Chapter 14

Disclaimer: It's almost Christmas, maybe they will be there lying under the tree for me, wrapped all up in colourful ribbons. Yet I suppose my parents got me something else, though, because it would be pretty hard to hide a bunch of wrapped-up Jedi in the back of the cupboard ;-)

oOo

As soon as Obi-Wan was out of sight of the throne room, he exhaled the breath he had not been aware of holding. This might turn out to be one of the more trying missions, after all. As he heard light footsteps coming his way, he quickly retreated into the cockpit where he would be safe for the moment.

Obi-Wan was thinking about what they had heard in the message. He got the feeling that the elderly politician had wanted to say more, but the answering machine couldn't record more than three minutes of holograms, so after the desperate plea, the transmission was cut off. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that the destruction of the Queen's clothes was the least of the problems the people of Naboo had to face.

If only he could talk to Qui-Gon! He felt useless sitting around the spaceship, being pursued by hormon-charged girls. Obi-Wan was quickly getting frustrated with the situation. He had spent most of the day either trying to avoid any handmaidens or being forced to watch their fashion show earlier. It didn't feel right to hide from a few teenagers like a coward when a whole planet was in danger and needed all the help it could get. And Obi-Wan would frankly much rather face all the droids the Trade Federation could throw at him than a bunch of handmaidens. At least he knew how to deal with enemies who wanted to kill him…

Pushing these thoughts aside, he pondered what he could do for the population of Naboo. Once again, he decided that he needed to talk to his Master first. Obi-Wan just hoped that Qui-Gon had switched his comm link back on. He was just about to contact him when the little device started to buzz. Instantly, he answered.

"Obi-Wan, I've tried to reach you for hours. Where have you been? Why didn't you answer?" Qui-Gon sounded impatient and slightly annoyed.

With as much respect as he could muster under the circumstances, Obi-Wan replied: "Master, did you switch on your comm link first? It doesn't work when it's switched off."

There he was, stating the obvious again. Sometimes it was simply necessary to do that when you were dealing with Qui-Gon Jinn.

There was a bit of embarrassed stammering on Qui-Gon's part before he regained his composure. "Uh, erm, you see… I, ah, probably should have… thought of that… Um, I mean of course I switched it on! Just how stupid do you think I am, Padawan?"

Somewhere in the background, a child's voice screamed: "It's all Obi-Wan's fault!"

Outraged, Qui-Gon asked: "Padawan, is that true?"

"Is what true, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, maybe a bit less respectful than was usual. He didn't like being accused falsely. Or he could only assume that he was falsely accused since he had no idea what it was he was accused of.

"That it's all your fault," Qui-Gon answered, now also with an accusatory note in his voice.

Before Obi-Wan's usually good manners could kick in, he already answered with biting sarcasm in his voice: "But Master, of course it's all my fault. Everything is all my fault. Didn't you know I have a lifelong contract to make sure I am always the guilty one? So naturally it will be my fault that you get yourself skewered by that red and black Sith. It will also be my fault that Anakin butchers all the Sand People, and that he will turn to the Dark Side later on and eradicate the Jedi Order is also entirely my fault. I mean, I am even the reason why Master Yoda is green. Whatever it is, just blame it on Obi, he can take it. So I am sure that my conscience can take a switched-off comm unit without shattering from the amassed guilt. It's just good for you that whatever it is, it's never ever your fault, because surely you were just following the will of the Force!"

Obi-Wan thought that he should put a bit of the defiance Qui-Gon usually displayed in front of the Council to use, although he felt really uncomfortable talking back to his Master. Luckily, it seemed that Qui-Gon had been more than slightly distracted by the various pots and pans that contained the dinner Shmi was preparing, so the sarcasm was lost on him.

"Padawan, I am really disappointed. You are much too old for childish pranks. And you must not become arrogant: I am pretty sure that Master Yoda had already been green a long time before you were even born. As for all the other stuff you just said… hmmm, is that bantha stew? Smells delicious! And what's in there…?"

