Disclaimer: Yes, I really wrote this. No, I'm not on any drugs. It isn't my fault. I'd like to formally apologize in advance.
Ava Max: Freaking Me Out
Pranks, sarcasm, and intelligence are seen as the three defining traits of Ignatius Koopa. If someone were to throw them into a blender and press 'crushed', they'd end up with absolutely nothing because this is all metaphorical jargon written by authors or poets to spice up their lines.
Iggy isn't the type to use such flowery terms to describe average objects or useless emotions—he prefers more one-dimensional topics and absolutes. Iggy will never find himself debating pointless semantics with others.
Science and math are his true loves; the descriptive language of free verse poetry, sonnets, and haikus can stay as far away from him as possible.
Life is easier when you listen to facts and ignore interpreting feelings or allowing emotions to impede on making discoveries. It's also more fun when you take the honed intelligence you've crafted from years of reading and memorizing information to devise elaborate pranks or smarmy comments.
As the self-declared Genius of Pranks and Sarcasm; Iggy Koopa is rarely on the receiving end of surprises or jokes. Usually, he's the one deviously scheming because the looks on his victim's frightened and shocked faces is too funny not to enjoy.
No one is immune to his savagery—except, maybe Lemmy; the second oldest Koopaling has some form of extrasensory perception whenever it involves his younger brother.
Did it make Iggy a smidge sadistic to enjoy the humiliation of his victims? Probably. Does he come off as disingenuous? Oh, for sure.
Oh well. He wasn't put on this planet to rack up friendship points. There's still numerous scientific mysteries to unravel and machines aren't going to build themselves.
Today, his newest project has him confined to his lab and far, far, away from his bulletin board of planned pranks for the week. His ghostly lab assistant and partner in crime is off today for a birthday party—he wasn't aware Boos celebrated something as meaningless as birthdays—but he isn't alone in his lab.
Toadette sits across from him at the metal lab table as he works on a new engine blueprint for Bowser's ship and scours through his boxes of junk. He wants the ship to fly faster than its present top speed of 700 mph and be more fuel efficient than its current magic/fuel sucking model.
The table acts as a pseudo workbench while he plans out ideas for a slimmer and sleeker turbine for the engine. His collection of blueprints are haphazardly sprawled out in front of him hiding some of the table's more gruesome marks. The veteran table has seen a lot happen to it over the years and the dents and burns are proudly brandished like cool battle scars.
The two of them sit in complete silence, absorbed in their work. She hasn't interrupted his work once to ask him a question about a math problem. Only the bubbling beakers in the corners and twinkling beeps and boops of his machines ricochet off the metallic walls to brew up a redundant melody.
It's calming to listen to the monotony of his laboratory. He's certain the repetitive sounds would drive a more 'normal creature' into insanity, but he's an exception. He's always an exception to some written rule.
He's alternating between sketching out ideas whenever they pop into his brain and replacing the batteries and wiring of various gadgets in a box he's been procrastinating to sift through. Ludwig threatened to call a hoarding company on him if he didn't deal with the piles of junk he tossed in various boxes and forgot about.
Then, Toadette sighs seemingly out of nowhere. It's more of a dejected sigh instead of one out of frustration like he'd expect. Always inquisitive, he peers up from his work unscrewing a stubborn nail on the back of some unknown remote control. A burning question on his lips, only for it to sputter and extinguish when he meets her eyes.
He finds her fiercely staring at him, the bottom of her mouth sucked underneath the upper portion of her lip as she chews it. She appears captivated by him? Or maybe she's constipated? Was she attempting to gain his attention this entire time by sighing softly? How long has she been doing that?
The chair creaks as she leans forward, snapping her out of her trance, and the numerous textbooks she's sitting on in order to reach the top of the table—like a makeshift booster seat—wobbly shift underneath her.
"If you keep growing…" Another anguished sigh expels from her frowning mouth. "How am I going to kiss you?"
