in a moment of uncertainty as he balled up his wet clothes, grateful to be wrapped in a piece of her. "Where's the dryer?" he asked as he held them up. "If you don't mind if I throw them in."

"Of course. Down the hall." Olivia nodded her head in its direction and watched him as he padded across the floor and turned the corner. Never in her wildest dreams over the last ten years, or twenty-three even, would she have expected to see him in the flesh parading around her apartment.

She shook her head and walked to the kitchen, opening the cabinet and grabbing two wine glasses. She trotted to the fridge and pulled out her favorite open bottle of red and poured them each a glass. She leaned against the counter and took a sip as he reentered the room, a slight smile on his face. She pressed her hand into her belly as she watched him; he seemed comfortable here, as if he'd belonged here with her since the very beginning.

"Here," she said quietly as she picked up his glass and held it out to him.

"Thank you." Their hands brushed again as he took the glass from her, an electric shock jolting down her spine. She was always reactive when they touched, whether incidental or not. He pulled the glass up to his lips and took a swig as she watched, lost in thought.

"I know you didn't come here just to mooch off my wine," she joked after a beat.

Elliot smiled that signature grin that made her weak in the knees and turned back to her as he leaned against the counter. He'd missed her wit, that back and forth banter between them from the good old days as partners and best friends.

"I didn't," he said as he swirled the liquid around in his glass, "but I might be now, this is good."

Olivia smiled slightly as silence blanketed them again.

"No, actually," he said, frowning as seriousness came over them. "I came here…because I wanted to tell you something. But also…ask you something."

She frowned this time. "Sorry?" she chirped.

"That's kind of vague, I know," Elliot said as he chuckled to himself. "Might be easier if we sit down for this?" He nodded in the direction of her living room and held out his hand, offering to guide her through her own apartment. Rain pounded against the window in her kitchen as they stood there, evidence of the storm raging outside.

Without hesitation, she slid her palm into his and suddenly a million little stars aligned all over the universe. It was as if they were made for each other, molded perfectly together. Olivia felt her breath catch in her throat as they rounded the corner of the island and he led her to the couch, helping her settle down.

She crossed her legs under and took another sip of wine, keeping her eyes trained on him as she waited for him to start speaking. Obviously, he had something he wanted to say.

"I just…" Elliot sighed as he joined her on the couch, sitting down, "First off, I just wanted to say…I'm sorry. For everything, Olivia. I don't think I've genuinely said that to you. For leaving, for never telling you, for barreling back into your life and making it hell…" He paused, thinking about that stupid letter he'd given her and how he'd take it all back if he could. "For not asking about what you went through while I was gone…for leaving you again when I went undercover. I know I've disappointed you and I'm truly sorry and I just don't know how to make you see it. You didn't deserve any of it."

She stayed quiet. "Not sure I really know what to say to that," she whispered after a moment.

"You don't have to say anything, Liv, I just wanted you to know."

As if on cue, the thunder rolled outside, making them both jump in their skin. Lightning flashed, illuminating the room until there was a loud 'pop' and then everything went black. Elliot glanced out the window, seeing the Manhattan skyline starting to go black one building at a time, realizing it was going to be a bigger outage than he'd originally chalked it up to.

"Shit," Olivia mumbled as she jumped off the couch. She stumbled around the kitchen in the dark, fumbling for a lighter before coming back to the living room. She grabbed the candle off the coffee table in front of them and lit it, her face coming back to life in the amber flame.

He couldn't help but admire how beautiful she looked in the low light, the golden aura showing off her natural beauty.

"Elliot Stabler talking about his feelings," she teased, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Who are you and what have you done with my friend Elliot?"

He smiled at her words. "You would get along well with my therapist," he said, raising his glass in her direction.

That statement rocked her world – thinking of a world where Elliot was in therapy was enough to rattle her but imagining a realm where she and his therapist knew each other in that intimate kind of way was enough to make her go weak in the knees.

"You wouldn't with mine," she snorted, envisioning the two of them meeting.

He frowned, remorseful for the fact that she had one of her own. Something told him that this was part of the past he hadn't asked about but vowed to uncover in time, when they were both ready.

"Really, Liv," he began, "with all this shit with Donnelly and my dad…" He looked down as he ran his finger over the rim of the glass, "I tried my best to not be like him and I turned out just the same in the end. Dirty cop, dirtier man."

"Hey, don't say that." Olivia leaned forward, taking her hand in his. "Elliot, look at me when I say that you are not your father." The candlelight cast a soft glow over the two of them as she held their hands in her lap.

"I've hurt the people I love." His voice was a whisper, laced with sincerity and cracking with emotion, "I hurt my kids, I've put them through so much hell. I hurt Kathy…in ways I can't even begin to explain. I hurt my mother…God knows I treated her so horribly when I was younger. And worst of all, I hurt you."

"El, we all hurt people we love," she reminded him gently. "Whether it's intentional or not, we all do it. That doesn't make us bad people, it just makes us human."

He stayed quiet, his gaze shifting across the room to avoid her eyes.

"El, look at me."

His eyes flickered back to meet hers; stormy blue waves crashing into her grounded, solid shore. She was always the lighthouse that guided him back to the shore through every storm.

Her voice was a whisper when she spoke but she was steady, needing to be the stronger of the two. "You're a good man. You always have been, for as long as I've known you. You do so much for your kids, you love them fiercely. They know that. You fight for each and every victim, putting them all first. And Kathy…you kept your vows to her. You were faithful. You were a good husband. You're a good man. And your mother….you're mending that relationship. She knows you love her. They all do."