It seemed Qui-Gon could no longer withstand the seductive smells emanating from the pots on the stove. For a few moments, the only thing that could be heard were the voices of his Master and a woman talking about dinner, before the woman had enough of Qui-Gon who was sticking his fingers in all the dishes to taste them ("just to make sure it tastes nice" as the Jedi Master assured) and shooed him from the room.

Obi-Wan's voice coming from the comm link in his hand drew Qui-Gon's focus back on the conversation. What had Obi-Wan said earlier? Something about it being his fault that he couldn't reach anyone with his comm link turned off…

"Well, Padawan, at least you admitted to somehow being responsible for the comm link's failure to work when it's switched off. The least you could do is apologize." An expecting silence ensued.

With an almost inaudible sigh, Obi-Wan gave in. Arguing that he had tried to contact his Master several times in the last three hours and that he really wasn't to blame wouldn't do any good when Qui-Gon was in that mood.

"I am sorry, Master. It won't happen again." Obi-Wan did his best to sound appropriately remorseful. If he wanted to get any reasonable talking done before his Master unexpectedly hung up on him again, it wouldn't be wise to start a discussion that could never be won with logic arguments, anyway.

Qui-Gon grumbled a bit more before he accepted the apology. Thankfully, he instantly reverted to a friendly mood so that his apprentice could tell him of the message they received. Obi-Wan also admitted that he worried for the people of Naboo, gaining him a rebuke from his Master for centering on his anxieties when he should keep his focus on the here and now, where it belongs.

But at least Qui-Gon agreed with his evaluation of the message.

"It sounds like a bait to establish a connection trace," he confirmed Obi-Wan's suspicion.

Still, that did nothing to calm the Padawan's worries.

"What if it is true and the people are dying?"

"Either way, we're running out of time."

Obi-Wan was relieved that his Master also felt they should leave Tatooine as soon as humanly possible.

"Master, I also wanted to talk about something else. I know that I have recently said that a lot, but I really do have a bad feeling about this, as if there is an evil Sith on our tracks and a grand scheme is being put into action that will ultimately lead to the destruction of the Jedi Order and to Galactic dominion by the Master of the Sith that's chasing us… Master? Are you still there? Master?"

Obi-Wan heaved another sigh, this one much more audible and slightly more miserable than the last one. Qui-Gon had once again hung up on him without saying goodbye or waiting for his apprentice to finish. Obi-Wan certainly agreed that they didn't have much time, but they surely had enough time to properly end their conversation, didn't they?

Maybe they didn't.

Obi-Wan figured that he might as well get used to it since it seemed doubtful that he would ever again get a proper farewell from his Master.

He did some more thinking about the situation on Naboo, the situation on Tatooine and the situation on this particular spaceship. He decided that it was not befitting of a Jedi to let a few girls unsettle him so much. He was sure that he could deal with this situation, at least, if he couldn't do anything about all the other problems at hand.

He would just go about his normal activities. Surely the girls would soon lose interest in him once they saw that he was just a normal person. Obi-Wan guessed that they couldn't possibly consider a lengthy meditation worth watching, so he decided to do just that. It would certainly do him good to regain his focus and find out what that obstinate yet elusive bad feeling was all about.

He hadn't done more than a few steps along the hallway towards the quieter part of the ship – after all, there was no need to push one's luck – when already one of the pesky girls was coming towards him again. Reminding himself of his earlier resolve, Obi-Wan gave her a polite smile that luckily forestalled any words or requests on her part and walked past her. Soon, he found a small room that seemed quiet enough and then chose the corner that looked the most comfortable to sit in. If there was one thing he had learned when it came to dealing with women, it was to never ever leave your back unguarded – though admittedly he usually had to deal with ruthless and dangerous bounty hunters that wanted to exact a terrible and painful revenge from him or mad and dangerous scientist that wanted to use him as a guinea-pig, not love-struck teenagers. Still, the principle was almost the same, wasn't it?

