From Lobelia Sackville-Baggins and Hamfast Gamgee, Bilbo's gardener,
Dear Stupid Dwarf King and his pathetic Company,
Sorry.
Your Majesty and esteemed Company,
I liked my start better, but who cares. YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS! Lobelia, please, don't be like that. They are Bilbo's friends. I don't care! They've hurt my dear Bilbo! I'm going to yell at them all I want! What makes them so much better than us? They have a giant mountain filled with gold. Good for them, now just let me go let Marcus out of his cave and we'll see how they like a dragon of the Shire! Lobelia, Marcus is a dog, not a dragon. Don't scare the poor dwarves. Bilbo wouldn't like it. Bilbo won't like dying either but do those dwarves care? NO! Now, Hamfast, let me write. You'll have a turn soon enough.
Dwarves, I am Lobelia, cousin of Bilbo Baggins. I am sure he has told you that we were not on the best terms when he left with you on his foolish journey. Even though we didn't get along, I would never abandon him. LIKE YOU DID. Breathe, my dear. You'll break the quill. Yes, of course. Bilbo returned to the Shire a broken-hearted hobbit and it does not take a clever being to see who did it. He has graciously explained to both dear Hamfast and myself. That's me. Hamfast Gamgee, Bilbo's loyal gardener. And part time bodyguard. Any way, he explained what all transpired on his journey, but it seems he has failed to explain something about hobbits that is vitally important to our survival. I aught to….
I've sent Lobelia to go make herself some tea. She's upset herself something terrible. What she was trying to say is that hobbits share some blood ties to elves, which I understand you are well acquainted with. Seeing as the one young lad had a thing for the one blonde elf. Leggy or something like that. Anywho, because of these blood ties, we hobbits have the ability to fade. Yes, fade. You would call it dying from a broken heart. Mr. Bilbo gave his heart to one of you and you outright rejected it. Somehow the poor fellow survived this long when his mother, dear Belladonna, didn't make it even five years after old Bungo passed on. Bilbo's strong like that. But his strength is fading. Just like him. And he will pass from this world feeling like he is worthless. That he betrayed those he called family. He will die with thoughts that he could never save anyone.
That he couldn't save his father during the Fell winter. That he couldn't save his mother from dying because he couldn't love her enough. He will die thinking he is a traitor. Betraying his family here in the Shire by dashing off on a thrice-cursed adventure. Betraying his parents for freezing in the midst of an attack when there was nothing he could do. Betraying his new family by giving away some stupid stone to get them allies in a battle they could not win alone. Betraying his one and only love because he could not keep him happy.
He will die alone, or thinking he is alone. Which he is not! He has me and he has Lobelia and our families and all of the Shire. But for some reason that is not enough. For some reason you blasted dwarves are so terribly important to Mr. Bilbo that he's dying! That he's fading away into nothingness. That he is empty, that he is broken, that he ran all the way across Arda to destroy a pathetic gold band that would have ruined us all. He is my friend and he is broken and you have made it impossible for me to fix him! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM? HOW COULD YOU HURT SUCH AN INNOCENT SOUL LIKE THAT? WHAT EVER DID HE DO TO YOU TO DESERVE THIS FATE? WHY DOES HE DESERVE TO DIE AND NOT YOU?
Now look what you did. I've never seen Hamfast so distressed. He's out smoking his pipe now. Well, that's what he said he was doing, but I know he's out there crying. I'll finish this up so I can go make him some tea. I am asking you, from the bottom of my heart, to find it in yours to forgive Bilbo. Bilbo is a dear and true friend to me, do not let him pass alone and empty. Do not let him go unforgiven. Please, oh mighty king and company, don't make him suffer any more. Please. He doesn't have long. Every day he suffers more. Please, just forgive him.
Sincerely,
Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
Hamfast Gamgee