Toadette's head cocks slightly as she stares expectantly at him after she drops this bomb.
Iggy hands halt and the signal broadcasting live from his brain to his muscles becomes faulty, radio noise. He nearly drops the remote and screwdriver onto the table before his brain shouts at his uncooperative hands to clench his fingers and hold on to the precious cargo in his claws.
At first, his scattered and preoccupied mind currently overflowing with future ideas tells him he has to have misheard her. His intermittent hearing is acting up again. He's so enraptured by his work, his attention span may as well be as rare as spotting a mythical creature in the wild whenever he's found his drive.
It logically wouldn't make an ounce of sense if he had heard her correctly state she wished to kiss him since they aren't dating, she's never once hinted she holds romantic feelings for him, she's not the same species, and they were once longtime enemies until Bowser finally stopped kidnapping a fleeting fling and focused on bettering his kingdom and raising his horde of kids.
(Bowser also has a dating profile on a website for single parents. Iggy supposes this is one of his many poor attempts at 'moving on.')
After the tension had cleared and the animosity between the Mushroom Kingdom and Darklands had settled into something akin to reluctant peace, Iggy and Toadette found a decent companionship forged from solidarity.
Iggy once assumed Toadette was a ditzy Toad using her girlish charm to get her way much like Wendy, only to learn she enjoys tinkering with machines, architecture, and studying history in her free time.
She has an extensive collection of history books and whenever Iggy is dragged across the Eight Worlds to attend a peace meeting with Bowser and his siblings in the Mushroom Kingdom, he finds her face stuck in a book. Other times, she's sketching out ideas in her notebook.
It's how they had first met.
Holed up in the Mushroom Kingdom's castle's ivory sculpted library, he found her surrounded by a mountain of books smelling faintly of mildew, piecing together notes.
Toadette despised Iggy in the beginning. The distrust evident in her glowering and the matching scowl on her face when she spotted him wandering the castle without an escort.
She viciously threatened that she was watching his every move with a sneer. He retaliated with a drawn out laugh, not finding her intimidating in the slightest. Eventually, the burning hatred trickled down to agitation then morphed to disinterest until it transformed into whatever it's labeled as now.
Friends? Acquaintances? He doesn't bother to ask.
Toadette is also quick-witted enough to keep up with his sardonic remarks and pitch them back at him with ample amounts of her own sass. She somehow manages to put up with his quirky antics while others never cared to try.
Iggy's lack of friends never exactly bothered him. They weren't worth much effort to maintain.
Did he get lonely living his current hermit lifestyle? No! (Yes.) Did it greatly impact his lack of conversational skills? Nope. (Yes. Asking random strangers for blood samples or spit is not okay. Well, according to Ludwig—but what does he know?)
Iggy's reasons for allowing Toadette to pester him are still being hypothesized. He has many working theories. He does enjoy riling her up and seeing her flustered. It's hilarious.
Unfortunately for him, some of these theories involve positive emotions and stimulation and he'd rather not visit that abandoned area of his brain.
It still fails to justify the reasoning behind her bizarre query. Did she insinuate she wants to kiss him? Not likely. He's probably inhaled too many questionable fumes over the years and it's finally starting to get to him.
Toadette continuously observes Iggy as he searches for an explanation or reaches a valid conclusion. Her gaze is unrelenting and sharp like an interested buyer testing the stability of the offered product.
Obviously, she's awaiting a reaction; while Iggy is attempting to slowly process her words like a garbage computer running on dial-up internet. He quirks a brow, but says nothing. He glances down at the table like the answer is written there.
Her now abandoned mathematics book rests open beside her untouched composition notebook to the newest assigned section from her personal teacher that visits Princess Peach's castle four days a week. Has she been pondering this question the entire time she's been here?
Toadette has been struggling to grasp the complexity of algebra—one of Iggy's favorite subjects—and he agreed to tutor her because he loved showing off his intelligence to anyone willing to listen to him babble.