Just as he was settling down in the corner of his choice, the handmaiden he had met in the hallway was back, and she had brought along some reinforcements. Half a dozen girls were flocking in the entrance of the room, standing there and looking unsure whether they should enter or not. Obi-Wan, his determination of handling the situation as was worthy of a Jedi still fresh in his mind, told them that they didn't disturb him and were free to come in. Then, he closed his eyes and was about to start his meditation when one of the girls asked: "What are you doing? Do you sleep in the middle of the day, and in a sitting position, too?"

Patiently, Obi-Wan explained a bit about meditation and then once again prepared to calm his thoughts. He was very confident that his admirers would soon lose interest and leave when he just sat there in his corner, seemingly doing nothing.

He was wrong, though.

They didn't leave after ten minutes, they didn't leave after half an hour and they were still there after two hours. Most of the time they were quiet enough – though he felt their eyes rest on him all the time. He resolved not to let that distract him, and he thought he managed quite well to shut out their constant whispering. Still, every time Obi-Wan was about to look into the source of the bad feeling that had been demanding his attention for the last few days, they would inexorably break into a fit of giggles or make a frivolous and explicit remark that managed to completely shatter his concentration each time, though he didn't show it in his posture or on his face.

After two hours, he gave up. It seemed the handmaidens found meditation fascinating, after all. Cautiously, he cracked first one eye open, then the other one followed. It seemed he wasn't being watched at the moment. Silently, he got up and left the room with a polite bow but without a word to the chatting girls. If he couldn't get a good meditation, maybe a workout would help calm his worries. Obi-Wan checked the cargohold, but it was not big enough for the kind of exercise you did with a lightsaber, at least if the room should not be completely wrecked afterwards. The only room of the right size was the throne room, but Obi-Wan didn't even consider this choice. Instead, he looked outside and to his relief found that the storm was over. The sun was starting to sink and it was no longer as scorchingly hot as it had been earlier.

He walked a few steps away from the ship and found a clear and flat stretch of desert that would do perfect for his exercises. After looking for a place to put his robe and failing to spot one, he simply dumped it on the ground with a shrug. It would have to be cleaned anyway since it still smelt slightly of the perfume the Trade Federation had used on the Jedi.

Obi-Wan started stretching his muscles which were slightly cramped from sitting on the floor without being able to meditate for so long, but soon his movements were again as graceful and fluent as usual. He activated his lightsaber and started with a few basic movements, but soon he was completely caught up in the intricate movements and complex steps of his favourite katas. Shortly after he started his workout, he noticed absently that the girls had followed him out here, as well, but this time they were too far away to hear more than the occasional giggle, and Obi-Wan was soon so absorbed in the difficult sequence of movements that he completely forgot about them.

Another hour and a half later, Obi-Wan finished the much-needed exercise, feeling finally calm and pleasantly relaxed and a bit weary after the strenuous workout. For a second, he simply stood there, looking to the horizon where the suns had disappeared quite some time ago. The disquiet he had felt earlier was not yet completely gone, but he felt much more at ease now.

Turning around to head back to the ship, he was a little startled to find all of the handmaidens assembled on the ground in front of the ship. Most of them had an expression of awe and admiration on their faces, staring wide-eyed at him. With a pang of mortification, Obi-Wan realized that this had probably not been the best course of action to get rid of the unwanted attention he got from the females on the ship. He shrugged. It certainly was too late to do anything about that now, and he had really needed the exercise. Now he would have to deal with the consequences, though he couldn't imagine how the situation could get any more uncomfortable for him.

Still resolved to handle the situation like a true Jedi, Obi-Wan nonchalantly picked up his robe that was miraculously still lying on the ground where he had left it. Maybe he was simply a bit paranoid and was imagining things about the handmaidens. They were probably just as bored as he was and considered watching a bit of lightsaber-wielding a welcome entertainment.