"And what about you?" he asked.

The wine glass faltered in her hand. "What?" she asked, stammering her way over the word. She stared at him, not believing what he was saying.

Elliot leaned closer to her, closing the distance between them. "And what about you?" he repeated. "Do you know that I love you?"

"Elliot," she warned.

"I'm serious, Olivia. I loved my wife, I did, but…" He trailed off as he glanced at their joined hands, still in her lap. "It's always been you."

She uncrossed her legs, dropping his hand as she quickly stood up in the dark. He heard her wine glass clatter against the table as she sat it down, rushing across the room to get some air.

"Olivia." His voice was low, rugged, and gruff as he called out to her in the dark. "When I said it before, I meant it. I meant it then and I mean it now."

"You were grieving," she whispered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I was, but that doesn't change how I feel about you. How I've always felt about you."

Surely, Olivia was dreaming. Elliot Stabler was not in her apartment, wearing her NYPD sweats, reiterating to her that he loved her. This simply couldn't be happening. That kind of love was not in their storybook, pages ripped away by time and mistakes they'd made in the past. It wasn't in her deck of cards; she'd given up on that hope a long time ago. That kind of love was reserved for Hallmark cards on Valentine's Day, the rom-com movies that littered her television every holiday season, not the somber reality that was Olivia Benson's.

Lightning flashed outside the window and it was then that he saw the tears rolling silently down her cheeks.

"Hey," he said gently as he got up and walked over to her. Softly, he took her face in his palms and wiped away at her tears with his thumbs.

"I didn't ask for this," she said, her voice barely audible.

"You think I did?"

"I never wanted to be the other woman."

"You never were." His thumb raked across her cheek once more, feeling the fire burning beneath her skin, the shame she put on herself. "Olivia, listen to me," he said sternly, "You were never the other woman. My marriage had its own set of problems long before I met you. But it's always been you. In this universe and every parallel one….it's always you and I."

"Elliot," she whispered, her breath shuddering. "I need you to not say things to me like this, don't make any promises you can't keep, okay?" She squeezed her eyes tight. "You can't keep saying these things to me and then have your actions imply otherwise. I mean….hell, it's been whiplash since you've been back."

"I know," he said quietly. "I'm sorry." He paused before he began again slowly, "Which is why I told Ayanna I wasn't going on any more missions again. At least not for a while. I have enough here I need to get straight. I told her I needed a break."

She narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brows, not understanding where he was going. "A break? So you're leaving again?" she finished, feeling the breath leave her chest.

"Yeah. Well, yes but no." He started rubbing the inside of her wrists again.

"I can't keep up." She bit the inside of her lip as more tears rolled down her face. "You said you wanted to ask me something….what could you possibly want to ask me after that? I can't keep waiting around for you."

He nodded. "I asked for some time off," he explained. "An extended leave. And I was hoping…..you'd come with me."

"Elliot, I can't just up and leave work," she said, throwing her hands in the air. He was absurd. "I've got a kid now, I'm a captain-"

"I know, I figured you'd say that," he cut in, reaching for her. "I already talked to Amanda and Fin, they're going to watch Noah before he goes off to camp, if that's alright with you. And you have more than enough vacation time to use. Besides, Benson, no one has earned a vacation more than you this year."

"I don't know what to say, Elliot," Olivia said.

"Say yes," he pleaded. "Just a week. Just come with me for one week and I promise I will make it worth your while. Let me take you away. Let me work on showing you that I really mean it when I say I love you. I know we said a friendship for now, but…" he trailed off, looking at her with questioning eyes.

"For now doesn't mean forever," she finished. She didn't know what else to say. They're standing on the precipice, one stray wind could cause it all to go barreling down.

"'Livia, look at me."

Her eyes dart up to meet his again as he's leaning towards her and then everything shifts – the planets align, comets explode as they come together as one. Their lips meet; Olivia wants to scream but her voice is powerless against him, the wind taken right out of her lungs by the sheer intensity of it all. Never has it felt like this, with any of her other flames. Partners, she supposes, would be the correct term but no one else has ever filled the term quite like Elliot. He was her partner in every sense.

They stay tangled in each other's embrace, holding each other, knowing that everything has changed now. No longer are they just Benson and Stabler – the iconic NYPD due every rookie cop tries to emulate. Now they're just Olivia and Elliot – two soulmates finally connected, two halves creating a whole. Lover and lover, just as they were intended from the very beginning.

"So, what do you say, partner?" Elliot asked as he tangled their fingers together after breaking their kiss. "Come away with me?"

Olivia bit her lip as she stared up at him, knowing what she would say next would steer them in a new direction. But that was the point of it all, wasn't it? She couldn't deny they'd both had feelings for each other over the years but now they were finally in a place where they could explore those feelings. Explore what they truly meant to each other, explore just how fundamentally their partnership was. Her mind was running a million miles an hour, thinking of all the reasons why she couldn't, why they shouldn't but she silenced those thoughts as one simple word tumbled from her lips.

"Yes."

TBC…

Inspiration playlist:

Paradise - George Ezra

Willow - Taylor Swift

Orpheus - Sara Bareilles (live from the Hollywood Bowl)

Island in the Sun - Weezer

Humiliation - The National