Whenever he's ranting off facts; most people, his siblings included, slowly back away before sprinting out the door like their lives depended on it. Toadette, on the other hand, doesn't have a choice, but to sit through his lectures if she wishes to pass her class. She's stuck with him and his word salads.
Iggy admits, whenever he's speaking of matters he knows best, his sentences are like grammatically incorrect ransom notes. If a criminal decided to cut out a bunch of random words from an assortment of magazines, close their eyes, and glue them onto a piece of paper in no specific order, they'd be doing a better job than Iggy.
He can't help it. His brain works faster than his mouth.
Though Toadette and Iggy are on friendly terms, he sometimes spots the lingering contempt in her eyes while he slowly explains a problem to her and sometimes his first answer to her questions is "because you're a spineless Toad" but they're slowly piecing together some form of an acquaintanceship and shedding years of taught prejudices from their brains.
He's getting off topic here, his mind is beginning to lose focus and wander. She just complained about his height because she wants to kiss him. Or, at least, that's what he believes he's heard.
Puzzled, Iggy finally sets the mysterious remote aside, mentally promising himself he'll definitely finish cleaning up by tonight, and finally decides to properly address this issue. He directs all his attention towards her.
Toadette has an impatient pout on her face as she steadily holds his confused gaze, twirling her pencil in her right hand as the other hand is curled into a fist against her cheek.
Briefly, he thinks her eyes careen down towards his unmoving mouth. His assumption is proven correct when her dark eyes linger there for a few extremely noticeable seconds before she hums in thought, mouth twisting as she bites the inside of her cheek.
"What did you say?" Iggy adjusts his spectacles slouching down his nose and grins coyly at her. "I think I misheard you."
"If you grow any taller," she repeats louder this time, "how am I going to kiss you?"
Oh. So he hadn't misheard her. She really had said that with only her and him as living and breathing witnesses. That's cruel of her. No one will believe him if he decides to tell the world about the absurd situation he's found himself in. He'd appear nuttier than usual. A padded room would surely be awaiting him the moment he began spreading the story around like the hottest gossip.
There's a brief moment of silence as his brain processes this new information and then he laughs hysterically in his seat, nearly falling over. Her joke is a direct hit, nailing him straight in the funny bone.
Her dry delivery and fraudulent pouting upsells it. He eagerly eats it all up, enjoying the influx of serotonin his laughter brings to his addled brain. He clutches his aching sides, struggling to catch his breath.
"You're funny," he heaves with another round of gut-busting chortles, "You really got me there!"
She quirks a nonexistent brow, pursing her mouth, but doesn't join in on the fun. She stretches her arms out in front of her on the table like a mischievous feline, pushing her books out of the way as she sets her chin on the table's surface and glances up at him, almost timidly.
"You're already tall enough. You're almost three feet taller than me. I can't even stand on my toes," she laments like she hadn't witnessed him laughing at the insane question she spouted moments before.
Hold on a minute. Did she just whine about his height again? He knows he's grown taller. Although Kamek stated since they weren't part of the Royal Bloodline: they wouldn't get as large as Bowser—he still stands at a good six feet.
He only knows his exact height because Roy has some weird obsession with being the largest and tallest Koopaling. A pointless competition for a moron like him.
Iggy freezes up, face muscles clenching up and teeth gritted like he's bracing himself for a punch to the face. This sorta feels like it. Minus the stinging pain or the blood. Honestly, it physically feels nothing like it. He finds he'd prefer a fist to the face than unpack whatever awkward occurrence is happening here.
"There has to be some inventive way to kiss someone taller than you, right?" Toadette hums a sweet note. "I'm sure we can think of something."
Is she asking him for input or speaking out loud? She did say 'we.' Plural for two or more. No one else is here besides them.
Iggy blinks a few times in shock. A high-pitched "huh?" is his brilliantly planned out response.