Shaking the sand from the folds of the plain brown fabric, he made his way back to the shuttle. He was looking forward to taking a shower, even though on this dry and dusty planet it would have to be a sonic shower. They were not nearly as refreshing as if you used real water, but they got you clean all right. One just had to be careful not to turn the device up too much or all the cells in one's body would start popping, and that was not exactly advisable if one intended to stay alive.

For a moment, Obi-Wan wished for his spare clothes which had probably exploded along with the Republic shuttle that had taken them to the negotiations with the Trade Federation. As it would have been disturbingly unusual for these garments to materialize in front of him just because a certain Jedi Padawan wished for it, he would have to clean the ones he was wearing, once again without any water.

Fortunately, the Jedi had a few tricks up their sleeves for such occasions.

Unfortunately, these tricks were for some reason in the restricted part of the Archives – Yoda adamantly claimed that overly clean clothes led to the Dark Side, so usually Padawans were not trusted with this dangerous knowledge. The clothes would have to be cleaned by the miracles technology provided instead.

Coming out of the fresher after the shower, Obi-Wan was relieved to find the corridor deserted. Still, he didn't want to give in to the cowardly voice that whispered he would be safest in the cockpit, and so he decided to spend at least part of the evening in one of the smaller common rooms. There was only one of the girls in there; Obi-Wan remembered that she had been introduced as Sabé. The Padawan bravely faced this unknown threat, once again resorting to a polite bow as the accepted way of greeting. For a moment, it seemed like Sabé would leave him in peace. As he walked past her to take a look at the holobooks on the other side of the room, she raised her head as if sampling the air. All at once she looked like a predatory animal smelling her prey, nostrils flaring. In a matter of seconds, she was standing next to Obi-Wan, once again taking a deep breath. This seemed to confirm something she had suspected as she suddenly advanced on the unsuspicious Padawan.

Slowly, confusedly, Obi-Wan backed away from the intent stare of Sabé until he was standing with his back against the wall. Still not entirely sure what all this was about, as this frightening female had yet to say anything, he noticed that she had efficiently robbed him of all escape routes.

Berating himself for this lapse in awareness – a Jedi should have done better than be cornered by a handmaiden, however frightening she was – Obi-Wan unexpectedly found said handmaiden's arms wrapped firmly around his neck, her face pressed to his chest.

For a few moments he was completely caught off guard by this unheralded attack. As he realized his predicament, Obi-Wan turned a deep red, shocked into immobility. Before he could protest, however, Sabé looked up at him, a triumphant smile on her face.

"I knew even Jedi could not be immune to our female charms!"

Before she could say anything else, Obi-Wan interrupted her while trying to unwind her arms from around his neck.

"I don't… how did you get the impression… I didn't mean to encourage… What made you think so? I'm sorry, but I don't… Jedi are not allowed attachments," he finally finished a bit helplessly, succeeding in getting the girl off him. Somehow, Obi-Wan got the feeling that he must have done something to elicit this kind of behaviour from Sabé, though he was at a complete loss as to what that might have been – or maybe it was just the whole "it's all Obi-Wan's fault"-thing getting to him.

Sabé's eyes, which had been shining with bliss just seconds ago, now flashed up at him dangerously. Her lips pressed into a thin line, giving testimony to the anger Obi-Wan's words and actions had stirred in her. For a second, they simply stared at each other, the furious handmaiden and the utterly bewildered Padawan.

Then, to both their surprise, Sabé's hand shot out to slap him in the face, but thankfully the Force had enough decency to warn Obi-Wan so that he managed to duck just in time.

Sabé was just so furious with him! Using stupid Jedi rules as a feeble excuse when she could still smell Gertrudé on him! That was her favourite perfume on his robes, she was sure of it. Sabé herself found it a bit too flowery and sweet, but still she would recognize her scent anywhere after having to share a room with her on the ship. Gertrudé used that fragrance in such copious amounts that you could still smell her even after she had left a room. And now that scent was all over her Obi-Wan. That told her more than she had to know. She didn't even want to imagine what these two had been doing. At first she had thought that maybe the Jedi was now also open to her advances and that she could easily compete with Gertrudé, but his reaction shattered her hope of having any chance with him.

The only reaction she got from Obi-Wan was an even more confused and slightly helpless expression. She wondered why men were just so dense sometimes.

"I bet you didn't say that to Gertrudé!" she screamed. "Why her? What's so special about her? What does she have that I don't? Okay, so her hair is a bit longer and silkier than mine. So what? I have other merits. I am taller as well as thinner. My taste is so much better than hers. My eyes are the most beautiful ones of all the handmaidens (at least that's what I get told regularly). So why did you pick her instead of me? I thought maybe it was just confusion on your part because surely you would want me instead of her, but when you pushed me away so bluntly just now…"

With that her rant subsided and she started sobbing inconsolably.

Obi-Wan struggled to make sense from what he had just heard. He couldn't figure out for the life of him what he had done to deserve this, much less what it meant. He vaguely remembered that Gertrudé was another one of the handmaidens, but he had no clue whatsoever what she or her physique - or Sabé's physique, for that matter - had to do with this outburst.

But whatever this was about, Sabé seemed genuinely miserable and really upset, tears streaming down her sad face. Obi-Wan cautiously placed a hand on her shoulder to console her and try to get her to calm down a bit.

He didn't have that much experience with crying females, but he would do his best to comfort her and find out what all of this was all about. From what little he had gathered from her tirade, she blamed him for something, so it was probably best if he asked for her forgiveness first.

"I am so sorry," he said softly, though he had no idea what he was apologizing for. For a moment he felt like asking if Anakin was the father, but with a shake of his head he discarded this crazy notion. Just because she was being irrational didn't mean that he had to respond in kind.

Sabé seemed not to have heard him.

"Please don't cry. I am sure that we can sort it out if you tell me what's bothering you," he promised.

The distraught handmaiden said with hitching breaths: "As… as if you don't know! Surely you must have noticed the looks I – and the other girls as well, for that matter - have been giving you over the past day and a half. And you ignored us. You hid from us, don't think we didn't notice. I thought it was just that you were a bit shy and insecure about the whole thing, and we forgave you because we found it cute."

Obi-Wan couldn't help but flinch at that comment.

"But to think that you fed all of us with these stupid Jedi platitudes! You are not allowed attachments, my arse. Then what do you call what you have with Gertrudé?"

Obi-Wan would have truthfully answered that what he had with Gertrudé was commonly called a remote aquaintance, but he considered it prudent to keep that remark to himself at the moment. He still wasn't sure what Sabé was implying, but he had a growing suspicion.

Obi-Wan decided to address the subject Sabé had mentioned that he felt he had at least understood.

"I am truly sorry if I should have hurt you with my admittedly rather detached behaviour towards you. I was and am still not entirely comfortable with the situation. My Master always chides me for worrying too much, and yet that's what I have been doing a lot for the last few days."

He tried to smile reassuringly at Sabé. She had stopped sobbing and was gingerly wiping away her tears. Obi-Wan was glad that his attempt at reassurance was working, even though he still felt ill at ease with the situation and puzzled by Sabé's behaviour.

"And I am truly sorry that you got any wrong impressions about… me and Gertrudé." Obi-Wan guessed he had at least understood enough to grasp that Sabé was accusing him of having an attachment. "I don't…"

"What, you don't? You mean you don't have an affair with Gertrudé?"

Obi-Wan cringed at that thought.

"No, I don't," he answered.

"But – I can smell her on you!"