Toadette sits up with newfound purpose as she critically studies his rigid posture with a finger hooked under her chin. She leans forward in her seat to get a better look at him. Her eyes are narrowed to slits, scanning him over and over again until he grows uncomfortable and wiggles in his chair.
"Maybe if I got a step ladder…" Toadette trails off in deep thought.
She isn't serious.
"Wait—" Iggy starts.
"But then I'd have to carry it around with me whenever I wanted a little sugar. People would definitely start to ask questions."
She isn't listening! Is this what his siblings feel like whenever he drones on and on?! He winces. A little sugar? That's a new one. He raises a hand like the universal hand signal for stop will work its magic.
There's no way she's serious.
"Hold on a second—" he interupts. That's as far as he gets out before she breezily cuts him off.
"You could crouch down," she suggests unhelpfully, then shakes her head, "No, it'd look too weird and your shell doesn't make you very flexible."
Is there really a possibility she's serious?
"Toadette!"
She promptly looks up at him, appearing to be patiently waiting for his all-knowing guidance. He laughs nervously because it's the only thing he can think of doing to fill the soul sucking silence he's created. Would it have been better to let her drag out the joke at his expense?
The heat he's fighting to keep from flushing his face scarlet begins to win the battle. He's embarrassed? Him? He's glad to have interrupted her then. He doesn't get embarrassed. He laughs it off and gets even. This is all backwards!
Besides, the joke stopped being funny minutes ago. Why is she saying all these—these weird things? He's the one who catches others off guard, not the other way around.
What is this? This has to be some strange joke she's come up with to get even with him. Now she's overselling it. Beating it to death with a pink and sparkly baseball bat.
"You're not serious, are you?" He asks, skeptical if this is a prank or not. If so, what's the punchline?
He cannot deduce the outcome when this defies all current logic present to him. The data he's collected on her never pointed him in this direction.
Toadette tilts her head, pigtails teetering and brushing against her shoulders, and just stares at him like the answer to his inquiry is obvious. Is it obvious? How would he know!?
Iggy has never been the type to daydream of romance or speculate what his ideal partner would be. He's never stopped and took the time to evaluate a Koopa and decide if he—well, if he found them attractive. He's usually running away from an explosion or a furious sibling.
Mostly, he's locked inside his lab, avoiding interactions with others until Bowser or Lemmy drag him to meals or outdoors by his shell as he hisses like a feral cat at the bright lights attacking his vision.
Iggy is sixteen, though. He experienced the horror of the 'talk' years ago with a very red-faced and stuttering Bowser before Kamek shooed him aside and explained it without the childish metaphors in vivid details. Frankly, Iggy didn't see what the big huff was when his older brothers warned him of the inevitable 'talk'; it was basic biology.
He learned being a teenager meant a few things: finding yourself, exploring your interests, getting used to a deeper voice and lankier body, and—Iggy's least favorite subject—hormones.
Thankfully, his hormones have been MIA for most of his teenagehood thus far. Either he's not interested in any of it or he's just extremely talented at ignoring them by stuffing his nose into his work.
There are rare instances—he won't admit to ever occurring—when someone's scent is nicer than others and makes his nostrils itch. And maybe he thinks there's something appealing about Princess Daisy or Princess Peach, but he wouldn't call it an infatuation.
He's not ogling at others like a brainless moron; he's simply admiring the goods with the innocence of a grocery shopper curiously scouring the shelves at all the options available. He'll glance over the ingredients list and put it back where it belongs before he has the urge to buy it.
Whenever he's forced to witness a romantic plot line in shows or movies, he isn't gobbling it up like Wendy, Larry, and Lemmy. He's the one booing and rolling his eyes along with Roy as he tosses popcorn at the screen, shouting for the action not the pointless and unnecessary romance.