Obi-Wan frowned in puzzlement for a minute before he laughed nervously. "Oh, you refer to the smell. That's quite an unusual story. You see, the Trade Federation tried to poison us with toxic gas, but somehow they must have mixed up the buttons and so tried to poison us with perfume instead. When we came to Naboo, we practically reeked like a whole bouquet. Thankfully, the smell has dissipated somewhat since then, but it's not quite gone yet," Obi-Wan told her, hugely relieved that it had apparently all been a mistake.

Sabé frowned at him doubtfully. Obi-Wan had to admit that even to him it sounded like a feeble excuse.

Apparently, Sabé thought so, too, because after a moment of tense silence, she gave an infuriated shriek and once again slapped the apprehensive Padawan. This time, though, Obi-Wan was too preoccupied to avoid it and with a satisfying smack Sabé's hand connected with his left cheek. "That's for telling such a silly lie! If you don't want me, just tell me so. Don't you dare make fun of me! I was being serious! Don't play with my feelings!" With another furious glower, she stormed from the room.

Obi-Wan still stood in the corner, rubbing his left cheek absently. It was still stinging a bit and a red mark was developing quickly. He hung his head in dismay. He had no idea how to deal with this and fervently wished that his Master was here to help him understand how all of this could have happened. Why did women have to be so very complicated and irrational when it came to men?

The Padawan decided that he would have to meditate on how to avoid similar predicaments in the future. He decided to retire to the room that had been assigned to him and his Master on the ship to circumvent further confrontations with the incomprehensible creatures that are women.

As fast as possible, he left the common room, stretching out with the Force to find out whether there was someone in the hallway. He didn't feel like having another conversation that utterly confused him from the beginning and included someone dissolving into tears. And to be honest, he didn't particularly enjoy being slapped, either.

His escape route to both the cockpit and his room were cut off by the perilous females that also inhabited the spaceship, and facing any one of them was the last thing Obi-Wan intended to be doing right now. Although Jedi didn't avoid complications, they also knew when they were defeated and that a tactical retreat was often wiser than continued exposure to hazardous conditions.

Tentatively he opened the hatch of the ship, prepared to slam it shut instantly should the storm rage outside again, but to his enormous relief it had died down for good, and the night outside was almost chilly, but quiet.

Quickly, Obi-Wan left the security of the ship and closed the hatch. He listened to the footsteps passing by the entrance to the spaceshuttle. For a second, he considered going back inside, but the wind had stopped entirely. After the sweltering heat of the day, the cool night air was a welcome relief, and out here he could meditate without interruption. The stars seemed a lot brighter here than on Coruscant. Obi-Wan knew that this was due to the high levels of artificial illumination and the thick layers of pollution that wrapped the city planet in a thick layer of smog.

He smiled as he remembered the explanation Qui-Gon had given him when he had first remarked about the fact years ago. His Master had stated that this was due to the fact that on the poorer planets people often tried to earn a bit of money, for example by polishing shoes or the windows of speeders or, apparently, also the stars. He had said it with so much confidence in his voice, as if it was the most natural thing in the universe, that he had even managed to get Obi-Wan to think about the possibility for a moment. Since then, many years had passed, and he had grown used to the eccentric - and occasionally absurd - things his Master would say.

With that memory on his mind, Obi-Wan looked towards the city where his Master was probably enjoying dinner right now. Then he once again scanned the area around the cruiser that was gleaming silvery in the starlight (not that it did anything different by daylight or any other time of the day as long as the hyperdrive was still broken). For miles around it was still as flat and featureless as it had been that afternoon. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Obi-Wan realized that should anyone come looking for him out here, they would spot him immediately. But then he had a good idea. He walked back towards the ship, but didn't open the hatch and enter the ship. Instead, he leapt high in the air and landed on the smooth surface of the space cruiser with nary a sound. He found a comfortable spot – as comfortable as the hard surface of a spaceship had to offer, anyway – and sat down. Closing his eyes and calming his mind, he finally found the calm to properly meditate.

oOo

Edited on 3rd January, 2011