Also, this is a Toad he's talking about! Toads, last time he recalls, aren't built like Koopas. Their cultural practices, their biology, and genders are tightly kept mysteries only the species seems to know. Toadette insisted she was—as she vaguely put it with a twirling hand—different from other Toads.
Perhaps she was a different species of Toad like he was a different species of Koopa. She isn't the usual coloration of any Toad he's ever seen and she has strange growths on either side of her mushroom cap like natural pigtails. She also is the chosen wielder of the mysterious Super Crown. No one else could use the power-up but Toadette.
Is that what she meant by different?
Iggy's curiosity as to why only the crown responded to her had been one of the reasons he had approached her, offering his help when she had set out to build her own machines to aid in the reconstruction of Toad Town. The stubborn Toad claimed the drab decor of Toad Town needed an upgrade.
Iggy initially planned to gain her trust then kidnap her for an unspecified amount of time and run a few harmless tests, but spared her from his eager hands when he found she was actually decent company.
And Toad and his multi-colored accomplices kept suspiciously eying him like they knew his plans. (Ala-Gold's burning glare was more predominant. He definitely held some sort of pitiful crush towards Toadette.)
Rarely were Toadette and Iggy ever left alone when exchanging blueprints or ideas until she put her foot down about feeling smothered by her overprotective friends. They backed off, but not before dropping a few empty threats.
On top of that, the treaty between the two Kingdoms had a low tolerance for kidnappings. (Bowser is specifically mentioned by name over twenty times in the treaty.) Iggy knows he's sneaky enough to not get caught because he's done it before.
Wario and Luigi still don't know Iggy has a few DNA samples of theirs stored in his freezer. Besides, she'd only be missing for a day at the max.
Begrudgingly, Iggy admits he isn't about to start another war to test his theories and sacrifice the peace for scientific study. He'd go down in history as the Koopa who started the next set of unnecessary wars between the two Kingdoms and not be fondly remembered for his scientific achievements or unique hairstyle.
Though his gentle prodding to get a measly blood sample from Toadette have all been ignored or harshly rejected by her. She shivered at the mention of needles and he quickly filed that away in his brain as one of her weaknesses to wield when necessary.
Thankfully, Toadette hasn't called him a creep whenever he asks her for any bodily fluids he can get his claws on. She seems to tolerate his eccentricities when most people can't be exposed to him for more than two minutes. But there are instances where she storms out of the room, clenching her tiny fists, and calls him a jerkface.
Now she actually wants to kiss him? That's improbable.
"Iggy?"
Her tone is feather-light and painted with tooth-rotting sweetness. It pops his figurative thought bubble and he turns to find her staring at him out of a mixture of concern and keen interest.
"Yes?" He curtly responds.
Toadette tilts her head, pigtails brushing against her cheeks and rest on her shoulders, and he wonders why he suddenly finds such a common gesture… cute?
No, that can't be the word. His brain lacks a valid substitution to replace it with, though. She places a tiny finger to her mouth and taps it there, drawing all undivided attention to the area.
He swallows thickly. When did the room get so stifling? He should turn on the air conditioning. He doesn't move though. He can't move. He's trapped by her gentle gaze, roving languidly over his face. She fights back a winning grin at whatever she finds in his expression.
"What if I stepped on your feet and you bent down to kiss me?"
His eyes nearly bulge out of his frames and he chokes on his saliva. He sporadically begins to cough, eyes watering as he pounds a hand against his chest. She's unrelenting! Devious! She's giving him no breathing room or time to plan.
This isn't fair!
He's the one who riles up his victims. Now he's feeling suffocated. He's being attacked in all directions! By—by feelings!
"Or maybe I can manage a quick peck if I jump high enough," she offers. The rosy pink hue of her cheeks stirs something inside his stomach. A parasite, maybe?
She'd never reach his mouth if she tried to sneak in a kiss from a jump. Or would she? If she has a running start perhaps? No, the impact would cause more pain than pleasure. Wait. No. Don't think of this!
Toadette gasps excitedly, pounding a fist in her hand. "I got it! I could wear the Super Crown—"
What? No, no, no, no. That power-up is banned from his mind, indefinitely. She's lodging images into his brain he's never thought of before until they begin to stick. Bad. No. He plucks them forcefully out one by one. To the trash with these abominable thoughts!
"I'd be tall enough to stand on my toes and look you in the eyes," she continues giddily, "And you wouldn't have to uncomfortably bend down."
It isn't long until Iggy's overrun with ideas not involving science or pranks or planning an escape route. What the Hell is happening to him? He should retaliate. Turn the tables on her.
But he can't. He's tongue-tied. He's flabbergasted. He's never experienced this before. He has to put a stop to this. Now!
"I could bring the Crown next time I come over and we can—"
"Toadette!"
Iggy can't take it. He bolts out of his seat and lifts her off her chair just to get her to shut up. The stack of books she had been sitting on tumble to the floor in a heap. He gently shakes her once to snap her out of her daydreams and get that…disgustingly lovestruck and dazed look out of her hazy eyes.
"Stop talking!" He practically screeches.
They're face to face now, no longer separated by a table, and her surprise at suddenly being airborne morphs to something akin to smugness. He realizes too late he's made a horrible mistake. He's been caught.
Her entire face brightens exponentially and she throws her hands up as she exclaims without any remorse or hesitation, "Oh, this could work, too!"
What? She slings her tiny arms over his and scrunches her eyes till they're closed, mouth puckered. She waits as she jitters in his arms, excitedly kicking her feet as she dangles in the air.
Hold on. Back up. How did he get here? How does Iggy get off this train before it becomes a smoking train wreck? He'd rather not be a casualty to love or whatever poetic lines are floating around in his mind.
He's suddenly perspiring from every pore, covered in such a thick layer of sweat he struggles to hold her with his clammy hands.
This is absurd! Insane!
Why does he suddenly want to kiss her?
Maybe the scientist in him wants to test this theory and tread into uncharted territories. Sure, he's completely ill-prepared, has absolutely no supplies on his back, and doesn't have the faintest idea where this could lead, but he is physically incapable of leaving well enough alone.
Succinct or vague answers to ignored questions or pondering 'what-ifs' are meaningless to him when he could conduct experiments and craft hypotheses by himself. Half the fun is the experiment and he has the lab and technology for it. In this case, he has a mouth for it.
He also does enjoy her company. Maybe she is sorta cute? Charming, even. She has a way with getting the Toads to do what she wants by acting innocent, peppy, and scatterbrained. It's never worked on him… until now.
Toadette really had to crack open his box of suppressed emotions with a sledge hammer, didn't she?
From here, he can smell her overwhelming scent that lingers in his lab for what feels like days after she leaves. Sweet and flora, because of her laundry detergent, and very familiar. He won't admit it out loud, but he kinda likes her scent.
It's unlike the maids he passes by in the castle or the sugary scent tinged with a hint of saltiness of Pom Pom after yoga class with Wendy. Princess Peach seems to use the same detergent because it wafts from the slightest shift of her skirts when she's nearby, but it doesn't carry the same calming effect. To him, it solely reminds him of Toadette.
Why is that?
Oh. Okay. This is what Larry meant when he'd say butterflies were attacking his stomach whenever Princess Daisy smiled at him or Rosalina complimented his driving skills.
The frantic fluttering in Iggy's tummy, the rapid pounding of his heart in his ears, and the insane amount of heat burning his cheeks as all the blood in his body seems to abandon their usual paths and rush to his face. Unfamiliar with these foreign sensations, he initially believes he's about to vomit all over her.
What is happening to him?
His brain is in overdrive, pulling apart the scenario piece by piece. He's attempting to solve this equation like it's a simple math problem while his heart dances in excitement and shouts for him to 'go for it!' He's never suffered from this type of contradiction before.
Today is full of discoveries for him. How serendipitous for a rookie scientist to have all of this fall onto his lap. Perhaps, he can add one more discovery to his list?
Iggy finds his eyes slowly drifting shut as he leans in towards her waiting mouth. He can feel her excited breathing speed up a little more spill over his mouth and warm his lips. He hesitates, furrowing his brows. No, this is bad. She's distracting. Feelings are distracting. Relationships are distracting.
He's busy attempting to make a name for himself and all this will eventually lead to is unnecessary distractions. More of his time will be wasted on things he's never really cared about in the first place. Denial is the best action to take in this scenario if he doesn't want to end up like a lovestruck fool.
His teenage hormones will fade from existence eventually, right? Although, they're currently being extremely vocal about him denying the one opportunity to have his first kiss. He'd be beating Roy at something the older Koopaling claims to excel in.
For all Roy's gloating and phony dating stories, Iggy doesn't recall ever witnessing Roy out on a date or with any girl besides Pom Pom or Wendy—and they don't count because Pom Pom hates his guts and Wendy is their sister.
But Iggy sharing a kiss…with a Toad? C'mon now, they're sentient mushrooms with completely opposing genetics and proportions.
Although, that never stopped Bowser from pursuing a human woman or stopped Roy from embarrassing himself as he flirts with anything on two legs or stopped Larry from having a crush on various species with pretty faces.
(The younger Koopaling once admitted Toadette was cute before firmly denying it ever happened.)
The three of those examples have one common variable: they all become piles of brainless goo in the presence of their infatuations. That could be him! Iggy could become a blubbering idiot chasing after romance like an addiction too.
In conclusion: he cannot kiss her.
Iggy pulls away so fast he hears his neck pop, dropping her unceremoniously to the ground. She lands with a thud and tiny squeak of pain on her rear end. Disheveled, she unsteadily picks herself up from the floor and furiously glares at him as she adjusts her pigtails and smooths down her dress.
She's the perfect combination of angry and disappointed, face flushed red for an entirely different reason than his. She steps towards him, probably to give him a piece of her mind, and he panics.
"Y-you're banned from this lab for the rest of the day!" Iggy shouts loudly, trying to outdo the rapid beating of his heart roaring obscenities at his decision.
If his heart beat speeds up anymore he may pass out cold or there's a slight possibility it'll burst from his chest. He's not sure what scenario will happen first. Either way, he won't be conscious and stuck here. The perfect win-win outcome if he's ever witnessed one.
Toadette opens her mouth to likely let loose a string of apologies or protests, but he's not hearing any excuses. He jabs a finger towards the door.
"Get out you…you…temptress! Begone!"
Toadette seethes as she collects her things and swivels towards the door with a massive huff. She stomps her large feet the entire trip to the door and slams it behind her. When she's completely out of sight, Iggy slouches against the table and kneads at his temples.
He did. She's gone.
It's ironic how fast his thoughts suddenly stray to her. Her expecting gaze, her eager shaking. He can still smell her detergent. Fuzzy, warm feelings stir in his chest and he places a hand over his heart. He can feel the rapid thumps on his sweaty palm.
Iggy almost—they almost… He groans, burying his red face in his hands, mashing his glasses into his corneas.
This can't be happening. This can't be happening to him.
Back in ye olden days I actually used to write romance. Then I deleted that account. It is dead. Am I any good at? No idea.
You might be asking yourself: why? Amazing question. I asked myself this as well. When you have a jerk face friend who starts this off as a joke due to the friendship story involving these two. Then they make it a thing while you attempt to ignore them. Somehow I ended up with this hilarious idea.
Where did this come from? I dunno, man. I posted this specifically for that one friend. He knows who he is and I hate him. Stop playing as Iggy whenever I play Toadette in Mario Kart 8. You're killing me.
I doubt anyone will actually click on this, but if you do, thanks! I appreciate you getting this far.